The Heartbreaker Series: Books 1-3 (29 page)

Again, with a hand on her back, I lead her back to the street and down a few blocks to where my family attended mass. The old stone structure has been here since the 1300s. The structure has been rebuilt and updated, but the original look and feel of the building remains. My mom moved here with my father when she was just twenty years old and fell in love with the church.

I lead Jill up the steps and go inside.

“Oh wow,” she whispers. I know the feeling. It’s beautiful inside. I spent a lot of time here when I came home after treatment.

I watch Jill as she walks around, taking everything in. The smile that graces her lips warms me. I want to be the reason that she smiles like that. Hopefully, someday I will be.

We leave the church. Next, I show her my mom’s flower shop, but we don’t go in. It’s busy, and Mom’s assistant manager, who is like an adopted grandma, would put us to work. I wouldn’t have minded helping if I didn’t already have plans for us for the rest of the day.

Jill and I stop at the little café on the corner and grab an espresso and croissant. It’s chilly outside, but warmer in the sun, so we sit at a little table outside of the shop.

“How are you feeling? I forgot to make sure you weren’t hungover from last night. We could’ve done this tomorrow.” She’s been acting all right, so I assume she’s okay.

“I’m fine. Just embarrassed.” She reaches out and touches my cheek again. The intimate gesture surprises me. “I’m sorry I hit you.”

I grab her wrist before she can pull her hand away. “I told you, you have nothing to be sorry for. That was a long time coming. Trust me, you had every right to hit me for all of the bullshit I’ve put you through.”

I know I’m staring, but she’s just so beautiful. She always has been, but after seeing her with my mom and our daughter, she’s even more so now. What’s even better is that she’s looking at me the same way.

She’s the first one to look away. I hate that the connection is lost. Jill clears her throat before speaking. “Where are we going next?”

I polish off the last of my espresso. “I thought we’d go see the Fontana Maggiore. Since you love architecture, I’ll show you some really beautiful stuff.”

I come around and help her out of her chair. This time, as we start walking, I grab her hand. I want to shout yes when she doesn’t try pulling away. Our fingers intertwine, and I give her a squeeze. She looks at me with a small smile on her lips, and I start talking about the places we walk past.

We reach our destination, and Jill picks up her speed, dragging me behind her. She slowly leads me around the big fountain, oohing and ahhing. “Let me take your picture. We’ll send it to Gabe.” I reluctantly let go of her hand and pull out my phone. “Let’s see that beautiful smile,
bella
.”

With the cathedral as a backdrop, Jill spreads her arms wide and smiles. I tell her to hold the pose. I take a picture of her with the fountain behind her and then zoom in on her face. I snap several pictures of her. Then she calls me to her, and we pose close together.

The desire to kiss her overwhelms me, but as soon as I start to make a move, she backs away from me. I shove my phone in my pocket, and we continue to look around. I hate it now that I feel that distance back between us.

Chapter Eight

Jill

I don’t know what I was thinking, posing with him like that. I can still smell him and feel the warmth of his body against mine. Things get a little awkward after the selfie, but I try to keep smiling and enjoy taking in the sights. Nico said we were going to talk, but I’ve been too scared to bring it up. I have no clue what he’s going to tell me, and I’m afraid of how it might change things.

For over a year, I’ve used Nico’s betrayals to put a wall around my heart. I’ve protected myself for so long that I’m afraid learning the truth will open the floodgates and throw me back onto a ride I don’t know if I want to be on anymore. Whatever he tells me won’t change the fact that I want him in our daughter’s life.

I notice, as we walk up the street, that his hands are shoved into his pockets. His eyes are downcast, and he looks disappointed. I pull his hand out of his pocket and intertwine our fingers. I give him a reassuring squeeze and a small smile.

We walk along the cobblestone street that leads to a beautiful park. Lush greenery surrounds us as we walk silently to a bench.

Nico stares out into nothing. I can’t read his eyes, because of his sunglasses, but I’m sure I’d hate to see them, especially after he turns to me. “I was married once.”

I must look like a flounder as my mouth opens and shuts. I’m not even sure what I should say right now. I’ve known him for ten years, and he’s never mentioned a wife. “Oh. Um…where is she now? You’re not still married, are you?” Oh God, what if he is? How humiliating would that be?

He turns to me. “God no,
bella
, no. I never would’ve touched you had I been married. Ava and I met when we were fourteen. We were best friends long before we were ever lovers. When we turned sixteen, we finally became a couple. We did everything together. We were inseparable. When we turned eighteen, we decided to get married. Our families were thrilled. Even though we were young, everyone supported us and was eager to throw us a beautiful wedding. We ended up not getting married until we were nineteen. We had the big catholic wedding and a honeymoon in the country. I was working my way through the club we were at the other night. We talked and talked about starting a family, but we wanted to wait until I was running the club, which wouldn’t happen until I turned twenty-one and she was done with school.” He takes a deep breath and looks out into nothingness again. I don’t know if I want to hear where this is going, but I just sit and listen.

