The Light in the Wound (32 page)

JESSE: Can I call you now?

Oh no.

ME: Okay

The phone rang immediately.

“Hi Jesse,” I greeted him apprehensively. I was more guilty than nervous about hearing his voice.

“Isabel, you got engaged to Alex?”

“Yes. Last Friday night.”

“Were you celebrating when I saw you?”

“Jesse, what is this call about?”

“You must be doing it with him a lot, huh? You love doing it.”

“I’m hanging up now. Jesse.”

And with that, I pressed END. END. END. Why can’t it just END?

I stumbled into my closet and pulled the box out. I didn’t notice that I’d neatly wrapped the scrapbook back into its tissue paper. Slowly, I leafed through the pages. The hotel key. A picture of me trying to swing a bat. Pictures of me sleeping. My cover girl photo. Birthdays. Anniversary cards. And then this:

If someone asked me what would be

The perfect gift they could give to me,

I’d ask them for a time machine

And fix the things that could have been

I’d use it to go way, way back

When youth was something I didn’t lack

Back to the time when I’d fly free

And life was great just being me

Have fun, enjoy and share each day

With one who’d kiss my blues away

Won’t dwell on anger, will not be sore,

I’d laugh and dance, cry less, smile more.

Fix my mistakes, turn them around

And find a love that is not bound

With someone whom I need not fear

Who’d love and always hold me dear.

But NOW is real, no time machine

No going back to what could have been

I realize this life I’ve had

Still turned into good the things gone bad.

For without all these, there’d be no you

No one would love me the way you do

No time machine, and yet you came

My life has never been the same.

He wrote this for me? My eyes were brimming over as I read the words again and again. And as if on cue, the phone rang.

“Hello.”

“Isabel, please don’t hang up. Please. I am so sorry. I really just wanted to hear your voice. I just got so jealous of you and Alex. It’s killing me. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“Jesse, we have to end this.”

“Did you get my book? Is that what we’re trying to end?”

“We ended this weeks ago.”

“You tried to end it. It’s not over for me. You’re not over for me. What is it about him, Isabel? What is it about him that’s making you forget about me?”

“Please, Jesse. I’m begging you. Unless we’re speaking as friends, I can no longer take these calls!”

“If you feel that strongly about him, why are you crying?”

“I have to go.”

I knew I wasn’t going to hear from Alex until the next day, so I tried my best to keep myself busy. I went over to Alicia and Carter’s house to help her pack her things. We moved through the boxes rather quickly. She wasn’t in good shape, so I poured out all my energies into consoling her instead.

“I should have listened to you, Isa, then I wouldn’t have had to go through all this. I am so sorry for not speaking to you for months that one time. You couldn’t stand him and tried to tell me.”

“Oh, Ali, who would’ve known?” I exclaimed back. “I didn’t like him because he wasn’t a very nice person. But you loved him. And no matter what, you have your two beautiful children to prove that. They’re not mistakes.”

“I know,” she agreed, still brooding. “Iss, what if you had gotten pregnant with Jesse? Would you have gotten married?”

“Ali, I wanted to have his baby. So many times I thought I would just throw caution to the wind and have his baby. But I think subconsciously, I knew he was too ambitious to give it all up for me.”

“Alex loves you so much.”

“He does, doesn’t he? And he’s so hot.” We both laughed out loud.

“You said that about Jesse too, though.”

“Alex is hotter. Isn’t he?” More laughter.

“They’re so different. Both so attractive, but opposite ends of the spectrum.” Alicia’s tone turned serious. “Isa, Jesse’s not going to give you up, I’m a little worried about that.”

“Enough talking about me. Let’s finish this so we can check out a movie.”

Alicia, Chelsea, Christopher and I spent the evening watching
Toy Story 2
and
Monsters, Inc
. Chelsea had to wake me up twice during
Monsters, Inc.
and once during
Toy Story 2
. By the time the movies were over, I was ready to call it a night. I knew that Alex would be landing sometime in the next few hours, so I slept with the phone by my ear.

Sure enough. 6:00 A.M.

“Hi babe,” I gurgled into the phone.

“Hi. I should have waited, but I had to hear your voice. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I should be getting ready for work anyway.”

