The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (73 page)

•
Get site recommendations from friends.
Word-of-mouth referrals are priceless.

•
Go with recommendations from sites you trust.
If you like a particular site, check its links page or find out if it’s affiliated with any stores.

•
Look for the “about us” page on a site
. Try to determine who’s behind the site so that you can assess whether they seem above board or not.

•
Verify a company’s legitimacy
. Call its toll-free number, request a paper catalog, or send snail mail (ordinary postal mail) with your questions. Since email can be easily manipulated, don’t rely on that for confirmation. You can always check with the Better Business Bureau if you’re skeptical.

•
Check out a company’s policies
. If it has a generous return policy and clearly stated policies on confidentiality and privacy, there’s a good chance it’s not out to scam you.

Fear of Fraud

The primary reason people cite for not shopping on the Web is fear of fraud. The truth is that your credit card number is no more at risk of being stolen online than when your card leaves your hands, even briefly, in day-to-day use. The majority of the online fraud that does exist is similar to credit card fraud offline: A company employee steals your card number off your order, or your next door neighbor pilfers receipts from your trash and goes joy-surfing. In the event something does go awry, credit card companies usually cover fraudulent charges over fifty dollars if you report your loss promptly.

Most reputable sites will process your credit card information using what’s known as “encryption software.” Basically, you input your data on a “secure” page, the data is scrambled as it travels from your computer to the company’s, and upon arrival it is deciphered. Your information is only at risk during its journey between the two computers, and breaking the encrypted code is extremely difficult and time-consuming for a hacker, all for relatively little reward. Some sites will tell you when you’re about to enter a “secure” environment, but not all will. It’s best to ask before ordering, look for a stated policy, or call the company and ask what it can do to protect your credit card.

Erotic Entertainment

If you thought the Web made shopping for sex products easier, just imagine what it’s done for erotic entertainment. Before the Web, “erotic entertainment” pretty much consisted of going to strip clubs, renting adult videos, or buying X-rated magazines from the newsstand. Now you can enjoy the visuals of all three, without leaving your house. And if you prefer the written word, the Web not only saves you the trouble of aimlessly wandering the aisles of your local chain bookstore in search of sexually explicit fiction, it houses the largest collection of erotic writing in existence.

Visuals

Regardless of whether your tastes lean toward
Playgirl
or
Fat Girl,
countless sites offer the opportunity to view erotic pictures, watch video clips, or access live-action video. The majority of material mirrors what you’ll find on the newsstand: unrealistic-looking women in unnatural poses engaged in all manner of sex acts.

I find most online sexual content literally unbelievable, and therefore no fun. For example, I don’t want to see pictures of women pointing vibrators at their pussies, I would like to see them using the vibrators. Also, the people (women especially) in most online porn don’t seem to be enjoying themselves. Where is the fun in that?

Unfortunately, the worst of what’s available on the Web is most aggressively thrown in your face—whether you get trapped in an endless loop of raunchy porn pop-up frames during an innocent visit, or your mailbox fills up with HOT TEEN VIXEN spam because you once registered for a mailing list. Sadly, this just reinforces the stereotype that when it comes to sex, the Web is full of nothing but testosterone-fueled, trenchcoat-wearing geeks who jerk off incessantly to these pictures.

In fact, if you dig a little deeper, you’ll find the Web offers a much wider range of erotic imagery than your typical adult newsstand. If you’re fond of historical erotica, visit sites that catalog museum-quality images from antiquity on. If you prefer contemporary fine art or photography, look up individual artists or search on your preferred genre. Websites devoted to a particular theme or practice (large women, S/M, celebrities) often maintain a picture gallery. Many of today’s online sex magazines (or “e-zines”) combine cutting edge or envelope-pushing erotic imagery with written erotica.

Although still photographs provide the most visual diversity in online erotica, you can also indulge your voyeuristic side by viewing adult video clips or what’s called live “streaming” video—the Web equivalent of watching a peep show or going to a strip club. Most of this material is produced by the adult industry and is available either pay-per-view or by paid subscription.

I get off intensely on the little video clips of penetration—vaginal, oral, anal, or some combination thereof.

We set up the office as a sex-room and drank wine and played with each other’s private parts while watching some perverted video clips. It was hot fun.

Amateur video clips and webcams provide the most realistic peek into the bedrooms of average Joes and Janes. Anybody with an exhibitionist side can hook up a webcam and launch a website, inviting the world to voyeuristically drop in on them throughout the day. So if the thought of watching the girl or guy next door take a shower turns you on, then this may be the medium for you.

My most memorable masturbation experience was actually one where I was being watched. I became a bit more intimate with an online friend via our webcams. He watched and told me what he’d be doing, and that’s what I did to myself. His voice was mesmerizing and the experience was unbelievably arousing.

I love looking at amateur online porn—women and couples that look “real”—no silicone, shaved bushes, etc. Especially when the women are smiling or looking very aroused, or when there’s clear signs of sexual satisfaction, such as money shots.

When it comes to sexual entertainment for women, the Web offers a mixed bag. On one hand, women now have easy access to the provocative imagery they might have been too embarrassed to seek out offline. Not too many women are comfortable buying a porn magazine in a typical adult shop, but it’s easier than ever to view nude photos of your favorite celebrities, hunky men in (largely gay) magazines, tasteful porn in e-zines, lesbian sex magazines, or explicit couples’ photos. On the other hand, most online porn still caters to a primarily straight or gay male aesthetic. However, as more women create and gain access to visual representations of their desires, they’re disproving the stereotype that “men like visual porn, women like written erotica.” We can only hope that women’s increasing demand for equal representation, along with the relative ease of publishing on the Web, will result in a greater variety of imagery both online and offline.

