The Child Whisperer (16 page)

After about six months, it became “cool” for kids to be friends with this girl who had been an outcast when she first moved in. Sydney felt angry that these kids were so mean to the new girl at the beginning of the year, but all wanted to be her friend as soon as it became popular. What Sydney didn’t realize at the time was that her gentle attention and encouragement probably contributed to all the other kids feeling comfortable enough to connect with this new friend.

. . . .

Because they are natural peacemakers, Type 2 children may tend to create a pattern of being in the middle of their friends’ dramas. They may allow themselves to become the middleman who makes everyone feel comfortable and safe. Type 2 children may compromise their true nature and wear themselves out emotionally if they try to single-handedly create harmony within their group of friends. Help your child feel like they deserve friends who are as supportive to them as they are to others. 

Child Whisperer Tip:
Type 2 children need opportunities to recharge on their own. Do not tightly pack your Type 2 child’s schedule with social experiences or they will start feeling drained and overwhelmed. Allow your child chances to relax and spend quiet time alone.

Timeliness:
Always making plans

Their plans keep these children fairly punctual, especially for events they care about. But as they grow, they are still learning how to manage all the details required to get out the door, and this means they might move more slowly than you prefer—especially when you are in a rush. As one mother explained, her Type 2 child is rarely late according to the clock, but usually just barely makes it.

Child Whisperer Tip:
The word
hurry
will turn your Type 2 child into a turtle (and set up a pattern of feeling that they can never catch up). Don’t even say it. Without an end in mind, your Type 2 child could take all day. So instead of pushing your child to move faster, communicate the timing of your plans. Use your own variation of this phrase one parent used with her six-year-old Type 2 daughter: “I know you would rather think about this, but right now I want you to put on your shoes so we can be on time.” Then trust your child to move fast enough, even if their movement doesn’t look like it matches your pace.

If your Type 2 child has been rushed in the past, consider giving them some words to counteract the message that they are too slow. When they feel stressed about timing, suggest that they say this out loud to themselves: “I have plenty of time to move at my own pace.”

It is important for young Type 2 children to experience pleasant transitions. Time spent before bed or before leaving for school have a great impact on how smoothly (and how quickly) they move to the next activity. If they experience those transition times as negative and stressful, they may drag their feet the next time, making everybody late. Keep things positive and flowing at a steady pace.

Jobs and Household Chores:
Organize the details

These children want to make their home comfortable for the family, so they are great helpers. Once a Type 2 child learns how to do a particular household task, they usually do it well. In fact, with their attention to detail, they sometimes do certain household chores more carefully than their parents. But they may drag their feet when getting started, especially for jobs they don’t enjoy.

Type 2s might take more time to complete chores than children of other Types, but they generally do them with great attention to detail. They will follow through to the end if they don’t feel overloaded, so plan out in advance which chores need to be done and in what order. Support your child in tackling only one task at a time.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Service-oriented chores are high on a Type 2 child’s priority list. In other words, they enjoy (and will be more likely to finish) jobs that will make others feel more comfortable at home. Here are just a few of the endless examples: making their parents’ bed, arranging décor on a table or counter in an attractive way, or helping make a yummy dessert for the family. I know of a Type 2 little girl who prefers to eat dinner at a table with a full setting, flowers, and candles. Why not put your Type 2 in charge of making things nice around the house?

Money Management:
Plan, plan, plan

Type 2 children plan when it comes to money and how they want to spend it. Even Type 2 children who are just learning about the concept of money have this tendency. One mom told me that her five-year-old, Type 2 son is just learning about money and tells her often, “I’m going to save my money for that,” or “I’m going to buy that for you.” He doesn’t have any money, but he’s already planning what he’ll do with it when he does.

. . . .

SARAH’S STORY

Saving and Spending

When Sarah was 12 years old, she saved her money and bought a horse. Using her natural gift to research all the details and think about every aspect of her plan, she also made all the arrangements for its board and feeding long before the horse ever arrived.

. . . .

Type 2 children want to feel comfortable with their decisions, so they gather details and compare as many possible options as they can before spending money. As you’ve already learned, questioning, and considering answers to those questions, is a large part of a Type 2 child’s life experience. So even after they’ve made a choice of what to spend their money on, they may even continue to question their decision. This will be a life-long experience for them. Rather than rush them to decide, honor their tendency—and then take another turn around the store with them so they can look at their options one more time. Help them see that this tendency will help them spend money wisely as an adult.

Child Whisperer Tip:
A Type 2 child may allow their financial plans to paralyze them in the present moment. As they grow, help them consider setting aside a small amount of “it-doesn’t-matter” money that they can spend on spontaneous items without feeling anxious that they are deviating from their plan.

Recreational Activities:
At their own pace

Type 2 children will engage in most any activity as long as they feel comfortable to take it at their own pace. They do particularly well in social situations that offer one-on-one or small group interactions. They also enjoy activities that they can do on their own to relax and unwind. Some common activities that Type 2 children enjoy include dancing, riding bikes, playing house, storytelling, and pretending with friends. A simple activity most Type 2 children enjoy is going on a walk with someone they feel comfortable with.

Even in large social settings, they prefer activities that allow them to feel comfortable. They may excel at competitive sports as long as they feel comfortable with their skill level and they are not expected to act aggressively. For example, one mom told me that her seven-year-old Type 2 son is too polite to steal the ball while playing soccer!

Activities to Help a Type 2 Child Develop Natural Gifts

As you facilitate opportunities for your Type 2 child to develop their natural gifts, remember that these children are emotionally oriented and express a medium-low level of movement. Consider involving them in activities that offer enough time for them to think things through, practice on their own, and enjoy details along the way.

Most Type 2s enjoy walking and hiking. These activities allow them to take in all the details of the world around them, while simultaneously connecting with whomever is walking with them. Type 2 children love connections and they will be especially open to activities that bring their family together. Extended family gatherings and outings often appeal to them.

Type 2 children experience connections everywhere, including connections to tastes and smells. You can involve them in cooking and eating comforting food. They like to gather the details of a new skill, so you could encourage your child to research recipes and ideas for a comfortable family meal and then help them assemble all the ingredients.

Consider other activities that involve gathering details, planning and then creating. Some ideas include painting, Legos, sewing, sculpting, writing stories, taking pictures, planning parties or decorating. I’m sure you can think of many more that your Type 2 child is naturally drawn to.

Music and entertainment are also good options. These children have the patience to practice piano or other instruments. And they enjoy being part of a group, so choir may be a good choice. Drama or dance can give them the satisfaction of using their natural gifts to connect with an audience.

Consider involving them in personal sports like swimming, karate, track, or golf. These kinds of sports allow for an inner focus that Type 2 children enjoy. Before signing them up for a class or activity, always give your Type 2 child enough details about what to expect and let them tell you how they feel about it.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Remember that these children need quiet time to recharge. They especially need time to just sit and connect with you—both emotionally and physically. Give your Type 2 child regular (preferably scheduled) “alone time” with you when you ask, “How are you feeling?” Use this time to listen patiently as your child expresses the answer, even if it takes them a while to respond. Reach out to your Type 2 and touch them while you are talking to them. Sit close, put your arm around them, or hold and comfort them. Reaching out and making a physical connection while you make an emotional connection is very powerful for a Type 2 child.