The Guide to Getting It On (84 page)

If you masturbate, are there certain times of the day when you are more likely to masturbate?
Usually at night, before I go to bed.

How many times a week or month do you masturbate when you are not in a relationship vs. when you are in a relationship?
It depends on the week - in the middle of my cycle, I masturbate several times a week. I’m usually not as horny near my period. It’s the same whether I’m single or in a relationship, unless I’m having sex every day. Then I don’t need to masturbate at all.

If you use something besides your fingers, what is it usually?
I almost always use my fingers. I don’t like things that feel unnatural - I prefer human touch. Every once in a while, I use a dildo, just to have something bigger inside.

Approximately how many serious sexual relationships have you had in your life?
2

Approximately how many sexual partners have you had where there was not a strong emotional connection?
4

What kind or brand of birth control do you use?
? I used to use Alesse - a low-dose pill. I felt like it made me less horny and wet. It also made me feel less sexy because I was a little fatter and bloated. I went off it a year ago, and I do not want to go back on the pill.

FEMALE 33

Sexual orientation:
Totally straight
Relationship status:
In a relationship 12 years

If you have had intercourse, how satisfying is it usually for you?
Not very.

If you’ve had different partners, has intercourse felt better with certain ones?
Yes, because of chemistry, partner’s skill, and level of emotional intimacy.

When you are having intercourse, do you sometimes need to make a conscious effort to stay sexually excited and in the moment?
Yes. Most of the time I’d rather not be having sex. Sometimes I try to get my mind in the mood, Sometimes I can’t be bothered and just try to get it over with.

On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being impossible, 10 being incredibly easy) how comfortable are you talking about what feels good sexually with a partner?
3

What are the best and worst parts of giving a male partner oral sex?
Worst: my jaw hurts and I loathe getting ejaculate in my mouth. Best: gets him hard and wet so sex is less uncomfortable and over faster.

Can you recall when you first “discovered your clitoris” as having potential for pleasure?
5ish. I liked rubbing it.

If your partner(s) use condoms, do the condoms impact the sensation you receive from intercourse?
It feels like rubber, not flesh, and the friction can get painful without enough lubrication.

Is there a very big gap between the content of your sexual fantasies and the sex you have in real life?
Yes. My fantasies involve BDSM and a partner who can satisfy me easily. In reality, I’m married to a guy who couldn’t be less interested in how to turn me on, and I’m nowhere near comfortable enough with him to mention, let alone explore, my fantasies.

Considering your last couple of partners, how satisfied were you with their ability to last during intercourse?
When it’s good, lasting a long time is nice, but for the past several years, the faster it’s over the happier I am.

About what percentage of the time do you have an orgasm during intercourse?
When he cares enough to try, most of the time. Otherwise, never. Percentage wise in recent years? 10%

If you have orgasms during intercourse, do they happen from thrusting alone, or does it require fingers on your clitoris or grinding against his pubic bone?
I need. thrusting/grinding. Direct contact with the clitoris usually irritates me or hurts.

Have you ever cheated on a partner?
I cheated on my boyfriend once. I felt mildly guilty, ended up with neither boyfriend nor the guy I cheated with. Neither was anything special.

If you masturbate, are there certain times of the day when you are more likely to masturbate?
I’m trying hard not to, but usually first thing in the morning, when I’m alone.

How many times a week or month do you masturbate when you are not in a relationship vs. when you are in a relationship?
I’m trying never to do it. In reality - maybe once every couple months.

Approximately how many serious sexual relationships have you had in your life?
3

What kind or brand of birth control do you use?
? I use a birth control pill. I think I’m gaining weight on it which I’m not happy about but can’t afford to get pregnant.

FEMALE 35

Sexual orientation:
Totally straight
Relationship status:
Not currently in a relationship

If you have had intercourse, how satisfying is it usually for you?
Extremely.

If you’ve had different partners, has intercourse felt better with certain ones?
Yes. Unlike my younger days, I only sleep with men that I “click” with anymore. Sex has gotten much better since I threw chemistry into the equation.

When you are having intercourse, do you sometimes need to make a conscious effort to stay sexually excited and in the moment?
Yes. Sometimes I feel myself sort of disengaging, letting my mind wander. When that happens, I will ask or tell my lover something in order to bring us back together. Words and sex are great together.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how comfortable are you talking about what feels good sexually and what doesn’t with a partner?
5 -- 10 when it comes to saying what feels good and 1 when it comes to talking about what doesn’t.

What are the best and worst parts of giving a male partner oral sex?
Does there have to be a worst part? I enjoy every bit from teasing to swallowing every drop. Some favorites are: feeling his hand(s) on the back of my head, feeling him grow harder as he becomes more aroused, and feeling him throb as he comes.