Written Erotica

If you think the pen is mightier than the sword, you ought to see what a keyboard can accomplish when the results are posted to the Internet. Aspiring writers and professionals alike have found a welcome and appreciative fan base, after years of having traditional publishers reject their work for reasons having little to do with the quality of the material. Readers and writers with very specific sexual tastes have found each other thanks to the convenience and anonymity of online publishing, which provides a safe forum for expression.

I’m not into visual stuff—to me, sex involves the mind as much as, if not more than, the body. Words give a better view of the mind, and also allow me to visualize the participants as I see appropriate, whereas visual stuff is all about casting what they think people want to see (skinny, long hair, lots of makeup—ugh).

Particularly for women, who traditionally have shied away from sexually explicit entertainment, the opportunity to explore fantasies, craft a few of their own, and share these with others can be sexually transformative. According to Adrienne Benedicks, founder of the Erotica Readers and Writers Association, women simply need permission to let their inner bad girl out, which is liberating in itself. From there, it’s a short hop to writing fantasies and exploring new ones, which ultimately leads to greater sexual awareness.

I love to write erotic stories, I use them as a way to let my partner know what I would be interested in trying or doing. If he is interested then we can try it, but if he is not we can just enjoy thinking about the fantasy I have written out.

I absolutely adore reading erotica online. I probably spent more time reading Elf Sternberg’s stories than all my class work combined in my first year of college. I love the vast collections of good, free stories, on any subject imaginable.

In some cases, the discovery of shared fantasies has led to the development of an entire genre of online erotica, as is the case with slash fanfiction, erotica featuring sexually explicit (often S/M-themed) stories about characters from cult TV shows.

For online sexual entertainment I—and I blush to say this—read
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
erotic slash fanfiction, mostly about the character Spike.

I have recently gotten into
X-Files
slash. I became a fan of the show just before the plot fell off the edge of a cliff, and naughty stories starring my favorite characters are a great way to get thrills on all sorts of levels.

You can find written erotica in a variety of places online. Individual authors post popular stories, online magazines regularly serve up varied pieces, erotica sites like Adrienne’s offer anyone with a story to tell a place to post, and sites devoted to sexuality often maintain an erotica section.

To many, that the Web offers a place where erotica can flourish is both a blessing and a curse. Yes, there’s an abundance of material that’s varied in both content and style, but there’s also very little quality control. So if you’ve got specific literary standards, your best bet is to develop a relationship with an e-zine or an author you like, and go from there. And just like anything else on the Web, finding erotica that suits your tastes involves a bit of sleuthing: Search by genre, author, story title; get recommendations from friends or other sites; try online magazines that regularly features a mix of styles.

I spend a few hours a week looking for “sophisticated pornography” online. I write erotica and my wife proofs it. On several occasions we have ended up acting out some of my fictional stories, making them true stories after-the-fact!

Chatting, Cybersex, and Romance

Do you enjoy reciting your sexual escapades for friends or lovers? Do you fantasize about having an alter ego of a different gender or sexual orientation? Do you wish for sexual adventures that are entirely risk-free and turn out exactly as you imagined? If you answered yes to any of these, you’re a good candidate for hooking up with someone online for a little virtual sex play.

What differentiates this category from the others we’ve discussed is that it’s strictly about communication
between users,
versus a site operator or Web host who posts information that you read at your leisure. It’s simply a convenient way for users to hook up and talk. Chat usually takes two forms: real time, in which the conversation happens instantaneously, and delayed time, in which messages are posted and received sequentially over time.

Chatting in Real Time

On most systems, you can engage in “live” chats with other users, that is, typed conversations taking place in real time. Chatrooms are usually devoted to a specific topic and proceed like cocktail parties where guests mingle in groups or pair off for more private conversations. Each line you type is displayed, along with your handle (your online pseudonym) to everyone in that room, though most chat programs have a way for individuals to exchange private messages. Although AOL’s popular chatrooms pioneered the chat craze, many websites today offer chat functions and sometimes feature special guests or events.

Web-based chats (like Yahoo, MSN, or site-sponsored chats) are usually fairly easy to access, and the site provides the necessary software for free. These are a good way to get your feet wet in the chat world, as they don’t require much technical expertise and are fairly intuitive. A bit more complicated is IRC (Internet Relay Chat), which uses shareware to connect you to many different Internet channels with chatrooms galore on every conceivable subject. If you’re new to chat, we recommend visiting one of the excellent websites devoted to chat basics to get tips on technical aspects, “netiquette,” and privacy.

Chatting in Delayed Time

The most popular methods of delayed chat, in which users post and read messages sequentially, are commonly known as discussion boards, forums, or conferences. These are public discussions on topics of shared interest, but unlike live chats, each message is saved on the site so that users can track the thread of a discussion as it progresses. Groups are identified by very specific topic headings, to keep all participants “on the subject.” You can exchange ideas on sexual politics, technique, and pornography with hundreds of other users. Sample topics range from “how to give/receive a good rim job” to “where to see authentic female orgasms in porn.”

Discussion boards existed before the Web and were organized into a huge hierarchy known as Usenet News, which is now accessible through Web browsers. Usenet News is organized into general categories, and the “alt” category (short for “alternative”) houses an infinite number of sex discussions. There is a group somewhere in the alt.sex hierarchy for nearly any sexual specialty you can think of. The longer the group name, the more specific the topic, so whether you’d rather chat about
Star Trek
or sheep you can log right in to alt.sex.fetish.startrek or alt.sex.sheep.baaa.baaa.baaa.moo!