The Fragile Fall (16 page)

Dad and Jax had been in his room all day cleaning up the wreckage as I wandered around the house, restless. Since Jax had texted Will the day before, he still hadn’t heard from him. He’d tried calling, but Will wouldn’t answer. Dread knotted my stomach and made it hard to function.

They had been cleaning Dad’s room for almost twelve hours. I was in my room trying to distract myself when Jax came in and collapsed on my bed, his hair wet from the shower.

“Damn, that was a pain.” He rubbed his eyes.

“I’m sure. What was all that shit?”

“He tried to keep it hidden from me, though I have no idea how in the fuck he was going to accomplish that since I was the one cleaning the shit up, but it was some of Mom’s stuff that she left behind.”

“Really?” I had no idea we even had any of her stuff. I had never seen a picture of her or any trace of her existence.

“Yeah. There were pictures of them with you when you were a baby and me when I was a baby,” he said. He rolled over and propped his head up on his hand. “What I found really weird was there were no pictures of their wedding.”

“Maybe she took them with her.”

He scoffed. “I doubt it. Why would she take pictures of a wedding that didn’t last over pictures of her kids?”

“How the fuck should I know, Jax? She’s not exactly around to ask, is she?”

“True that.” He rolled off the bed and stretched. “I’m exhausted. I’m going to bed.”

“Have you heard from Will?” I held my breath, afraid of the answer.

He shook his head. “No, I haven’t heard from him, but I will let you know as soon as I do. Night.”

He left me alone with my unease.

Will

T
HE
NIGHTMARES
WERE
GETTING
WORSE
.

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw their bodies in the car, my dad’s eyes as the light slowly dripped from them, the blood all over my mom. I smelled the blood and gasoline and felt the bitter cold.

I couldn’t get warm.

In two shirts, a sweatshirt, sweatpants, thick socks, and a heavy blanket, I still shook from the cold that haunted me.

I didn’t have school since it was Thanksgiving break which was good because I physically couldn’t pretend anymore. I couldn’t pretend I was fine and go about my day. Instead, I collapsed into bed and other than going to the bathroom to cut, I didn’t leave it.

I couldn’t sleep.

I couldn’t eat.

I couldn’t concentrate.

I could barely breathe.

The fact that my parents weren’t here for Thanksgiving killed me. Then I realized I had to spend Christmas without them and my birthday and Easter….the loneliness choked me. I was so alone and cold and empty and guilty.
God, the guilt.
The guilt had become a permanent companion, and I wasn’t sure what I would ever do without it. It chained itself to my ankle and slowly dragged me to the bottom of the ocean. I couldn’t stop it. I felt like I was dying and I knew I deserved it.

Aunt Liv kept coming in and bringing me food, begging me to eat, but I couldn’t muster up the energy. Everything was pointless. This morning, she had brought my phone to me and begged me to go out with Jax. He wanted to go see a movie. Looking at my phone, I saw that he had texted me two days ago.

“Please, Will. Please?” she begged me. I hated seeing her like this, so full of worry for someone as worthless as me. “You’ve been in this room for almost four days.”

“Fine. I’ll text him back.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you. I don’t want you to be alone. I have to go back to work tonight.”

I nodded. She had taken a few days off to spend with me since it was Thanksgiving. She stood in the room and waited until I texted Jax back. “We’re going to a movie tonight.”

“Perfect.” She leaned over and kissed my head, then left the room.

And me.

I woke up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. It was dark, so I checked my phone to see what time it was. Groaning, I pushed myself from the bed. Jax was going to be picking me up in fifteen minutes and I hadn’t showered in days, so I dragged myself into the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, I stared at myself. My hair was greasy and clung to my head in spots and stuck straight up in others. Even with all the sleep, my eyes were red and had deep, dark circles underneath them. My face was pale; I had never seen a face as pale as mine …
other than my parents as they died
.

I stumbled back at the realization, memories washing over me and stealing my breath.

I was staying at my friend Nick’s house. Since it was only a few days after my birthday, I’d convinced my parents to let me go. It was an unsupervised party, so I’d had to lie. I wanted the experience of being a teenager. I wanted to hang out with friends and party and, hopefully, kiss a girl. I was dying to know what it was like. I’d heard stories from Nick and Chase about hooking up and I wanted to at least know what a kiss felt like.

At the party, I had a few beers. They were disgusting, but I liked the loose feeling in my body and the fuzzy feeling in my head. I was laughing and hanging out with a girl. Just being near her excited me and the tipsy feeling made me daring. I pulled her closer to me and rested my hands on her hips. She giggled and that spurred me on. Her face was close to mine and I could smell beer and cherries on her breath. Curious to know what the combination tasted like, I leaned forward and kissed her. Her lips were warm and wet and that excited me.

She pulled away and giggled. I should have been disappointed that she giggled, but the urge to kiss her became more intense. I leaned back into her and pressed my lips firmly to hers. She moaned in the back of her throat as her tongue brushed against my lip, then I opened my mouth and her tongue brushed against mine. I groaned and pulled her closer. She nipped at my lip, then soothed it with her tongue. It was a sloppy kiss as our teeth clanged and our tongues danced, but it felt amazing.

