The Bare Necessities (Non-Profane Edition) (33 page)

“They could be
anywhere,” Paige teased and grabbed hold of his hand. “So what if
they are around? I think I look pretty nice tonight. And I think
you look pretty good.”

“It's just …
weird. Why are we appearing in so many newspapers? So what if we
have a best-selling album and a single and a …”

“A story,” Paige
told him. “That's what Andre says, we are a story!”

“You're really
enjoying this, aren't you?” Jack suggested as he pushed open the
door to the pub.

“Yes,” Paige admitted. “I think it's exciting.” She
looked at her partner and grinned as she took his hand. “All my
life I've loved making music and wished I could be successful. I
never thought I would, and I would be too scared, but now people
are listening. And they are loving it. Soon they'll get bored of us
as a story, but our music will live on. Doesn't that excite
you?”

Jack snorted. “I
guess.” Her eyes narrowed. “I just wish I could get some escape
from it all.”

“You sound just
like Claire.”

1. Chapter
   XXIII
   

Jack opened the
door to his vehicle and inwardly groaned. There were several cars
at unnatural angles in the pub car park, and he looked at Paige.
“Not again!”

Paige squinted.
“I'm too drunk to say anything,” she told him but gave him a grin.
“But come here.” She fell against the car as she scooted around the
vehicle and threw her hands around her band mate, kissing him on
the cheek, in full view of the cars. “Thank you,” she said loudly.
“Thank you for a fantastic night.”

“Paige, what are
you doing?” Jack whispered into her ear.

“Teasing,” she
sniggered. “Let's not end it here,” she broadcast loudly. “And
Jack, where are your hands going!”

Jack rolled his
eyes and pulled away from Paige. “Can we go home?” He asked in an
annoyed voice and Paige blew him a kiss and trotted around his car
to the passenger side of the car. “What the hell was that for?” He
asked as she joined him in the car.

“OK chill,” Paige
spat. “You know what they wanted.”

“But why do you
insist on trying to give it to them?” Jack asked as he started the
engine. “We are going to be all over the papers now.”

“We were always
going to be all over the papers,” Paige replied. “At least this way
we have some idea of the story they are going to run.” She smiled
and pulled a funny face at him. “Laugh!” She poked her tongue out
and wiggled it as he looked away.

“Stop it!” He
barked. “I'm driving.”

“Angry Jack is
boring Jack,” Paige teased. “And according to the papers we are …
what's the word … romantically attached.” Jack grunted and swung
the car onto the main road. “And probably we will be having a night
of knee-trembling passion.” She put her hands on his and stretched
her legs into the footwell. “Of course, if we open the bedroom
windows, I am sure I can fake an orgasm loud enough for them to
hear,” she teased.

“You will not,”
Jack demanded and looked at his band mate bursting into
hysterics.

“S'ok, I wasn't
really going to.” She rubbed her hand along the back of Jack's
hand, resting on the gear stick. “I don't know how to fake one,”
she said with a glint in her eye. “But thanks, it's been a great
evening. I've really enjoyed myself. I mean, I know you are a posh
bastard, and all that, but when you want to, you can actually be
quite nice.”

“I think that's a
compliment,” he told her. “But I am not sure it was meant as
one.”

Paige shrugged and
watched the small town whizz past her window. They travelled and
chatted warmly on the short journey before overtaking some
ominously parked vehicles and pulling into Lucinda's driveway.

“Lucinda really
did have company,” Paige cried as Jack had to navigate around the
large, rusting salon car with a smirk. “The old fox.”

“That's my aunt
your talking about!”

“Chill,” Paige
barked and grinned.

“OK, we better go
in the back way.”

“You must be
joking!” Paige cried and got out the car. “I want to meet her new
fella.” Jack pulled a face at her, but the drunken girl just
snorted. “She's hardly likely to be screwing on the rug in the
lounge, is she?”

“Paige …” Jack
called, but his date was impatient and she grabbed him by the hand
and swayed from side to side as he unlocked the door. “You know, I
think you are too wild for me when you've had a drink!”

“I'm too wild for
you when I ain't had a drinkie!” Paige cried and burst into the
hallway, looking towards the open lounge door, from where they
heard voices.

“You're back?”
Lucinda called out, and Paige bit her lip as her head poked through
the open doorway.

