The Child Whisperer (15 page)

Sometimes, Type 2 children react negatively to what they simply perceive as contention. For example, six-year-old Kaela often became very agitated by the direct communication style between her parents who expressed dominant Type 3 and Type 4 energies (strong expressions that you’ll learn about in the next two sections of this book). For them, their direct, blunt manner of discussing things did not cause hurt feelings, but to Kaela, it felt like fighting—and it bothered her. Her parents decided to tone down their conversations in her presence and wait until Kaela was asleep to discuss hot topics so that she felt more comfortable in her family.

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A Type 2 child’s sensitivity may lead to assumptions about others that aren’t quite right. For example, one twelve-year-old boy got a call from a friend, who asked him to come over to play. He thought his friend sounded sad, so he took some treats with him to cheer her up. When he got home, his mom asked what was wrong with the friend, but there was nothing wrong. He had just assumed that there was.

Incorrect assumptions can sometimes lead to your Type 2 feeling hurt about unintended offenses. If you notice your Type 2 child making assumptions about what others think or feel, help them recognize that they can usually clear up any misunderstandings by just asking the other person a question!

If you don’t feel emotionally connected to your Type 2 child, there’s a reason! Consider the possibility that your child has one of these experiences with you:

• They do not feel they can speak up around you.
  

• They feel rushed or pushed when they are with you.
  
• They feel like you dismiss the details that matter to them.
  
• They do not feel like they can count on you to follow through with plans.
  
• They feel required to take emotional responsibility for you.
  
• They are confused about who they are because their naturally emotional expression has been judged by their parent as a weakness.
  

Type 2 children
need
comfortable moments and spaces in which they feel safe to express their emotions to their parents. Ignoring this need is like telling a river to just stop flowing! When you honor your Type 2 child’s true nature, you will see your child become more peaceful and emotionally responsive to you.

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SUZETTE’S STORY

Picking Up On Subtle Clues

Suzette is a Type 1 mom with a Type 2 daughter. Her daughter participated in a children’s performance at their church one Sunday. Suzette planned to take her daughter and drop her off in the children’s Sunday School class immediately after the service and the performance. But because of what she learned from Energy Profiling, Suzette could tell that her Type 2 daughter was not feeling quite right in her energy.

Here is what Suzette said about the experience: “I was just about to take her and drop her off at her Sunday School class, but I had the thought to stop and take some quiet time with just her. I explained to her what I felt was happening and that I wanted to take some time to be with her until she felt calm and comfortable again. We went outside and walked around the church for a few minutes and she totally shifted. She was calm and happy again. We connected and the rest of the day [was] very peaceful and pleasant with her.”

As a Child Whisperer, Suzette has learned to take her daughter’s subtle cues as opportunities to stop and think about what her daughter wants or needs. By emotionally validating and comforting her daughter, she did something meaningful that honored her daughter’s gentle nature.

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Communication: Soft-Spoken and Emotionally Aware

A Type 2 child’s lower level of movement shows up in their communication tendencies. They prefer comfortable conversations and may withdraw, worry, or cry if they feel things get too heated. Talking through details is enjoyable for them, so some Type 2 teenagers like to debate issues, but only as long as everyone feels heard and the conversation ends on a positive note.

Because their thought process involves so many details, these children take their time telling a story and they often respond slower when asked a question. If they are called on to answer quickly or feel put on the spot, they may mumble. If someone gets too pushy in a conversation, they will often get quieter, more subdued, and want to leave the situation.

. . . .

CALEB’S STORY

They Need to Think About It

Seventeen year-old Caleb and his parents were discussing his college plans one evening. His parents told him that they would help in any way they could—he just needed to tell them what he wanted. All they got was a long pause. His father, who has a more swift, determined energy, jumped in and told him, “You’ve got to decide.” Another long pause. After they waited for what seemed a long while, Caleb said, “I’m thinking.” Like his fellow Type 2s, Caleb was probably thinking through details, making connections, putting together what he already knew and questioning what he didn’t know before putting anything into words.

You can teach your Type 2 child this excellent phrase they can use that will help them in moments when they feel rushed to make a decision: “I heard what you said and I need to think about it and see how I feel about it.” Then have them communicate a deadline for talking about the matter again after they’ve had time to think through the details and get in touch with their feelings.

. . . .

Type 2 children are naturally more soft-spoken, which means they are told on a regular basis to “speak up!” I have met so many adult Type 2s who were told as children that they were too quiet. They feel like they can never speak loudly enough!