“It was just after my twenty-second birthday that we learned we were expecting. We hadn’t been trying but figured it was one of those surprises that we were happy about. When Ava was about six months along, I had to leave her for the weekend to go with Mom to see Mila at school. She was attending a private secondary school for art. My father had to work, and she didn’t want to make the drive with just her and Gaia.” I don’t know why, but my stomach starts to turn. I let him continue.

“I was only there for a day, and I couldn’t take being away from her, so I decided to surprise her by coming home early. I can see by the look on your face that you know where this story is going, but let me just get it all out,” he tells me.

“I pulled up in front of my flat and found my dad’s car out front. At first, I thought that maybe he stopped by to check on her, but then little things started coming to me. They always sat together talking quietly at parties or he’d stop by to check on us when he never used to seem to give a shit. I walked on silent feet up to the door and very quietly unlocked it and stepped inside. I listened for any sign that they were there. I heard talking coming from our bedroom, so I made my way down the hall. The door was open since they weren’t expecting anyone. Rage filled me as I watched my fucking father plow into my wife. He paused and I thought that maybe they heard me. Instead, what I heard was worse. Ava told my father that they needed to tell me that the baby wasn’t mine, that my father had actually gotten her pregnant.”

He clenched his fists. “I stormed in after that. Ava at least had the decency to look embarrassed, but my father? Well, that son of a bitch had the gall to tell me that I wasn’t pleasing her, so someone had to. I’d never hit anyone before, but that day I beat the shit out of my dad. That bitch was in love with him and had been since they started sleeping together when she and I were sixteen. My father was thirty-six.”

I’m struck silent by this. What the hell? “So, you’re telling me that not only was your father cheating on your mom but he was betraying his own child. Oh my God, what about the baby?”

“My half-brother is sixteen. I’ve never actually met him. Things kind of fell apart for all of us after that. My mom was humiliated and devastated. She quickly divorced my dad, and I divorced Ava. Mom and I tried to shield Mila and Gaia from the pain and humiliation their affair caused as much as we could, but they weren’t stupid. They knew.”

I grab both of his hands. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be hurt by two people who swore to love you. Why’d she go through with marrying you if she wanted your dad?”

“Because they didn’t want anyone to know. She was still so young—they were afraid of how people would react, but let’s not forget they were fucking when she was still a teenager.”

He’s getting agitated, and I’m sure this is hard for him to share. I don’t know if he should say any more right now. He’s clearly upset about having to bring this all up again. “We don’t have to talk about this anymore.”

He turns to me, pulls one of his hands loose, and cups my cheeks. “I need to tell you everything. Please, it’s the only way for you to understand why I was so messed up.” I try to tell him I understand, but he cups my face with both hands. “
Silenzio.
Please listen to me. After all of that, I became Mr. Goodtime man. I slept around. I drank too much and started using drugs. Anything to numb the pain that I felt constantly and to avoid the pain on my mom’s face every day. I was fine living that existence, especially once I moved to America.”

He pauses. “Your brother never even knew what was going on. He knew I’d been hurt bad, but he had no clue what exactly happened. I was able to hide it until it became too much. When I met you, everything changed. You were so beautiful. I told myself to stay away because you were too young for me, but I couldn’t stay away from you. That was the first time I hurt you. I fell for you from the start, but I was so scared that I would be toxic for you. I was scared that I’d become my dad, but fuck! I did anyway. I slept around and didn’t even hide it from you.” He lets out a humorless laugh. “I was stoned all of the time and felt guilty for what I was doing to you, but that didn’t stop me.”

We’re both silent, and I catch myself staring blindly at the horizon. He’s suffered so much. I can see why he’d self-medicate. He’s different now. He looks settled, comfortable. Even though he is better, it doesn’t explain why he didn’t come for us, fight for us.

I waited and waited when he got released, but he never showed up. I know I never responded to his letters and emails, but I kept them and read them.

Does his confession about the past change things for us? I don’t know. We’ve been through so much already; I don’t know if there’s anything left to save, but don’t I owe it to Nicola, if he wants to try, to give it a shot too?

“
Bella
, what are you thinking?”

He turns me to face him. His sunglasses are pushed up on top of his head, so I’m able to see his blue-gray eyes. I allow myself to get lost in them for just a second before I close my eyes to break the spell.

