The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (79 page)

Accessories:
You have a number of options for mixing and matching bondage components, from straps fitted with
D
-rings that buckle around the mattress to elaborate Velcro sheet sets. Bondage belts are wide leather or fabric belts fitted with
D
-rings. You fasten the wearer’s wrist restraints to the
D
-rings on the belt, creating a fetchingly submissive look. Bondage belts also provide a great way to tug your partner back and forth during intercourse.

For a spread-eagle effect that doesn’t require a lot of effort, you might want to try a spreader bar—an adjustable metal bar with cuffs on either end. You can fasten the cuffs around your partner’s wrists or ankles and adjust the bar to spread the wearer’s arms or legs as far apart as you’d like. Just the thing for those Scarlet Letter, Puritan-in-the-Stocks fantasies.

Flagellation

Slapping, spanking, whipping, and paddling all fall into the category of flagellation. From a casual smack on the butt during intercourse to an all-out flogging, flagellation runs the gamut of sensation. As an activity that inhabits the fine line between pain and pleasure, flagellation inspires a good deal of judgment and disapproval in those who’ve never experienced its charms.

If you’re on the receiving end, you may enjoy enacting a fantasy role-play: naughty child receiving a spanking; unruly student getting rapped across the knuckles; P.O.W. being tortured; mutinous sailor undergoing a flogging. You may want the flagellation to be largely play-acted, with more bark than bite. Or, you may want to test your own limits of physical endurance, whether to prove your devotion to a dominant, to earn a certain reward, to feel completely present in your body, or purely to attain that endorphin buzz. Either way, you’re bound to experience a certain amount of fear, a rush of adrenaline that only serves to heighten and intensify sexual arousal.

Sometimes all I want is more sensation. I get greedy to have my cunt filled, my face slapped, my nipples bitten—all at the same time in order to get that “fucked into oblivion” feeling.

If you’re on the administering end, you’ll want to keep up your end of the fantasy role-play. Tailor your actions and comments to the story behind your scene: Are you punishing your partner for wrongdoing, indulging your bottom, or testing limits? You get to enjoy the excitement of performing a forbidden activity, the rush of displaying physical strength, and the challenge of coaxing your partner into accepting ever-increasing levels of sensation.

When I take a crop to my partner’s ass, I feel as though I’m feeding him. It’s a strangely tender act.

SAFETY TIPS: In general, aiming for fleshy areas is safe, while hitting bone, joints, or over any internal organs is not safe. This means you should avoid the head, the neck, the spine, the area between the rib cage and pelvis, the shins, and the backs of the knees or elbows. This leaves you with the well-padded butt, upper thighs, upper arms, and shoulders. Hitting breasts in moderation is okay, unless your partner is pregnant, is nursing, is prone to cysts, or has silicone implants—these can burst if struck directly.

If you’re slapping someone on the cheeks (the only part of the face you should be hitting), support the head with your other hand so as not to jerk the neck or jaw. Be careful not to box the ears—a blow over the ears can cause dizziness at best or a burst eardrum at worst.

When using an instrument such as a whip, crop, paddle, or cane, you should be aware that the tip of the instrument carries the greatest force. When wielding a whip, aim it so that the tips of the tails land first, to avoid the “wrap” effect, in which the tips wrap around and hit the side of your partner’s body with considerable speed and impact. Until you’ve developed your aim and perfected your technique, it’s a good idea to put pillows on either side of your partner to absorb the wrap.

You should follow safer sex precautions with your S/M gear, just as you would with any toy. If your instrument has come into contact with bodily fluids, such as blood or ejaculate, you should clean it thoroughly before using it again. In a perfect world, we’d all have separate toys for each of our partners, but most of us can’t afford not to share. Clean your instrument with soap and water, then apply a disinfectant, such as rubbing alcohol or Betadine. Diluted hydrogen peroxide or bleach make good detergents, but they can be hard on leather. Clean each tail of a whip individually. Rinse thoroughly and dry. With leather products, it’s a good idea to use a conditioner after your cleaning routine to keep the leather supple.

