The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (84 page)

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Size:
Large condoms are just over two inches wide while the “snug” variety are just under two inches. The minimum length for condoms is six and a half inches, though longer ones can exceed eight inches. The polyurethane condom is wider and shorter than standard latex.

•
Thickness:
Thinner condoms may feel great but aren’t necessarily as strong as their thicker brethren. They do pass the basic air-inflation tests, yet have a tendency to break more often than other condoms. If you’re new to condom use, start out with the thicker variety.

•
Flavor:
Condoms come in a variety of flavors, from mint to chocolate to tutti-frutti. If you’re planning an evening of oral sex, we guarantee these’ll spice up the occasion.

•
Lubrication:
Many people don’t like the taste of lubricated condoms, and there are plenty of unlubricated ones available. If you’re allergic to nonoxynol-9, avoid condom lubes with this ingredient. Use lubed condoms for intercourse, especially if you don’t have any additional lube on hand.

•
Texture:
Some condoms (Kimono Sensation) come with little nubs on the inside designed to stimulate the wearer’s penis and some with ribbing on the outside, ostensibly to stimulate the receptive partner’s vagina or anus. You may or may not be able to distinguish these subtle sensations.

•
Color:
Most condoms are available in a clear or semiclear color, but you can find condoms in every color of the rainbow as well as glow-in-the-dark.

•
Special features:
Do you want it to stick to the base of the penis? Cover the testicles? Massage the tip of the penis? Read the condom’s package to determine whether it has any special feature.

•
FDA approval:
If you’re not sure whether the condom has been approved by the FDA for use in prevention of disease or pregnancy, check the label.

Condom Care

In addition to learning how to put a condom on correctly, you also need to make sure that they are taken care of properly. To ensure your success:

• Check the expiration date on a condom before you use it. Some condoms also note a manufacturer’s date, which is not the same as the expiration date.

• Make sure your condom is approved by the FDA if you’ll be using it for contraception or disease prevention. It should say on the label.

• When opening the wrapper, tear along the dotted line or the seal. Don’t use your teeth or scissors.

• Store condoms in a cool, dry place. Forget wallets and glove compartments. If you carry one in a pocket or purse, do so for a short time.

• If the condom looks gummy or brittle, throw it away.

• Don’t reuse condoms.

The Cream of the Condom Crop

CROWN SKINLESS SKIN. Thin and strong. Good Vibration’s bestselling condom.

TROJAN MAGNUM. Marketed as slightly bigger than regular condoms, they’re wider at the head, which makes them good for uncircumcised men or men with thick penises.

KIMONOS. Thin and strong.

KIMONO SENSATION. Little nubs along the inside of the condom are designed to increase sensation for the wearer.

DUREX. Strong, fairly thin, lubed, and inexpensive. Also available in colors.

PLEASURE PLUS. Features a baggy pouch at the tip (more comfortable for uncircumcised men) that massages the penis with each stroke.

INSPIRAL. Similar to the Pleasure Plus, but the baggy tip spirals, increasing sensitivity. Also good for men with larger penises.

KISS OF MINT. Flavored and unlubricated.

Dental Dams

These six-inch squares of latex are used by dentists during oral surgery and have been co-opted for safer oral sex purposes. Dental dams offer an adequate—if somewhat thick—barrier between your tongue and your lover’s labia or anus. Fortunately, a few thinner and larger dams are being manufactured (such as Glyde and Lixx) in a variety of flavors. An equally effective and easier-to-obtain alternative is a condom. Snip off the tip and then cut along one side of the condom. Open it up and voilà—you’ve got a very thin dam. You can do the same thing with a latex glove by snipping off the fingers and cutting open the side with the thumb. Plastic wrap is another option—though it hasn’t received the testing that latex has, at least one study has determined that Saran Wrap is impermeable to virus-sized particles.

I love having dental dams when I am on my period, because that way my lover can still go down on me and not worry about making a mess.

How to Use Dental Dams

• Rinse off the dam before use. It’s covered in a fine powder that can irritate the genitals.

• The lickee or the licker holds the dam in place over the genitals while the licker performs. A little lube on the side next to the genitals will increase sensation. Try sucking in little air bubbles with your mouth and snapping the bubble back against the skin for a unique sensation.

• Don’t inadvertently reverse the dam—only one side of the dam should come into contact with the genitals. Use a pen to mark a nonreversible letter (like
K
or
B,
don’t use
A
or
X
) on the dam. This will help you find the right side if the dam is dropped.

• We’ve seen an ingenious use of plastic wrap that frees up the pair of hands normally required to hold the dam in place. You can fashion yourself some plastic wrap underwear by first unrolling the sheet around your hips, then dipping it down between the thighs so that it covers the labia and anus, and back up around the hips. Plastic wrap is so clingy that it sticks together nicely.

• Throw away dams when finished. They are not reusable.

If you want your hands free, the alternative to plastic wrap undies is a dam harness or latex panties. The harness has two leg straps with snaps to secure the dam in place over the vulva. The latex panties look like men’s briefs and are a one-time-use only garment.

Gloves

Latex gloves feel like a second skin when worn, and once you’ve lubed them up, they can be a slippery-smooth delight sliding over skin or in and out of orifices. Use gloves for any situation in which your finger or hand will be contacting mucous membranes, from fingering your partner’s clit, to giving a hand job, to fisting (use plenty of lube for the latter). Make sure your nails are trimmed, your hands free of any rings or items that might pierce the glove, and your glove long enough to cover the part of your hand or arm that will come in contact with mucous membranes. Do not reuse gloves.

Gloves are another medical tool co-opted as an exotic safesex toy. Rinse the powder off the gloves before using them, as it can irritate. Standard latex examination gloves can be found at most drugstores.

