The Heartbreaker Series: Books 1-3 (20 page)

“When you guys were about eight weeks old, your grandpa came to see me at the little apartment your mom and I had shared. I was there, taking a nap, so I would be wide awake when I headed back to your grandparents to sit with her and to take care of you and your brother. He handed me a check for twenty thousand dollars. I was caught off guard and didn’t understand why he would do that. He told me that I was too young to be saddled with a sick wife and two babies. I told him to take his check and shove it up his ass, but he handed me a letter and asked me to read it after he left.”

Tears run down my face. “You’re lying! Grandpa wouldn’t have done that to us. We needed you. You’re our dad. You were supposed to love us, not abandon us when we needed you.”

“I know. I’ve regretted my decision every day of my life, but I thought I was doing the right thing. I’ve never stopped loving you or your brother. I wish you would believe that I had the best intentions when I left.”

“Best intentions? No, you got twenty-thousand dollars and split. Did you know that after they died, Child Protective Services tried to split Jordy, Momma, and I up? Did you? We were only seventeen and they tried to put us into the system, but my best friend in the whole wide world worked her ass off to keep us together until we were eighteen. Did you once, ever, think about us? Because I constantly thought about what we might’ve done to make you leave us.”

Gabe tries to hold my hand, but I pull away and stand up.

“I thought about you guys all of the time. Did you know your grandpa sent me pictures of the two of you? I have pictures from every year of your life. Jasmine, you have to understand I regret leaving every day. The first couple of years were hard. I’d turned to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain that I constantly felt and thought about saying fuck it and showing up to reclaim my family.

“It would’ve been your fourth birthday and I was parked down the street. I know it sounds creepy, but I watched the house, hoping to get a glimpse of you guys. I thought, maybe, if I saw you, I’d have the courage to approach you. When you finally came outside with Marie, my heart broke all over again. I remember your hair was in cute little pigtails and you were in a pink dress. Your brother had on khaki shorts and a polo shirt. You were both so beautiful and were so big already. Your momma was holding each of your hands and the three of you were so animated when you talked to each other. You stood outside until your grandparents came out and you all got into your car and left.”

“Please s-stop. I can’t hear anymore right now. You need to go.” He stands up and tries to come toward me, but I put out a hand to stop him. “No, please. I’m sorry. I can’t do this right now.”

I run as fast as my legs carry me to Gabe’s room. I grab my bag out of the closet and start shoving my clothes in there. I know I’m running, but I just can’t do this right now. I feel so out of control.

He wraps his arms around me. “Babe, stop. You’re not running from me. Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

I turn in his arms and push him away. “What’s wrong? What’s wrong is you did this. I was happy not knowing him. I was happy just thinking he was some dickhead. Now my head’s all messed up and I can’t take it.”

His jaw is tight as he stares at me. “You know what? You’re just like him, then. You think he ran away from you and your family, but now, when shit gets hard, you run too. I’m tired of this shit. I’ve been trying to help you, but you won’t fucking let me. Blame me for this if it’ll help you sleep at night.” He starts grabbing my clothes. “Here, let me help. It’ll get you the fuck out of here faster and then I can move on with my fucking life.”

Silent tears slide down my face as I go into his bathroom and grab all of my stuff. When I come back out, he has my bag over his shoulder and I silently follow him downstairs. When we reach the front door, he opens it and tosses my bag on the top steps. I rush past him to grab it and he slams the door behind me. I stare at it and feel my heart splinter into a million tiny pieces.

A weird numbness envelops my body as I make my way to my car. I barely remember the drive home or entering my apartment. I take my bag into my room and drop it by my closet. I just can’t mess with it right now. I sit down on my bed and pick up the picture that sits on my nightstand. It’s a picture of Gabe and me. His arms are wrapped around my waist and his chin is resting on my shoulder. I pick it up without thinking and hurl it against the wall.

Chapter Twenty

Gabe

It’s been a week since Jasmine left, or, I guess, since I helped her leave, and I regret it every day. It had to be done, though. It was the only way for me to show her that running isn’t the answer. Jordan and Jill have kept me in the loop on how she’s doing and I hate to hear that she’s suffering. I know the last thing she needed, along with everything else that has happened, was for us to split up, but I had no choice. She was just going to keep running until it got through her thick skull to let others care for her for a change.

I gave Jill the box of pictures and the letter that Jasmine’s dad had brought with him. I’m hoping that my girl reads it and forgives the man for making a decision that he thought, at the time, was for the best. I want to be by her side, holding her, when she reads her grandfather’s words, but she needs to do this alone. At least that’s what Jill tells me. Jasmine’s spent her whole life taking care of others and now that she needs to lean on someone, she doesn’t know how to handle it.

I sit at my desk and pick up my phone. I want to call her and hear her voice, but I don’t call. She needs to be the one who comes to me, but not until she’s ready. If not, then I’ll have to drag her gorgeous ass back here myself.

