The Lonely (30 page)

She
shrugs, "You're my bitch. I would take a bullet for you. I just want you
to know that I get it. I know what it feels like to be crushed and upset when
someone gets something from you. Something that you didn’t want to give, even
though they made you like it."

I
see her in a new light. But we don’t get to talk about it because the bus stops
and we're outside the gym. We climb off in silence.

"You
don’t think less of me now do you?" She asks as we trudge through the snow
to the front entrance. I glance at her, "No. More."

She
grins, "Ditto. I never imagined you had the balls to do half the shit
you've done."

I
laugh. We walk in and I start to feel my nerves getting the best of me. I think
about her walking out of the hotel. I imagine she made the same face I did
leaving his apartment. I see how strong she is and how much I admire and want
to be her and suddenly, it's there. I am like her. I am strong like her. He
can't break me. I see the point he was trying to make. His one act won't ruin
all the strength I have inside of me.

We
walk down the hall and I feel like I'm in one of those movies where the
underdogs come and kick ass.

I
wish that I could say that was how it happened.

We
walk out into the gym, smiling at Lance.

"He
looks like Santa, but like boxing Santa." Shell whispers. I laugh and nod,
"Twinkle eyes."

The
boys are there. Brandon eyeballs me. I nod at him.

"Ready
for warm up ladies?" Lance asks, in a voice filled with joy.

I
point, "This is Michelle."

Lance
nods, "Mickey and Tink. I like it."

Michelle
looks lost, "What just happened?" I shake my head at her. It's
impossible to explain any of them.

Lance
shouts, "Three laps slackers, let's go."

We
start to run. I leave Michelle in the dust. My legs can't help but beat the
little turds in the running. They'll be kicking my ass in rings in an hour
anyway. I lap her and few of the other boys.

I
run harder, letting my legs open up and push it.

The
air is blowing by me. I finish the lap and bend over to suck wind for a second.

"Someone
hasn’t been running much, hey Tink." My ass gets a hard slap. I grin and
stand up to face the beast.

"Angelo,
you wanna race?"

His
face splits into the cockiest smile ever, "Only if you let me slap you
around afterward."

I
take a step into his face, "Done."

He
lifts an eyebrow, "Ready?"

I
nod. We line up. He smells good. He says go. I take off like a rocket. My legs
are warm from the three laps. He's grunting behind me but I push it harder and
pull away.

"GO
TINK!" Lance screams as I pass the first lap. I run my ass off and finish
before he's even half way on his last lap.

He
comes in winded and wheezing, "God damned, you are fast."

I
nod, sucking wind hard. My throat hates me.

"I'm
gonna make you pay, Tinkerbell."

I
laugh, "We fight when I say."

He
stops, red faced and scowls, "What? No way."

I
pace and nod again, "Yeah. You just said after. You never specified. I
want to chose when we fight."

He
laughs and shakes his crimson face, "Cheater cheater!"

I
laugh, bending forward to catch my breath. I stand up straight and start my
high knees. I need to stretch my legs out.

"Seriously?"
He sounds a little annoyed.

"Yup."

He
sighs and walks away, "Fine. But your ass is grass."

I
laugh and look at Michelle. She makes a face and nods at his back, as he's
walking away from us, "Wow. Angelo?"

"Yup."

She
grins and shouts after him, "Hey, Angelo."

He
turns back around and smirks at her, "Yeah."

"Can
my ass be grass too?"

He
laughs and gives her a thumbs up, "Done!"

She
runs after him. She flirts and twirls her hair and lifts her leg in the air behind
her, playfully.

My
breath is just starting to come around when Lance yells at me, "Tink, get
your ass over here and tape up."

I
leave Shell in terrible hands and turn for the ring and the ever-impatient
Lance.

When
I turn around he's there. I stop breathing for a second. My stomach aches and
gags a little. He's sweaty and wearing his white t-shirt. I can see his tats
through the wet shirt. He's got on thick jogging pants and a stare that could
knock me over. My jaw clenches as I walk past him.

Lance
points at Eli, "He's got the other tape." He turns and starts taping
some of the boys.

I
walk up and put my hands out. I look him in the eyes daringly.

"We
need to talk." He says softly as he tapes up my hands.

"Talk."

He
smirks, "You know what I mean."

"Talk.
Brother." I repeat.

He
tapes them roughly but maintains the right amount of pressure.

"I
need to see you. I need to explain some things."

I
laugh, but it's not mine. It belongs to this bitch, who sometimes likes to come
out of my throat and say shit I'm not entirely sure I mean. "Screw you,
Eli. I have nothing but that to say to you. I have no desire to see you. I came
here because I seriously liked the idea of being able to fight. I like the idea
that if some asshole tried to pin me, I might stand a chance at defending
myself." My eyes bear down on him, "I won't ever be the victim
again." It's a lie and false bravado and probably see-through but I don’t
care. I brush past him, shouldering him roughly.

"He's
not doing it right, Lance." I say and put my hands out. Lance looks at the
tape job and then past me, "What the hell is this Adams? Jesus. My
retriever does a better job than this." He tapes my hands up, cussing
away.

I
hear the light pitter patter of a Michelle's shoes behind me, "Hey. Oh my
god, he is so hot. What do we do now?" Lance makes a face at me.

I
smile at him but answer her as I nod at him, "Get him to tape up your
hands. Then the little boys beat us up."

She
grimaces, "This isn't as fun as I thought it was going to be."

I
laugh, it's still bitter. "Just wait till one of the assholes hits you in
the face."

