The Color Of Grace (22 page)

Bypassing my locker in fear of running into one of them, I
found Laina sitting in the front hall, inhabiting her usual spot not far from
the office.

Speaking to her had never gotten me very far, so I didn’t
even bother. I plopped my book bag down next to hers, making her jump and lift
her face as I settled cross-legged on the floor, perching my back against the
wall. Without saying a word, I pulled out my laptop and booted it up.

When I noticed she didn’t go back to reading but stared at
me with a confounded expression, I winced. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb
your story.”

She glanced around and then came back to blink at me, her
book still open and forgotten on her lap.

I sighed. “I was hoping to avoid a few certain people, but
if I’m bothering you, I can sit somewhere else.”

She swung her head slowly back and forth. “You’re not
bothering me.”

I smiled, the relief probably evident on my face. “Thanks.”

She watched me for a moment longer as I logged on to the
internet. When she didn’t return to her book, I grinned and lifted my face.
“Hey, did you know that you could get into Facebook here by typing an—”

“S after the http? Yeah, I know.”

My shoulders slumped. “Oh.” There went my grand plan to awe
her.

“But they catch you doing it anyway,” she said. “So I don’t
even bother. Besides,” she lowered her eyes to her book, though I could tell
she wasn’t reading, “pretty much only my dad and his parents have friended me
on Facebook, so…” She shrugged.

It made me feel bad for her.

“Well, I’ll friend you.”

Laina lifted her face. “Really?”

I nodded but was curious about why she’d mentioned a father
and grandparents but no mother. “Do…” I paused, hoping I wasn’t tromping on
delicate ice. “Do you not have a mom?”

“Oh, I do.” She lowered her gaze back to her ignored book.
“Somewhere.” The mumbled word she tacked on told me I had indeed elbowed a
sensitive issue. Yet she went on to explain the situation anyway. “My mom had
an affair and ran off with some guy a few years ago. Dad and I haven’t seen her
since.”

My mouth dropped open. “Oh, man. That’s harsh.”

She nodded. “Yeah.”

“I don’t have a dad,” I said, hoping I could somehow make
her feel better about her home life by opening up about mine. “He died when I
was three, and my mom just remarried a month ago.” But I’d already figured out
I would never think of Barry as an honest-to-goodness father.

“I know.” Laina lifted her face to look at me. Then she gave
a rather mischievous grin as she nodded her head toward the opened door of the
counselor’s office. “You’d be surprised all the things you can hear sitting
here.”

My mouth dropped open, shocked mute by a girl I thought was
as dry as toast. Then I grinned and the two of us sat there a good ten seconds,
just smiling conspiratorially at each other. Leaning a little closer, I asked,
“So you know any good dirt you want to share?”

She shrugged. But the glitter in her eyes told me she had
heaps she could share. “I know enough to tell you you’re probably smart to
leave behind those certain people you want to avoid.”

That I already knew. But she made me pull back in astonishment
when she crinkled her brow after a thoughtful second and added, “Except maybe
Ryder. He’s not like the rest of them. In fact,” she had to pause and blush
before ducking her face and admitting, “he’s pretty decent. He helped me open
my locker once. I had something jammed in the hinge and it wouldn’t budge. I
would’ve been late to class if he hadn’t been walking by and seen me in
trouble.”

I gritted my teeth inside my closed mouth because her story
made me thaw toward Ryder, when in truth, I still wanted to lump him with the
rest of his friends.

“I think he’s totally blind to social status. In fact, I bet
he’d befriend just about anyone. But that group leaches off him and clusters
around him so tight he really doesn’t have a chance to see the rest of us
through the trees.”

I stared, stunned at how right Laina was. Ryder
was
different; it was his
friends—leaching off him as she put it—that had shined a certain light on him
and made him appear as someone he wasn’t.

Suddenly, I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to look at him
from fresh, knowing eyes and ascertain if I could see that boy I’d met briefly
at the basketball game again.

Snapping my laptop closed, I breathed out, “I have to go.
I…I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

Laina gawked at me, clearly confused. But she didn’t ask
about my abrupt departure. “O-okay. See you later. I guess.”

I found Ryder in senior hall. He sat on the floor, doodling
in a notebook. With his back pressed to his locker and his knees bent, notepad
resting on them, he had very little lap space left for a girl to lay her head.
But Kiera had somehow managed to wedge in there, her eyes closed and blond hair
spread across his pant leg.

The sight of her cozied up to him didn’t even deter me.

“Do you still have my glove?”

At my question, he glanced up, his mouth falling open in
shock that—yes—I was actually going to talk to him.

Kiera tried to open her eyes when I spoke, but there must’ve
been a light directly behind my head because she winced and lifted her hand to
shade her face. “Who’s talking?”

“Grace,” Ryder answered her without taking his gaze off me.
His eyebrows crinkled. “Why do you want it? There’s only one.”

“I just do,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. I had
an idea that just might prove to be a perfect use for that one glove. “Do you
have it or not?”

He stared at me a moment longer, most likely trying to
dissect my ulterior motive behind the question before answering, “Yeah. It’s in
my locker. I keep forgetting to give it back to you.”

When he set his notepad beside him and
pressed his hands against the floor as if to push to his feet, Kiera shifted on
his lap, turning in to face him. “I’m not moving,” she announced.

Ignoring her, I stared at the picture he’d been drawing. It
was something architectural, full of lines and angles making a shape. He’d
sketched in little trees and a street beside it to show how massive it was in
size, but I couldn’t for the life of me decide what the object was supposed to
be. Still, something melted, reminding me about the part of him I still liked.

I liked Ryder Yates. There was just no way around it.

“Don’t worry about it now.” I waved my hand in a dismissive
manner, unable to take my eyes off his design. “I’ll get it from you later.”

