Stanton Adore (18 page)

“We’re leaving”………huh? He turns his back to the girl and gestures for me to walk in front of him. Hang on a minute, how exactly does he know this girl? I pull my hand out of his grip.

“Who is that woman,” I ask?

“Nobody,” he answers way too fast.

“Joshua don’t lie to me,” I snap. She pushes around in front of Joshua and I see him make eye contact with his bodyguards and nod, this is ridiculous. What in the hell is happening here? She puts her hand out to shake my hand and I take it out of habit of good manners.

“Hello,” she purrs.

I frown. “Hello.”

“And you are?” She asks as she raises her eyebrows.

“Leaving,” Joshua snaps as he steps in between us, he grabs my hand and twists me so I am standing behind him. It’s a defensive stance and I know that he thinks she is a threat………to what I don’t know. The bodyguards come and stand over her, asking in silence for her to leave. I pull out of his grip and walk back around him, what is his problem?

“Natasha, my name is Natasha.” I say.

She looks at Joshua and bubbles up a giggle. “You’ve got to be kidding. Her name is Natasha, she’s Natasha.” The blood drains out of my face as realization sets in, oh fuck she has seen his tattoo. This woman has slept with him. He grabs my hand again and I snatch it out of his and walk off to the bathroom. Ok, I’m fuming. So he hasn’t stuck to the deal, as if he would. Who was I kidding? Abbie is hot on my heels.

“My god Natasha, how in the hell does he know TC?”

I stop mid step and turn. “That was tunnel cunt,” I fume.

She nods and winces. “I thought you knew,” she hunches her shoulders. “Mm sorry.”

I bump into a girl coming out as I enter the ladies room. “Watch out where you’re going,” I snap.

“Ok, sure thing psycho,” she replies. I’m not even kidding when I say I could so some serious bitch slapping tonight. TC………TC………… TC………… are you fucking kidding me? “Abbie how would he know her?” I’m fuming.

“I don’t know,” she whispers. “But when I got there I heard him tell her to get out of his fucking sight.”

“What he said that? Just like that.”

“Yes.”

“What did he say?”

“He said get out of my fucking sight. What a stupid mole,” she winces.

“He’s slept with her.”

“What, how do you know?” she looks horrified.

“Because she has seen his tattoo, she laughed when I told her my name is Natasha.”

Abbie fake punches her fist. “Let’s take her out.” I smile. That is such an Abbie thing to say. How is it that even in the most intense situations Abbie can make me laugh? I go to the loo, wash my hands and then lean up against the wall.

“I’m going to back door it Abbs, I can’t be with him tonight. It’s making me sick just thinking of him with her.”

“This is exactly what the silly mole wants,” she snarls.

“What?” I frown

“She wants you to get the shits and then leave him here and then she will go in for the kill.”

“She can have him,” I snap. “I’m not settling any more. He’s a player and you know what? I’ve played right into his hands. He’s used me for the last time, he promised me he wouldn’t sleep with anyone else, what a joke.” I turn and storm out of the bathroom and run straight into the brick wall that is Joshua Stanton.

Chapter 14

“W
e’re leaving,” he
snaps as he grabs my hand. I snatch my hand out of his.

“Don’t touch me,” I scowl. He stops and frowns at me, I sigh and put both of my hands up in a stop signal.

“Just go home with Blondie Josh, we both know you’ve done it before.”

He drops his head and rests his hand on my hip.

“Tash, don’t be like that.”

“You promised me you asshole.” Oh no those stupid tears are welling again, I bite my lip and look down to the ground. He grabs my hand once more and I snatch it away.

“I said don’t fucking touch me!” I yell. Ok donkey on the edge, I’m becoming very close to licking the windows here. This could be a scene from fatal attraction with yours truly starring as the serial killer. “Josh I’m leaving. Have a nice night, actually life………it’s been nice knowing you.” I stomp to the front door with him hot on my heels. I glance across the room to catch Bridget and Adrian’s eye and give them a wave as I disappear down the stairs and out the door. Outside I immediately lift my arm for a cab as I stomp towards the curb.

“What are you doing?” he snaps. “You’re acting totally irrational.”

“Irrational!” I scream as I push him in the chest. “I said go away!” I yell, I really am going for an Oscar here but I’m too mad to care. The Limo pulls up, he bends down and in one fell swoop picks me up and throws me over his shoulder and pushes me into his Limo. I get in and scowl as I shuffle to the other side to get away from him, he scoots in after me.

