The Child Whisperer (13 page)

Child Whisperer Tips to support this stage:
Being with their friends takes on a priority at this stage of life—and at times, parents and siblings may feel offended that a Type 1 would rather be with friends than family. Choosing friends over family will not happen if a Type 1 is supported and honored for living their true nature in the home.

The main reason a Type 1 teenager wants to be with friends over family is they are supported and appreciated for their fun-loving nature by their friends and they may feel compromised in being able to be their true selves in their home. If this is true for your child, you can turn this around so your Type 1 teenager feels their fun-loving nature is welcomed and appreciated in their own home.

It’s Never Too Late!

Please note that even if your Type 1 child has grown past any of these stages, it is never too late to validate and meet their emotional needs.

Right now, we are all every age we have ever been. If we have unmet emotional needs, we carry them with us into the next stage of our lives. If you have a Type 1 16-year-old daughter, it’s not too late to validate and affirm all the previous stages of her development. For that matter, if your son is a Type 1 40-year-old, it’s not too late for him, either! And if you are a Type 1 parent yourself, I hope this section has helped you recognize and heal some of your own inner child’s unmet needs to help you feel much happier now, too!

Most of my work in the field of Energy Psychology helps adults heal their inner child’s unmet needs. What a gift it is when a parent shows up and meets the needs of an older child once and for all! Like I said, it’s never too late to become a better parent!

The Child Whisperer’s Top 10 Things

A Type 1 Child Needs From You!

In summary, this short list includes some of the most important things to remember when parenting a Type 1 fun-loving child. This general list will be supportive to all Type 1 children. After reading this section, please add your own inspirations to this list. I aim to initiate your Child Whisperer gifts as a parent. As a Child Whisperer, you will receive your
own
inspirations and aha’s, specific to your Type 1 child. Write them down!

1.
Happiness

Your Type 1 child wants and needs you to be happy as often as possible. You will certainly experience stress and down days, but make sure you reassure your Type 1 child that he or she is not responsible for your happiness. Make an effort to be happy in spite of your challenges. Your Type 1 child will certainly try to help you smile a lot more about life.

2.
Freedom

Type 1 children need the freedom to move, to create, to explore, to interact and to adapt. Too much structure boxes them in and represses their true nature.

3.
Praise for their ideas and creativity

Remember, you don’t have to make sure your Type 1 child follows through on every idea they come up with, but help them learn to follow through on the ones they feel are most important to them.

4.
Encouragement to live true to who they are

Since it is so easy for Type 1s to adapt to family and friends, make sure to support them in checking in with themselves to see if they are living true to themselves.

5.
Change

Type 1 children grow tired of things being the same. Give them the chance to change things up in their life—like their room, their hairstyle, their toys, or friends. Respect them when they change their mind on things.

6.
Time to have fun together and let your hair down!

Schedule regular times to have fun with your Type 1 child. Even to this day, I make sure I have fun with my adult Type 1 children.

7.
Laughter

What brings laughter to your family? Funny movies, YouTube videos, jokes and stories, reminiscing about funny memories? Engage your Type 1 child in sharing experiences that help everyone laugh!

8.
Take them seriously

Even though they have a light and animated nature, this nature wants to be taken seriously and acknowledged without having to become serious! Take their ideas seriously, their lighter feelings seriously, their glass-is-half-full outlook on life seriously! Don’t try and get them to take life more seriously by becoming more serious!

9.
Don’t sweat the small stuff

You will experience plenty of times to easily get upset at your Type 1 child for dropping the ball on things, being late, letting their rooms get messy, not turning in homework. Pick and choose what you need to discipline them for and how you discipline them. Reevaluate how much structure they are trying to adapt to and failing at. Make necessary adjustments so they can create success consistently in their own natural movement.

10.
Avoid these phrases and judgments:

• Settle down.
  
• Grow up.
  
• You’re too silly.
  
• When are you going to become responsible?
  
• Okay, that’s enough fun.
  
• Everything doesn’t have to be a game.
  

After reading this section, add to this list by writing the inspirations and aha’s you have received regarding what your Type 1 child needs from you. Make your notes here:

Type 1 Child Word Portrait

Refer to this word portrait list often as a quick reminder of the nature of your Type 1 child. Compare your child’s mood and disposition to this list. Is your Type 1 child expressing these movements and qualities on a consistent basis? If not, what do you need to change in your parenting approach to support them in living true to their nature?

