The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (49 page)

DIFFERENT STROKES: One final consideration to bear in mind is that different individuals have different tastes in terms of their preferred style, angle, and depth of intercourse. You might like long, leisurely strokes or shorter, rhythmic strokes—or you may enjoy combining shallow and then deep strokes in a pattern. You might like to keep your hips close together, grinding against each other, or you could prefer rocking your hips away from each other. If you and your partner have different tastes, you can incorporate both your preferred methods into one intercourse session.

I’ve always enjoyed unhurried, exploratory, playful penile penetration.

Psychologically, I dig just about any hard and rapid fucking.

The angle of penetration can also affect the level of stimulation you both receive. A man may want to angle his penis against the edge of the vaginal opening to get the maximum stimulation on the sensitive glans and underside of the penis. Or, if he angles his penis high against the top of the vaginal opening, each stroke can tug on the woman’s clitoral hood, thereby indirectly stimulating the clitoris. Women may enjoy pressure on one part of the vaginal wall more than another.

I like to have sex in several different positions. I need friction on my cock from different areas to easily reach orgasm.

G-spot stimulation occurred with a partner whose penis was curved to the left a little bit, so I guess he hit the spot!

Women have a wide range of preferences when it comes to the depth of thrusting they’re comfortable with. Different positions accommodate deep thrusting better than others, and some women find this quite pleasurable. Others, including women with sensitive cervixes or women who have had hysterectomies, may prefer a shallow thrusting, focusing on the outer third of the vagina. The vaginas of many male-to-female transsexuals are too shallow to accommodate deep thrusting.

I enjoy shallow thrusting with fast movements, especially in the early stages of arousal—I find it actually stimulates me both physically and mentally.

I think a lot of my pleasure in intercourse or penetration comes from stimulation of the cervix, so length is important.

I enjoy penetration with a cock but really have to focus on staying open and relaxed. The only position that works for me is on my back with legs wide open and bent. I can’t take too much thrusting.

Depends on where I am in my menstrual cycle. Right before and after my period, deep thrusting can suddenly jar my cervix (ow!). The rest of the time, I like deep penetration, so having my knees up, sometimes over my partner’s shoulders, makes me happy. It’s all good.

Whenever you are on the receiving end of any kind of penetration, you should always feel you can control the depth of thrusting. You can manage this unobtrusively by wrapping your hand in a donut-shape around the base of your partner’s penis or dildo. You’ll easily be able to control the depth of each thrust, while keeping the penis pleasurably enveloped with your hand.

POSITIONS: There has probably been more written about intercourse positions than any other topic in the history of sex manuals. Folks have been snapping up illustrated copies of the
Kama Sutra
for the past fifteen centuries, not for the Hindu philosophy of the text, but for the chance to admire images of couples entangled in the “yawning position” or the “lotus-like position.” The sixteenth-century Arabic manual
The Perfumed Garden
lists forty different “postures for coition.” And no modern guide—including this one!—is considered complete unless it includes numerous illustrations of couples with their limbs entwined. Obviously, position books have a powerful and timeless appeal.

What’s behind this obsession? Well, as any ball-room dancer can testify, it takes a little practice to get two bodies moving in time on the dance floor. It stands to reason that it would also take a little practice to get two bodies moving in a way that’s mutually arousing, stimulating, and comfortable off the dance floor. Just as no one instinctively knows how to waltz divinely, no one instinctively knows how to perform intercourse divinely. Yet most position books on the market should be taken with a grain of salt. Either they promote one sure-fire patented technique that is guaranteed to please each and every reader, or they present 101 different sexual positions, all of which are minor variations on the same basic themes. Don’t be intimidated by either extreme—position books are fun for their erotic visual content, even though the advice they offer is of dubious value. There are really only a handful of basic sexual positions, and you and your partners can have a great time adapting these positions to your unique body sizes, physical capabilities, erogenous preferences—and the whim of the moment.

As you read the following, bear in mind that we address the active partner in all sexual situations in the second person; “you” may be a man or a woman.

Missionary:
In the missionary position, the receptive partner lies on her back while you lie on top of her. Legend has it that the missionary position derived its name from Pacific Islanders, who were surprised to observe Christian missionaries having intercourse in a position they themselves never used. It’s certainly true that Western missionaries promoted intercourse positions in which women lay below men as being most “natural.” Given this historical link to institutionalized male dominance, the missionary position is frequently disdained as being somehow old-fashioned or “oppressive” to women. Yet, even though it limits the receptive partner’s movement and, by itself, provides little direct clitoral stimulation, many women find plenty to love about this position.

The much-maligned missionary position actually works great for me! Sometimes it’s just nice to be nailed to the bed.

I like to be on my back. I like to feel the weight and skin of another person on my body. So much more of my body gets stimulated that way. When I sit on another, only one small part of me gets stimulated.

Oh God—I’m still a feminist if I like the missionary position, aren’t I? I like it because I can still reach my clit that way. I can’t come when I’m on top.

