The Light in the Wound (34 page)

“Yup. My mom had some dried flowers shipped from Provence.”

“Nice.”

We called it an early night and I was in bed by 11. I was so tired that I crashed immediately and felt more rested as I arrived at work the next day. I spent the time on the way to the office wondering what Thursday’s gift would be. Sure enough, there was a gold pouch on top of my desk with another handwritten note. Inside the pouch was a tiny crystal heart that was attached to a pretty silver chain.

I never doubted his love for me. That was never the problem. When you love someone, their happiness elates you and their sorrow kills you. It devastated me to think that I was causing him all this pain. I wanted to take it away from him, but in doing so, I would annihilate the person who had loved me for so long. Either way, none of us were going to emerge from this unscathed. Jesse called the office twice that day, but Maria knew not to transfer them to me.

I walked into the office on Friday expecting the worst. Jesse’s face popped in my head a few times, and I suspected that he would personally be delivering my gift for the end of the week. A feeling of dread overcame me as I approached my desk. Nothing. Not a thing was there. I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe he just wanted to tell me how he felt but knew that it was over between us. What a positive start to my day. Most importantly, I was going to see Alex in a few hours. I spent the day at the Senate office working with the team on a presentation due the following week. I bumped into a few of my grandfather’s acquaintances who congratulated me on my engagement.
Things might work out on their own after all
, I thought
. I’d better tell Alex everything as soon as he gets home.

I left the office early to get to the airport in time for Alex to arrive. There must have been a hundred flights at the same time. Traffic was bad and the lanes were all full of cars. About two minutes after we pulled up, my phone buzzed.

ALEX: Just walking down to the doors, will see you soon!

ISABEL: Okay, I sent Bernard to get you. He’ll be outside waiting.

I waited for a few minutes until I caught a glimpse of him walking toward the car. I didn’t tell him I was coming to the airport, and I was sure he couldn’t see through the heavily tinted glass. He seemed to be rushing to the car but was stopped by two women who engaged him in conversation as he walked toward me. He opened the car door not expecting me to be waiting. He registered a surprised look as he slammed the door in the women’s faces and slinked up toward me with a magnificent smile on his face.

“Hi,” I whispered as he cupped my face in his hands.

We kissed. Ravenously. It was as if he had been gone for two years instead of two weeks.

“How was your trip? You must be tired.” I pulled away and leaned my head on his chest.

“I missed you so much. I slept well on the plane, so I feel okay.”

I shifted on the seat as he pulled me into his lap.

“Alex?”

“Hmmm?” His hands traveled up my legs, to my thighs and finally up under my skirt.

“Can we talk when we get home?” And then just like clockwork. I felt him stiffen up from under me.

“Isabel. You’re not wearing any underwear.”

“Oops.”

The ride back home from the airport was nothing short of momentous. I offered to drop Alex off at his house so he could get settled first before making any further plans for that night. I noticed two missed calls from Mellie, but we were so close to home that I thought she could just ask me her question in person. Alex insisted on coming home with me and said that he would just return home the next day.

“Wanna stay in tonight?” he asked while leading me through the front door.

“We can do anything you want. I know you’re tired so how about we watch movies and just relax?” I answered.

“No movies, I just spent fourteen hours watching movies,” he gleamed. “I want some action.”

“You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.”

—Christopher Columbus

As we walked into the foyer, Alex’s attention was drawn to the coral table in the middle of the entranceway. On the table were five vases of the largest pink roses I’d ever seen. He let go of my hand and quickly rushed to snatch the card on the table.

“Alex!” I tried to overtake him.

“Well, I know these aren’t from me,” he snorted sarcastically.

Mellie approached and whispered, “I tried to call you.”

I nodded at Mellie and begged her with my eyes to leave us alone to talk.

“Sonofabitch!” he muttered under his breath as he flung the card on the floor.

“A, please, who cares if he did this?”

“Read the card, Isabel.”

“I’m not going to.”

“Why not? He took the time to write it for you.”

“Because I already know what it says. All week, Alex. That’s what I wanted to speak to you about.”

“I want the fucking wedding moved up to next week.”

I had never seen him so distraught. When was I going to stop hurting everyone around me?

“What will that accomplish?”

“It will make you mine and he won’t have a chance.”

“Getting married isn’t going to solve anything,” I whispered ever so softly, afraid of the effect those words were going to have on him.

“What did you say? Is there something that needs to be solved?”

“No. What I meant to say is that I need to fix this. I need to tell him to stop. I hate hurting both of you. I don’t know what to do.”

“You don’t know what to do about us? You’re changing your mind?”

“That’s not what I said. Please, Alex. Don’t take it out of context.”

“Isa, did you really tell him what he said you did in that card?”

I walked over to the floor and picked up the card. It read:

“Yes.” No lies.

“Then how can I compete with that?” There were tears in his eyes as he slowly got up and walked out the door.

The look on Alex’s face haunted me for the rest of the night. I resolved not to call him or try to appease him until I myself was convinced of the promises I wanted to make to him. Alicia thought I needed to take a break and go somewhere for the weekend to help me clear my mind. We packed up the kids and headed out to a resort where my mother still owned some membership shares. I insisted on renting a one-bedroom villa, but Alicia thought I needed time alone to think. In the end, we agreed on a two-bedroom house on stilts overlooking the bright, crystal clear water. I spent that Saturday swimming with Chelsea and Christopher, while Alicia stayed inside to relax and catch up on her books. There was something about the fresh air and the tranquil sea that helped to cleanse my spirit and rendered me fearless enough to get lost in my thoughts. We had an early dinner, and I asked Alicia to take over the kids while I took a walk along the beach by myself. I trotted up the walkway away from the house and randomly turned to the right to begin my walk on the sand. Somehow, looking over the horizon at miles and miles of endless sand was symbolic of my life. Growing up with the kind of family I had was like trudging down the walkway leading from the house. I couldn’t choose that course but as I walked away from it, I had the freedom to either turn left or right, knowing only that any of the choices I made involved some uncertainty. It was just a matter of thinking about the experiences in my life with these two men and choosing the avenue that felt more right to me. My answer was always Alex. The lighthearted banter and friendship we enjoyed even before he asked for a commitment was a good foundation for the future that we were going to share. Especially knowing what happened between my parents. I was never going to be the woman who would make the man I love choose between me and someone or something else. I was always fighting for Jesse’s validation. I was never going to have to do that with Alex, simply because it worked the other way around. Maybe it wasn’t as intense or romantic as what Jesse and I had. But Alex loved me. I had spent most of my life taking care of everybody else. It was my turn to bask in someone’s love. Jesse was full on giving it to me now, but Alex had always been with me.