Type 1 children are often described as:

Active

Agreeable

Animated

Amusing

Bouncy

Bubbly

Busy

Charismatic

Cheerful

Cute

Cute as a button

Energetic

Engaging

Friendly

Frolicking

Fun-loving

Funny

Happy

Happy

Light-hearted

Likes to be the center of attention

Little actor

Little ray of sunshine

Never sits still

Outgoing

Pixie

Positive

Random

Smiley

Social

Social butterfly

Smiles at everyone

Talkative

Negative labels that are not honoring of Type 1 children:

Attention deficit

Daydreamer

Flighty

Hyperactive

Idealist

Irresponsible

Lack of follow through

Messy

Mischievous

Type 2: The Sensitive Child

Primary Connection to the World:
Emotional

Primary Movement:
Subtle and flowing

Primary Need:
To have feelings honored and everyone in the family feel loved and connected

T
he Type 2 expression comes from the element of oxygen/water, and its natural primary movement is fluid and flowing. A child with a dominant Type 2 movement will be naturally calming, subdued, and sensitive. These children move in a subtle, connected flow to create in this world. They naturally express a medium to medium-low level of movement. Keeping life comfortable for themselves and others—both emotionally and physically—is one of the primary motives for a Type 2 child.

Other words that describe the movement of energy in a dominant Type 2 child are: soft, steady, easy-going, relaxed, and tender. Adults often describe babies with a dominant Type 2 energy as the most easy-going babies they’ve ever seen. When I meet a Type 2 child, I notice their gentle nature and naturally calming energy.

Many adults value the lower level of movement in Type 2 children, as these children are generally quieter and have the natural capacity to sit still for longer periods of time. But their lower movement, which expresses itself calmly, also means that many Type 2 children are often told throughout their childhoods to, “Talk louder!” and “Hurry up!” Honoring a Type 2’s lower energy and need to take their time will give them powerful permission to live true to themselves. Dominant Type 2 children who feel supported in living true to their nature grow up knowing that their steady pace and need for comfort are strengths.

Natural Gifts and Talents: Peace and Plans

Type 2s naturally offer some unique gifts to the world without even trying:
Lots of questions matched with the ability to use details they gather to make life peaceful for all.

Once an idea has been created (initiated by the natural gift of a Type 1), Type 2 energy becomes the next phase in the cycle of wholeness by asking questions to gather details, and then using those details to create a plan that will flow easily. These children do not have to learn to be detail-oriented planners—it just comes naturally to them. The Type 2 catchphrase is:
“What do we need to know and plan for to make the idea possible?”

Type 2 energy moves like a deep, steady river. When given the time they need, these children are deliberate and methodical in their approach to life. Parents can rest assured that their Type 2 child will think things through before acting.

Questions come readily and constantly for a Type 2 child. In every situation, they naturally have questions and truly feel they need the answers to all of them. Since they can think of questions indefinitely, these children face the challenge of proceeding through their question phase and just moving forward into action with their plan. They will often question themselves after they’ve made a decision and started to act. Recognize that this will always be their natural tendency. Help them understand that trying to shut down their questions would be contrary to their nature—they should just let their questions flow, even if they do not find the answers to all of them.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Sometimes, you may wish that your Type 2 child’s questions would stop! But these children will continue asking questions and gathering details their entire lives. If you try to shut down that part of their process, you are basically demanding that they not be themselves! Instead of telling them to stop asking questions, encourage and empower your Type 2 child to consider places to look for answers. It is important for you to remember you don’t have to be the one to have all the answers! If they have questions about a particular topic, you can show them how to find experts, books, online resources, and other references. If you reach your question limit for the day, consider encouraging your Type 2 child to call someone they feel comfortable with, like a grandparent, uncle, or aunt. These children will enjoy forming stronger connections with those they love while learning that they can turn to various people for answers.

Type 2 children relate emotionally to the details they gather. Even as young children, they often use what they have learned to make life comfortable and flow more easily for others. When my Type 2 daughter, Anne, was still in diapers, she would gather all of the supplies when she needed to have her diaper changed—the new diaper, the wipes and her blanket to lie on—and then would come to me to have her diaper changed. She started doing this at about 15 months. Even before she could talk, she was already paying attention to the details and putting together a plan to make it easier for me to change her diaper! Just like Anne did in her diaper-changing experience, you may notice that your Type 2 child enjoys making plans that they think will please others.

