The Fragile Fall (17 page)

I knew I saw headlights headed toward us and I had heard honking, but I had no idea what happened to them. Turning to look out the back of Chase’s truck, I saw taillights from another
vehicle, though I couldn’t quite make sense of them. They were too far off the ground. I stumbled out of the truck and headed toward the lights, wondering if my mind was playing tricks on me.

“Sir, are you still there?”

“Yeah, I am. I think another car was involved. I’m on my way to them.”

“Sir, it would be better if you stayed with your vehicle.”

“I need to make sure they are okay.”

“Sir, please go back to your vehicle and wait for rescue personnel.”

Her voice faded away as I saw the other car. I’d know that car anywhere. It was flipped over on its roof, with Christian bumper stickers all over it. The license plate was for my dad’s blue Toyota. I rushed over to the car and knelt down. “Dad? Mom?” Looking through the smashed window, I saw my parents hanging from their seat belts, unconscious. There was blood, so much blood. I heard the dispatcher talking, but I didn’t know where Chase’s phone was.

Just before I reached his shoulder, he coughed and blood sprayed everywhere. “Dad?” I heard sirens in the distance. Tears flowed down my cheeks.

If I had just stayed at the party, they would still be okay.

I laid down on the asphalt as snow fell around me. It stuck to the ground and added to the surreality of the moment. The only thing that kept me anchored to the moment was the biting cold seeping through my jacket and the sting from my cheek pressed to the road. The smell of gasoline, oil, and blood mixed and made the nausea churning in my stomach worse. My head pounded and blood trickled down my forehead. I reached forward toward my dad again. I wanted to touch him, one last time. I wanted to feel his skin when he was still alive.

I couldn’t get my hand close enough to reach him. My hand fell limply onto the ground. My skin numbed with how cold everything was. When had it gotten so cold? Looking at my mom, I saw that her eyes weren’t open and she was upside down, her hair stretching toward the roof of the car. Blood flowed from the gash on her face and saturated her hair. Her breathing sounded like gurgling liquid.

As the car settled, metal creaked and the engine ticked. My fingers twitched on the ground, wanting to save them.

I wanted to pull them from the wreckage and apologize to them. I wanted this entire night to be a bad nightmare. I wanted to wake up in my warm bed and talk about the awful dream over breakfast. My mom would put her hand on my shoulder and tell me I needed to stop reading books with violence. I would laugh and tell her the last book I had read was The Bible. She would roll her eyes and get my father more coffee. We would all laugh and continue on with our morning. I would do my lessons and my dad would go to work. My mom would tinker around the house all day.

Sirens pulled me from my dreaming. I wasn’t sure if I had lapsed into unconsciousness or if I had hallucinated, but the scene in my kitchen had seemed real. I could smell the eggs cooking and the coffee, but I was back on the hard road, freezing. The sirens got closer and my dad’s eyes opened slightly. He blinked slowly. When his eyes closed, my heart jumped. I expected every blink to be his last. Both of them were covered in so much blood. There was blood on their faces, their clothing, in their hair, and pooling on the roof. The smell made me heave, but my stomach was empty.

The sirens were close. The flashing lights moved around the scene. I couldn’t take my eyes from my parents. Every time the light spilled over their faces, I could see the life drain from them more. My dad’s eyes stopped opening.

Strong hands grabbed me and wrapped a blanket around me. They lifted me onto a gurney and wheeled me into an ambulance. I tried to fight. I tried to scream and beg to go back to my parents. I couldn’t leave them in their last moments. I had to be with them. I owed them that, but I wasn’t strong enough to break free. I was too cold, too weak. Instead, I cried as I was loaded in the ambulance and they were loaded in another ambulance. We were taken to the hospital. I asked about them so many times, but no one answered. I knew they were dead before anyone told me, I just needed to hear the words.

God was punishing me for being a bad son. God had turned his back on me.