Nitrile gloves offer those with latex allergies a synthetic alternative to rubber. They are stronger and thinner, can be used with oil-based lubes, come in a powder-free version, and are available in different sizes. These can be harder to find than latex gloves, so check with sex boutiques or condom retailers.

I like gloves for penetrating my female partner. It is so nice to take them off and instantly have a clean hand to touch again.

I think gloves make the fingers/hand slicker and keep lube wetter longer.

Finger Cots

Cots are like miniature latex condoms for your finger. If you plan on stimulating or penetrating someone with one finger only, this would do the trick. It’s also a perfect size for smaller toys—butt plugs, minivibrators, or small dildos, though you’ll need to tie something around the base of the cot to make sure it doesn’t roll off.

My partner uses finger cots when his fingers are all messed up and cut from work, so that we don’t need to worry about spreading infections or irritating anything on him or in me.

Gloves are great because your hands don’t get pruney and your fingernails aren’t as sharp. I’ve used these on women. I don’t see the point of finger cots. Gloves are just as easy and give you more options.

Erotic Safer Sex

Safer sex is great! There are so many things you can do with a condom or a dental dam! Safer sex can also be great even for those in long-term monogamous relationships. If you are with a partner who is squeamish about oral sex or about rimming, you can do it with a barrier. Condoms also make for easier cleanup of sex toys or of sex during menstruation.

We wish everyone shared this woman’s attitude about safer sex, but the truth is the majority of people today are not what you’d call enthusiastic about safer sex. Many are resigned to the practice, yet they approach it with about as much enthusiasm as they would a trip to the dentist. Some folks resent being told what they “should” be doing in the bedroom; some feel a certain sense of immunity; some just write off safer sex as a big nuisance.

And despite the likelihood that you or someone you know has an STD, broaching the subject can be made especially difficult by ignorance, denial, or stereotyping.

When I was 18, I contracted human papilloma virus from a partner. Although I was treated and have had no recurrences, this has been a difficult subject to approach with a new partner. I find it hard to just blurt out, “By the way, I had some irregular cells on my cervix that I had treated with liquid nitrogen” while we’re standing in line at the movies or whatever.

“Umm…before this goes any farther…umm…I have to tell you something…I have this icky STD, nothing that could kill you, but one of those things that doesn’t go away.” People are usually very understanding, but it sucks to have to talk about it. So far, I haven’t had anyone run away screaming.

You are responsible for your own and your partners’ sexual health. We can tell you how to try to make sex safer as well as easy, fun, interesting, exciting, and erotic, but only you can make the words a reality. One good place to start is with your own attitude about safer sex. It’s easy to complain about the taste or feel of condoms, but with a little creative research and imagination, you might change your opinions. You might learn something from today’s youth, who came of age using condoms:

When I was first sexually active, condoms themselves turned me on—I would sometimes use them masturbating; just owning some was a sign that I might be having sex someday.

I’ve been using condoms since day one, except when I was on the pill and only sleeping with one person. I don’t love ’em, but they do make some things easier (anal sex, for example), and at this point I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to have sex without one.

From almost the beginning I’ve learned the importance of using a condom to prevent disease and pregnancy. It’s always been common sense to me, like wearing a seatbelt and not smoking.

You’re probably reading this book searching for a few good ideas or a fresh approach. So why not embrace safe sex like you would any other toy or technique—with a playful spirit and a willingness to experiment?

I’m lucky that I’ve always liked latex—I used gloves long before most people ever heard of them.

Black, shiny rubbers on my white skin fetishize my dick as if it were a much larger dildo.

To illustrate our point, and to give you a place to start, we’ve listed some common complaints about latex, along with our suggestions for turning a potential problem into a playful activity.

Find me a condom that tastes like café mocha and then we’ll talk!
Thanks to the growing number of flavored latex supplies, your next oral sex adventure can be as tasty as a good café mocha. Mint condoms are perfect for an after-dinner blow job, while bubble gum dams might bring out the naughty schoolgirl in you. This is great news for folks who find the actual taste and smell of latex less palatable. If you don’t like the taste of lubricated condoms, buy them unlubricated and apply your own favorite lube. Think about how many tastes you’ve acquired in your life—perhaps coffee, beer, your lover’s juices—latex too can be an acquired taste. After you’ve played with safer-sex accessories for a while, you may develop a Pavlovian response!

Even the smell of some types of condoms turns me on.

With the right condom/flavored lube it’s kinda neat to give a blow job with a condom, though latex does still taste yucky alone.

I could never understand what people meant by “eroticizing” latex until I bought a latex dress. I got so turned on by the snug, supportive feel of rubber on my body that now just about any kind of latex turns me on.

Condoms reduce sensitivity.
Certainly nothing will feel exactly the same as naked skin, but you can learn to enjoy the new and different sensations offered by a condom. You may discover that condoms reduce friction and thereby make your erection last longer. If you’re having trouble maintaining an erection with a condom, try masturbating with different kinds to find the ones that feel the best—eventually your body will become conditioned to respond to this different kind of stimulus. And remember, not all condoms are identical—they vary in size, shape, texture, color, and taste—so there’s bound to be at least one out there with your name on it! Japanese condoms tend to be thinner than American brands, so you may want to start with these to maximize sensation. You might enjoy condoms that fit more snugly because they keep your penis harder longer. Or maybe you find that contoured condoms—those that balloon a bit at the top and then become narrow below the head—increase sensation. The Kimono Sensation condom with nubs on the inside may provide just the extra stimulation you need. And we have to relay the comeback of one woman whose partner complained about the condom being
too
small: “If this condom can hold a gallon of water, it can hold your dick.”