Parents need to be careful not to overlook Type 2 children because they will not demand as much attention. Instead of saying what they want, they give subtle clues—like the Type 2 child who sits and waits quietly by the door when she wants to go outside. Other clues are not so subtle, like pouting, whining, sulking, or yelling. Type 2 children often don’t understand that they can speak up and ask directly for what they need.

Child Whisperer Tip:
These children need to be invited to speak up and articulate their needs. Here are some ideas of phrases you can use to encourage and teach them: “Your needs are important.” “I want you to tell mommy or daddy what you want.” “Say what you need and I will hear you.” Tell your Type 2 child on a regular basis that they can come to you if they need help.

One of the reasons Type 2 children give such subtle clues is their own intuitive ability. They are so sensitive that they naturally intuit others’ needs and assume that everyone can and should do the same for them. You may need to explain to your Type 2 child that you do not relate to the world in the same way they do, and unless they tell you what they need, you will not always know that they need help.

Because they are so concerned with people’s feelings, Type 2 children may try to avoid communicating things they think will make others uncomfortable. Acknowledge your child’s natural ability to be diplomatic and kind. Let them know that they never need to cloud or hide the truth in order to live true to their sensitive nature. Help them understand that they can communicate openly and honestly while still maintaining their soft approach.

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SYDNEY’S STORY

Communicating Tough Things

As a teenager, Sydney manages a fast-food restaurant and has to discipline employees frequently. Instead of being harsh, she often tries to find something nice to say about the person and offer suggestions for improvement. If she has to give a warning she says something like this: “I’d really like to keep you on, but the owner was upset when he heard about employees reading on the clock. You’ll need to do better.” Her concern for others’ feelings helps her to be an empathetic manager.

. . . .

These children are naturally good listeners. They notice and remember others’ emotional cues, along with their words. And they often expect others to pay the same careful attention to them and their needs. Type 2 children may get particularly frustrated when asked to repeat themselves—they assume they are not being listened to as attentively as they listen to others. But they probably just spoke too softly to be heard!

Child Whisperer Tip:
When you ask your child to repeat something they said, change your demeanor. Stop what you’re doing, make eye contact, tell them that you didn’t hear what they said but that you want to. Type 2 children will feel less flustered about repeating themselves if they can see that you are invested in them and prepared to really hear them the second time.

Behavioral Tendencies

Family Relationships:
Enjoy feeling connected

Ever sensitive, Type 2 children are attuned to the details that make everyone in the family comfortable. They want everyone to feel part of the group and may try to make plans to bring the whole family together. They want to feel connected to something bigger and often enjoy the added connections that grandparents, cousins, and other extended family members offer to their life.

They truly want everyone to get along and quickly withdraw from heated family conflict. When things have cooled down, they are naturally able to listen to everyone’s side of the story and empathize. They value harmony in the family and may try to facilitate it.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Your Type 2 child naturally brings peace to the world—and they are meant to be the first recipient of that gift. Remind your child that they cannot offer peace to the family if they do not feel it themselves. If they feel stressed or anxious about helping everyone get along, they have probably tried to take on emotional responsibility that belongs to others. Your Type 2 child’s own inner sense of peace can serve as an excellent guide for them throughout their life.

Fairness is important to Type 2 children, especially in their families. They are so aware of the details of what everyone receives in the family—whether it’s time, attention, or money spent on birthday gifts. They perceive who is getting what and can take on a “poor me” attitude when they feel they are not being treated as fairly as everyone else. Don’t get sucked into this pity party. Acknowledge and validate their feelings and then support them in learning how to communicate what they need and want.

Friends and Social Settings:
Take their time

These children take a moment to warm up in new situations. They hold back, observing details, until they feel comfortable or are engaged by another child. This more subtle, gradual approach to social situations leads some adults to label these children as shy. They are not shy. They have an introverted energy that expresses itself as an inward flow rather than an outward one. In other words, they need to internalize the details of the new situation before moving forward. Do not rush them! When allowed to take the time they need, Type 2 children make new friends just fine, though often not as quickly as other Types.

Because they take their time and value connection, Type 2 children often make and maintain close friends throughout the years. They are reliable friends, they remember details, and they intuitively help others feel comfortable if they feel comfortable themselves. In social experiences, these children value connecting with others and being heard. They thrive if given the opportunity to interact one-on-one, rather than in large groups where they may feel ignored or overwhelmed. Sensitive to others’ needs, they may reach out to children who might feel left out.

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SYDNEY’S STORY

Reaching Out

When Sydney was in the fifth grade, a new girl arrived at school. The new girl was from Japan and she didn’t speak a word of English. Many kids at school were distant and unfriendly, but Sydney instantly felt sad for this lost little girl. She began sitting by her at lunch and drawing pictures during class to help her understand what was going on.