PROPS AND PROCEDURES: The key to safe and pleasurable flagellation is a gradual buildup. The strength of your blows should escalate in time with your partner’s mounting arousal. Don’t rush it. The more turned on someone is, the higher the pain threshold. You should start with very light blows and only increase their intensity as your partner indicates she or he wants more. Contrast the slapping, spanking, or beating with other types of stimulation. Kisses on a freshly slapped cheek or feathery touches on a newly spanked butt can feel exquisitely sensitive and tormentingly good. If you’re using a specific instrument, such as a crop or whip, you can alternate your blows with teasing the instrument around your partner’s body—for instance, gently poking the tip of the crop against her clitoris or softly brushing the strands of the whip across his thighs.

You’ll need to find out whether or not your partner objects to any marks, as this will affect how light or heavy your touch should be. The narrower the instrument you use, the more likely it is to leave marks.

An excellent guideline is not to try any technique on a partner that you haven’t experienced yourself. Test that crop on your own inner arm, thigh, or shoulder before you swing it toward anybody else’s back. We hope it goes without saying that you should not hit a human being with any implement before practicing your aim and finesse on an inanimate object, such as a pillow. Bear in mind that the shorter an instrument, the easier it will be to control, and the longer, the more difficult.

Plenty of household objects lend themselves to flagellation scenes, from the classic belt (watch out for the buckle) to hairbrushes to rulers. Different shapes generate different kinds of sensation. A thin, round object, like a ruler, hairbrush, or cane, will produce a sharp, biting sting and can cut the skin, if you wield it with a heavy hand. A broad, flat object, like your hand, a belt, or a paddle, will produce a dull, penetrating thud that’s spread over a wider surface area. Again, the greatest force of any instrument is at its tip.

Obviously, the lighter and softer the material, the harder you can hit with it without causing pain. Given a doeskin whip, you can pretty much whale away with impunity, but you’d better lighten up quick if you switch to latigo leather or neoprene rubber. By and large, the more tails a whip has, the more diffuse its impact—a single-tailed whip, like a bullwhip, can do the most damage, and is no toy for an amateur.

Implements designed especially for flagellation fall into several categories. Slappers are slim paddles made of two flaps of leather, sewn together at one side. The cracking sound of one flap hitting the other creates a dramatic effect, while the actual sensation produced varies from mild to heavy, depending on how stiff and thick the leather of the paddle is. Straps and paddles are easy to control and produce a wide range of sensations, again depending on the materials used. Thin straps or those encasing flexible steel produce more of a sting, similar to getting smacked with a ruler. Riding crops are usually made of flexible fiberglass rods encased in leather with a leather flap at one end. These are about two feet long, easy to maneuver, and quite versatile.

I went into this equestrian store once and got incredibly turned on by all the sexy equipment. I was sneaking a peek at the display stand of riding crops, when the nice elderly woman who ran the store came over and said, “I see you’re admiring our whips!” I got so flustered, I nearly knocked over the stand.

Whips are made of nylon, suede, leather, or rubber in a variety of lengths—different materials will create different sensations. Canes are usually made from thin, supple wood, though you can find canes and rods out of synthetic plastics. Given their thin, flexible design, canes can deliver a highly cutting sting.

Whatever you choose to use will depend both on the sensation you’re looking for and the scene you’re creating—a cane will be just the thing for those English schoolboy fantasies, while whips are ideal for a flogging scenario.

Senses and Skin

SENSORY DEPRIVATION: One popular way of enhancing an S/M scene is sensory deprivation. When one sense is restricted, all the others become heightened and more sensitive. The classic example of sensory deprivation is using a blindfold—with vision removed, suddenly every sound, smell, and touch is intensified. Once blindfolded, you feel completely at the mercy of your partner, wondering what’s about to happen next. For the novice dominant, blindfolds are an invaluable tool for creating suspense.

I blindfolded and tied my boyfriend up for the first time last night. I was shocked at how much this aroused me and how much freer I felt. I loved being the one to allow or deny sensations.