“Paige,” Jack
hissed, but the tipsy girl ignored him.

“Hi,” she muttered
and looked at the table in the middle of the room. Three wine
bottles sat on the table, and Lucinda followed Paige's gaze.

“Don't tell Jack,”
she pleaded.

“Don't tell me
what?” Her nephew asked and crossed his arms as he came into the
room and groaned. “That's a lot of bottles, Aunty and…”

“Don't start,” she
snapped and gestured towards Paige and Jack. “No need for
introductions, right?”

Paige frowned as
she looked at the balding man sat opposite Jack's aunt. “Why?”

Lucinda froze and
looked at her partner and then at the two teenagers by the door.
“You've not met?”

“No,” they replied
in unison.

Lucinda sniggered.
“Paige, Jack. This is your agent, Greg.”

* *
* * *

“It's nice,” Andre
admitted as he held Claire's hand. They sat on the picnic rug by
the lake, and she looked across at him, smiling.

“I know. It's one
of my favourite places.”

“It's where you
met Paige, right?”

Claire shook her
head. “No,” she said as she opened the rucksack containing a sparse
picnic. “That was … a different site. Umm, this is much smaller.
That's why it's got fewer facilities. But it has this lake in the
forest.” She shrugged and smiled. “I got my first kiss, at this
lake. Hell, actually. I got my only kiss at this lake.”

Andre giggled.
“Marie Jamieson. Year seven disco. Mind you, she kissed everyone.
No-one ever forgets their first kiss. Soft lips.” He rubbed his lip
as he smiled. “She's now works in a prison, so I doubt she kisses
quite as much.”

“You never know,”
Claire joked and passed her companion a bag of crisps, an apple and
some foil wrapped sandwiches. The naked man took them and looked
back at her. “So how is your first proper naturist holiday?”

Andre took a bite
of his sandwich, so he didn't have to answer immediately and then
stretched. “It's … umm … it's a bit basic.”

“They are a bit
more basic in this country,” Claire responded. “We've been abroad.
Mum and Dad and me, and it's bigger over there. I mean, this is a
nice site, and we come regularly, but they do whole Center Parcs
style stuff abroad.” Andre smiled as she spoke. “But what about it,
you seem happier now?”

“So do you,” Andre
replied. “You're not as stressed.”

“And neither are
you.”

“It's only you and
your friends that make me stressed. You know, I am doing a serious
amount of work for next to no commission.” Claire glared at him.
“OK, not as high commission as I am used to.”

“That's better,”
Claire told him and leant across. “But you get the wonderfulness of
my company.”

Andre went to
speak, but the look on Claire's face stopped him, and he sighed.
“OK. I am very grateful you chose me. I know there were bigger
agents out there wanting you.”

“We went with the
one who we felt we could trust,” Claire admitted. “And I can't
imagine any of the arrogant twats who visited us that day who would
take their client to a naturist resort for a couple of days to help
her unwind. They'd just check her into Champneys or the
Priory.”

“Yeah … well …
that's umm … ahem,” Andre stumbled, and Claire opened her bag of
crisps.

“It is
appreciated,” she told him. “I'm glad we came. A rest is just what
I needed. Paige just seems to go forever, and Jack will do whatever
Paige says, but I like my slow pace of life.” She leant back on the
rug and looked up at the sky. “What can you see in the clouds?”

Andre looked up,
and Claire beckoned her holiday partner to lie on the rug next to
her. “That one there, looks just like a car,” Andre suggested, and
Claire hummed. “And that one is a guitar.”

“Maybe,” she said
and put her hand in his grasp. “And if you look really closely,
that one's cloud-shaped.” Andre laughed at her and squeezed her
hand. “I could lie here all day talking to you. And just
chill.”

Andre sighed and
smiled at her. “I could lie here all day, too.”

“Well you better,
I'm not going anywhere,” she said with a smile and touched his
thigh with her hands. She adjusted herself on the blanket and
sighed before closing her eyes. “Lovely,” she whispered.

* *
* * *

“Paige, this is a
really bad idea.”

“It's a really
good idea,” Jack was told angrily as Paige browsed the shelves of
the shop. He pulled his hood over his head and glanced up and down
the aisle.

