Student of Kyme (3 page)

As my
phobia was only partly fictional, I said, ‘Thanks. I think perhaps
I should.’

‘
Yes, don’t let it get too strong a hold.’

There was
a pause, then I had to ask. ‘Do you know about me,
Ystayne?’

He didn’t
look at me. ‘Everyhar knows about you, Gesaril. Gossip flies as
quickly here in Kyme as it does anywhere else.’

‘
What happened in Jesith… It wasn’t all my fault, not
really.’

He
glanced at me again then and grinned. ‘Looking at you, lovely, I
can see that perfectly.’

‘
I’m not lovely on the inside.’

Ystayne
stood up. ‘Who cares? Come to the kitchen after lunch.’

Ystayne,
of course, is not your typical Kymian in the Codexia sense. In
fact, the community comprises two sorts of hara: the scholars and
academics and then everyhar else who looks after them while they
wrestle with their mighty thoughts. As I sat on the lawn, it
occurred to me that I must eventually be intimate with hara again,
and that Ystayne would be more than willing to accommodate me in
that regard. Another realisation occurred. I’m more scared of
taking aruna than of going out into town. I have no desire for it
at all. Physically numb. Ysobi has done this to me. Wretched
wretched har. Perhaps if I train myself to hate him, things will be
easier for me.

Huriel
asked me to join him and Malakess for lunch. There was no way I
could eat in front of that har, so I still had to pretend to be
ill. After lunch, when Huriel and Malakess had once again retired
to Huriel’s office for more talk, I went to the kitchen.

‘
You do look off colour,’ Ystayne said. ‘Are you sure you want
to come out today?’

‘
Might as well,’ I said. ‘If I feel weird, can I hold onto
your arm?’

‘
Do so anyway,’ Ystayne said. ‘I’ll enjoy the envious looks
it’ll earn me.’

And he
did get envious looks. We laughed about it. He took me to the
market, and I didn’t feel strange at all. I wanted to look around
some of the old buildings, soak up the atmosphere. Ystayne showed
me the black church, which is really bizarre. It’s supposed to be a
religious building, but it looks like the sort of place where
people would have been sacrificed by men wearing cowls. Why would
someone build a church out of black bricks? Perhaps they were
cheaper. Or maybe the builders really were evil dark magicians. How
funny.

We ended
our walk by taking tea in a café in the town square. There were
trees all around us, the sunlight coming down and flowers growing
in old barrels by the café door. Ystayne flirted with me and I
half-heartedly responded. He’s not a bad-looking har, and quite
young, probably second generation like me.

Eventually he asked me: ‘Do you sleep alone?’

‘
Yes, but for the ghosts,’ I replied. ‘Why?’

‘
We wonder, Rayzie and me, exactly why Huriel brought you here
from Jesith. The answer seems obvious.’

‘
It’s not what you think. He’s never touched me.’

Ystayne
raised his eyebrows. ‘Is the har mad?’

I took a
breath. ‘I have problems. Huriel knows that. He doesn’t desire me,
and that’s good. I need to be alone for a while, sort my head
out.’

Ystayne
could not hide his disappointment. ‘That’s a shame.’

I
laughed. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll come knocking on your door the moment I
change my mind.’

Ystayne
pulled a face. ‘Sorry, am I that obvious?’

‘
Yes.’ I reached out and flicked the end of his nose. ‘I don’t
mind.’

‘
You’re used to it, of course.’ He shook his head and
sighed.

Yes, I am
used to it, Ystayne, and to be honest I’m sick of it too. It’s like
the moment hara see me, they think they have this divine right to
possess me. It’s as if I have to pay for the fact that I’m
beautiful by having to give myself to everyhar who wants me. If I
say no, hara think there’s something wrong with me, which of course
there is. And then, when I do find somehar I really like, this
beauty thing gets in the way. He’ll think he won’t be able to
interest me for long, or maybe when he looks at me, he thinks about
the thousands of hara I’ve supposedly taken aruna with, because I’m
so irresistible I must be rooning constantly. You see, it’s really
annoying. Inevitably, I go for those who seem the most challenging
– except perhaps for Huriel. He doesn’t have that whiff of danger
about him that I like, I think. It’s obscene that Malakess looks
like Ysobi, because he’s a tedious academic and that face doesn’t
belong to him. Nohar has the right to look like Ysobi and not be
him. Why can’t Huriel see it? He could have warned me. Surely he
can see it? I’m rambling to myself. Maybe I should shave off my
hair and eyebrows. Would that make a difference?