Blindfolds can be homemade out of scarves, bandannas, ties, and so forth, or specially purchased. The sleep masks sold in drugstores work fine, or you can spring for a sexy black leather-and-fleece blindfold from a leather specialty store. Of course, this particular form of sensory deprivation won’t be appealing to people who derive much of their sexual arousal from visual stimuli.

I’m paraplegic and have no sensation from the chest down. I get my pleasure largely from what I see, smell, and taste. I don’t like to have sex with the lights out, because I won’t get aroused unless I can see my partner.

You can restrict your partner’s hearing by using ear plugs, or simply control what she or he hears by using headphones. Some people enjoy exploring near-total sensory deprivation through mummification, a process whereby the bottom is completely encased in a material such as plastic wrap (with holes left for breathing). On a less elaborate level, you can control the sounds, smells, and tastes your partner is allowed to experience during a scene as one more way of emphasizing your overall control of the situation.

PLAYING WITH TEMPERATURE: Perhaps you remember that scene in
9½ Weeks
where Mickey Rourke slid ice cubes down Kim Basinger’s silken shoulder. After all, it spawned a slew of derivative ad campaigns for everything from perfume to liquor…and with good reason. Ice has an immediate erotic appeal, whether it’s applied to cool an overheated body, dripped teasingly onto nipples, slipped startlingly into a vagina, or contrasted with heat. Imagine trailing ice along a warm, freshly spanked butt—the contrast of extremes can feel torturously good.

If ice is the time-honored cold toy, candles are the classic hot toy. Dripping melted wax on your partner’s skin is perfectly safe, provided you use plain, paraffin candles. Scented, colored, or beeswax candles melt at a higher temperature, and could burn or blister your partner’s skin. Before you drip wax onto your partner, test a drop on the inside of your own arm. You might want to start by holding the candle high, so that the wax will be cooler before it hits the surface of your partner’s skin, and gradually move the candle closer. Try dripping hot wax and cold ice in rapid succession for maximum sensation.

I love sensual massage with oils and hot candle wax followed by kisses all over. The wax is exciting because it is shocking, warm, sensual. I sometimes like to have it scraped off with a dull knife.

Clamps

You can use clamps to create sensations ranging from a slow, dull ache to a mean bite. So what’s their appeal? The same as that of having your skin pinched, bitten, or otherwise tightly grabbed onto. As always, the pleasure this type of intense stimulation can produce is in direct relation to how sexually aroused you are at the time. Although people can—and do—put clamps almost anywhere on the body, we’re going to focus on the most common erotic sites: nipples and genitals.

SAFETY TIPS: Apply the clamp slowly and gently, gradually releasing the tension. When you first put a clamp on, you’ll probably experience a sharp bite for about thirty seconds. This will gradually subside, as blood flow to the clamped area is cut off. Unless you flick, tap, or pull on the clamps, you’ll be feeling a dull ache and pressure, rather than a sharp pain. If you jostle the clamps in any way, the sharp sensations will return—this may be exactly what you want, and certainly plenty of people enjoy these surges of sensation. Inevitably, when you remove the clamp, the blood flow back into the numbed tissue will produce a brief, intense pain. You can reduce this pain by releasing the clamp slowly and delicately. The longer the clamp has been on, the more it will hurt to remove. A good rule is not to leave clamps on for more than about twenty minutes at a time.

PROPS AND PROCEDURES: Clamps are the ultimate in inexpensive toys. From clothespins to office supplies, there are countless everyday objects that can be co-opted for this kind of play. Test any clamp on the crease between your thumb and forefinger first to get a sense of what it will feel like on other tender areas of your body. You can adjust the tension of clothespins by wrapping rubber bands around one end or another. The more skin being held in the clamp and the wider the object you’re using, the milder the sensation will be—for instance, a loose wire office clip will feel like a massage tool as compared to the nasty pinch of a miniature clothespin.

Nipple clamps are generally made of metal, have padded vinyl tips, and are frequently attached to each other with a length of chain. When Good Vibrations first started carrying nipple clamps, they flew out the door, and we had to wonder why we’d taken so long to add them to our product mix. After all, we’ve heard countless people over the years express their enjoyment and appreciation of intense nipple play.