Copyright © 2014 by Kristy Love
All rights reserved.
This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the brief quotations in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction. Any names, places, characters, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination and are purely fictitious. Any resemblances to any persons, living or dead, are completely coincidental.
Edited by: Jennifer Roberts-Hall
Cover Design by ©: Sarah Hansen at Okay Creations.
Interior Design: Kassi Cooper at Kassi’s Kandids Formatting
Paperback:
ISBN-13: 978-1-5006-1805-6
ISBN-10: 1500618055
Contents
To my husband, Josh.
Thank you for believing in me even when I didn’t believe in myself.
A
S
I
LAID
ON
THE
ASPHALT
, fluffy snow fell from the sky, covering me and the ground. My cheek was pressed against the asphalt causing the cold to seep into my body. The smell of gasoline, oil, and blood made me nauseous as warm, sticky blood trickled down my forehead, accenting the pounding in my head. I reached into the wreckage, wanting to touch them one last time.
Somehow, I knew. I knew those rasping breaths were the last they would take.
Her eyes weren’t open as she hung upside down. Her hair hung, stretching toward the roof of the car. Blood flowed from the gash on her face and saturated her hair, turning the blonde into a sickening red color. Her arm rested on the ceiling and blood pooled under her fingers. She was pale. So pale. I felt like I was watching the life drip out of her with each drop of blood and there was nothing I could do.
The car creaked as the metal settled. The engine ticked. I heard sirens in the distance, getting closer.
He was strapped to the driver’s seat and both of his arms stretched over his head. His eyes were partially open as he looked at me, blinking slowly. Every time his eyes closed, my heart jumped as I expected them to stay closed, but they continued to open and find mine. He bled from wounds on his cheek, forehead, and chin. I wasn’t sure how he was still conscious. I only knew I didn’t want to leave him.
I didn’t want to leave them alone for their final moments.
I shivered as the cold soaked into my muscles and I wasn’t sure if I would ever be warm again. His eyes closed and fluttered as he struggled to open them again. The sirens were blaring behind me, red and white light bathing the scene, accentuating the blood pouring from their wounds.
Garbled voices spoke, but I couldn’t understand them. I couldn’t hear anything over the ringing in my ears and the pounding of blood. Strong hands lifted me from the ground and guided me onto a stretcher. A neck brace was wrapped around my neck and a thermal blanket was placed over me. More words were spoken. I didn’t bother trying to understand them. I couldn’t tear my attention away from the wreckage. My heart ached and I feared it would quit.
I had made so many mistakes and I had paid the ultimate price.
I watched as they cut the doors of the car open and pulled their bodies out. Their bodies were placed on gurneys and whisked away into another waiting ambulance. Fear seized my heart. Would I ever see them alive again?
I was asked more questions and I ignored them. My voice had left and I didn’t care. Nothing mattered. I turned my head and looked away from them.
No amount of penance would redeem me.
Will
T
HE
HOUSE
PHONE
RANG
.
I pulled my headphones off and pushed myself out of the beanbag chair. The phone was downstairs, so I had to run down the stairs to answer it. Sliding into the kitchen, I grabbed the phone.
“Hello?”
“Will? Are you okay? I’ve been calling for twenty minutes. You had me worried.”
“Sorry, Aunt Liv. I was up in my room playing video games. I had my headphones on and didn’t hear the phone until just now.” I felt bad for worrying her. The last thing I needed to do was make her life harder.
“It’s fine. But if you’re going to do that, take the handset upstairs with you.”
“I will.”
“I’m going to be a little late tonight. One of the afternoon nurses called off and I have to cover the first part of her shift until someone else can come in. I’ll bring dinner home.”
“Okay, no problem. I’ll be here.” I walked back toward my room, pressing the phone between my shoulder and ear.
“I know you will.” She sighed loudly. “I’m sorry you’ve been alone a lot the past couple weeks, but with Tammy having the baby and Steph having surgery, we’ve been a little shorthanded.”
“It’s not a problem, Aunt Liv. I understand.”
“I just wish you had someone else to hang out with. I hate that you’re always alone.”
“I’m fine.” Truthfully, I was painfully lonely, but there was nothing I could do about it.
“I have to get back to work. I was just calling to check on you and to let you know I would be late. I’ll see you later.”
“Bye.”
I hung up the phone and plopped down in my beanbag chair, placing the phone next to me. I changed games from Halo to Skyrim and turned the volume down so I could put on music. I needed the noise so the silence didn’t suffocate me. I played an insane amount of video games. I could play them online, so it gave me some interaction with people, and when I wasn’t in the social mood, which was the majority of the time, I played alone. I still loved reading and tried to break up the monotony of video games by reading books, but my life was nothing but monotonous.
I’d moved to Fairfax, Virginia to live with Aunt Liv almost five months ago. Aunt Liv was my mom’s younger sister. She had moved out of her parents’ home at eighteen and never went back. My mom wasn’t incredibly close with Aunt Liv, and though we had seen her a few times a year it still felt like I’d moved in with a stranger.
I grew up in Hartford, Ohio — a sleepy little town where everyone knew everyone and kept an eye on each other. I was trapped in my house with my parents and the only people I was allowed to hang out with had to be pre-approved by my parents.
But those pre-approved friends ended up being a mistake.
Fairfax was the complete opposite of Hartford. It was large and full of people with no sense of community. In all the time I’d lived with my aunt, not one person had come to visit, and she worked the majority of the time, so I spent almost every moment of every day alone. The only interaction I’d had was with Aunt Liv and the therapist she dragged me to every week. Therapy was completely pointless because the therapist asked questions, I gave one or two-word answers and that was it. I didn’t discuss my feelings or talk about what happened; I just sat there. It was a waste of time, but Aunt Liv made me go. Saying I had a lot of issues to deal with.
I had felt isolated before, but now I felt completely alone. I enjoyed some of the freedom I was given now. I was able to choose my own music, read any book I wished and, of course, I was allowed to play video games.
But the loneliness was still crippling.
It was the middle of July and I had a month to mentally prepare myself for entering my senior year of high school. Except I wasn’t preparing myself. I avoided thinking about it at all costs. The closer the start of school got, the more my anxiety rose. I would be alone surrounded by people who were already established in their groups. I’d be the outsider.