The Guide to Getting It On (83 page)

If you have hooked up with a person for only one night, how comfortable or uncomfortable is it when you see them in a social situation, at work or in class?
It was a little uncomfortable because I wasn’t sure how they would act, but overall it wasn’t too bad; most people I hooked up with for just one night I never saw again.

Have you ever cheated on a partner?
Yes, multiple times; in two of my previous relationships I had sex with males while I was dating a female; it turned out badly because we ended up trying to stay together even though neither of us was happy and the trust was lost, so our relationship became depressing and difficult and stressful.

If you and your partner engage in sexually hot texting or messaging, how often does it include X-rated photos or video of one or both of you?
Every once in a while, we take pictures of us in our underwear or naked, and sometimes close-ups of our genitals or breasts.

If you masturbate, are there certain times of the day when you are more likely to masturbate?
More likely in the afternoon when I’m home alone and bored/horny.

How many times a week or month do you masturbate when you are not in a relationship?
About 15 times a month, but it varies from week to week.

If you masturbate, how often do you use your fingers vs. objects such as vibrators, dildos, shower heads, etc.?
I mostly use my fingers, but maybe 15% of the time I use a vibrator. I mostly like to masturbate while watching porn.

Approximately how many serious sexual relationships have you had in your life?
3

Approximately how many sexual partners have you had where there was not a strong emotional connection?
9

If you’ve ever had a threesome or any kind of group sex, please describe the make-up and what it was like for you.
I had a threesome with two other females, it was somewhat ruined because I was cheating on a girlfriend. But when that wasn’t on my mind it was very enjoyable and looking back I wish it would’ve lasted longer.

FEMALE 24

Sexual orientation:
Mostly straight
Relationship status:
Single

How much sex have you been having the last six months compared to your peers--less, more, about the same?
Waaaaay less. I voluntarily withdrew from partaking in sexcapades.

If you have had intercourse, how satisfying is it usually for you?
Um... pretty satisfying, I guess. I’m still waiting on that mindblower.

If you’ve had different partners, has intercourse felt better with certain ones?
Yes. My best answer is because his confidence was second to none and it felt like he had an insatiable, carnal need to be inside me. More importantly, I trusted him to be a good lover. I can’t say I’ve had that trust with any other partner.

When you are having intercourse, do you sometimes need to make a conscious effort to stay sexually excited and in the moment?
It has happened. I was so horny and wanted sex so badly...at least I thought I did. Mentally, I thought I was feeling the whole situation, but physically, my body just did not want to take part. No matter what I thought of, or what I said, or was said to me, my body was just not in the mood for sex. I took that as a sign that my body is heaps more intelligent than I give it credit for.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how comfortable are you talking about what feels good sexually and what doesn’t with a partner?
It all boils down to being a trust issue.

What are the best and worst parts of giving a male partner oral sex?
Best: I love it! It’s possibly one of the few times that I know for sure I have complete control over him. I can take my time with him; I can feel him pulsating in my mouth and knowing that he’s about to come makes me that much more excited. His pleasure is pleasurable. Worst: lock jaw.

Can you recall when you first “discovered your clitoris” as having potential for pleasure?
In college. My friends bought me a vibrator and it probably took me months before I mustered up the courage to use it. Before then, I hadn’t even thought about touching or pleasuring myself. I didn’t know enough about my body then to know what I was doing or that it could feel excruciatingly pleasurable.

After the first time using my vibrator, I felt like a whole new world had been opened to me. Quite frankly, it was one of the best sensations I’d ever felt, but at the same time I had amassed so much guilt over it. I was raised in church and, although no one explicitly said so, was taught that masturbation was sinful. To this day, I’m still not 100% comfortable with masturbation, but I’ve come leaps and bounds farther than where I used to be. Whether or not my behavior will ultimately damn me for eternity is to be determined, but for the time being, my clitoris and I are great, great friends.

When you were growing up, did you ever put your fingers inside your vagina to explore what was there?
I was in eighth grade when I first fingered myself. Quite honestly I didn’t feel much. I didn’t know what I was supposed to feel. For the most part, it was pretty uncomfortable and after a week or so of trying I became disillusioned with the whole thing. I do remember thinking that it wasn’t very big and that in no way could a living child fit through that opening, but then again, I was in eighth grade.

If you have hooked up with someone for only a night, what was the sex like?
Hmmm... In most of these instances alcohol was involved. In two instances I have no memory of the hook up sex, but from what I’ve been told they were pretty spectacular. From the ones I do remember, the sex wasn’t really all that great. One guy’s penis was so small I couldn’t feel him (wish I’d blacked out then). The others were average on the whole. Routine thrusting and no big “O” for moi. Waste of time, basically.

Considering your last couple of partners, how satisfied were you with their ability to last during intercourse?
The last: completely disappointed in his ability to not last. Maybe it lasted less than 5 minutes. Second to last: sometimes I felt like he lasted too long. I mean, I’m not complaining, but by the end, my knees were on fire. I also noticed that he had a book on Tantra in his room and had said he was studying something about controlling his orgasms.

