The Heartbreaker Series: Books 1-3 (25 page)

***

The pilot says over the speakers that we should be landing in twenty minutes. Baby girl is still sleeping. I stare out the window, thinking back on that weekend so many years ago. I’d had sex before Nico, but he showed me so much more over that weekend—more positions, more ways to prolong both of our pleasure, and more erogenous zones, some I hadn’t even know about. I think, at one point, I’d walked around naked because there hadn’t been a point in putting clothes on. He would just rip them off of me.

We got to know so much about each other that weekend. Sure, a lot of our time spent together was physical, but when we lay in my bed together, we’d talk until one of us fell asleep. It all ended when Gabe showed up that Sunday afternoon. Thank God we weren’t doing anything.

Over the next few years, we shared stolen weekends. Then he moved to St. Louis and Gabe went to California, so we didn’t have to sneak around, but Nico repeatedly told me that he couldn’t and wouldn’t commit to being exclusive with me. We were on and off and, for five years, he repeatedly stomped on my heart.

Did that stop me? No, of course not, because I was young and stupid. Hell, I’m still stupid. After all, I still love him. Plus, he gave me the most precious gift ever.

I don’t know if I’m ready to see him, but I’m not really coming for him. My heart feels heavy not knowing what I’m going to find when I land. Is Martine feeling sick already? I tried to look up information about ovarian cancer, but a lot of it was medical jargon that I didn’t fully understand. I also looked up treatment options so I know what she’ll be dealing with.

I feel my baby girl start to stir in my lap and look down at her. She smiles up at me.

“Ma, ma, ma,” she says. I pick her up and kiss her chubby little cheek.

“Hey, my sweet girl! Did you sleep well?”

“Yesh!” She smiles at me. I hand her some little yogurt puffs, and she munches on those as I quickly change her diaper and change her outfit. I brush out her dark locks and put them in two pigtails.

She’s starting to get antsy, which makes me glad we’re getting ready to land. I stare out the window and can’t help but be filled with awe as I look at the beautiful landscape. It was dark during our layover in Rome, so I didn’t get to see much there, unfortunately.

I give Nicola her pacifier as we start to make our descent. I hate this part of flying. My stomach starts to turn as the plane gets closer to the ground.

I close my eyes and take some deep, cleansing breaths. When the wheels touch the ground, I say a little prayer of thanks. I pop a piece of gum in my mouth and wait for them to turn off the seatbelt sign.

Nicola babbles away and claps her hands when the little bell dings. Maybe she can sense we’re at the end of our journey. I grab my purse and my tote bag before pulling our passports out.

As we disembark, I thank the flight attendants repeatedly for their kindness and help. On each flight, they were all so nice to us and helpful. They even sat with her while she was sleeping the few times I had to use the restroom. I didn’t think that was allowed, but they did it anyway.

I tried to hand the attendants a tip, but each one declined. The flight really was like some wonderful dream where everything went extraordinarily well.

When we go through customs, I’m relieved that the person speaks English. I’ve tried to learn Italian, but I’m not very good at it. I’ve even tried to teach Nicola some words, especially papà, because I want Nico to want to get to know her, to be a part of my little girl’s life.

I shake my thoughts about Nico away as we make our way to the baggage claim, where Martine and one of Nico’s sisters are supposed to meet us.

My breath sticks in my throat as Martine comes in to view. She’s even more beautiful in person. Her face lights up, and I don’t miss the tears that slide down her cheeks. I run to her. When we finally meet, I start to cry. At first she’s speaking only Italian, but then she switches to English.

“Jill, my beautiful girl. I’m so glad you’re here.” She kisses my cheeks and then she turns to Nicola. “Oh,
la mia bella bambina,
my beautiful baby girl.
Tua nonna
is so happy you’re here.”

I pass her over to her grandma. Thanks to our FaceTime sessions, Nicola recognizes her.

We walk to the baggage claim conveyor line. When I spot our bags, I grab them off of the belt and pull out the handle to roll them. Then I return to Martine and Nicola, pull Nica’s coat out of my tote bag and slip it on her. I let Martine carry Nica out and roll my suitcase and bags behind me. As soon as we step outside, it hits me that I’m in freaking Italy! I have to stop myself from squealing.

