The Light in the Wound (33 page)

“That’s so awesome! Eves? Please don’t forget Gracie’s measurements as well. I want to make sure she gets to wear a special flower girl dress.”

“Who’s in your entourage?”

“You, Ali and Betty.”

“That’s it?”

“Some of Alex’s cousins and the guys are his friends from college here and abroad.”

“None of your old friends?”

“What old friends? They’re all angry with me for leaving Jesse. They’ve all taken his side and have stopped speaking to me.”

“Assholes. Anyway, Isa, that’s why I’m calling. Jesse called me last night.”

“Evie, I don’t know what to do. He called me about a week ago too.”

“He’s distraught, Isabel. He begged me to talk some sense into you — to stop you from going through with marrying Alex.”

“What did you tell him?”

“That you have made your decision and that there’s nothing I can do. He asked me how you could stop loving him just like that.”

“I didn’t stop loving him. I just ran out of ways to love him. Things with Alex are so much easier, and he loves me so much.”

“Isabel, you know I love you. I want you to make the right decision, okay? Even if you have to take time to do it. There is nothing too late about this. We can fix it if it needs fixing. Don’t be afraid to tell me if you think you’ve made a mistake. Ali and I, we jumped into marriage and repeated the same mistakes our parents made.”

“But I’ve decided, Evie. I belong with Alex. What’s really on your mind?” My intuition told me something else was bothering her.

“I just can’t reconcile the fact that you were head over heels two months ago.”

“That’s the thing. Maybe I wasn’t. Maybe I thought I was. After Alex and I got together, the exhaustion from trying too hard with Jesse just got to me.”

“But you still love him.”

“No one can stop loving someone who had their heart for such a long time. But I am in love with Alex. Is there something else you’re trying to tell me? How are you and Seth doing?”

“Surviving. One day at a time, Isabel. Sometimes love doesn’t last forever. I gotta go. I’m actually calling you from work. I’m on shift today.” Evie worked for an airline.

“I love you, Evie. Take care and please call me if you need anything.”

“I love you, Isa. Enjoy this time in your life. It’s an exciting time.”

Jesse’s call, as well as Evie’s concern, weighed heavily on me that day. This was all happening too fast, too soon. Once again, I decided not to tell Alex about any of it when he called me that night. I didn’t want to burden him with issues while he was away trying to get work done.

That Monday, I showed up bright and early at work for a Committee briefing supposed to take place before the formal start of a hearing. We were going to spend the week conducting surveys about a job incentive bill the Senator wanted to spearhead. As I approached my desk, a huge smile broke out on my face. Alex had probably asked someone to deliver a single pink rose to me that morning. Only it wasn’t Alex as I opened the note.

When I asked the secretary how it got to my desk, she said that the mailroom had delivered it even before she arrived at the office.

The next day, another note — this time it was accompanied by a small replica of his college MVP award:

By Wednesday, it was already a matter of expectation. I knew that this would go on daily until the end of the week. I was more afraid about the Friday surprise, only because he might end up showing up to deliver it himself. These little gifts were slowly having an effect on me. They most certainly did not make me change my mind about Alex, but they were breaking me down to thinking that I might be throwing years of my life away. I caught myself daydreaming at various points throughout the day. I also spent many moments feeling choked up; it was a physical pain, like something was stuck in my chest.

Wednesday’s gift was a pair of dice but only with a five and a two on each of the four sides.

By this time, it had begun to rattle me. I buried myself in my work, making sure to have all calls held and sent into voicemail. The memories were just too much. He had finally found the right buttons to push. My heart felt divided. I wanted my head to take over, but the traitor was swayed and had taken sides with my heart. I stared at Alex’s picture on my desk. He was gorgeous. What else was I looking for? He loved me and I knew that life with him would be secure and predictable. Alex was proof to me that you could be driven with ambition without choosing it over love. There was really nothing to forgive Jesse for. He just wore my heart out. I lifted my nose up over my stack of papers later on that afternoon due to the constant knocking on my office door. It was my secretary trying to slip me three little pink notes. “Two calls from Mr. Ailey and one from Mr. Cain,” she announced. “Mr. Ailey would really like a call back this afternoon.”

