Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation (20 page)

In the morning my lover and I both do our t’ai chi and other morning exercises together. This gives me pleasure and I’m amazed how much it helps me to stay grounded in some critical moments. My need for a career, money, fame, appreciation, exciting journeys, and meeting many friends has faded. I prefer to be with my beloved and am very content with that. If I could change my life from one day to the next, I would love to have work that allows me to stay at home every day, and not travel around all the time. Recently we were apart for ten days, and I easily lose the connection to my heart when I am alone. In the past I always wanted to be at home in order to come close to myself.

In the last month I woke up twice because I had an orgasm. I did not ejaculate. I had not experienced that since puberty. For one of these incidents I had a dream with wild sex fantasies. We have short moments with a hot kiss, but the desire for hot sex is there for only a second and vanishes before we have time to put it into practice.

I realized that my lust for sex has evolved into lust for life. Sometimes so much joy is bubbling up in both of us that we feel like exploding. My woman’s menstruation is now normal, as it had not been for a very long time, and she has normal ovulation again. I can hardly believe my life has changed so much in such a short time and in such a soft and harmonious manner. Thanks a lot.

PERSONAL SHARING

Staying Connected

With tantra I often realized how my love has the effect of my going beyond myself. The union of vagina and penis is firm as a rock, which keeps reminding me of my love. As waves of hate or fear threatened to deluge me, that connection helped me to stay aware of my love. With the help of love I would then share my fear, as opposed to being trapped in it and projecting it onto my wife; as we all know, the projection of fear is the most wonderful fertilizer for fights and separations. Overall, tantra has helped me to deal with my patterns and fears. I can stay much more grounded when a pattern comes up, and name the pattern. Once it’s out in the open on the table or in the bed, I can more easily deal with it constructively.

Tantric Inspiration

When you come back after a Tantric sex act, you have risen, not fallen. You feel filled with energy, more vital, more alive, radiant. And that ecstasy will last for hours, even for days. It depends how deeply you were in it. If you move into it, sooner or later you will realize that ejaculation is a waste of energy. No need of it—unless you need children. And with a Tantric sex experience you will feel a deep relaxation the whole day. One Tantric sex experience and even for days you will feel relaxed—at ease, at home, nonviolent, non-angry, non-depressed. And this type of person is never a danger for others. If he can, he will help others to be happy. If he cannot, at least he will not make anyone unhappy.

OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
VIGYAN BHAIRAV TANTRA

10

PERSONAL EXPERIENCES

In the pages ahead you’ll find a small selection of the numerous letters we have received from men and women over the past years. We can attest to the authenticity of all these letters, which are anonymous for reasons of privacy.

LETTER SHARING (MAN)

My Penis Touched Her Heart

Two weeks after the wonderful retreat, we are still deeply touched by our new experience of making love. It seems like a miracle that our relationship could change in such a fundamental way after thirty years. We could never imagine that our problems in coming together—our different ideas and expectations of having sex—would find a solution in this new, conscious, and very simple way of making love. And we are fully aware that this solution is not simply the end of an old problem, but much more the beginning of a new way of making love on a totally different level. It is a spiritual practice that leads us to our true nature, and which is able to heal us and heal the world.

Every time we feel my penis being attracted by her vagina, it is magic. We never imagined that a man’s penis could immediately touch the heart of the woman. We feel the energy flowing—deep joy, peace, and love. It is a kind of coming home, of relaxing, and of pure existence. We will never forget these moments; they have already begun to change our lives. Before it was unimaginable that we would come together every day. Now we are not only enjoying our daily “quickie,” but usually we also make love in the evening, in a more intense way. We both feel there is something missing when we don’t come together and connect.

We both know that we are at the beginning of a long journey, and we want to continue.

LETTER SHARING (MAN)

Enjoying the Landscape

I’d like to share a picture that came into my mind: Conventional sex is like mountain climbing, straight up to the peak. Tantric sex as I learned it with other “neo-tantric” teachers is still like climbing mountains, reaching for higher peaks than in conventional sex, and then dancing for a while near the peak until you reach it.

Tantric sex, as I learned it with you, also happens in the beautiful mountain landscape. But long before you start getting exhausted by climbing to the peak, you find that there are lovely meadows, marvelous forests, small brooks with clear water you can drink . . . so you just start walking around the mountain. From time to time you can see the peak, or climb to it whenever you want, but usually there is no need to, because it is so beautiful where you are.

LETTER SHARING (MAN)

Feeling Places I Did Not Know I Could Feel

I started my career as a sexual being at age twelve. It happened during a birthday party, and although (to be honest) it was a quite short experience, it became the blueprint for almost the next thirty years of sex. All I wanted was to get back to the feelings I had when that girl touched me and let me inside her.

Needless to say, I never felt that way again. But I tried everything. And so I started traveling to some really strange places on my roadmap to fulfillment. I did things I would now like to undo, and I used some people who really loved me. I felt myself drifting away from what I was looking for, and the more I drifted, the more I fought to cling to it. In the end, I fought so hard I could not remember what it was. To cut a long story short, by the time I got to your retreat for the first time, I and my sexuality were full of disappointment, anger, and tons of aggression. By then I thought it had to be that way.

I could not imagine sex without moving, licking, and so on. No wonder I felt slightly uncomfortable when you told us about a kind of sex that included none of this. It was difficult to deal with strange things like meditation, finding a home inside myself, or massaging the perineum, but nothing was comparable to my panic when my penis was inside my wife and I had no idea what was going to happen next. The panic reached all-time highs when my penis started to shrink while inside my wife. I felt lost and powerless, as if my penis were no longer a part of me. All the anger and frustration stored inside of me turned into a huge wave, ready to drown me. There was just one solution: movement, friction, and ejaculation. Welcome, black hole.

Gradually, with the relaxation of a week of meditation, I became more and more aware of myself. I felt touches in places where I did not know I could feel anything. In fact, it was new to me to be touched without getting aggressive or horny. It was such a relief to just lie down and listen to my body. I started to feel excitement all over my body, not only inside my penis. The speed of lovemaking slowed down day by day. My body experienced that orgasm and ejaculation are not the same. Sometimes they were, but even the feeling of ejaculation changed. Good-bye, black hole.

When I came back from the week with you, I came back with the feeling that I had forgotten something really essential. All the ghosts of the past came back, and this time, hitting the floor really hurt. Once again I lost connection to myself, and no bodywork or meditation could bring me back home. We returned to your retreat to listen to you both one more time. I don’t know what happened and I don’t want to know what happened, but somebody or something brought us together again. There’s just one word for it—grace. I’m really grateful and I hope I won’t spoil it again this time.

Believe it or not, it took me four weeks to write these few sentences. If it had been a letter instead of an e-mail, there would be tear stains on it. Thank you for being not teachers, but two human beings who live what they preach. You have a place in my heart forever.