Type 2 children often notice and remember others’ preferences without ever being told what they are directly. As these children grow, they tend to give thoughtful gifts that they prepare well in advance for birthdays and other holidays.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Since they go to so much thought and planning for others, Type 2 children feel especially loved and honored when you put in more thought and planning to their special days: birthdays, graduations, and other celebrations. Birthdays in particular tend to be very important for Type 2s. We always joked that my daughter Anne would love it if we arranged for a band to march down our street on her birthday, playing the Happy Birthday song! Type 2 children love being doted on. They are so conscientious about doing nice things for others on their birthdays that they hope to experience the same. Your child will recognize when you take time to plan ahead, which will make them feel special. My own Type 2 children love it when I have put a lot of thought and attention into their family birthday parties!

Child Whisperer Tip:
Type 2 children also need time to think about what they want for their birthdays or for Christmas. They are planners and they want to feel their plan has been heard. So ask your child to make a list in advance! A month in advance, I ask both of my Type 2 children to make a list and let me know which things on it they want the most. I also give them a budget so they can plan accordingly, as they put more thought into it than any of our other children, and appreciate receiving just what they want.

Because Type 2 children’s primary connection to the world is emotional, they are naturally sensitive to others’ feelings. They empathize readily with children who feel left out, family members who are having a bad day, or anyone else in their world they sense is unhappy. They value the comfort of everyone around them, which they often facilitate with their naturally soothing energy. This sensitivity also relates to themselves; they are more easily offended and can more readily have their feelings hurt.

. . . .

MAISY’S STORY

So Sensitive to Others!

Three-year-old Maisy was sitting on her mother’s bed when she noticed her mother put a clean pillowcase on a pillow. Maisy questioned where it came from. Her mother said it was a pillowcase that her own mother had made before she died. When she got a little teary-eyed talking about her mother, a concerned look appeared immediately on Maisy’s face and Maisy started to cry. She patted her mother’s arm and told her that it would be okay. Even eight months later, Maisy asks every now and then if her mother still misses her mom.

. . . .

Child Whisperer Tip:
In an effort to bring peace and comfort to those they love, Type 2 children sometimes take on too much emotional responsibility for others—especially their parents. You can appreciate and honor your Type 2 child’s natural gift of bringing peace into your home, but if you ever find yourself depending on it to resolve family conflict or your own personal issues, stop immediately. Recognize your Type 2 child for their loving nature and the strong emotional connections they feel. And then reassure them that they are not responsible for anyone’s feelings but their own.

Just like Maisy and her mother shared an authentic emotional experience, your Type 2 child appreciates connecting with you on a deep, emotional level. They are able to do this best when they feel welcome to comfort you, but not responsible to do so. Share your emotions freely with these children and appreciate their comforting energy, but reassure them frequently that their job is to be a child. Tell them that your job as a parent is to make sure their needs are met, especially their emotional needs. Take full responsibility in resolving any of your own uncomfortable feelings.

One of the best ways you can meet these needs is by maintaining a physical connection with your Type 2 child throughout the years. Frequent touch occurs naturally when Type 2s are little because babies are held often and toddlers reach out for hugs and cuddles. But touch continues to be important for Type 2s as they grow. They need to be held and comforted. They enjoy sitting close to people they feel comfortable with. Touch reassures them of their connection with you. Reach out and make a physical connection when you are speaking to your Type 2 child. They will appreciate it.

What are some ways you can make your Type 2 child’s current experience feel more safe and comfortable? Write down some ideas:

Personality Traits: Steady and Connected

When they are honored in living true to themselves, Type 2 children express an easy-going personality that invites others to relax and feel comfortable. They have an innate ability to help people feel connected due to their sensitivity to others’ feelings. Others describe them as responsive, sensitive, concerned, low-key, gentle and emotionally aware. A Type 2 child’s energy is like a soothing sunset at the end of the day. People are naturally drawn to these children and their calming natures.

Although Type 2 children can move steadily through life with quiet determination, they tend to hold back if they feel pushed too hard by others. If they experience an interaction that feels too intense to them, they retreat internally, thinking and feeling without sharing, often blaming themselves for causing an aggressive response in another person. Type 2 children have a greater tendency to blame themselves for plans gone wrong than any of the other Types.

. . . .

CALEB’S STORY

A Type 2 Retreats