There are several enjoyable variations on the missionary position. In a male/female couple, the woman can keep her legs down straight, thereby narrowing her vaginal opening and increasing pleasurable friction on the man’s penis. This variation also makes it more likely that her partner’s pubic bone will rub against her clitoris. Another alternative is for the woman to spread her legs and bend her knees—this allows for deeper penetration and also makes it easier for her to move her hips. For some women, freedom of movement is crucial to reaching orgasm during intercourse.

This is the way I have an orgasm: my partner on top, my legs on his shoulders or chest, while I grasp his shoulders for leverage with my legs, so I can help pump.

I do orgasm with penis penetration if I can move my body freely.

We like to vary the missionary position—she’ll put her knees at my shoulders and I’ll wrap my hand around her to hold her ass up nicely. Or I’ll get on top of her with one leg between her legs and one leg outside her leg—this allows for a lot of clitoral stimulation from the penis.

Vaginal intercourse, woman on top

Woman-on-top:
Although the name of this position implies opposite-sex intercourse, it’s equally delightful whether there’s another woman-on-bottom or a man-on-bottom. In this flip of the missionary position, you lie on your back with your partner straddling you; she can be facing your head, facing your feet, or lying down with her back on your chest.

I have very strong orgasms when my legs are bearing my weight, but I don’t always want to stand, so I kneel or squat over my partner.

Woman-on-top is excellent for women who would like to control the depth of thrusting, such as those recovering from vaginismus or childbirth or those who have had hysterectomies. It’s also a particularly comfortable position for pregnant women or women who are considerably smaller than their partners. The woman-on-top position is versatile and allows easy stimulation of her nipples and clitoris. Many men find that they are more relaxed and experience less intense stimulation when they’re on their backs, so they can delay ejaculation more easily in this position.

For me, the best clitoral stimulation comes from being on top. I love to tower over my lovers while sitting on their cocks.

I have very large breasts and like to be on top with my partner licking and sucking them.

Me on top means I get to control the whole thing, including when he comes. I can do it slowly and move in twisty ways that just seem to get me in the right place. Plus, I get to look at him from a neat angle.

Rear entry:
Also referred to as “doggie-style,” this position places your partner on her stomach or on her elbows and knees while you either stand or kneel behind her. It’s very comfortable for women in the later stages of pregnancy, larger women, and those who are smaller than their partners. This position has a lot of fringe benefits—it’s great for G-spot stimulation, it allows easy stimulation of the nipples and clitoris, and it’s conducive to vibrator play. The woman can lie on her stomach or on pillows with a vibrator pressed against her clitoris.

Rear entry penetration gives me the best internal sensation. I like the debauched feeling of being taken from behind. It’s really intense stimulation.

My fave is “doggie” style. I get the most G-spot stimulation, and I can better control how much penetration I get.

My personal favorite is doggie-style. Mostly because I love the feeling of balls flapping against my clit hood piercing. For me, penetration is most stimulating in that position and I get the free clit stimulation as well!

In rear entry, the natural curve of the vagina coincides with the curve of the erect penis or curved dildo, so deep thrusting is more comfortable in this position than most others. And there’s no question that it’s arousing to hang on to your partner’s hips and move her to and fro—rear entry allows both of you a pleasurable freedom of pelvic movement.

I love getting slammed from behind—really having my husband pound into me as hard and fast as he can.

My partner has repetitive stress injury, so he can’t support himself on his hands for too long. We like to do it standing up with me bent over the bed and him behind me. It’s easy for both of us to push up against each other that way.

Some people find it depersonalizing not to be able to see a partner’s face during intercourse, and associate rear entry with sex between animals:

Doggie-style is nice once in a while, but it seems a bit impersonal despite the stimulation opportunity.

I prefer face-to-face positions. I love to kiss, and I love to watch his expression; it’s part of the turn-on and makes it more personal.

Rear entry is also commonly associated with anal intercourse—even though it’s only one of many possible positions for anal sex. Being the sexually diverse and creative animals that humans are, many people find these two factors erotically inspiring.

I like being penetrated from behind. We often play-act as a gay male couple, so penetration from behind adds to that fantasy.

Side by side:
In this position, you and your partner either lie facing each other—with thighs intertwined—or lie facing the same direction in a spoons position. A slight variation puts your partner on her back, draping her legs over your thighs. Side-by-side positions are good for long, leisurely intercourse, as the stimulation they provide is somewhat less direct than that of other positions.

Side by side is a great warm-up—it builds the tension.

We call it the “X” position—my partner and I lie cross-wise, she lifts one leg over my body, and I put her other leg between the two of mine. She’s on her back, and I’m on my side, facing her. That one seems to work well if I don’t have a particularly stiff erection, and makes it easy for her to masturbate with her hand while we’re screwing.

The spoons position allows the receptive partner to control the depth of thrusting, and since it ensures that neither partner will have to support the other’s weight, it’s another excellent position for women in the late stages of pregnancy. It’s similarly convenient for two people with a wide discrepancy in size or height. Finally, side by side is a good position for older people or those with disabilities that limit stamina or mobility.