I collapsed in front of the toilet and threw up. Body wracking heaves tore through me as I remembered the sight of them as they died. When I stood, I saw my razor. The thoughts of my parents and how I killed them floated around my mind and I felt like I was being strangled. I couldn’t breathe.

With shaky hands, I picked up the razor blade and drew it across my skin. The drops of blood didn’t soothe me the way they normally did. The pain and guilt still consumed me. Since the razor made small, shallow cuts, there wasn’t enough blood to get rid of the pain and sadness in me. I needed something else, something that would cause more damage.

I dug through the medicine cabinet, looking for something, anything to find relief. There wasn’t anything. I ran downstairs and looked around the kitchen until I found the scissors. Worried about the mess Aunt Liv would find, I ran back upstairs to the bathroom. I turned the shower on and climbed inside. Frantically, I made more cuts and blood mixed with the water and flowed down the drain. My forearms were both covered in blood and cuts. They stung, but it wasn’t enough. The pain was still overwhelming. I continued cutting until there was enough blood in the sink and on the floor. I was lightheaded.

I remembered my parent’s lifeless bodies hanging in the car and the way my dad’s breathing rattled in his chest as he fought for each breath. The way my mom hung there, silently. Not moving, not making a sound, not opening her eyes. I remembered the way Chase laid against the steering wheel, bleeding and unconscious. The images from the crash and the hospital floated through my mind as the blade flew across my skin. Tears poured down my cheeks as I relived my own personal hell.

I stumbled to the side and dropped the scissors. I turned my head, but it felt sluggish and my body wouldn’t cooperate. There was blood everywhere, running down my arms, down the drain, on the shower walls.

I knew I had gone too far.

I knew I needed to get help.

Trying to climb out of the tub, I lifted my leg, but it got caught and I pitched forward, sprawling on the floor. The tile was so cool against my skin, but it warmed as the blood spread underneath me. My eyelids were heavy and I couldn’t keep them open. I lifted my chin, willing myself to go to my room to get my phone. My body wouldn’t move.

Darkness took me.

Ryanne

J
AX
HAD
JUST
COME
BACK
from trying to pick up Will to go to the movies. He had been so relieved when Will responded and said he’d go. Now, he was pacing around the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets like he was looking for something. I leaned against the counter and watched him.

“I’m assuming you’ve tried calling him.”

“I’ve called three times. Once on the front porch, once on the way back to the house, and once on our front porch.” He shook his head. “No answer.”

“Are you sure he said he’d go?” Jax handed me his phone and I looked at it. From earlier today, there was a text from Will saying that he would go and just to let him know when Jax wanted to head out. When Jax texted back a time, Will said okay. “That’s strange.”

“Yeah.” He went into the living room and plopped on the couch. “This is probably a waste of fucking time, but would you call him? Maybe he’d answer if it were you.”

“I highly doubt he’d answer for me. I haven’t spoken to him in over a month.”

“I know. I’m just hoping he’ll get excited to see your name and he’ll answer.”

I nodded and pulled my phone out of my pocket. Scrolling through my contacts, I found Will’s name and my heart fluttered. I hadn’t spoken to Will in so long that the thought of hearing his voice excited me. Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, I pressed Will’s name and put the phone to my ear. I closed my eyes as it rang. After several rings, it went to voice mail and Will’s voice greeted me.

“Hey, this is Will. I can’t come to the phone right now, but leave me a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

My stomach was in knots listening to his husky voice. I missed him so much my whole body ached. I ended the call before leaving a message. “He didn’t answer. I’ll try the house phone.” I scrolled to Liv’s house number and called it. “No one answered there either.”

“When I called Liv earlier today, she said she was working tonight.”

“Okay, I’ll call her cell.” Pulling up Liv’s number, I called her and waited for her to answer.

“Hey, Ryanne. Everything okay?” Liv said, sounding worried before I had even spoken.

