The Child Whisperer (39 page)

Encourage your Type 4 teen to be themselves and find their place in high school. Smaller groups and fewer friends is their tendency, so remember not to push them to be more social and put themselves out there more. They may get really involved in high school activities and they may not—again, it’s all or nothing for them.

. . . .

MARK’S STORY

A Positive Type 4 High School Experience

My Type 4 son Mark attended a very large high school where the culture subtly demanded that in order to be popular, you needed to act a little more Type 1 in your behavior and personality. This is typical for most high schools and large social settings. Mark could have easily hated and judged high school as a very “fake” place to be. High school can be a very challenging time for Type 4 teens for this reason. They cannot fake their nature trying to be someone they are not.

Because Mark knew his true nature, he navigated the high school scene with confidence and without judgment. He had a few close friends who supported him in living true to himself. As his parents, we never pressured him to be more social than he was. We encouraged him to follow his interests, which naturally led him to get involved in activities where he met others with similar interests. We were always there to help him whenever he felt insecure about a particular situation. When he got bothered by how many kids tried to fit in and be popular, we just listened and told him what a good example he was as a role model to other students on how to be themselves.

. . . .

If your Type 4 child is living true to themselves, there is a greater chance they will have a more positive high school experience and be capable of accepting others for themselves, too.

Child Whisperer Tip:
As I mentioned earlier, Type 4s can sometimes become so driven and focused that they go to extremes to follow something they are passionate about and committed to. Give them plenty of down time at home and help them be discerning in how many extracurricular activities they are involved in. Help them see that they do not need to pursue every extracurricular activity in their reach to perfection.

Driving:
Efficient drivers
(
and backseat drivers
)

Your little Type 4 child may turn into a backseat driver from a young age. Since their natural inner movement is stillness, they may express judgment for hitting too many bumps in the road or turning corners more quickly than they would like. My grandson Seth started to announce from his toddler seat in the backseat of the car what the speed limit was to his mom while she drove. He said, “Mom, the speed is 2, 5!” His mom would just thank him for letting her know and was thankful he couldn’t read the speedometer from his seat.

They want to be mature, so they look forward to milestones like a driver’s license that will prove that they are grown up. They have a high degree of mental organization and can take in many details at once. They will be able to find their way around well because they find the most efficient route in their mental map. Since they like rules and learn them quickly, you can count on them learning the rules of the road and carrying into their adult life the attitude that they are the best drivers on the street.

Physical Characteristics

One of the most telling ways to identify which movement your child dominantly expresses is to look at facial features and their body language. Your child’s physical characteristics are often more accurate than personality, which can be altered by situation or expectation.

Type 4 children have a reflective quality to their appearance. They hold themselves with an erect posture and have a look that can make them seem older then they are.

Something to remember
: Learning facial profiling for babies and children in a book without pictures or illustrations can be difficult! That is why I have created a library of free videos on my website called, “How to Profile Babies, Children and Teens!” To access this library visit www.thechildwhisperer
.
com.

Face Shape:
Symmetrical

You could fold their face in half and each side would be a mirror image of the other. Shape is elongated oval or rectangle with parallel lines on sides of face and across hairline. Widow’s peak is a classic Type 4 trait.

Skin/Skin Texture:
Smooth, clean, porcelain skin

Cheeks:
High cheekbones with parallel lines

Nose:
Straight, symmetrical nose bridge, sideways oval between nostrils, oval nostrils, two straight lines on sides of nose bridge

Eyes:
Oval, bold

If you drew a line from the outside corner of one eye all the way to outside corner of the other eye, it would make a straight horizontal line.

Eyebrows:
Straight lines or half of an elongated oval, bold

Hands:
Long fingers are the same width all the way down the finger

Fingernail beds are straight on both sides. Smooth, porcelain skin on top of the palm.

Early Childhood Features:
When you look at a young Type 4 child head on, you will notice that the sides of their face run in two straight, parallel lines.

Body Language

Since Energy Profiling is an assessment of our natural expression of movement, body language is an excellent clue to your child’s Energy Type. Pay attention to the way your child moves. Do any of the following movements describe your child?

