The Color Of Grace (25 page)

When Barry knocked, I let out another small scream and leapt
away from the infected portal. I spun around and stared at the locked opening
of my room, afraid he might break it down to maul me some more.

“Grace! Honey, I’m sorry. I never meant
to do that so soon.”

My eyes flew open wide. So soon? But he
had
meant to eventually?

I started to hyperventilate as Barry just kept talking to me
through the door.

“I know you’re scared,” he said in a calming voice. “And I’m
so…so sorry. I never meant to scare you. I didn’t mean to rush you at all,
baby. Grace, would you please talk to me?”

I couldn’t get past the fact he’d seriously meant to kiss
me.

“It’ll be okay.” His voice remained soothing as if he
thought I was merely gun-shy but otherwise willing to kiss him back. “Since I
convinced your mother to take you to the doctor and get you set up on birth control,
we can be safe.”

I gagged.

Covering my mouth with both hands as vomit worked its way up
my throat, I scrambled toward my trashcan and hovered above it. All the while,
Barry continued to talk, telling me I wouldn’t have to worry about babies or diseases.

I wretched again.

Though, at least now I knew what had happened to my mother.
He
had infected her thinking.

My stepfather continued pouring out his feelings about how
he’d wanted to be with me since the first night he’d met me and how we could
keep it a secret from my mother. He was admitting just how ashamed he was of
himself for being jealous of Todd when I opened my bedroom window and climbed
outside.

Chapter 19

Red like the rose on the necklace he
gave me. I can’t wear it any longer. I feel cheap. Bought. Does he think he
owns me now? Some John visiting his prostitute who’s left her red light on,
telling everyone she’s open for business. He wants to turn me into Hester
Prinn. He’s made me dirty like the red clay packed into my home ground. I’m buried
under the scarlet dirt with memories of him. I wish I could wash off this shameful,
filthy red with a wire brush.

* * * *

As soon as I escaped, crawling out my bedroom window and
landing feet-first in the snow, I started running. Tears streaming down my
face, I sprinted madly without destination. For a while, I kept looking back,
thinking he would follow. A few times, I tripped and even fell in the muddy,
snowy ground. I landed on hands and knees, dirty wet snow and small pebbles
digging into my bare hands and through the jean cloth on my knees.

I hadn’t put on any gloves; my fingers were so cold I
couldn’t move them properly.

I ran all the way to the dark abandoned high school before I
realized I had no idea where to go. I hadn’t paused to put on a coat or grab my
cell phone. My body wouldn’t stop shaking and I couldn’t tell if it was from
fear or cold.

Probably both.

Help. I needed help, and the first person I thought of was
Todd. He’d wanted to be my boyfriend so bad; he’d made so many attempts.
Tonight was his chance to prove himself worthy.

He’d told me he was hanging out with Ryder. Since Ryder
didn’t live that far from the school, I started toward the Yates’ house. It
took me about ten minutes to reach Ryder’s place. My cheeks, nose, feet and
hands were icicles. My ears were so cold they burned and gave me a headache. My
teeth chattered hard enough to make my jaw ache; I couldn’t get them to stop.

The good thing was I’d stopped hyperventilating. It was too
cold to breathe heavily anyway.

Tears clogged my lashes, freezing them together, when I
knocked on Ryder’s window. I didn’t realize the lights were off until I knocked
again and a muffled illumination made the closed blinds glow as someone flipped
on a light. I was so relieved to see that light come on I almost started crying
again. Or maybe I did start all over again. I can’t remember.

The blinds zipped up and I stared down into Ryder’s face.

I was a little shocked to see him. For some reason, I’d been
expecting Todd. I’d even forgotten I was at Ryder’s house.

From inside the lighted room, Ryder obviously couldn’t see
who his visitor was. He leaned forward and squinted out at me. Finally, he
shook his head and reached for the pane glass, pulling it up.

Even before he had his window all the way open, I blurted,
“Can I talk to Todd?”

Ryder paused. When he finally blinked me into focus, then
took in my red eyes and chattering teeth, his eyes grew big.

“Grace?” He held out both hands. “Oh, my God. Get inside.
Where’s your coat?”

I clutched his hand as soon as he reached out to me. He
gasped at the connection.

“Woo, your hands are freezing.” But he didn’t let go. He
pulled me into the warmth of his room. I closed my eyes from the delight of all
that blessed heat soaking into my bones.

When I heard Ryder closing the window behind me, I cracked
my lids up a peek but didn’t see Todd anywhere. Frowning in confusion, I turned
and looked at Ryder just as he whirled from the window, rubbing at his arm that
had gotten chilled from the cold, wet breeze he’d let in.

“Where’s Todd?” I said numbly.

Ryder gave a slight frown. “Uh…I don’t know. Home maybe?” He
hurried to his bed and ripped off his top comforter before bringing it back and
throwing it around my shoulders.

I just stared at him as he drew the blanket more snugly
around me, gathering two ends together under my chin.

“He already left?” Lifting my hand, I took the gathered
sides and held them closed, trapping my own body heat inside the makeshift
cape.

Ryder paused and blinked as if he had no idea what I was
talking about. “Left where?”

I continued to shiver and pulled Ryder’s blanket tighter
since it was still warm from him sleeping under it. “He told me he was hanging
out here with you tonight.”

Ryder shook his head slightly, letting me know he hadn’t seen
Todd all evening. “Do you want to call him?” he said, already turning away to
dig up his phone.

He carried the cell back to me. I met his gaze. He stared
back with acute concern, but he didn’t ask any questions. He quietly handed me
the phone. I took it, staring down at the numbers I needed to dial. After
blinking a couple of times, I wiped at the tears dripping down my cheeks.