“I was just calling to see if you’ve heard from Will. He and Jax were supposed to leave an hour ago, but he’s not answering calls or texts.”

“I haven’t heard from him since right before I left for work.” She was panicking now, I could hear it in her voice. “Can you go over and see if he’ll answer the door?”

“Jax was just over there and Will didn’t answer.”

“Shit.” She was quiet a few minutes. “You still have the spare key to my house, don’t you? Would you go over and check on him, please? I’m worried.”

“Sure, no problem. I’ll call you once I find him safe and sound.” The pit in my stomach told me things were off, but I didn’t want to worry Liv more than she already was. There was nothing she could do from work other than worry, so I’d pretend to be optimistic about Will.

“Thanks so much, Ryanne. I’ll talk to you soon.” She hung up.

I pocketed my phone and turned to Jax. “I’m running next door to check on Will.”

“I’ll come with you, just in case.” Jax put his shoes on and we left. The air was so cold it that my teeth chattered within seconds. When we got to the front door, I pulled my sweater tighter around me and rang the doorbell. There was no movement from inside the house. Jax knocked loudly and called out Will’s name, but we were met with more silence.

“I’ll see if it’s unlocked.” Jax grabbed the doorknob and turned it. The door opened and we stepped inside into the silent house.

“Will?” I called out, but there was no answer. The soft light shining down the stairs gave everything an eerie feel, and chills ran through my body.

“Let’s go to his room,” Jax said as he ran up the stairs in front of me. I followed, looking around the house, hoping to see some sign of Will. The silence and darkness grated on my already frayed nerves. I was halfway up the stairs when Jax yelled. I ran to catch up with him, finding him standing outside of the bathroom, his face completely pale and his body shaking.

“Jax?”

I rounded the corner and saw Will in the middle of the floor, surrounded in blood. A pair of scissors laid open on the floor next to him and blood flowed out of his wrists, flowing in time with his slow heartbeat.

“Oh, God. Oh, God. Jax, call 911, now!”

Jax stood there, eyes wide, and I shoved him away. I hoped if he couldn’t see Will anymore, he would snap out of it. “Jax! Now!” I shoved Jax farther down the hall and he finally grabbed his phone out of his pocket and dialed.

I rushed to Will’s side and fell to my knees. My hands fluttered over him, unsure of what to do first. My knees were sticky and wet, warm from the blood covering the floor. Tears blurred my vision and I blinked them back.

Jax came up behind me. “They want to know if he has a pulse.” His voice was hollow.

I moved my hand to his wrist, but when I picked it up, the blood came out quicker. I dropped his hand. “I don’t know what to do, Jax,” I said through tears. “I think he does. His blood seems to come out with every beat.”

Jax repeated what I said into the phone. “Check for a pulse in his neck.”

I leaned closer, blood soaking my jeans. The metallic, sickly sweet smell turning my stomach. I raised my shaking hand to his neck, brushing his hair to the side and looked for his pulse. After pressing a few different spots, I felt a very faint beat under my fingertips. “He does, but it’s faint.”

“He has a faint heartbeat,” Jax said into the phone. He paused for a few seconds. “They want to know if he’s breathing.”

“How do I do that?” Every second it felt like Will was slipping farther and farther away and I was panicking.

“Hold your hand in front of his mouth.”

“His breaths are shallow and slow.” I brushed my fingers over the side of Will’s face, wishing I could offer him some comfort. My hands were covered in blood from touching his wrist and I left blood behind on his cheek.

“Ryanne, the ambulance should be here any minute. I’m going to wait downstairs for them.”

I nodded, not trusting my voice. I heard Jax descending the stairs and I was left alone with Will. My sweet, broken Will. I brushed my fingertips over his cheek again. His normally warm skin was cooler now and I knew in the pit of my stomach that he was dying. I looked around the bathroom for towels and found them under the sink. I wrapped them around Will’s wrists and applied pressure, hoping to staunch the blood flow.