The excitement quickly fades away when I see Nico standing next to a SUV that is parked in the loading and unloading zone. I stop and stare at him as his gaze lands on our daughter. His eyes grow wide and glassy and are filled with such warmth that it hits me right in the chest. He walks to his mother and daughter slowly, and I hold my breath because I don’t know what is going to happen.

Something inside me shifts when he leans down and takes Nicola from his mom. My little girl stares up at him as he awkwardly holds her against his chest. She reaches up and slaps both of Nico’s cheeks.

As soon as she starts babbling, I can’t hold back the sob that rips from my throat. He looks up at me, and I can see the unshed tears in his eyes. He tries to come to me, but I shake my head. Instead, I go to Martine and bury my face in her neck.

“I’m a selfish, selfish woman to expect you to come here. Please forgive me,” she whispers in my ear.

“No, no, I-I’m okay. I still love him and wasn’t expecting all of these feelings to bombard me like this,” I whisper. “It’s okay. I’m here for you because you need us. It’ll be okay, I promise.”

She squeezes me. Then she lets go, claps, and bounces up and down excitedly. “Come make sure the car seat is installed correctly,
bella
.”

I follow behind her and try not to look at Nico with our daughter in his arms. I lean in, check the car seat, and see that they’ve got it strapped in correctly. We all load in so Nico can take Nica and me to our hotel.

Chapter Five

Nico

My palms sweat the entire ride to the hotel. I was surprised when my mom told me that Jill and Nicola were staying at a hotel, but Mom wanted them to have their own space, and since her place isn’t very big, she thought Jill would be more comfortable at a hotel. Plus, it probably doesn’t help that I’m still living with my mom.

When I held my daughter in my arms for the first time, everything seemed like it would be okay. The pictures of her that Gabe sent me didn’t do the little princess justice. She’s gorgeous, just like her mama.

I glance in the rearview mirror and see Jill staring out the window, a look of wonder on her face. Perugia is beautiful, even this time of year. Maybe, if I’m lucky, Jill will give me the opportunity to show her around where I grew up.

At first, when my mom told me they were coming, I was skeptical. I know Jill loves my mom, but because of what I did, I figured she wasn’t going to come.

A part of me feels a bit of hope that there’s still a chance for us, especially after Jill burst into tears earlier when I held Nicola. I hate that Jill wouldn’t let me comfort her, but I’m hoping that, while she’s here, we can talk. I hope she gives me the opportunity to explain why I did the things I did.

We pull up in front of the
Sangallo Palace Hotel. This is the place I always used to stay when I would come to visit. It’s very posh, and they’re customer service is top-notch.

I get out and pop the hatch as my mom runs in to get the luggage cart. I look at the back window and find Nicola and Jill both asleep. I open the back door, slowly reach out, and touch Nicola’s soft hair. Her Cupid’s bow mouth opens wide as she yawns and hugs her little baby to her face.

I can’t believe Jill and I made such a perfect little girl. I lean in and kiss her head. She smells like baby powder. I move to get out, but her little fingers wrap around my index finger. She opens her eyes and blinks up at me. I can see it coming before she actually starts crying. Her face turns beet red. Then big tears start falling down her face. My heart starts to race. What the hell do I do? Before I can do anything, Jill flies up and reaches out for her.

“Hush, baby girl, you’re okay.” She unhooks Nicola like an expert and sets her in her lap. She looks up at me. “Don’t read anything into it. She’s just overly exhausted and probably hungry.”

I shut the door and come around to Jill’s door, opening it and sticking my hands inside. “Here, let me take her.”

I grab Nica under her arms and lift her out. She rests her head on my shoulder, no longer crying, and sighs. It’s the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. I hug her tightly to my chest. I catch sight of Jill getting out and rush to her side to give her a hand.

I hate that she’s hesitant to take my hand, but I can’t blame her. I know it means I just have to work that much harder to get her to forgive me. Her palm slides into mine, and all I want to do is pull her into my chest and hug her tightly. Instead, I give her hand a squeeze before I let go. Her eyes meet mine. Just as quick, she looks away. I see my mom coming out with the cart and hurry to help her.

My mom already checked Jill and Nicola in. We take the elevator up to their room. Jill opens the door to their room, and my mom and I follow them inside. I gave my mom the money to make sure they had a room with a phenomenal view. The terrace has a table and chairs, which I hope Jill will enjoy.