Todd had lied to me; he hadn’t been with Ryder. For all I
knew, he was probably busy with some other girl. But right now, I needed him. I
had nowhere else to go. I looked up at Ryder.

He stood at attention as if ready to jump in and do anything
I asked. I could tell he’d been sleeping. Hair tousled, he wore an old t-shirt
and flannel pants. His eyes were half-closed and a red sleep line ran across
his cheek. But he was awake and he looked ready to help me…in any way.

That made me want to cry even more.

“I can’t dial,” I said in a hoarse voice. “My fingers…” They
just wouldn’t move. They were too stiff and burned with cold pain.

“Here,” Ryder said quietly and took the phone from my hand.
He dialed Todd’s number before handing the receiver back. But the answering
machine picked up immediately. More tears dripped down my cheeks.

“He’s…his phone’s not on.” Of course, he’d shut his phone
off. He was busy with another girl.

“What about Mindy?” Ryder said.

I blinked up at him.

“You’re friends with Mindy, right? Do you want to call her
or someone from Hillsburg?”

I stared stupidly. He seemed too eager to help…I didn’t
understand. The one boy I’d figured would slam the door in my face was the
first person eager to help me.

I nodded. “Okay.” I wasn’t too certain what I had agreed to
until Ryder took the phone again.

“Do you know her number?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No.” And man, my throat was really
starting to burn.

“I’ll call Cory and ask him.” After a few more clicks on the
keypad, Ryder pressed his phone to his ear and waited a second before he
winced. Slapping it closed, he sighed, sending me an apologetic look. “Everyone
must turn off their phones at night.”

I wilted, shoulders slumping, head falling. What was I going
to do now? The next person I wanted was my mother. But how could I explain
anything to her?

Oh, dear Lord, how
was
I going to tell my mother?

Could
I tell my mother?

Would she even believe me?

I kind of thought not. We were on the outs. I’d been
treating her awful lately. What if she believed I was attempting some stupid
melodramatic teenage stunt, hoping to break her up with her new husband?

No. I couldn’t tell her. A month ago, there’s no doubt in my
mind, she would’ve already known by now. But everything had changed since then.
Barry had made certain of it.

After that, what I wanted to seek were my Hillsburg friends.
But I hadn’t heard from them in forever. Adam’s explanation of why they’d shied
away from me sort of made sense, but it still hurt to be abandoned. Plus, they
were too far away tonight.

Laina would’ve been my next choice, but I suddenly realized
I didn’t know her last name to even begin researching how to get a hold of her.

“Look,” Ryder said, cutting into my thoughts. “Why don’t I
just take you over to Mindy’s house?”

I wasn’t sure Mindy was the person I wanted, either. We
spoke at school, and I liked her better than I liked anyone else in their
group, yet I’d never confided anything personal to her. And this would be the
biggest confidence I would place with anyone. But what else was there to do? I
couldn’t just stand around Ryder’s bedroom all night, huddling under his
blankets.

I mutely nodded, accepting his suggestion.

When I met Ryder’s gaze, he opened his mouth as if he was
going to say something, but then he thought better of it and turned away.

“Let me throw some shoes on.”

He strode to a door and opened it, momentarily disappearing
into his closet. When he returned, he held a pair of shoes in one hand and a
couple thick coats in the other.

“Coat,” he called, tossing one toward me so it would land on
his bed just to my left.

I glanced down and stared stupidly at the thick black
leather jacket. When I lifted my face, I found Ryder already wearing both shoes
and buttoning his letterman’s jacket up to his throat, bundling himself warm
and snug.

Noticing my confused expression, he lifted his eyebrows. “As
much as I’d do anything to help you right now, you can’t wear my blanket out
into the snow.

Shifting my attention back to the coat he’d offered me to
wear, I licked my cold, dry lips. “Why…why haven’t you asked me what happened
yet?”

Pausing as he slipped on a pair of really warm-looking
gloves, Ryder lifted his face. “Would you tell me?”

I thought about it, then shook my head.

He almost smiled; his lips tightened as if he wanted to but
knew he probably shouldn’t. “That’s what I thought.”

Dressed and ready to go, he strode toward me and gently took
a handful of his bed cover. I let him tug it away. After tossing the blanket
onto the bed, he dug out the leather jacket and held it open for me to slip my
arms into the sleeves.

If I’d been in my right frame of mind, I would’ve sent him a
get-real look and jerked the coat from his grasp, putting it on myself.
Actually, I would’ve declined to wear a piece of his clothing altogether. Talk
about the level of my crush shooting through the roof. Being surrounded by his
coat, his smell cloaking me, it was way too dangerous.

But being as shaken as I was, I stiffly followed his prompting
and lifted my fingers, putting them into the armholes.

Once my hands poked through the ends, Ryder turned me to
face him so he could zip the coat closed. Then he stepped back to give me an encouraging
smile. “If you’re lucky, you might find an extra pair of gloves in the pockets.”

I checked; found two gloves and half a pack of Orbit Sweet
Mint gum, plus an iPod.

Ryder snatched the music player out of my palm. “Hey, I’ve
been looking for this.” Lifting it to flash me a smile, he said, “Thanks.”

With that, he turned his back to me, strode to the window
and hauled it up. A gust of wind swept into the room, making me fumble in my
haste to slip on the oversized leather gloves.

He helped me climb up through the opening and then pulled
himself outside after me. “My truck’s this way.” Grasping my gloved hand, he
led me through the dark, all the way to the passenger side door, which he held
open for me and even waited until I climbed inside before he shut the door.

I huddled into the warm coat, inhaling the scent of leather
and Ryder as he started his engine. We didn’t speak to each other, though he
did glance at me quite a bit as he pulled out of the drive and took off down a
road.