The Mason List (15 page)

I was
right.  He didn’t comprehend the magnitude of Ashley’s words, or the
circumstances that defined me.  It wasn’t his fault.  Like Jess said, I was
dealt a bad hand and life had been pretty much perfect for him.

“I’m
sorry for not saying anything,” I looked at him, squinting through my bad eye. 
“I know it involved you, but the things she did were about me.  I thought I
could take care of it.  I just wanted to do something on my own for a change. 
Do you get that?”

“I guess,
but you beat her up, Alex.”

“I know,”
I said, rolling my eyes.  “I know.”

“I could
kill you right now,” he smiled weakly, shaking his head.

“And…I’m
sorry about you breaking up.  I know she was your girlfriend, and you liked
her.  You saw the good parts of her.”  I wasn’t sure she had good parts, but
something made that boy date her. 

“Ashley
and I weren’t exactly…in a real relationship.”

“It was
just sex?”

I
startled him when I said it.  Jess refused to look at me and stared into the
blank television.  I heard him mutter, “Somethin’ like that.”

I
regretted saying it.  My skin felt hot with embarrassment.  I really didn’t
want to talk about Jess having sex with Ashley any more than he wanted to
discuss it.  My conscious still held an unspoken obligation. 

“There’s
something you should know.  I um…I think Ashley cheated on you.  I heard Katie
Rae on the camping trip.”

“Evan
Wiley?”

“You
knew?”

“I had a
pretty good idea.  She got pissed when I took you to the Rangers game.  Shit, I
should have ended it back then.  I really wish I never hooked up with her.  It
was stupid.”

“Stop
it.  This is not your fault.”

“But it’s
my fault.  I knew she was a bitch, but I was just tryin’ not to…I don’t know,”
his voice went deeply quiet.  “This is killin’ me, Al.  You matter more to me
than anyone else.  You know that, right?”

“I know,”
I muttered, feeling the heat on my cheeks. 

“It
bothers me to think she did those things to you.  It’s like I just let it
happen.  Like I let Ashley hurt you.  I even tried to make you be friends with
her.”  He let out a deep breath and gritted his jaw.  “Just promise me you
won’t do somethin’ like this again.  You have to tell me.”

“I…I
promise,” I nodded, feeling my head get dizzy. 

During
the fight, I think Ashley got a good punch in somewhere around my ear.  I rubbed
my forehead.  “I feel…like hell.” 

“You look
like hell.  Have you seen a mirror?”

“Briefly.” 

My head
hurt, but I had the satisfaction of knowing Ashley was sitting this very moment
with a broken nose.  Everyone wanted me to feel guilty about the fight, but
redemption clouded any remorse.  I fumbled the ice packs trying to get them
over my eye and busted lip.  My knuckles didn’t move very well when I clenched
them.

“Here,
let me help you.”  Jess scooted over and put his arm around my shoulder. 
He held the large bag against my eye.  I put one over my right hand and then
held the other up to my lip. 

My head
rested against his chest.  Jess must have come straight from football
practice.  His hair was still a little wet, and he smelled like ivory soap.  I
closed my eyes, letting myself relax.  The throbbing in my face numbed under
the packs.  Feeling his body move up and down with each breath, I felt calmer
than I had in months. 

“I never
said thank you for the other night.  You know, staying with me,” I muttered.

“I was
worried about you.  You were covered in cheesy Doritos, babblin’ shit.”

“Ugg, no
more Doritos.  I’ve never felt that sick before.”

“You
snore by the way when you’re drunk.”

“No, I
don’t.”

“You do,
like a pig snortin’ gravel.”

“That’s not
funny.”

My father
walked in the door.  Seeing his eyes move from me then over to Jess, I
panicked.  Finding us both on the couch together just affirmed his questions
from the car.

"Hey,
Mr. Tanner,” Jess said, as I moved quickly to the other cushion.  Before today,
our friendship had never been an issue with my father.

“I guess
you heard about Alex."

"Yeah,
she’s promised not to do it again."

I shot a
nonverbal,
shut up
.  Less talking he did the better with my dad right
now.

"Well,
I have some news.  I just talked to Frank.  He’s got a list for you.  Should be
Thanksgiving by the time it’s done.  Every spare moment outside school and
Jeeter’s, you’ll be on the ranch doing whatever Frank tells you to do. 
Understand?"

"Yes,
sir," I mumbled.

"I
can help you some," Jess offered, looking over at me.

"I
don't think Alex needs your help on this one.  Unless there's some reason you
think she does?"

"No,
Jess," I glared at him.
 