I place Nicola on her feet and watch her toddle after her mom. I unload the luggage and set the bags in the bedroom. My mom helps put things away while talking Jill’s ear off. I stick the cart out in the hall. When I come back in, I see the girls all coming out of the bathroom.

“I can’t wait to soak in that tub,” Jill says. “Are you sure you want to take her?”

“Jill, she slept on the plane. If you slept, it wasn’t deep. You’re dead on your feet. I’ve got diapers, wipes, and a playpen for her as well. You get some sleep, and we’ll come get you later. Just text me when you get up.”

Jill turns to me and then back to my mom. “If you’re sure. Come here, baby girl.”

I watch as Nicola goes to her mama. Jill scoops her up in her arms. She kisses the baby’s chubby cheeks and then hands her off to my mom, who greedily hugs her.

Nicola is my mom’s first grandchild, and my mom couldn’t wait to spoil her rotten, especially with everything that’s going to happen soon. I look at my mom and a pain starts right in my chest. Fucking cancer. Yeah, it’s early, and the prognosis is good, but it still sucks. I don’t want to think of my mom being sick.

My mom wanted Jill and Nicola here so she could get to know her grandbaby. Plus, with them here, it would distract my mom from what was lying ahead.

I open the balcony doors and step out onto the balcony. Jill and Nica will have a wonderful view of the rolling hills and the vibrant trees. I hope they take advantage of the view and the atmosphere while they’re here. An odd ache starts to form in my chest.

“Oh wow,” Jill says breathlessly, a big smile on her face as she looks at the view. “It’s really beautiful here.”

“Sí, it is. We’ve lived here all our lives, and I’ve always felt lucky to have grown up in such a beautiful place. Mila or Gaia will have to take you around, give you the grand tour.”

My sisters…well, more Mila than Gaia, have been looking forward to meeting Jill and Nicola for a long time now. I know they will want to spend time with her.

“Of course, I wish I were the one showing her places that are important to me.”

“Ma!” We both turn around as Nicola crawls through the doorway and stands back up on her feet. With practiced skill, Jill scoops up our little girl like she weighs nothing. She brings her to the handrail of the balcony so we’re standing side by side.

“I’d-I’d like for you two to get to know each other. I know what I said, but she should know you.”

I reach out a shaky hand and stroke my daughter’s hair. She looks up at me. Her eyes are similar to mine. In Italian, I tell her I love her and that she’s beautiful. Jill used to love it when we lay in bed at night and I spoke to her in only Italian. She said it made everything I said sound beautiful.

Nicola smiles at me. She’s got lots of tiny white teeth. I’ve never really been around children before, but when I’m around her, I’m not scared.

“Here, take her.” Jill holds her out to me. I take her into my arms, and she lays her head on my chest. I smile as she pops her little thumb in her mouth.

I wrap one hand around her body and rest the other on her little diapered butt. It feels so good to have my girl in my arms. I know what would make this better—having my other girl in my arms. I just need to talk to her once she’s had time to rest. I have to tell her everything. When I do, maybe she’ll forgive me.
God, I hope she forgives me
.

“Jill, we’re going to get out of your hair. Get some sleep, take a nice, long bath, and text me later when you’re up and moving,” Mom says from the doorway.

“Okay, thanks for doing this.”

Jill disappears back inside, and I follow. Jill hugs my mom. My mom looks at me over Jill’s shoulder and winks at me. I shake my head and carry Nicola to her mommy. She grabs her out of my arms, hugs her, and kisses her.

“You be a very good girl. Momma loves you.” She hands her to my mom.

“Ma, ma, ma. Wub!”

Jill grabs Nicola by her face and gently kisses her little lips.

“I wub you too,” Jill says. Our little girl’s face lights up as she looks at her momma. She kisses Nicola one more time before hugging and kissing my mom.

“I’ll call you or text you when I get up. If she gets to be too much, just bring her back. It’s no problem.”

“Oh, my sweetheart. We’ll be just fine. Rest and relax. Tonight, we’ll take you out to dinner.”

I follow my mom to the door and turn when I reach it. “
D
ormire bene, bella.
Sleep well, beautiful.”
She doesn’t say anything. She just bites her lip, whispers goodbye, and then turns away.