"Who
was that Hottie-McNaughty in the white t-shirt with the tats? That is a smexy
boy. Smexy smexy boy." She follows him around with her gaze.

I
swallow my fears, "Stop making up words. That's Eli."

She
looks at me and then back at him. "Dayum. I didn’t make up Smexy or Dayum.
Google it. It's slang for I almost peed my pants when I saw him. I mean he's
still evil and damaged and shit but, wow. Maybe the damaged is part of appeal.
Yikes." She turns her head and follows him around the gym.

I
shake my head, "The damaged is the appeal. I have to work a million times
harder to get an ounce of anything out of him, than any other normal guy. But
somehow it makes it worth so much more when I do get something."

Finally
she points and nods, "That explains so many things. Ouch. For reals? What
the hell? Is that legal? He is too hot and too bad boy and he boxes. Sweet baby
Jesus."

"You're
rambling," I laugh and shake my head.

She
looks savagely in his direction. "I don’t know how to box, but I would
like to kick the crap out of him." I would believe her but she licks her
lips and won't stop staring at him.

"Yeah
well, prepare for the little boys before you go beating up the big boys."
I shove her lightly, mostly to get her to stop looking at him. It's making me
look at him.

Of
course, it turns out she is way better at boxing than I am. She manages some
good shots and even wins her fight. She is jumping and loving it. I think she
uses her hatred of Eli as a fuel. She fights like a psycho.

I
still suck. But between my date with doom, A.K.A. Angelo, and my hate, I manage
to do a bit better.

"Dude
you're going back again? It's like seven a.m." she whines.

I
nod, "Yeah. I need to practice, like everyday. And I need to blow off my
crazies before we see them."

She
sits cross legged in her pajamas and watches me, "Why did you agree to
fight Angelo? He's going to wipe the floor with you." She blushes,
"So far he's been wiping the floor with me."

I
roll my eyes, "Gross." It's not gross. I want details, but I'd never
let her know that.

There
is a knock at our door. I frown and turn around as she gets up and gets it. My
face lightens.

"Happy
Birthday." It's Sebastian and a bouquet of daises.

"How
did you even get daisies?" I frown.

Shell
smiles sweetly, "Oh my god, that’s your favorite flower."

I
nod, "How did you know?"

He
shrugs, "Gotta keep my secrets. Lord knows you have yours."

I
laugh and take the flowers and kiss his cheek, "Thank you."

"I
wanted to make sure I got here before you left. Will you have dinner with me
tonight?"

I
grab my bag, "Walk me out." I turn back to Shell and nod, "See
you after."

She
has the doe-eyed expression she gets when we talk about Sebastian. Which we do
a lot. She has always been voting for him to win. Always.

He
takes the bag from me, "Where are you going? I had imagined I would be
waking you and then taking you for breakfast."

My
cheeks flush, "Boxing."

"Wow.
That is not the answer I expected. Can I drive you there?" My insides flip
out.

"Yes
please. Save me from the bus. I have attacks on the bus still."

He
grimaces, "Oh god. I have attacks on the bus and I don’t have OCD."

I
laugh. He gets the door, "So, boxing?" We walk out into the cold air.
I snug my jacket around me and nod, "Yeah. New thing. Trying to feel
stronger. You know?"

"I
do. I boxed a lot when I was a kid. Our town didn’t have a real gym. Just a
boxing gym. So you could take boxing or be lazy. I started getting fat, like
all kids who are geeky and smart and sitting in front of the computer all day.
One day my dad put me in. Said I was getting too chunky. I was addicted to it
right off the bat. I played World of Warcraft and Diablo and Play Station, so I
liked the combat aspect."

I
look at his thick shoulders and get it. They're huge from the boxing.
"I've noticed I'm liking it too. I feel less angry and out of control. I
don’t ever win any fights, in fact I suck. But it's like, I'm there and present
for the whole thing. I'm not daydreaming and imagining and wishing. I'm just
fighting for something. Sanity maybe. It's like a rush to be rid of everything
and just focus on one thing. I'm not anyone, just a girl in the ring."

"Wow,
that’s the most you've ever shared with me."

I
nudge him, "Shut up."

He
opens the door to the fancy car. I love the clean smell. I squeak into the
leather seat and sigh.

"You
love this car don’t you?"

I
nod, "I do. It's so nice and clean and quiet."

"Do
you want it?"

I
turn my head sharply, "What? No!" Disgust has crossed my face, I
can't fight it. "Why does everyone think that just cause I grew up an
orphan, they have to give everything to me? Like…am I so pathetic?"

His
face turns red, "I'm sorry. I never meant to offend you. At all."

I
close my eyes and mutter, "Sorry."

I've
been having outbursts like that one a lot. I hate it but it seems natural. It's
almost like it's the girl I might have been, had I not been taken, is slowly
finding her way inside of me and taking control.

His
hands rest on mine, "I don’t place the same value on money." He says
softly. I open my eyes and nod, "I know. I'm sorry. I just think you
should have a car, freedom. Not a driver. It's weird."

"I
know it's weird."

"Has
he offered to buy you a car or does he only want you under his thumb with his
driver?"

I
give him a harsh stare, "No. He doesn’t want me learning in the
city."

He
looks hurt, "Why does he get to give you money and not me? I love you. I
want to be with you, completely. I want you. Baggage and all. But I don’t want
some other guy's girl."

I
frown and swallow hard. I don’t know what to say. I grab my bag and open the
car door, "I'm sorry." I climb out, but he's out of the car in shot.
He walks around and pins me to the car. His lips crash on mine. His tongue is
searching, savagely. His hands rake my back and butt. I moan into his mouth.