“Thank you, Maria. And did Mr. Cain leave a message?”

“No ma’am, he didn’t. He did leave a call back number in case you need it. It’s on the note I just handed to you.”

“Thank you. I’ll call Alex right now. Please just shut the door on your way out.”

He answered even before the first ring went through.

“Baby. Your cellphone is off.”

“Hi, A. Sorry. I asked Maria to hold my calls. Am trying to finish three things at the same time!”

“That’s okay. I was just worried that something was up. Guess what?”

“Hmmm. Let’s see. You miss me?”

“I do, but better than that. Catching the red eye tonight to SF so I can make tomorrow’s flight home. I’ll be back on Friday late afternoon.”

“Oh, A. You don’t know how happy that makes me. I just need you to come home.”

“Is everything okay? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Just weird without my normal stalker.” Freudian slip.

He chuckled. “Be careful what you wish for. I’ll be back at it in two days. I love you, baby. Can’t wait to be home.”

“Love you too, A. Have a safe flight back. I’ll be waiting.”

On my way out of the office, I sent Betty a message.

ME: D’Marks in 30 minutes?

BETTY: I thought you’d never ask.

The bar was crowded, loud and smoky, surprisingly hopping on a Wednesday night. The atmosphere was a little too boisterous for me, but I was afraid to be alone with the silence of my thoughts. I went straight from work and ditched my jacket to reveal a plain white button down blouse, a silver belt and black skinny pants. Same bartender; same faces. Didn’t people have a life outside of this place? Betty walked in five minutes later, as I was getting seated at the bar.

“Someone has a new purse.”

“You like? I picked it up after work last week. I swear the stress is making me spend money.”

“Jesse?”

I nodded.

“Oh, Isabel, why didn’t you call me?” Betty motioned to the bartender and asked him to bring us two glasses of red wine.

“Oh, and chips please.” I interjected.
Salty, crunchy and full of calories. Makes any stress-filled situation feel so much better.

“What good would it do, B? I figured I wasn’t going to drag you into this mess,” I said, as I fished out my gifts from my purse to show her.

“Oh wow. These are pretty intense. You need to tell Alex about it, Iss. I’m afraid it will get worse as the wedding date gets closer.”

I didn’t answer. I was deep in thought.

“Betty, if you were me, what would you do? I feel like I need to see him for closure. But I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust that I won’t give in.”

“You and Alex got engaged a month after you left Jesse. There was no time to really figure things out in your heart and in your mind. It’s also so unfair for Jesse to be bombarding you with these things before you get married, but in a way, this will help you decide who your heart really wants.”

“Alex is good for me.”

“Jesse isn’t bad either. You don’t know Alex that well. Do you go with a known or take a chance with an unknown?”

“I love Alex.”

“How about we assign points for best sex?” She giggled.

“There’d be a stalemate.” I snickered. “Besides, from what you’ve told me, I’d probably choose Leigh.” We both laughed at that before her face turned serious once again.

“Isabel, talk to me. I’m here for you. I know I’ve been so busy with my wedding, but you’ll have me back all to yourself in a few weeks.”

“Betts, do you know what my grandfather always used to tell me? ‘Never accept a counteroffer. If they weren’t good to you the first time, they’ve lost their chance to gain your loyalty and trust. What makes you think it will be better the next time?’”

“Ha. Makes so much sense.” Betty waved her finger at the bartender for two more glasses of wine.

“B! Please don’t worry too much. I’ve made my decision. I just need to be strong enough to let Jesse know. I haven’t really spoken to him after he called me that one day, but I will. Eventually, I’ll face him and we’ll sort this out. He’s too much of a gentleman not to respect the fact that Alex is now in the picture. Let’s get off this subject and talk about the wedding. Did you ever address that issue about the potpourri they wanted to use for your giveaways?”