I step out, shutting the door behind me, and make my way down the hall, where my mom and daughter are waiting for the elevator.

***

Jill

After they left, I lay down on the most comfortable mattress I’ve ever been on. Of course, I couldn’t sleep at first. My mind was whirling. It was much easier to convince myself I was over Nico when I was back home, but being here and near him is messing with my head. I had to remind myself that he’s selfish and destructive. Not to mention the fact that he’d hurt me over and over again, but part of that was my fault for letting him do it in the first place.

Now, as I lie here in the huge bathtub, I can’t help but think about how great Nico looks. He looks strong. I don’t remember him having that many muscles. His hair is clipped short, and his eyes still have the power to drown me in their blue-gray depths. Every time I was near him earlier, his scent wrapped around me like a blanket, and I wanted to bury my nose in his chest.

I slide down in the tub until my head is under water and scream. When my face breaks the surface, I wipe the water off of my face and then slap the surface of the water. Every time Nico held our daughter, I wanted to go to them and wrap my arms around them both, but instead, I replayed the day I found him fucking that other girl. It did its job. Seconds later, my feelings about Nico returned to disgust.

I climb out of the tub a while later and stand in front of the mirror as I wrap a towel around me. When I look in the mirror, I realize that I really need to try and put on some weight. My hip bones are sticking out as well as my collarbone. I have dark circles under my eyes. I apply a few sticky eye patches that are supposed to help with that.

While I let them work, I moisturize my body and grab some clothes out of the dresser. It’s pretty chilly out. I opt for some black leggings and a long-sleeved t-shirt with a long sweater over it.

Once my clothes are all laid out, I head back into the bathroom, take the patches off, and apply my makeup. I dry my hair and twist it up into a bun on top of my head.

After I get dressed, I slip on my black riding boots. I look myself over in the mirror and decide I need a little bling, so I pull a long silver necklace out of my jewelry case. I shoot Martine a text and tell her I’m up and ready. Seconds later, she tells me that she’s on her way.

I make sure my wallet, powder, and lip gloss is in my bag. I also grab Nicola’s pacifier just in case she needs it. I sit down on the bed and wait.

About ten minutes later, there’s a knock. I grab my bag and my coat and head to the door. I pull it open and shake my head. Nico is standing on the other side, looking incredibly sexy. Ugh! I don’t know what game Martine is playing, but I don’t want her getting disappointed when it doesn’t work.

I love him, I do, but it’s too late for us. I just want him to have a relationship with our daughter because that’s what’s important. I want to be able to trust my baby’s heart to him. If he breaks it, I don’t think I’ll ever forgive him, but I owe it to her to try.

Nicola certainly doesn’t lack for male role models. Between Gabe, Dad, and Uncle Dan, she’s got plenty, but they’re not her daddy, and there will come a time that Nicola will need him and only him. I just want to make sure she can turn to him in her time of need.

“Did you get enough rest?” he says, his Italian accent more pronounced than I remember. I walk past him out into the hall.

“I did, thanks. The bath was heavenly.”

As we stop in front of the elevator, I can feel the heat coming from his body when he stands behind me. I ignore it the best I can, but goosebumps pop up all over my body.

“
Sono contento
,
I’m glad. Nicola’s been having fun. My sisters are there, and they brought bags of clothes, hair bows, and shoes for her. You may need extra luggage for all of her stuff when you go home.”

“That’s really sweet of them,” I say as we climb in the elevator and ride it down to the bottom floor.

He rests his hand on the small of my back as we make our way out to his car. I’m surprised to see it’s nothing flashy, like his Camaro back home. It’s actually a royal blue Ford Ecosport. He opens the door for me and closes it behind me. We’re both silent on the way to his mom’s house.

I smile as I take in the beautiful scenery. The sun is starting to set, and there’s a soft glow on the streets. We pull up in front of a stone cottage brimming with vibrant and lush flowers. I can tell Martine takes a lot of pride in her landscaping.

I climb out, anxious to get to my girl. Nico opens the cottage door. It’s as beautiful inside as I had imagined.

The floors are wood with a slight worn look, but it adds charm to the place. Bright floral paintings decorate the walls. I hear lots of female laughter the further we walk into the cottage. Then, my baby girl’s little belly laughs come from down the hall, and I can’t wait to get to her and hold her in my arms.