The Light in the Wound (36 page)

The day of Betty’s wedding came, and I spent two nights at her house helping her get ready. She wasn’t nervous at all. She was the perfect picture of a calm, organized and very content bride. She was overflowing with serenity — I thought that if I stuck close enough to her it would somehow transfer onto me through osmosis. There had been many times during the last few weeks that I felt an overwhelming guilt for not returning any of Jesse’s calls. I had dialed his number a few times only to hang up right before it rang. He weighed heavily on my mind. I felt like I was hanging on the edge of a cliff, suspended in motion. I was either going to claw my way back up or release my hold and fall aimlessly to the ground.

The night before Betty’s wedding, we lounged together in her family’s theater room, trying to watch
Splendor in the Grass
with Natalie Wood and Warren Beatty. We both loved that movie and would philosophize about the star-crossed lovers and why they didn’t end up together.

“Isabel?”

“Uh-huh?” She had interrupted me right when Natalie Wood was saying goodbye to Warren Beatty who was now a farmer.

“What do you think married life will be like?”

“I don’t know, but you’ll be finding out before I do.”
Stop speaking to me; she’s looking at him through the rearview mirror.

Betty threw a pillow that narrowly missed me but knocked the popcorn bowl right off the table.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“I can’t believe I won’t be here for your wedding!” Betty wailed. Because Alex and I had pushed up the date, she would still be on her two-week honeymoon with Leigh.

“I’ll miss you so much, but you’ll be having such fun, time will fly and we’ll see each other again before you know it.”

Her wedding went by without a hitch. Betty was picture perfect, with Leigh standing next to her in all his glory. The bridal party was composed of Leigh’s model friends, both male and female, Alex and myself. Alex arrived from another business trip and landed that afternoon with just enough time to stop by his house and get changed for the event. The couple’s wedding vows were beautiful and there were many emotional moments for me during the entire ceremony. Alex held my hand the whole time and squeezed it when symbolic words were spoken, and my eyes would brim with tears. The reception was held at the Ritz Carlton with about three hundred people in attendance. It was a party of who’s who with more or less the same group of friends that my grandparents ran around with. The newlyweds and their party were seated at the bride and groom table, which was set on a stage-like platform overlooking the other guests. Alex sat on Leigh’s right side, while I sat on Betty’s left.

ALEX: I miss you. You are by far the most beautiful girl in this entire room.

ME: Really? Cause that bridesmaid/model next to you has been leaning too close since we first got seated. LOL

ALEX: I’m scheming about the quickest way to get that big bulky skirt off you tonight.

ME: Is that all you think about?

ALEX: With you, yes. Wanna meet in the bathroom?

ME: :)

I gathered my long dress together and stood up to leave. Alex shot up immediately and followed right behind me. I took his hand, and we strolled out of the room with sheepish smiles on our faces.

“A, I was literally going to the bathroom. I need to pee.”

“Then go and I’ll meet you right here in the lobby. Do you think we can just ditch this reception and leave? People are dancing, dinner is over, I’m really beat and I missed you.”

“But I won’t see Betty for two weeks, we at least need to say goodbye to her and Leigh.”

“You’re right. Let’s do it after you’re done.”

We stopped in front of the bathroom doors, just as I heard someone call my name. I turned around to see Mr. and Mrs. Cain walking toward me.

“Isabel, can we talk to you for a few minutes?”

I let go of Alex’s hand and gave each of them a kiss on the cheek.

I nodded at Alex and said, “Can you give me some time to talk to them? I’ll come and get you afterwards and then we can leave.”

“Sure,” he replied, as he gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

Jesse’s parents and I walked down the hall and sat on the first padded sofa that we found on the wall opposite the bathroom doors.

“Isabel, we tried calling you in the office a few times but weren’t sure if you were receiving our messages,” Mrs. Cain began.

“Oh, I’ve been on leave for a week now, so I haven’t been at work.”

“Is everything okay?” asked Mr. Cain.

“Oh yes! Of course. I’m just so busy getting prepared for the we-” I stopped short in my tracks and decided that they knew what I meant.

“Isabel, we wanted to talk to you about Jesse. He’s really sorry for what he did. He’s devastated and hurting. We thought that maybe if we spoke with you we could better understand why you’ve decided to do this.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Cain, Jesse and I just didn’t work out.”

“He wants to marry you. He’s so in love with you.”

“I’m so sorry that he’s hurting. If I could, I’d turn time back so that we could go back to the way things were before it all got so complicated. But I’m going to marry Alex now, and I hope that you can respect that.”

“What happened? How did you stop loving him?”