Agavesday, Meadowmoon 28

It’s as
if the universe has cracked its knuckles and thought Aha, how can I
discomfort this wretched creature even more? I say this because
Malakess has been around a lot the past few weeks. I’ve become very
adept at avoiding him, because every time I see him, I get that
cold shock. He is actually a lot more physically attractive than
Ysobi, who as I said is rather odd-looking, but to me his looks
just seem washed out and pale in comparison, despite the shock I
experience each time I lay eyes on him. He gives me strange
glances, as if he’s just turned over a stone and some weird insect
is waving its feelers in his face. No doubt he thinks I’m peculiar.
Whenever we bump into each other, which thankfully is only rarely,
he’ll pause for a moment, then incline his head and say, ‘Hello,
Gesaril.’ It sounds sort of insulting, which should make it easier
for me, but it never does.

I’ve been
making friends with Ystayne and Rayzie, who are easy going and,
despite claiming to be gossips, never try to question me about the
past. Rayzie was the more cautious to begin with, and I thought
this might be because he and Ystayne are an item, and Ystayne makes
no secret of the fact he likes me, but it isn’t that. Rayzie is
just cautious with every new har he meets. I’m glad it isn’t the
same old story, with Rayzie running off to his friends to complain
about me being a predator, and so on.

One
night, Rayzie and I got drunk together and sat outside in the
garden to look at the stars. We sprawled on the lawn that was wet
with dew. Once a fox stared at us from the bushes; eyes like
topazes. Somewhere nearby, a har was singing; the song came through
the evening like a sad memory. I couldn’t hear the words, but I
didn’t need to. It was a song of longing; perhaps it made both
Rayzie and I think. He said to me, ‘You really are extraordinary to
look at, Gesaril. I bet you get fed up with hara lusting after
you.’

This was
actually the first time anyhar had said this to me, in quite that
way. ‘I hate it,’ I said, tongue loosened by the wine we’d drunk.
‘It’s like they can’t see me, and my body is a prison I’m trapped
inside.’

Rayzie
nodded. ‘I can understand that.’ He clasped my shoulder. ‘Don’t
worry. It’ll get better as you get older.’

‘
Will it?’

‘
Yes,’ he said. ‘You’ll have a different kind of beauty then,
and because you won’t be young anymore, hara won’t think they can
take liberties or make assumptions. I’ve noticed myself how hara
can be with second generation. It’s like we’re some kind of
delicious treat. They’d never dare treat their peers that
way.’

‘
Did it get better for you?’ I asked.

He
laughed. ‘I’m not in your league, but yes, it did.’ He paused.
‘Soume is strong in the young. It makes us seem like young women,
and a lot of first generation, who of course all used to be men,
don’t realise that appeals to them so much. They have a tendency to
treat us in a similar way to how men used to treat
women.’

I’d never
heard such an astounding idea, mainly because I’d never thought
about it. ‘What do you mean? How did men treat women?’

Again, he
laughed. ‘Like hara treat you! Sweetmeats for the bedroom…
sometimes. Women had to fight to get political power. I study
anthropology – that’s the study of humans - whenever I can, because
I used to feel a bit like you do now.’

‘
Was that why you wanted to be in Kyme, to study?’

He
shrugged. ‘Partly. It’s difficult to get work in the houses of the
Codexiae, and Huriel has been good to me.’

‘
But you clean his home!’ I exclaimed. ‘Why aren’t you
studying with him like me?’

‘
My parents don’t have much to barter with, and certainly no
coin,’ Rayzie said.

‘
Oh.’ I didn’t tell him that my education was free, simply to
get me away from Jesith and the tarnished reputation of the
esteemed Ysobi. ‘Do you mind cleaning the house?’

‘
No,’ Rayzie said. ‘It’s very relaxing and I can think while
I’m doing it. Nohar bothers me.’