“Get a fucking room,” Nick slurred from somewhere across the deck. The girl giggled again and grabbed my hand.

“Follow me.” I stumbled after her, having no idea where I was going, but I liked the warm softness of her hand and the softness of her body against mine. She opened a door and pulled me in. Closing it behind her, she locked it and pressed me against it. The room was dark and spun slightly as she kissed me roughly. She took my hand and pressed it onto her breast.

“Touch me,” she breathed.

I was floating as my hands and lips were all over her. Before I could really comprehend what was happening, she had unbuttoned my jeans and pulled me from them, stroking me slightly. I shuddered against her. No one had ever touched me so intimately before and the sensation was almost too much to take. I groaned into her hair and she squeezed me a little tighter. My control unraveled as she moved her hand a few times and I came undone. She kissed me through the waves of ecstasy, my body convulsing. When she pulled away from me, she smiled.

“Mission accomplished.” Even in my drunken state, that statement seemed wrong.

“What?”

“Nick told me you were a virgin. I was supposed to help you out a little with that tonight.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “Mission accomplished.” She smiled sweetly at me and my stomach turned. I feared I was going to be sick.

She pushed me away from the door, opened it, and left. I felt violated. I had thought she was interested in me, not doing whatever Nick told her to do. Vomit burned the back of my throat and I stumbled out into the hall to find a bathroom. Once inside, I fell in front of the toilet and vomited until my ribs ached, my throat burned, and my eyes watered. Though it was painful, it sobered me up some. I needed to find Nick. I needed him to tell me this was all a lie.

I pushed through the bodies in the hall and living room, searching for Nick. When I didn’t see him in the house, I stumbled outside. He was in a chair with the girl I had just been with. She was on his lap, her arms draped around his neck and he was kissing her neck as she giggled. Nausea burned in my stomach even though I had just emptied it.

The next thing I knew, I was standing in front of him, my hands balled into fists. Blood pounded against my skull from anger and alcohol. I felt used and betrayed by the person I thought was my best friend.

“The man of the hour,” Nick said. A sly smirk spread over his lips. I had never wanted to punch someone as much as I wanted to punch Nick at that moment. He was my only friend and I thought I could trust him, but he’d humiliated me. My fists twitched. “How are you feeling? More relaxed?” He smirked at me. I hated him.

“What was that, Nick?”

“What was what?” He patted the girl’s back. “Oh, the assistance I got you? I figured the best way to get you over whatever is holding you back was to enlist some help. I told Tammy here that I’d take her out if she helped find you some relief.”

I didn’t say anything. I turned and headed back into the house. Pushing back through the bodies, I tried to find a way out of the house and away from the party. I saw Chase.

“Can you take me home?” I asked.

“Sure.” He stumbled a little bit. “I’ve had some to drink, though.”

“It’s not far. I need to get out of here.” Alcohol, humiliation, and anger ruined my judgment. I knew I shouldn’t get in the car with someone who had been drinking, but I couldn’t stay at the party another moment.

“Not a problem.” He handed his drink to someone else, grabbed his keys, and threw his arm around my shoulder. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.” He smelled of alcohol and his eyes were glossy. He leaned on me as we walked to his truck. I helped him climb in, then walked around and climbed in my side. He started the truck and fumbled with some controls to find the headlights. After adjusting the music so it was blaring, he shifted the car into drive and took off. We rode in silence. I was too upset to talk about what had happened. I didn’t want to find out Chase had something to with it, especially since I was relying on him to get me home.

The betrayal from Nick stung. I was allowed to hang out with him almost whenever I wanted because he was active in the church and in school. My parents thought he was a good role model, someone I could look up to. Little did they know he was a backstabber.

The truck jerked to the side and I heard honking. I looked over at Chase and he was passed out, his hands still on the steering wheel, his head bobbing on his shoulders.

“Chase, wake up!” He didn’t move as I shook him. The honking was getting closer and I grabbed the wheel, jerking it away from the headlights that barreled toward us.

I was thrown forward and slammed into the airbags as they deployed, hitting my head off the window. Warm blood trickling down my face as the awful sound of metal crunching echoed through the night air. As the airbags deflated, I saw the front end of the truck had folded in on itself like an accordion and was wrapped around a large tree trunk. I looked over at Chase and he was lying on the steering wheel, blood pouring from his nose and lip. I shook him again, knowing we needed to get some help. When he didn’t move, I reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. I looked at the numbers on the keypad. They moved and I couldn’t make sense of the markings on it. Somehow, I was able to dial 911.

“911, what is your emergency?”

“I was in a car wreck. My friend is passed out at the wheel. He’s bleeding.” I held my head in my hand. It throbbed with pain.

“Is he breathing?” I heard her clicking on a keyboard.

I held my hand up to Chase’s nose and felt air. “Yeah, he is.”

“Good, stay there with him. Can you give me your location?”

There were lots of trees and I couldn’t make out where I was. Scanning the area, I looked for something familiar. When I saw Mr. Henderson’s crazy totem pole mailbox, I knew where we were and I told the dispatcher our location.

“I have police and ambulances on the way. Is there another car involved?”