“I never stopped loving him. I waited too long and just lost too much time and pieces of myself for something that he wasn’t willing to commit to. Please know that I’m sincerely grateful for all the years that you were in my life. Mr. Cain, you were the father I never had. Mrs. Cain, the way you welcomed me into your family — I’ll never forget your kindness and warmth toward me. I love you both and will always love you, no matter what. You have to know this. But for now, I don’t think we have anything more to talk about. Please be happy for me. I’m happy. Alex Ailey loves me more than I could ever be loved.”
What a long-winded speech. But this will be the last time I ever get to speak to them like this.

“We understand, Isabel. But as a mother, my heart breaks for my son,” Mrs. Cain could hardly speak as she broke out in a whimper.

I took her hand in mine and avoided her eyes. There was nothing I could say to ease her anguish. Mr. Cain put his arm around his wife and helped her to get up.

“Thank you for your time, Isabel. Please always remember that you were like a daughter to us. That we will always love you.”

I stood up and hugged them both tightly. There were tears in our eyes as I held each of their faces and gave them one last kiss on their foreheads. And then, it was time for me to go back to Alex.

I scanned the room for Alex and found him dancing in a circle with Betty, Leigh and the gorgeous model. She seemed to be sticking too closely to him, but Alex was oblivious of that and genuinely looked like he was having a blast with his friends. I walked up to them and joined in next to Betty. Alex saw me and left his place to pull me in close to him. He took my hand and led me to Betty and Leigh to say our goodbyes.

“Congratulations, my dearest friend. I love you. Have fun on your honeymoon. I’ll see you when you get back!” I whispered as I hugged her tight.

“The next time we see each other we’ll both be old married ladies!” She giggled. Then she turned serious. “I’ll call you on your wedding day. Be strong, Isabel. Accept the love that’s being given to you. Whatever you decide to do, I’m with you all the way.”

Her message had so much significance. It came from an old soul who knew just what I had been searching for.

We walked into the house a few minutes before midnight. Alex had now taken to pretending to do a sweep of the house for any undetected gifts. He took my hand as we walked around the foyer into the formal living room and then he smiled his big, sexy grin and said, “No unwanted gifts tonight.”

I giggled as I grabbed his hand and led him to the TV room. “Let’s relax in here for a while. I’ll ask the maid to bring us some wine. And snacks.”

I pressed the intercom to speak to the kitchen staff. I still had my bridesmaid’s dress on as I sat on the couch with my feet tucked under my dress. Alex removed his shoes and socks and laid his head on my lap. His eyes were closed, one arm bent backwards holding my waist and the other folded on his chest. I lovingly rubbed my hands through his hair.

“Tired, huh?” I whispered.

“Uh-huh. That flight was more taxing than usual.”

“Maybe you just got a bit more stressed trying to fit everything in.” I bent down to kiss his head. “Beautiful wedding, don’t you think?”

“I do,” he mumbled. “I’m so glad Leigh finally got her. He thought for sure she would tire of that kind of life. She’s not used to following anyone around.”

I missed her already.

“Isa, can we talk about what the Cains wanted?”

Mellie walked in with a tray of snacks and two glasses of red wine. He sat up to lean on my chest instead, and I lovingly wrapped my left arm around him.

“I think they just wanted to hear everything from me. Why it ended, how it could end, you know, all that.”

“Did they mention Jesse at all?”

“They told me about how much he’s hurting.”

“How did the conversation end?” He sat straight up and emptied his glass of wine. I fed him a cracker with some cheese. “Mmm. That hit the spot,” he said.

“I asked them to be happy for me.” I suddenly wanted this conversation to be over.

“How do you feel about it? Are you okay?”

I paused for a few seconds. “I feel guilty for hurting them all.”

“Is it guilt that you’re feeling when you’re quiet and lost in your thoughts?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, worried that he had totally read my mind.

“Sometimes, even when we’re together, I still feel like I don’t have you. I can sense that you’re holding back.” His voice trembled.

“No, no, no, Alex. Oh please, no,” I whispered, as I instinctively held him closer, tighter to me.

“I still don’t have all of you, I know that. I know it will take time.”

“Baby, how can you be with me if you feel that way?” I asked, terrified that he might suddenly decide to walk away.

“Because every so often, you give me a glimpse of what it’s like to have you. You unsuspectingly open up to me and I see your heart. Sometimes, you let your guard down through your laughter, your giggles, your tears, your touch … seeing you in those moments gives me hope that one day you’ll truly let me in.”

He was absolutely right. Betty and my sisters had often pointed out the fact that I hadn’t given myself completely to him. I just didn’t know how. “I love you, Alex. Teach me how to show you so you don’t ever doubt that I do.”

“Babe, why do you love me?”

This suave, confident and successful man was suddenly meek and vulnerable and unguarded.

“Alex! What a question!”

“Humor me, baby, tell me why.”

“Hmmm. Let’s see, because you’re gorgeous.” I kissed him. “And you smell so good.” I nuzzled his neck. “And not to mention gorgeous.” I licked his lips.

“Iss, seriously?”

I laughed and once again gathered up my puffy skirt so I could straddle him face to face.