Despite
my father being worried, he let Jess stay for dinner.  Every mouth full of chili
burned the cracks in my busted lip.  Jess got increasingly quiet as the meal
progressed.  We chatted about the new horse Uncle Frank purchased over the
weekend.  Even that wasn't enough to pull out his usual pancake syrup voice of
excitement. 

After
dinner, I walked him out on the porch.  Jess sat down on the top step expecting
me to join him.  I lowered my aching body down next to him, knowing my father
expected me to come immediately back inside the house.  Jess watched the dark
sky, silent and weary.  Sometimes, I wondered what really went on under that
shaggy mop of hair.  I thought I knew this boy so well and then sometimes he
was a complete mystery. 

“Are you
ok, Jess?”

He turned
at the sound of my voice.  His eyes seemed dark in the dim light, instead of
the usual vibrant blue.  Jess reached up to touch my swollen lip. “Guess I’m
gonna have to look at that ugly face every time you talk now.”

“Don’t
touch it.  You’ll just make it worse.”

"I
don't think that's possible."  His fingertips traced around the puffiness
then slipped down behind my neck.  He pulled me close to his side, leaving his
arm wrapped around my shoulders.  The warmth of his body felt comforting.  He
went back to silent and brooding.

"You
can talk to me, Jess."

“I know,”
he said, letting out a deep breath. "I really messed everythin’ up with
you."

"You
didn't mess up anything.  The bruises will go away and then it's like it never
happened."

"But
I can't help but feeling like it's my fault.  And it's all because I thought…
it was easier."

"Easier? 
That doesn't make sense.  Easier than what?  Being without her?"

"No,
it's not that.  Just let it go."

My father
opened the door causing me to jump.  "It’s getting late.  You need to go
home, Jess."

"Yes,
sir."

I waited
until I heard the knob click. "I'm sorry but things might be a little, um,
weird for a while.  He thinks I did it because of you.  I can't tell him the
truth.  It would hurt him to know."

"That
ain't the truth?  But I thought you were defendin' my honor?"  He smiled,
but it never reached his eyes.

"Very
funny."

"Alright,
I'm leavin'."  He stood up and stretched.  "Pick you up in the
mornin'?"

"My
dad's taking me to school.  I can’t go anywhere with you for a while."

"Damn,
he really is pissed.”

"It’s
easier to blame you than to think his daughter beat the shit out of Ashley
Cartwright for no apparent reason.  He has to see her parents tomorrow, you
know.  There's only one building between the stores."

"Shit,
I didn't think 'bout that.”

“I know. 
This place sucks.”

“It’s
gonna be ok tomorrow.”  He gave me a quick squeeze around the shoulders. 
“Night, Alex."

"Night,
Jess."

The pipes
fired up on his truck, but the dirt cloud trailed off in the opposite direction
of home.  Without even asking, I knew Jess drove out toward the old burned up
stump; his thinking spot.

School
was difficult.  Everyone talked, just like I predicted.  The rumors circulated,
just like I knew they would about me.  Conversations stopped whenever I rounded
a corner in the hallway.  My skin pricked up, hearing the whispers.  All of it
served as a different type of torment than the verbal assaults from Ashley.

A few
days after the fight, I found a box sitting on the porch with a note.  Lifting
the lid, I stared at a pink set of boxing gloves.  I opened the card to
identify the sender of such an odd gift.  A smile spread across my still
swollen lips.  I guess everyone didn’t hate me.

Hey
Slugger, would you be my date to homecoming? – Gentry

Chapter 22

When
I was sixteen…

On the
back of the closet door, a store-bought mirror reflected the image of a person
who seemed like a stranger.  My glossy lips pursed into a frown as I turned to
see the back of my creation.  The pale, blue silk swirled into a flowing pool
around my feet.  I felt weird and out of place.  Homecoming dances were not my
thing. 

Earlier
this afternoon, I let an enthusiastic cosmetic worker apply a whole face worth
of makeup.   She decked out my eyelids in sparkly gold and blue shadow then
outlined her work with a very itchy, dark brown pencil.  This left my hair as
the biggest self-styling obstacle.  I liked wearing it up and rarely wore it
down.  It just was more practical.  However, homecoming wasn’t about being
practical, which I hated.  I finally settled on curling my long red hair into loose
ringlets.

“What do
you think, Carrot?” 

The
little orange ball of fur sat watching me in fascination.  I scratched the
purring chin with my bare nails.  In honor of tonight, I scraped off the black
paint.  My bracelets were gone too.  I had to cut the braided strands after the
fight because they were soaked in Ashley’s blood.

I took
one more look in the mirror, making sure my chest stayed crushed under the
strapless top.  The last thing I needed was a wardrobe malfunction to add to my
current notoriety.  As I entered the living room, my father looked surprise.  I
noticed the camera gripped tightly in his hand.