***

Jasmine

I stare at the box of pictures like it’s a snake prepared to strike. It’s been the week from hell and this damn box taunting me has about pushed me to my limits. I haven’t heard from Gabe at all, but why would I? I basically left him and he’d had it with me, I guess. Not that I can blame him. My life has completely fallen apart and I have no clue what to do.

Jill has tried to convince to come back to work, but my heart is just not in it. I mean, yes, Randi is a big reason why I don’t want to come back, but I also just don’t feel passionate about it like I should. If I’ve learned anything this past week, it’s that I spent four years earning a degree for a career I
thought
I wanted. I thought that I was paying homage to Jill and the fact that she was so instrumental in our lives when we needed it most. It drove me to believe that being a social worker was what I wanted to do with my life. In reality, I’ve always been happiest in the kitchen. Whether it’s cooking or baking, I’m happy doing either. What I’ll do with that, I don’t know, but there is still time to decide.

I take a deep breath, pick up the box, and carry it into my bedroom. I sit on the bed and lift the lid off. The letter from my grandpa sits on top. It taunts me as I stare at it. I take a deep breath and slowly pull it out of the envelope. The paper is yellowed from age and I can tell it’s been opened a lot from all of the folded marks. My eyes fill with tears as I stare at his handwriting. It makes me feel closer to my grandpa.

Dear Mike,

I know that you love Marie, Jasmine, and Jordan more than life itself. I have watched you grow and mature into a man over the last year and you have really stepped up to the plate. For that, we are forever grateful. However, the burden you are about to bear is more than any one person ever should. I know that Marie would not want this for you. Her mind is not the mind of the young lady that you fell in love with. While I know that you would try your hardest, you are not equipped financially, physically, mentally, or emotionally to care for Marie along with your infant twins. It is not fair to you or to them.

I am giving you permission to leave this in the hands of her mother and myself. This is our job as parents and we are willing and able to care for all three. I know that this is what Marie would want. She would want for you to go to college, to travel like the two of you always talked about, to find love again, and to live a normal life.

Please take this chance that I am offering you. Go find out who you are and what your purpose is in this world. If there comes a day that you would like to return, we will welcome you back with open arms as you are a part of our family always. Please take this check to start your new life. I’ll send you pictures as they grow until you tell me to stop, which I hope never happens. We love you, Son, and I’ll always be grateful for the love you’ve given my daughter and those babies.

Sincerely, Emmitt

Over the next few hours, I go through all of the pictures in the box. There were even wallet- sized school pictures of Jordy and me all the way through our junior year of high school. My favorites are of my parents at the school dances they went to. My dad was certainly handsome when he was younger and mom was a knockout. They both still are. The pictures of my mom heavily pregnant with us astound me because she was so tiny and her belly was huge
.

When I go to bed, I know what I need to do tomorrow. I’m nervous and have no idea how it’s going to go, but it’s time to bite the bullet. It doesn’t take long before my eyes start to drift shut.

***

I sit in the driveway of the modest ranch that is only about fifteen minutes from my apartment and take a deep breath. I didn’t call before coming because…well, because I am afraid I’d chicken out. I get out of the car, make my way to the door, and ring the bell. I wipe my sweaty palms on the back of my shorts. My heart is beating a rapid staccato and it feels like a million butterflies are flitting around in my stomach. The door flies open and it’s the boy, my brother.

“Um, hi,” I say with a nervous smile. “Is your dad home?”

“Yeah. Do I know you?” he asks. I don’t really know how to answer him, but he’s looking at me like he’s trying to figure it out.

“Jacob, who is it?” I hear a woman’s voice. A second later, I see my dad’s wife come to the door. At first, she looks shocked, but she quickly hides it. Then she looks upset. “Jacob, go finish your homework.” She looks back at me. “Please don’t stay if you’re here to hurt Mike more than he’s already hurting. I love that man very much and he hated himself for a long time. No matter what you think, he thought he was doing the right thing.”

At least I know that he found a good woman. “I promise you I’m not here to hurt him. I just came to talk.”

She holds the door open and welcomes me inside. Their home is cozy and nice. Overstuffed couches and recliners take up the living room and a large flat screen hangs on the wall. I see pictures on the wall and freeze. Amongst the pictures of Jacob, there are pictures of Jordan and me. Tears burn my eyes but don’t fall. I feel Nicole come up next to me.

“Jacob looks so much like your brother. He’s a good boy and so smart. Mike’s a really good dad. I know he tries to overcompensate with Jacob because of his guilt in regards to you and your brother.” I follow her through the house and out the back door. There’s a giant shed and I can hear lots of noise coming from it. “This is where he works on his bike and sometimes his friends’ bikes too.”

She opens the door and we find my dad squatting down with some sort of drill in his hand. He stops and looks up when we walk inside.

“Honey, look who came to see you. I’ll be right inside if you need me.” I watch her walk away and then turn back to my dad, who is rubbing his hands together nervously.