When I turned away, Kiera asked Ryder, “Why do
you
have
her
glove?”

Smirking because I managed to make Evil Cheerleader Barbie
jealous, I almost bumped face-first into Todd before I realized he was right
there. His eyes squinted with curiosity as he glanced down at Ryder then turned
back to me with a determined glint in his features, making me even more suspicious
Ryder just might’ve been right about him; Todd’s interest in me was contingent
upon his friend’s interest. The more attention Ryder and I paid attention to
each other, the more Todd wanted to butt in and keep us apart.

“What’s up?” he asked.

I shook my head, hoping the slight narrowing of my eyes got
across the whole message that I didn’t want to talk to him and he should mind
his own business. “Nothing.” I muttered and sidestepped to move around him.

But the irritating jerk dodged in front of me. “Grace.”
Though his tone was apologetic, it did nothing to inspire forgiveness in me.
“I’m really sorry about yesterday.”

“What happened yesterday?” Ryder asked from his lounge by
our feet.

Both Todd and I ignored him. I made my eyes narrow even more
until the slits were as thick as a piece of paper and I could barely see. The
corners of my jaws bulged as I clenched my teeth. “Oh,
today
 
you’re sorry, huh?
Well, that makes things
so
much
better,
after
Mrs. Gruber has already
called my mother and told her everything she saw.”

This time, I bulldozed by him, jostling the side of his arm
as I escaped. Since my locker was only about ten feet away, it wasn’t hard for
him to follow me as I marched to my cubby and began to work the combination.

With my back to him, I couldn’t see his face, but I heard
the humble tenor in his voice as he asked, “Did you get grounded?”

I kept my spine to him until I had all the books I needed
for first hour, then I slowly shut the locker and veered around to look up into
Todd’s wincing expression.

I wanted to lie and say yes so bad. Make him feel rotten for
compromising me. But I never had been able to make a good poker face, so I
sighed and grumbled, “No. It was worse. I got a freaking lecture and the third
degree.”

Todd’s face relaxed; he even smiled. But I continued to
glower, so I think he finally caught on that I wasn’t going to forgive him any
time soon. He mumbled another apology before bowing his head and slumping off.
As I glared after him, I caught sight of Ryder watching us from his spot on the
floor, Kiera still snoozing in his lap. He looked smug, probably happy his best
friend and I were on the outs.

Transferring my gaze to him, I felt tempted to stick out my
tongue and blow a raspberry, but my scowl seemed to settle him down and wipe
the smirk off his expression sufficiently enough.

I spent that school day, and pretty much the rest of that
week, hanging out with Laina. She didn’t show a liking or disliking for much of
anything, but she was a good listener, so I told her a lot about the nerd herd.
I’d finally received an email from Bridget on Wednesday. Adam had indeed
visited; I’d tried to call her house the night before, but they’d been on their
first date. She hadn’t written much but sounded excited because Adam was coming
over and she wanted to clean her room. So she signed off after a few lines.

I’m not sure what had become of Schy. I didn’t hear anything
from her.

The situation with my mother never improved.

I was honest when I told Todd I hadn’t been grounded, but I
set up my own punishment of sorts. As soon as I would arrive home from school,
I buried myself away in my room and didn’t come out except when I had to. Mom
had never grounded me before; she probably didn’t even know she could. I was
grateful to maintain full use of my computer and cell phone, though I didn’t
use much of either since I’d lost all contact with my old friends and I was
trying to avoid the new ones.

Little did I know Mom had something much more devastating in
mind than a mere, irrelevant grounding.

That Friday afternoon, I found her car parked at the curb,
exhaust clouds puffing out the back pipe as I exited the school soon after last
period let out. I frowned, surprised to see her, and slowed to a stop. When she
caught sight of me and waved through the front windshield, I hurried toward the
passenger side door.

“What’re you doing here?” I asked as I opened up and slid
into the warm seat.

Mom waited for a car and bus to pass, then pulled out into
traffic before she answered. “We’re going to a doctor’s appointment.”

I blinked.

A doctor’s appointment?

Heart dropping into the base of my spine, I sat stiffly and
stared out the window at the houses and buildings we passed. My mother had a
doctor’s appointment and she wanted me to come along?

This couldn’t be good. Though it had to be fifty degrees
warmer inside the car than it was outside, my body froze solid inside my dad’s
logging jacket.

What was wrong with my mommy?

I felt nauseated. Physically ill. Every vile word and dirty
look I’d sent her in the past few weeks piled on top of my shoulders. I’d been
so nasty, so rude, and all this time she’d been sick, maybe dying? My throat
went dry and tears prickled my eyes, but I swallowed them back. All that anger
I’d felt toward her suddenly seemed so petty and selfish.

I wanted to demand she tell me what was wrong, but I didn’t
feel I had the right. If I’d known something was wrong with her, I never would’ve
been such a brat. I never—

I closed my eyes tight against the panic and fisted my hands
in my lap.

My mother was okay, she was fine, I repeated to myself. She
would’ve told me if something was really wrong. She would’ve said something.
No, if anything, today was probably just a few tests. They’d come out normal,
and everything would be okay again. I was flying off the handle for no reason.

Still, my nerves continued to clench with worry and my hands
remained icicles fisted inside my gloves.

We drove all the way to Yancy, a larger town with a medical
district that held specialized clinics. As we passed the cancer center, relief
left my lungs in a grateful sigh. At least I didn’t have to worry about cancer.
But then Mom went and pulled into a parking lot that made me sit up in alarm.
We’d come to a gynecologist’s office.

Maybe it was cancer, after all. Breast cancer, possibly. Or
uterine cancer? A woman’s health doctor could cover so many problems. And no
wonder Mom had never mentioned her ailment to me before. She was probably too embarrassed.