“I’m sorry for all that you’ve suffered through. None of you deserved that.” I look him in the eye. “I can understand pushing me away, I really do, but I don’t know why you didn’t come back to us after you got clean. I know I told you to stay away, and I know I didn’t respond to your letters or emails.” Great, I’m starting to cry. “But you didn’t try to win me back. I feel like you just said, ‘screw it—who cares about them?’”

“Please don’t cry. I know I didn’t handle anything right. I didn’t come right away, because I wanted to prove to myself that I could stay sober and healthy for you. Before my mom asked you to come, I had a long talk with her and was ready to fight for you, for Nicola.” He leans forward and kisses my forehead. “I have so many regrets. I wish I could do certain things over, but I’ve learned that it’s more important to look to the future. Don’t get me wrong—I struggle with letting the past go, but every day, it gets easier and easier.”

He leans his forehead against mine. His eyes are glassy. I reach out and touch his cheeks. “Where do we go from here?”

“I don’t know, but I’d like to get to know you again. I’d like to spend time with my daughter. You two are here for two more weeks. I’d like to take the time when we’re not busy with Mom to take you out…both of you. Let’s see if those feelings are still there.”

I don’t need to see if those feelings are still there, because I knew they are. I can feel them all the way to the tips of my toes.

“Okay, let’s see what happens,” I say. His face immediately lights up. He wraps his arms around me and hugs me.

“You won’t regret it. I’m going to prove to you that this isn’t a mistake.” He helps me stand, and we hold hands the entire way back to his mom’s house. He talks a mile a minute, but he does it with a huge smile on his face.

When we enter his mom’s place, they’re all in the parlor. They look at us then our hands, which are still intertwined. They all smile wide. Nica squeals when she sees us and comes toddling full speed toward us. Nico bends down, intercepting her before I can get my paws on her.

Father and daughter share kisses before he hands her off to me. She leans her head against my shoulder and sighs. It looks like her
nonna
and aunties wore her out.

I look at Nico’s mom, who appears to be nodding off. “Are you okay, Martine?”

“
Sì
.
I am just tired. My beautiful angel kept me on my toes today. I think I’m going to go lie down.” She kisses all of us before disappearing down the hall.

“I’ll be right back, and then I’ll take you two back to the hotel,” Nico says. He disappears after his mom.

I turn around, and both sisters are staring at me. I can tell they want to ask questions, so instead, I divert their focus. “Was it too much for Nicola to be here today?”

“No, Nica was perfect. We went to the park and played with the toys Mom bought for her. Mom insisted on joining in on everything that we did,” Mila tells me.

“Maybe tomorrow we’ll just stay at the hotel so your mom can get some good rest.”

Nico joins us and grabs Nicola while I say goodbye to his sisters. I ask them if they want to have lunch tomorrow, and they both agree. They follow us out as Nico straps the baby in her car seat. It didn’t take him long to become a natural with her. She rubs her eyes as I watch him tenderly kiss her forehead.

We silently make our way back to the hotel. He carries a now sleeping Nicola inside. When we reach my room, he lays her down in her cot. Her thumb immediately goes in her mouth. She’s out for the count.

I yawn loudly. He turns to me and smiles. “You sound like you could use a nap too.” I nod my head in agreement. “Can I take you two out for dinner tonight?”

“How about you just come here, and we can order room service. I’d kind of like to just relax in here if that’s okay.”

“
Perfetto.
I’ll come back at seven.” I set my alarm clock on my phone and then collapse in bed.

An hour later, my alarm goes off. While I shut it off, I hear Nica babbling from her cot. She’s sitting and playing quietly with her doll. I sneak quickly into the bathroom to relieve myself, brush my hair, and brush my teeth.

I take Nicola out of her cot, undress her, and carry her naked butt into the bathroom to give her a bath. She loves the water thanks to all of the times she’s been in her Uncle Gabe’s pool. She splashes in the bubbles, and her squeals fill the room.

When she’s sparkly clean, I pull her out of the tub, rub her down in lotion, and put her in a little two-piece pajama set. I brush her hair while she squirms and fights me. She hates having her hair brushed. This usually ends with me holding her down.

I set her on the floor with her toys and get up when I hear a knock at the door. Nico is standing on the other side with a couple of bags.

“Hey! Come on in. I just finished her bath.” I look at the bags. “What’s in those?”

“I bought Nicola some toys and got these for you.” He pulls out some chocolates that look divine.

I take the box and lean forward, placing a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you.” I put the chocolate on the table and tell him that we can open them after dinner.

We sit side by side while he tells me what everything is on the menu. I tell him to order for me and get something generic for Nicola. He picks up the phone and orders our meals. I just love the way his voice turns silky smooth when he speaks in his native tongue. When he hangs up, he catches me staring.

“I love when you speak Italian. Remember when I used to ask you to speak only in Italian to me before we would go to sleep?”