“Really,
Dad?  Pictures?”

“I want
to document the one time I know you purposely dressed this way.  You look very
beautiful.”

“You can
take one picture.  That’s it.”

“I also
get two when your date gets here.”

“Dad! 
No, please don’t.”

Despite
being grounded, my father agreed homecoming was technically a school activity,
which gave the needed permission to attend the dance with Gentry.  I think he
was slightly relieved to see another boy in the picture besides Jess.  After
the fight, my father watched our interactions a little closer every time my
childhood friend walked into the farmhouse.  It was total nonsense, but what
teenager could reason with her father.

I heard a
knock at the front door.  The butterflies fluttered through my chest as I
pulled open the creaky, wooden frame.  Gentry stood on the front porch, looking
a little anxious.  My eyes traced his jacket and tie all the way down to his
shiny black cowboy boots.  He looked cute tonight, like I wanted to kiss him
kind of cute.  I blushed at the thought.  

“Alex,
you look really awesome,” he said, flashing a big smile. “I mean, that dress is
hot!”

“My dad
is standing here.” I opened the door a little wider.

“Right…”he
muttered. “Hi, Mr. Tanner.”

“Hello,
Gentry.” They shook hands while I gave my father eye daggers not to mention the
camera. “I’m going to get a few pictures if you don’t mind standing by the
fireplace.”

At least
two dozen pictures later, I followed Gentry out the door.  I still didn’t know
much about him.  We talked a few times on the phone.  He was an easy going guy
who had moved to Arlis from El Paso.  Gentry’s favorite food was barbeque ribs,
and he thought the football team would make the playoffs.  He planned to enlist
with the Marines immediately after graduation.  I figured this explained his
buzzed, blond hair. 

As we
approached the entrance to the school gym, I heard music floating out into the
parking lot.  My stomach flipped around knowing the stares and whispers would
come as soon as I got in the room.  I clung to Gentry’s arm as he navigated
through the crowed entry way.

“You
wanna dance?”

I nodded
yes. 

Gentry
and I two-stepped the first dance.  We spent more time laughing instead of
dancing.  His tree trunk legs didn’t shuffle very well across the floor.  Slow
songs were a little more our speed.   My fingers clung to his broad shoulders
while his hands stayed in place around my waist.  Staring into his green eyes,
I decided I might actually like Gentry Jones.  He was a sweet guy.  I imagined
what it would feel like, letting him kiss me, letting his hands touch my body. 
I think I wanted that with him.

“You
wanna get somethin’ to drink?”

“Sure,” I
blushed, feeling like he could read my thoughts.

As we
walked toward the refreshment table, I kept my eyes downcast to avoid their
stares.  People were intrigued with the fact I came with Gentry.  It just made
the rumors about me a little more interesting.

Amidst
the finger foods and very non-alcoholic punch, I found Jess looking annoyed
with his equally enthusiastic date.  When Jess told me that Natalie agreed to
go to homecoming, I had to put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing in
his face.  He claimed the options were limited this late in the game.  She said
he deserved one favor for breaking up with Ashley.

“Well,
hello to the cutest couple in the room.”  I smiled at both of them.

Jess
looked nice tonight.  His normal shaggy hair was slicked back with gel, and the
black jacket made his dark lashes standout around his blue eyes.

“Dance
with me. 
Now!
” he hissed.  Jess laced his fingers through mine, tugging
my arm out toward the dance floor.

“Sorry,
Natalie,” I said over my shoulder.  She frowned back. 

Jess
pulled me to a secluded area in the corner, which blocked at least a few people
from gawking at us.  I placed my arms loosely around his shoulders leaving some
space.  The soft music intro changed to the slow sway of a guitar.  I
recognized the song by Gary Allan.  Jess had played it all summer on repeat,
driving me insane. 

I glanced
up to find him watching me with an amused grin.  “What?”

Jess
shook his head a little and laughed, “I didn’t know if you’d go through with
it, you know…the dress and all the makeup stuff.”

“I know. 
I want to claw my eyes out.  They won’t stop itching.”

“Hmmm,”
his lips puckered up.  “I’m confused.  You’re not any taller.”

“What are
you talking about?”

Jess let
go of my waist and forced my body into a spin.  He pulled the hem of my dress
up close to my knees, exposing the gray canvas shoes.

“Stop!” I
yanked it out of his hand.  He smiled just to torment me. “You’re terrible, you
know.  The heels pinched my toes.  I didn’t think anyone would notice since it
was so long.”

“I’m
sorry, Al.” Jess put his arm around my waist, pulling me close to his chest. 
He leaned into my ear, “Are you wearin’ perfume too?”