Crawling:
Most Type 4 children’s physical tendencies develop by the book! This means that they will develop their crawling and walking in the timeline that most child development books and experts suggest—in this case, crawling somewhere between 6 to 10 months. It is important to encourage them to crawl for a few months before they attempt to walk since research has shown that crawling enhances the development of the connections between the right and left hemispheres of the brain.

Walking:
These children walk with a straight and rigid movement.Their arms stay closer to their body. They move in a straight line from point A to point B; even when they don’t, they move in shapes that express Type 4 structure. One mother told her Type 4 daughter to stop running around in circles so they could get ready. “I’m not running in circles,” said the daughter. “I’m running in squares!” One of our company employees, Kalista, who is a Type 4, used to balance books on her head as a teen to practice walking with poise and erect posture.

Sitting/Standing:
Type 4 children sit straight up and down, with both feet on the floor. They have great posture, poised and erect. Of all the Types of children, Type 4 children are naturally capable of sitting and focusing for the longest period of time.

Voice/Language:
As Type 4s mature, their voices have a lower pitch and a clean sound.

The language of a Type 4 is clear, concise, and bold. They say it like it is—or how they think it is.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Others may misunderstand your Type 4 child’s bold nature and more blunt way of communicating. You may need to explain in a logical manner the way their language may be perceived by others. Help them manage their tendency to be blunt.

Personal Space:
Type 4s function better in an organized space and they keep their personal possessions organized so they know where they are. They like to keep things clean and fairly spare, with a lot of open space and no movement. Cleanliness and organization in their personal space help them stay balanced in other areas of their life.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Do not touch their stuff! A Type 4 is particular about their personal belongings. They care for their preferred items carefully and do not trust others to care for them in the same particular way. If you disregard their personal space and personal items, you will compromise the trust in your relationship with your child.

. . . .

SETH’S STORY

Just His Toys

When I explained to my daughter Jenny that her Type 4 son Seth would benefit from keeping some of his favorite toys just for himself and not be expected to share them with others, she took this to heart. She talked to him about it when he was only four years old.

Seth loved being able to select his favorite items, knowing he would not have to share them with his little brother or friends unless he decided he wanted to. Jenny purchased a few plastic bins that fit easily under his bed where he could store them. Seth made a sign that said, “Seth’s Specials, Don’t Touch!” and taped it where it could be seen. When I visited Seth recently, I asked him about his toys and books under his bed and he explained, “Those are just for me. I only let my friends that treat them nicely play with them!”

. . . .

Challenges as a Parent: Power Struggles and Respect

Parenting a Type 4 child can be the easiest and simplest experience when you finally understand the few intrinsic needs Type 4 children have and you parent them with the intent to honor those needs. Parenting a Type 4 child can also be one of the most challenging and frustrating experiences of your parenting life if you do not understand these basic intrinsic needs and instead parent from the old belief that as the parent, you have all the authority and control. Take a moment to consider these common challenges of parents with Type 4 children and then try the straightforward tip that follows.

The number one challenge that parents tend to face with Type 4 children is a constant power struggle. Because one of the Type 4’s basic intrinsic needs is to be their own authority, Type 4 children continually assert their authority in their own lives, which parents may interpret as rebellion or defiance. Parents who do not understand their Type 4 child respond by demanding more control in an attempt to be an authority figure in their child’s life, which only leads their child to become more rigid and pull away in an attempt to be their own authority and experience more independence. Together, parents and Type 4 children create a cycle of power struggles.

Child Whisperer Tip
:
Become a partner of authority in your child’s life. Your interaction does not have to be either/or—it can be both/and. Your child and you are both authorities and can work together in a partnership of mutual cooperation. In this partnership, your role as a parent is to raise them true to their authoritative nature, supporting them in learning how to use this natural gift to follow their own sense of what is right for them. As their parent, you are endowed automatically with a position of authority in their eyes. But that authority will only be respected if you recognize your Type 4 child as an authority in their own lives.