The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (45 page)

•
Portability:
Battery vibrators or rechargeable electric models travel well.

•
Texture:
If you’ll be inserting the toy, do you want hard plastic, pliable vinyl or rubber, or realistic cyberskin or silicone? Nonporous surfaces are easier to clean.

•
Shape:
Smooth? Rippled? Curved? Resembling a penis?

•
Color:
Flesh tones? Pastels? Metallics? Jewel tones? Glow-in-the-dark?

•
Noise:
Coil-operated electric vibes are the quietest, hard plastic battery vibrators and some large wand vibrators are the loudest.

•
Price:
You get what you pay for: Electric vibrators and dual-battery vibrators are on the high end, basic battery vibrators are on the low end.

Buying a Vibrator

You’ve made the decision to buy a vibrator, but you’re not sure what the next step is. We suggest you answer the following questions to help ensure the success of your shopping expedition:

Do you want to stimulate the clitoris, vagina, G-spot, anus, prostate, or penis?
If you have masturbated before, you probably have some idea which areas you’d like to try your vibrator on. If you have never masturbated before, you might want a vibrator that’s a bit more versatile so that you can experiment. You might try a cylindrical model for insertion as well as external genital stimulation. Or you could test a massager with a variety of attachments, which would offer the same options in addition to a good full-body massage.

Are you looking for one vibrator that will do it all, or a variety of vibrators?
Maybe you’d like to stimulate several areas simultaneously. It’s usually a better investment to combine a few different vibrators, each successfully stimulating one area, than to purchase some gizmo with lots of appendages. The other advantage to this is that you can pick and choose what to stimulate when, for those times when you’d rather not have everything going at once.

I love my Great King battery-operated dildo—using this with while I wear tit clamps is the best. A butt plug makes it absolutely beyond description.

Will you be inserting the vibrator?
If you plan to insert a vibrator vaginally or anally, you will be concerned with size. Like Cinderella and that glass slipper, there’s nothing better than the perfect fit. You can get a fair approximation of size if you know how many fingers fit comfortably in your vagina. Or, for even more accuracy, pare a cucumber down to a size you find accommodating and measure the length and diameter. If you’re planning to insert the vibrator anally, you can use the finger test to judge size. When purchasing an anal vibrator, make sure to invest in one with a flared base.

Do you want gentle vibrations or strong vibrations?
If your clitoris or penis is very sensitive to touch and responds to light stimulation, you might be content with the gentler vibrations offered by a battery vibrator that runs on a single AA battery. If you prefer more intense stimulation, consider an electric vibrator or a stronger battery vibrator (one that runs on two C batteries). If you want a vibrator that offers a range, invest in one with a rheostat, a variable-speed control, or programmable button controls.

Is durability important?
If you want a vibrator that will last for years, you’ll want an electric vibrator by a name-brand manufacturer. Their life span far outlasts the time limit specified in their warranties. If you’re fond of battery vibrators, stick to the Japanese imports like the Rabbit Pearl or the Pink Pearl.

Is portability important?
If you travel a lot, or like sex in the great outdoors, you’ll want a battery vibrator. You can use a rechargeable electric vibrator outdoors, but you still need to be near a 110 volt outlet to recharge it when it runs out of steam.

I already have a longtime plug-in vibrator but I needed a portable companion on my marathon treks along beaches and headlands. (What I call “deep cuntry.”) This battery vibrator has brought me to some lovely comes!

Is noise a factor?
Some folks share apartments with thin walls and are embarrassed by noisy battery vibrators. The only virtually silent vibrators in existence are the coil-operated electric vibrators, but many of the new battery vibrators are much quieter than they used to be. Check Good Vibrations’ website for a noise rating for each vibrator. You can also try vibrating under the covers, because the blankets muffle the noise quite a bit. And if keeping your vibrator a secret is important to you, please note that sometimes an electric vibrator plugged into the same circuit as a TV or radio can interfere with the reception!

My roommate in college had a vibrator. We lived with three guys who laughed every time she said she was tired and would go to bed early…five minutes later the TV would be fuzzy.

Is price a factor?
You’ll find battery vibrators offer a much greater variety of styles and colors at lower prices than electric vibrators. However, you may go through so many battery vibrators during the life span of one electric vibrator that the electric model could turn out to be the better value in the long run.

Where to Buy Vibrators

You’ll find the largest selection of vibrators at adult bookstores and sex boutiques. (By “sex boutiques” we’re referring to the more upscale sex stores like Good Vibrations that are popping up more frequently in urban areas.) Purchasing a sex toy is easiest if you can see it in person. You won’t get a proper sense of the toy’s size, texture, smell, or vibration unless you can pick it up and turn it on. We understand there are many people reluctant to patronize a sex shop, but shopping at department stores can be awkward, too. We suggest asking for the “personal massagers”—you’ll most likely get a clerk who feels sorry for your sore muscles. If they’re wise to the fact that massagers are used for sexual purposes, it’s probably because they have one, in which case they’ll give you that secret “welcome to the club” smile.

If you aren’t up for shopping at your neighborhood sex shop, or you’re too shy to purchase a massager at Macy’s, there are other ways to get satisfaction. The most convenient and discreet way to shop for sex toys is with companies that have websites or catalogs—check the resource listings for our recommendations. While adult catalogs have been around for years, many people still resist ordering because they don’t want the mail carrier (or the kids or the roommate) discovering their penchant for sex toys. Fortunately, the World Wide Web now removes that barrier. You are able to shop at leisure from your own home, without ever receiving a catalog. On top of that, many websites offer far more educational and consumer information than they do in their catalogs, and the proliferation of adult stores online (and that marvelous “search” function) mean you can comparison shop quite easily. For more information on online shopping, check out our World Wide Web chapter.