“I had a dream about you on the plane.”

“Who dreams on planes?”

“Okay, I didn’t really dream, I
thought
about you a lot.”

“And?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Hey, do you think the paper is out yet? The engagement announcement is set for this morning.”

“I’ll check when I get off the phone.”

“Do you think you can ask Mellie to bring it to you? I’d love for you to read it to me.”

I punched the intercom buttons and mouthed to Mellie to please bring me the paper. I knew just where to look for it — the society pages, of course.

“Oh wait ... I see it. What? How does he know what he’s going to be making for me, I haven’t even seen him yet!”

“He’s Pierre,” Alex said in an exaggerated drawl. “Please read it to me?”

“Okay.”

“Venerable Businessman of the old school, Mr. Jack Holtzer and Mrs. Anna Holtzer announced the engagement of their granddaughter, Isabel Francesca Holtzer-Amarra to Alexander Martin Ailey, son of Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Ailey of Ailey Industries. The wedding will take place on Saturday, March 17 at the Cathedral of Saint Anthony. The bride will wear a Pierre off the shoulder gown with scalloped neckline in all white Guipure lace. A family heirloom tiara of diamonds will hold the layer illusion tulle for her veil. Reception will follow at the Four Seasons Hotel immediately after the ceremony.”

“Ahhh. It’s official, Isabel.”

“I still can’t believe he already knows what I’m wearing,” I whined.

“Baby?”

“Yes, A?”

“Tell me you love me.”

“I love you, Alex. I miss you so much.”

“What are you doing today?”

“Going over to Pierre to ask him why he told the press what I was wearing before telling me first.”

Alex and I continued our lighthearted conversation. He was going to dinner with some clients and then prepping for the negotiations that were going to begin the next day. He and his father were sharing a suite so they could hold meetings in their living room. Alex was a shrewd and intelligent businessman so I didn’t think many people knew how romantic and thoughtful he was underneath that steely exterior. He asked me if there was anything I wanted from Boston and I told him to find me the hot guy from AI who was there to purchase a building. I thought about telling him about Jesse but decided against it. There was no point in upsetting him while he was far away trying to concentrate on work. Besides, it was nothing to me. It wasn’t like what Jesse was saying or doing was going to affect how I felt about him.

Right?

“Voici mon secret. Il est tres simple: on ne voit bien qu’avec le coeur.
L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.”

—Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

The next few days were hectic with work obligations and hours of meetings with Pierre, the caterer and the wedding planner. My grandmother and Mrs. Ailey were at every meeting, and it was actually a pleasure to have both of them with me. They got along swimmingly and were a little formal with each other, but it helped to ease the tension when they had different opinions. Mrs. Ailey asked me to call her
Mom
.

Betty and Alicia were with me when we went to see Pierre. When I asked him how he knew what he was going to be creating for me, Betty pulled me aside and scolded me. “Isabel, don’t you know? He goes by inspiration and you’re not supposed to question what he decides to make for you. Don’t embarrass yourself. Just go with it.”

I couldn’t just go with it. I asked him point blank about his intended creation.

He looked at me and said: “I’ve seen your pictures in the magazines. You have long legs and a slim waist. Fantastic figure. Flawless skin, creamy smooth shoulders. Just like when your mother was your age. This design will look fabulous on you,” he declared as he held up a sketch of my dress.

Spoken by the expert. I loved what I saw. Who was I to argue with him? When I relayed what he said to Alex, he asked, “Do I have to worry about him too?”

Before I knew it, Alex had been away for a week. He called once or twice a day with updates on how the negotiations were going. They sealed the deal a few days into the trip and were now waiting to finalize all of the necessary paperwork. His dad had given him a sizable commission, which he said he was saving for our honeymoon.

That Sunday morning, I received a call from Evie.

“Hi Eves! How’ve you been?”

“Isa! Congratulations again! Did you get my text the other week?”

“Yes, I responded, did you not receive it? We were at Pierre’s the other day and he said he would fax you a list of the required measurements so someone can take them there for you. He needs it in about a week.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll send them back as soon as I hear from him. Mom needs to take her measurements too.”

“Mom’s coming home for my wedding?”

“She said she wouldn’t miss it for the world.”