“Paige, seriously
…”

“Oh what?” Paige
spat and glared at him. “I want to get some of this stuff without
being noticed. This is the last thing I want to be on the front
page of the sodding tabloids with. It'd spoil everything.” Jack
pulled his jacket hood further over his head, and Paige snarled at
him. “You are really not blending in.”

“Oh relax.
Everyone is always shifty in shops like this. But this is a
terrible idea. What if …”

“You know what was
said last night. Before your aunt asking us if she needed to let
you have any condoms.”

“Don't,” Jack told
his friend. “That was embarrassing.”

“I think it was
more embarrassing when she asked me if I had a preferred brand or
flavour,” Paige sniggered. “And then recommending the ribbed ones
for the ultimate in pleasure and …”

“Just don't remind
me,” Jack interrupted. “I've not been so embarrassed for
years!”

Paige shrugged.
“It's only natural, y'know. Can't believe you went so red!” She
hummed and then looked on the shelf, taking a small box from the
shelf and turning it over in her hand. “Looks fine,” she told him
and raised her eyebrows at him. “Do you want to check? It's got
everything on the box, battery life sounds fine. I'll just have to
turn it on when I am ready.”

“Paige,” Jack
moaned. “I am really not comfortable about this.”

Paige opened her
hands and smirked. “It's the only way, Jack. And it will work,
trust me,” she promised.

“It better,” Jack
replied, sharply, and Paige reached over and kissed him on the
lips.

“It will,” she
whispered. “I'm looking forward to it. I think we'll have some fun
with this.”

* *
* * *

Claire passed
Andre the collapsed tent in its bag, and he loaded it into his car.
“You can't be doing that badly out of us,” Claire suggested. “You
have a new car.”

“No,” Andre
admitted. “We aren't doing too badly from your success. Ummm … but
we are working for it.”

Claire rubbed her
hair and smoothed the clothes on her agent. “I know. And I think
it's good that you have done well. You deserve it.” She batted her
eyes at him as she smiled. “And as we are getting popular …” She
started.

“Yes I know. The
amount of people contacting us about representing them,” Andre
moaned. “You name it. Please do for us what you did for the Bare
Necessities.” Claire laughed.

“But … we did most
of that.”

“Maybe they should
just employ you,” Andre teased and then he bit his lip. “We've been
so busy. We even had a couple think I was Max Clifford. I had a
young lady come to see me and say that your biggest fan had been
forcing her into sex since she was 14, and could she get herself
into the papers.”

“Our biggest fan?”
Claire asked with a scowl. “Who? Paul?”

“No,” Andre
snapped. “Peter Moran. She came and said she had proof. I told her
to go the Police but I don't know if she did. But that's not to go
any further, because I don't know if that's true.”

“Who is she?”

“Some neighbour or
something. But this is not to go any further, Claire. I shouldn't
have told you. And you are not to tell Paige; she'll only go and
shoot her mouth off and we can't prove any of it, and she will get
sued. You know how libel-happy Peter Moran is.”

Claire smiled. “I
won't tell her,” she promised and hummed. “Are all your stories
like that? Can't prove 'em”

“I can prove some
of them,” Andre replied. “But we choose not to.”

Claire giggled.
“Some of those stories you told me last night about wild clients.
And would-be clients. You should write a book.”

Andre sighed.
“That would not go down very well with our clients. They value
discretion. And the wildest ones, I can't tell even you.”

“Ahh, and there
was me thinking I could trust you,” Claire teased.

“You can,” Andre
panicked. “You …”

“I know I can,”
Claire replied and opened the door to his brand new hatchback. “I
wouldn't have let you sign us if I couldn't have trusted you. I
wouldn't have come on this holiday with you. And last night
wouldn't have happened.” Her eyes lowered, and she bit her lip. “I
like you Andre.”

Andre shrugged. “I
like you too.”

“No, you don't get
it. I like you as in, I really like you.” Andre coughed, and Claire
beamed at him. “I think Paige is really quite domineering, and you
are always so calm when you deal with her. And, you are good at
listening, and you are really genuine.” Claire blushed and looked
away.

Andre put his
rucksack on the floor and opened his arms. “I really like you too,”
he said, embracing the teenager with a broad smile. “How the hell
you can cope with Paige's energy, I will never, ever know!”