“H-How are you?” he asks as he wipes his hands off.

“I’m good. Well, not really. I’m sorry I wasn’t very nice to you when you came over with the pictures and the letter. I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance to explain.” Jesus, my eyes start leaking again. “I just don’t understand why he asked you to walk away from us and why you did it.”

He moves to stand in front of me. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I figured they could do a better job than I could. I still have the money your grandpa gave me. It wasn’t about the money. It never was. Like your grandpa said, I wasn’t going to be able to take care of your mom or you and your brother the way you all deserved. For the rest of my life I’ll regret walking away from you. I don’t expect you to love me, but I hope that we can get to know each other. I’d love for you to get to know your brother, but more than anything, I hope you can forgive me.”

I don’t know why I do it, but I walk to him and throw my arms around his waist. When he wraps his arms around me, I cry hard and so does he. I’ve never been that much of a crier, but in the past month I’ve cried more than ever before. This feels right, and for the first time in a long time, I don’t feel so lost. I know we have a lot of time to make up for and things won’t magically be perfect, but at least I know now that I’m not afraid to start trying to have a relationship with him. I’m actually looking forward to getting to know Jacob and Nicole as well.

I ended up staying for dinner per Nicole’s insistence. She said I look like I’ve lost too much weight, which is probably true, since the thought of food most days makes me sick. No, I’m not pregnant, just sad, lonely, and depressed. I miss my brother and I miss Gabe and I need to grow a pair and beg them both for forgiveness. It makes me sick to think that Gabe could have possibly already moved on, but I hope that’s not the case. I’ve forgiven Jordan for hitting me. Now we just need to clear the air between us.

It’s about seven when I pull up to Jordan’s place. His car is in the driveway, so at least I know he’s home. He meets me at the door, surprise evident on his face. “Hey, Jazz. Is everything okay?”

I step inside. I feel awkward being here. Things haven’t been right with us for a while and now I feel like we’re strangers. He offers me something to drink. I decline but follow him to his kitchen.

“Everything’s fine. I, uh…I went to see Dad. I read the letter Grandpa gave him and can understand why he left. I just…I just want to see what happens, you know? I want to give him a chance, I really do. It’s just a little overwhelming.”

“What did you think of Nicole and Jacob? That kid is a good one and Nicole is great.”

I agree with him. Jacob, once he warmed up to me, took me out to the garage and showed me the bike that he and our dad were building. He talked and talked about different tools and a bunch of other stuff that I had no clue about, but it was still nice to get to know him. He was a funny little shit too. He told the cheesiest jokes, but I couldn’t help but laugh.

It’s nice to see an honest smile on my brother’s face for a change.

“I’m so sorry I slapped you. You know I didn’t mean it, right?”

“I know you didn’t. I’m sorry that I said you were whoring yourself.” I take a deep breath and look up at him. “I’m sorry that I hovered too much over you and tried to mother you.”

“Our family was different and after Grandma and Grandpa both passed away, I know you felt responsible to step in and take care of me and Mom, but who did you have to take care of you?”

When I finally leave his place, I have a lot on my mind. They still haven’t found the guys who jumped him and probably never will unless they do it again. Jill’s been trying to talk him into going to talk to a therapist. He still doesn’t sleep well and sometimes has nightmares about the whole incident. I hate knowing that he’s been suffering, but I’m glad that at least he had Jill to talk to since he and I hadn’t talked much since it happened.

I enter my apartment and toss my purse on my couch. As hard as it was to talk to my dad and even Jordy, those talks were easy compared to the talk I still need to have with Gabe. How do you beg for forgiveness and show someone that you have no intention of running again?

I get ready for bed and try to decide how I want to do it and hope that it’s not too late.

***

I finish curling my hair, flip my head upside down, and shake the curls out. I run my fingers through them and then spray. The hairdo gives me that sexy bed head look that I hope Gabe can appreciate—granted, he even speaks to me. I thought about it all day today and I kind of have an idea of what I want to do.

I go into my room and slip into a white, little strappy sundress. It highlights my tanned skin and shows off my legs, which he loves…or loved. Yes, I plan on seducing him until he forgives me, but that’s if he wants to see me at all.

Once I finish getting ready, I pull my phone out. I’m too chicken to call him first, so I’ll shoot him a text.

Hi. I was wondering if we could talk. Are you free tonight?

It takes about fifteen minutes before I get a response from him.

No.

That’s it? I feel my stomach sink. Is it too late for us? No, I refuse to believe that he doesn’t love me anymore.

Oh, hot date tonight?

Yep.

My heart stops, or at least feels like it does. It’s over. I screwed up and now I’ve lost him. I blink back the tears because I refuse to let them fall. I pick up my phone and decide to be the bigger person, or whatever.

Okay, well I guess you have a good time tonight
.

I’m going to Debauchery so I plan on it ;)