“Really? 
You’re going to do this?”

“I’m not
tryin’ to make you mad.”

“
Suuure
.”

“I’m
bein’ serious.  You look pretty tonight.”  He reached up, running a finger
through my hair.  “But I always think you look pretty.”

“Shh…don’t
say that.”

“I like
your hair like this too.”  He fiddled with a curl then dropped it.

“Thank
you.  You look nice too,” I answered, rolling my eyes.

He smiled
sweetly and put his hand back on my waist.  The music played around us.  My
dress swooshed against his cowboy boots as we slowly rotated to the sound of
the gravelly voice on the speakers.

“You
havin’ fun?” he whispered in my ear.

“Yeah.” 

“I just
want you to be happy tonight.”

“I told
you.  I’m good.” 

It was a
convincing statement that was about seventy-five percent truthful.  Ashley
remained exposed, but the Arlis grapevine kept the story rolling, even if it
was the wrong story.  Right now, people watched Jess and I talking.  They noted
exactly where he put his hand on my back.  They calculated just how long I
gazed into those blue eyes.  Everyone waited to see if his lips touched my
body.  I frowned, feeling the anger fester.  It was none of their damn
business.

“Al,
what’s wrong?” His boots stopped moving.

“It’s
fine.”

“You
don’t look fine.  Screw ‘em, Alex.  Screw every single one of ‘em.”  His hand
left my waist and gestured toward the people just a few steps away. “I was the
one who brought ‘em into our lives.  I’ll take ‘em out.  I’ll even quit
football.  We don’t need anyone else.”

“Jess…” I
slipped my hands on each side of his warm cheeks, looking into his troubled
eyes.

“Yeah.”

 “You’re
getting all worked up again.”

His hands
wrapped around mine as they cupped his face. “I just want you to be ok.”

“I
know.”  I smiled at him. “So dance with me.”

“You hate
this song.”

“But I
know you like it.”

Jess
pulled my hands up around his neck.  His boots started to move again, swaying
slowly to the music.  Even though I knew people were watching, I rested my head
against his shoulder.  Jess wrapped his arms around my back, holding me tight
against his chest.  I tucked my nose close to his neck. 

“I like
dancing with you,” he whispered next to my cheek.

“Me too.”

I relaxed
against his body and it felt good.  I closed my eyes and pulled in a deep
breath, smelling the familiar cologne coming from somewhere around his neck. 
Dancing in the corner with my best friend, the stares and whispers faded away. 
I let myself enjoy the moment with him; a moment free from the problems
circulating around us.

When the
song ended, I felt sad.  I wanted to dance with him again, but I knew I should
get back to Gentry.  Natalie may have scared him right out the door.

“Well…that’s
my cue, I guess.” Jess stepped away but left his hands on my waist.

“You, um,
want to dance again later?”

“No, it’s
ok.  Go find your date.”

“Ok, but
um, would you do something for me?”

“Sure,”
he grinned. 

“Dance
with Natalie, please?”

“She just
had to get her lip pierced before homecomin’.  I’m glad she got all freaky just
for me.”

“Be
nice.”

“Fine, I
will for you.”  

In the
shadows, he looked like a sullen boy who was being punished.  I pulled his
hands from my waist and gave them a little squeeze.  “Thank you for dancing
with me.  It made me feel happy, Jess.”

“If
anyone says anything tonight,” he glanced back toward the floor.  “If they…”

“I will
find you.  I promise.”

“Ok.”

Jess
disappeared into the crowd as I left in search of my blonde haired date.  To my
right, a group of people ogled, like a line of paparazzi taking down notes.  I
noticed Katie Rae with them.  She leaned over and kissed Buzz full on the
mouth.  I was surprised to see them together.  However, Ashley didn’t come
tonight since she was still recovering from nose surgery. 

Gentry
came up from behind and slipped an arm around my waist.  Leaning over, he
whispered something funny in my ear.  His breath felt warm on my neck.  I
blushed at the way it made my skin tingle.  Gentry pulled me out on the floor
for another dance.  I smiled, feeling happy.

After a
ride home in his Tahoe, Gentry walked me up the wooden porch steps of my quiet
house.  I wondered if my dad was asleep or secretly peering out one of the
curtains.  Leave it to good old Henry to pop out with his camera. 

“You’re a
lot of fun, Alex,” he said, bringing my attention back to the porch. 

“You have
some um, mean moves out there.”

“I never
claimed to be a good dancer when I asked you to go.”

“No, I guess
you didn’t,” I said back quietly, as we stood facing each other.  The
butterflies circled through my stomach.  It was a little overwhelming
processing all this girl stuff.