‘
I like it here too,’ I said. ‘In some ways, it seems
enchanted, like I’ve left life behind and have come to live in a
dream.’

Rayzie
nodded. ‘Huriel is a good har. He treats us all like family, but
that’s because he has none, I suppose.’

‘
He doesn’t have a chesnari,’ I said. ‘Has he ever had anyhar
special?’

‘
I’ve been here for three years, and the answer is no, not in
my time. Ystayne and I know he has liaisons, but he’s always
discreet about them. He’s a strange one. Comes from being a
scholarly type, I expect. In human times, they were often
anti-social creatures. Hara can’t be that different. Huriel loves
words more than hara.’

‘
You seem to know a lot about humans,’ I said.

‘
We should all know,’ Rayzie replied. ‘Otherwise, we could end
up the same way.’

‘
Does Huriel know about your thoughts?’ I couldn’t resist
asking.

Rayzie
twisted his mouth to the side. ‘He knows I like
studying.’

‘
Maybe you should talk to him. I don’t think income is his
first priority when it comes to education. You should be doing
something other than cleaning houses, Rayzie.’

Rayzie
shook his head, but he was grinning. My comment had pleased him.
‘Perhaps. Like you, I enjoy life here. I’m not eager for
change.’

I sensed
he wanted me to drop the subject, so I did, but it made me
think.

Aruhanisday, Ardourmoon 6

Today was
an interesting day, in the sense of interesting being somewhat
grotesque and unexpected. At breakfast, Huriel announced he wished
for me to help the High Codexia that morning. He did this without
looking at me, which should have perhaps told me
something.

‘
What?’ I exclaimed. ‘Why?’

‘
He needs somehar to take notes for him, for a report he’s
sending to Immanion. You’re quick at writing things down. I think
it’d be good for you.’

‘
I’d rather not,’ I said. ‘I’ll do anything else. Ask Rayzie
to do it. I’m sure he’d like to.’

‘
Rayzie?’ Huriel raised his brows, smothered a smile. ‘I don’t
think so, Gesaril. This is part of your job.’

‘
The High Codexia intimidates me.’

‘
All the more reason to do what I ask. You shouldn’t be
intimidated. He doesn’t judge you as much as you think.’

Since I
hadn’t even considered Malakess might judge me, this told me he
probably did. For some reason, Huriel had set his heart on me
becoming acquainted with his mentor. Perhaps he sensed
undercurrents of discomfort in the house. Whatever I said, he
wouldn’t listen to me. I couldn’t tell him the real reason for my
lack of enthusiasm, though.

So, I had
to steel myself for this encounter. I could write fast, and if I
kept quiet, Malakess might speak quickly. The whole idea of the
High Codexia annoyed me intensely. I couldn’t forgive him for his
appearance, because I still thought he had no right to look like
that. At least I wouldn’t have to go to his house or his office in
the library, since he was coming here to Huriel’s. He spends a lot
of time here. It makes me wonder whether his own house isn’t very
homely.

When he
arrived, Huriel called me from the kitchen, where I was talking
with Ystayne and Rayzie. I’d needed inane chatter to keep the
monsters in my head at bay. Dutifully, I went to Huriel’s office,
note pad and pen in hand. It couldn’t be that difficult, I kept
telling myself, because this is not Ysobi. You must remember
that.

I closed
the door to Huriel’s office behind me, sensing the presence of
another, even though I didn’t raise my eyes. I sat down before the
desk, behind which Malakess loomed invisibly, and said, ‘I’m ready,
tiahaar. Please dictate to me. I can write very fast.’

He
dictated to me for over an hour, so that my fingers began to ache.
His voice was nothing like Ysobi’s sensual low tones, being quite
brittle and formal. What he dictated to me was dry, all about the
dissemination of knowledge from human times, and how hara needed to
be educated to believe it wasn’t inherently evil. Rayzie would have
been so much more suited for this job. Malakess thought that not
everything from the old days was bad, and much of it should be
salvaged. I couldn’t disagree with that. But he went on to
reiterate (to the hara who would read his words and know this fact
well, of course) that some tribes have a visceral loathing of
anything human, especially their technology and industry. Malakess
was trying to propose a middle way, which did not exploit the world
or its creatures, but which was forward looking.