Can you recall when you first “discovered your clitoris” as having potential for pleasure?
When I was 18, I met a 33 year old man who showed me how my clitoris works. So even though I had been playing with myself since I was 5, I learned how to really masturbate when I was 18. Self-pleasure became much more intimate and sexy.

If you have hooked up with someone for only a night, what was the sex like?
I’ve had some great one-nighters and some awful ones. Never have I wished it was more than one night, though.

If your partner(s) use condoms, do the condoms impact the sensation you receive from intercourse?
If he is on the smaller side, or if he can’t get a full rock-hard erection, then condoms definitely impact the sensation. It often won’t even go in, and if it does, it won’t stay in... I’m not sure I can blame it on the condom. Condoms on a huge, rock-hard cock have very little impact. Maybe not as slippery, but nothing worth complaining about.

Is there a very big gap between the content of your sexual fantasies and the sex you have in real life?
Usually. I have very submissive tendencies and it’s hard to bring that up as you’re getting to know someone.

About what percentage of the time do you have an orgasm during intercourse?
100%

If you have orgasms during intercourse, do they happen from thrusting alone, or does it require fingers on your clitoris or grinding against his pubic bone?
Direct clitoral stimulation.

When you are aroused or are having sex, does your vagina ever produce more fluids than you are comfortable with?
I am very... productive and am totally comfortable with that. I love my fluids and I have never met a man who doesn’t love them too.

How many times a week or month do you masturbate when you are not in a relationship vs. when you are in a relationship?
I think I masturbate more when I’m in a relationship. Either way, it’s at least several times per week.

If you masturbate, how often do you use your fingers vs. other things? If you use something besides your fingers, what is it usually?
I always use my fingers, but sometime I use a butt plug for anal stimulation.

Approximately how many serious sexual relationships have you had in your life?
2

Approximately how many sexual partners have you had where there was not a strong emotional connection?
Countless

Have you had sex with another woman?
Yes. I was much younger. I had been sleeping with her boyfriend and he set a threesome up without her finding out how he and I knew each other. The circumstances were creepy. Aside from that, I thoroughly enjoyed being with a woman. When she and I were together, it was like he wasn’t even there... Pretty hot, really.

Have you ever touched a partner’s prostate?
Yes. It was different and I was nervous about whether I was doing it right, but his reaction assured me that I was.

FEMALE 24

Sexual orientation:
Mostly straight
Relationship status:
In a relationship for three years

If you have had intercourse, how satisfying is it usually for you?
It’s pretty satisfying.

If you’ve had different partners, has intercourse felt better with certain ones?
Yes!! It depends on the partner’s enthusiasm, curiosity, and willingness to know MY body instead of just using “what works”. Also how much I dig the person, and circumstances like where we are doing it, and what kind of emotional place we are, how are bodies fit together can affect how good it is too. Sometimes I wonder that the sex is better when I don’t have any emotional attachment or expectation!

When you are having intercourse, do you sometimes need to make a conscious effort to stay sexually excited and in the moment?
Definitely, especially with my partner that we’ve been emotionally involved for a long time. Sex for me has always been a physical pleasure only until this relationship. Now it’s like, uh, what? We do this together as well as talk about the hard shit? I have a hard time just letting go of where we are out of bed that it’s hard to just be in bed with this partner.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how comfortable are you talking about what feels good sexually and what doesn’t with a partner?
10

What are the best and worst parts of giving a male partner oral sex?
I LOVE IT ALL! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE GIVING HEAD! I have a bit of an oral fixation, and I just love how his member feels in my mouth, across my lips. if I’m having a hard time getting aroused, I’ll often go down on my partner just so I can get wet! Worst parts? Sometimes his member is just too big to deep throat!

Can you recall when you first “discovered your clitoris” as having potential for pleasure?
Gosh! I discovered my clit when I was like four!

When you were growing up, did you ever put your fingers inside your vagina to explore what was there?
I did until my mom discovered what I was doing and kept interfering and telling me that it was wrong and to stop. Needless to say I have a shit ton of guilt and shame associated with masturbating, though I still do it. I remember still living at home, masturbating, being paranoid my mom was going to know, and beating myself up inside my head, I know I’m addicted, I’ll stop eventually, but it feels soooo gooooooooooood!

If you have hooked up with someone for only a night, what was the sex like?
It was good, very good. Exactly what I needed!

If your partner(s) use condoms, do the condoms impact the sensation you receive from intercourse?
Definitely. My one partner is just so big that when he’s wearing a condom, I feel like I’m being speared... because the condom just squeezes his penis (and yes we’re using the biggest condoms available) but when we have unprotected, it’s a lot softer and enjoyable!