Vibrator Care and Cleaning

• Don’t drop the vibrator onto the floor. This will almost surely end in disaster.

• Remove the batteries when you’re not using your toy. This will prevent the vibrator from being accidentally left on and wearing out the motor, and will keep the batteries from leaking and corroding the motor.

• If you’ve got one of the quiet plug-ins (like a coil vibrator), remember to turn it off, as these will overheat if left on too long.

• If your battery toy is not working, try blowing on the parts to clear out dust. You can also tinker with the wires a bit; sometimes two are crossed and just need to be separated. Make sure the batteries are removed first.

• Check that the batteries are inserted correctly and the base is screwed on tightly.

• Don’t immerse the vibrator in water (unless it’s specifically billed as waterproof).

• Clean nonporous vibrators with a damp cloth. Use condoms on porous toys or wipe them down with a clean cloth. Refer to the Dildos chapter for cleaning tips specific to different materials.

Finally, in-home pleasure parties—the sex toy equivalent of Tupperware parties—have made something of a comeback since their debut in the eighties. Ask your favorite toy store if they offer this service. Good Vibrations offers pleasure parties in the San Francisco Bay area.

GV Tale: What’s in a Name?

When we receive battery vibrators named the “Hunk Multi-Speed” or the “Vibro Super-Cock” from our adult-industry vendors, we like to rebaptize these toys with more euphonious names before putting them out on our shelves. Over the years, our enthusiasm for catchy captions has landed us into some unexpected hot water.

For example, we thought nothing of listing all our dual-style vibrators under the heading “Double Your Pleasure” in our mail-order catalog—it seemed the obvious motto for vibrators that are designed to provide simultaneous clitoral and vaginal stimulation. We hadn’t realized we were trespassing on a trademark until we received a letter from the attorneys for the William Wrigley Jr. Company (the chewing gum people), requesting that we cease and desist employing their copyrighted slogan. While this was an eminently reasonable request, we bristled at the attorney’s comments that “Our client cannot allow its trademark to be used in connection with vibrators and the other products you advertise because of the unwholesome associations.” Our indignant publicist wrote back, pointing out that vibrators are by no means unwholesome and that “a company that sells a tooth-decay promoting product with television advertisements that promise to ‘double your pleasure’ while prominently featuring images of comely young twins is not really in a position to criticize anyone for ‘unwholesome associations’.” We received the soothing response that “scientifically conducted tests indicate that Wrigley’s chewing gum is not a tooth-decay promoting product.”

After this experience, we probably should have thought twice before naming a sleek, icy blue vibrator the “Popsicle Vibe.” The folks at the Good Humor Corporation lived up to their name and were considerably better-humored than the Wrigley’s attorney when they wrote to politely inform us that “When you selected this name, you were likely unaware that
Popsicle
is a registered trademark of our company.” The pleasure of knowing that our mail-order catalogs are making the rounds in the offices of major corporations more than compensates for the minor inconvenience of devising a new name.

And not all major corporations are sex-negative. In honor of Good Vibrations’ fifteenth anniversary, we commissioned chocolates made in the shape of the Hitachi Magic Wand electric vibrator, our perennial bestseller. Not only did the sales executives at Hitachi’s corporate headquarters contribute to the cost of casting the chocolate mold, but they ordered five hundred chocolates to distribute at their annual sales conference.

Vibrators and Partners

Vibrators can enhance partner sex play in countless ways—you can vary your lovemaking routine, explore different paths toward orgasm (alone or together), or incorporate vibrators into your foreplay. Keep in mind that this is an area where success depends as much on your communication skills as it does on your positive attitude about sex toys. You might be excited about the introduction of vibrators into your sex life, but your partner may not necessarily be on the same wavelength. A few important things to remember:

• Don’t assume you want the same things.

• Talk, listen, and avoid judgment.

• A vibrator can never replace a partner.

• Vibrators bring pleasure. If it brings you pleasure, your partner will probably like it.

Sharing Your Own Toy

It’s amazing how much easier it is for us to share our vibrators with friends or roommates than with our partners. It’s as if there’s a sign posted over the conjugal bed that says “No appliances allowed.” Seriously, it’s stunning how many people assume their partners won’t like vibrators and refuse even to consider broaching the subject. No matter how often we tell you how much fun two people can have with sex toys, unless you can raise the topic, the issue is moot. Here are a few common concerns people have cited for keeping vibrators out of their relationships, along with our suggestions for handling them:

He’ll feel like he hasn’t been pleasing me all these years.
It’s possible to be sensitive to a partner’s ego without forgoing your own sexual pleasure. You can assure your partner that he has been pleasing you, otherwise you wouldn’t have kept coming back for more! Introduce the vibrator as a way to increase pleasure for both of you, illustrating the many ways two people can enjoy it where one cannot. For example, if your vibrator orgasms are more intense, the pressure on his penis will probably be more intense during penetration, allowing him to experience a new sensation. Offer him control of the vibrator so that he can learn how to use it on you and get comfortable handling it himself. Suggest, but don’t insist, that he might like using it on himself as well.

She’ll think I don’t need her anymore.
Again, reassure your partner that there are countless ways vibrators fall short as sex partners (they’re predictable, they have no sense of humor, and they make lousy kissers, to name a few). Treat your vibrator as an accessory to sex, not the main event. If vibrators are necessary for your orgasm, have her hold it, or encourage your partner to explore the rest of your body’s infinite erotic terrain.