About what percentage of the time do you have an orgasm during intercourse?
20%

If you have orgasms during intercourse, do they happen from thrusting alone, or does it require fingers on your clitoris or grinding against his pubic bone?
When I was having sex, orgasms were usually brought about with other stimulation in addition to thrusting. Grinding worked, but the tried and true “O” button is most definitely the clitoris.

If you have hooked up with a person for only one night, how comfortable or uncomfortable is it when you see them in a social situation, at work or in class?
It’s usually not an awkward experience. If something embarrassing happened the previous night (impotence due to alcohol, premature ejaculation, etc.), then there’s some awkward tension. Most of my one night stands happened while I was studying abroad, so the fact that I would never see these guys again helped ease whatever awkwardness there may have been.

If you masturbate, are there certain times of the day when you are more likely to masturbate?
When I wake up. My dreams are usually more vivid at this time and it’s ample material for a good fantasy.

How many times a week or month do you masturbate when you are not in a relationship vs. when you are in a relationship?
Oh wow... I don’t know a definite number, but I know I masturbate more when I’m single.

If you masturbate, how often do you use your fingers vs. other things? If you use something besides your fingers, what is it usually?
When I had a vibrator I used it almost exclusively sometimes multiple times a day. Now that I don’t have it, I just use my fingers.

Approximately how many serious sexual relationships have you had in your life?
1

Approximately how many sexual partners have you had where there was not a strong emotional connection?
5

FEMALE 28

Sexual orientation:
Totally straight
Relationship status:
In a relationship for 7 weeks

If you have had intercourse, how satisfying is it usually for you?
It’s very satisfying. I love it!

If you’ve had different partners, has intercourse felt better with certain ones?
I think the intercourse feels better when I know and love the person I’m with. I slept with someone a few times who was just an acquaintance, and while he was very skillful, I just wasn’t that into it after the initial excitement. With someone I know and care about, it feels more intimate. Also, I’m more comfortable asking for what I like with someone I know well.

When you are having intercourse, do you sometimes need to make a conscious effort to stay sexually excited and in the moment?
No, my thoughts don’t usually stray during sex. I feel like I don’t think at all during sex. Sometimes I do get tired of it after a while, though.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how comfortable are you talking about what feels good sexually and what doesn’t with a partner?
8

What are the best and worst parts of giving a male partner oral sex?
Best part: feeling his smooth skin in my mouth, and knowing that I’m giving him pleasure. Worst part: it can tire my jaw out and start hurting. It’s annoying when a guy tries to last a long time during oral. Just come already!

Can you recall when you first “discovered your clitoris” as having potential for pleasure?
At first, it just felt ticklish and sensitive, not really pleasurable. Once I combined it with internal stimulation, then I realized how great it can be! I still don’t come from clitoral stimulation alone.

When you were growing up, did you ever put your fingers inside your vagina to explore what was there?
I was in high school, probably 15 or so. I put my finger inside while taking a shower, just as an experiment. I wanted to see how many fingers I could get inside - I was a little concerned that I wouldn’t be able to fit a whole penis in there. After a couple of experiments, I found that I wanted to put my fingers inside because it felt so good.

If your partner(s) use condoms, do the condoms impact the sensation you receive from intercourse?
Condoms feel less intimate. I love the way the smooth, hard penis skin feels against my skin. I can’t feel that with a condom. We use them anyway, though, because I don’t like the pill, and the intercourse still feels good.

Is there a very big gap between the content of your sexual fantasies and the sex you have in real life?
Absolutely. I tend to fantasize about threesomes, even though I would not want to have one in reality. Sometimes it’s two men and a woman, sometimes three gay men. In the gay threesome, there is usually an age or status difference, and some bondage. Like, there will be a teenaged college student, a Teaching Assistant and a college professor. If it’s two men and a woman, they are always double-penetrating her. The fantasy sex is often quite rough. In reality, I have no interest in rough sex, bondage or threesomes! I just want to have loving, vanilla sex with one partner.

Considering your last couple of partners, how satisfied were you with their ability to last during intercourse?
In general, they lasted a little too long. After a while, I don’t want them to keep banging away at me.

About what percentage of the time do you have an orgasm during intercourse?
85%

If you have orgasms during intercourse, do they happen from thrusting alone, or does it require fingers on your clitoris or grinding against his pubic bone?
Usually fingers or grinding.

When you are aroused or are having sex, does your vagina ever produce more fluids than you are comfortable with?
I think I have ejaculated twice. The first time, my college boyfriend was going down on me, and suddenly there was liquid everywhere. I was afraid I had peed, and I was like, “oh my God, did I just pee in your mouth?!” The second time was much later, during intercourse. It made a wet spot on the bed, but I didn’t mind.