“What’s fucking wrong with you?” he yells. I gesture that the driver can hear us, he pushes the privacy screen button and it goes up slowly. He sits back in his seat and runs his pointer finger over his lips while resting his elbow on the door, I know he’s thinking. He runs both of his hands through his hair, he’s frustrated……well good, because I’m fuming. “If it’s not too much trouble Natasha,” he sneers, “Please tell me what the hell is the matter with you.”

“When did you sleep with her?” He frowns but doesn’t answer me. “Josh you promised me,” and that is it, the pathetic dam bursts and I break into full blown sobs.

“Promised what?” he says gently as he slides over to be near me, he wraps me into an embrace. “Sshh Precious don’t cry. I can’t stand it baby,” he kisses my forehead.

“You told me you wouldn’t be with anyone else,” I sob. “And yet you slept with her.” I sound pathetic but I can’t even pretend to act cool anymore, I don’t have it in me.

“Baby I’m sorry, it was before I got back with you I didn’t know what was going to happen between us.” I stay silent as I process his words, my chest racking with sobs. He runs his hand down over my hair. I shake my head. I’m an embarrassment to myself I have absolutely no self-respect. I put my head down.

“How many times?” I ask, he stays silent. “Josh how many times,” I repeat…………still silence. “So help me Josh, if you don’t.”

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to Natasha.”

“How many?” I sob.

He drops his head. “Three times,” he says quietly.

“Three times!” I yell. That’s it, I’ve lost it. I put my head into my hands and weep. He pulls me into his arms and onto his lap. “Sshh stop it, please don’t cry,” he kisses my face continually as he rubs my leg. We sit in silence all the way home, me too heartbroken to articulate and he, too scared to speak in case he says the wrong thing. We pull up in front of my apartment and he moves me off his lap. I slowly get out of the car and walk towards the front foyer area, he walks in behind me. I turn.

“Josh, I don’t………I can’t do this………… not any more. It hurts………… you just hurt me too much. This isn’t a healthy relationship for me. I can’t deal with this………… baggage. You need to let me be.” I turn and walk off and he follows again without saying anything. “I mean it Josh go home.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not ending it like this Tash. You can’t let that low life come between us………she means nothing to me.”

“Three times Josh. You went back for seconds and………… thirds.”

“It was before the wedding. I haven’t touched anyone since the first time we kissed at the wedding, I promise you.” Can I believe anything that comes out of his mouth? I’m exhausted I don’t even have it in me to fight anymore. I turn to walk inside and he waves the driver off and the car pulls away. We get upstairs and I immediately strip off and head to my therapy of choice, a burning hot shower. This was definitely not the night I had planned. He wisely doesn’t come into the bathroom, he waits for me in the lounge room with a cup of tea he has made for me. I dress quickly into my favourite nightware and join him. He smiles when he sees my flannelette pyjamas.

“What,” I frown.

“I’d never thought I would see the day, but your pyjamas are kind of growing on me.” I momentarily forget I’m angry with him and look down and smile.

“I told you I would buy you some so we could match.” He smiles as he hands me my cup of tea and he leans in and gives me a kiss on the forehead.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. I don’t know what to think, is he lying to me? Has he stuck to our agreement? Actually what a joke. I had to force him to agree not to be with anyone else, who am I fucking kidding? This isn’t a relationship. This is a fuck buddy with benefits. Actually that isn’t even right because at the moment the benefits are a broken heart. I stand up and walk over to my kitchen bench.

“Josh I need to ask you something and if you have any respect at all for me you will tell me the truth.” He swallows and nods,

“How many women have you slept with since you have been back in Australia?” He shakes his head.

“What a ridiculous question,” he snaps. “None since you.”

“Josh I mean it,” my voice is rising.

“Don’t fucking ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to Natasha,” he snaps.

Ok I’m getting outraged. “Josh stop it. I want to know.”

“Why?”

“Because it matters to me.”

“Why?” His voice is rising and his anger levels are starting to match mine.

“You told me three times with that girl,” he scowls at me for bringing that up.

“How long are you going to throw that in my face?” He screams. Is he fucking kidding? Throw it in his face, I’m going to be throwing punches at his face in a minute.

“What I mean Asshole. Is if you were with her three times, how many times did you actually fuck her on each occasion?”

He narrows his eyes, finally understanding the question. “Fuck off, that’s semantics.”

“No it isn’t, we both know how well you………back up, again and again. So let’s see three times is more likely ten to twelve times in Josh language.”

“Fuck off, you just want to fight and I have heard just about as much of your shit as I am going to take. It was before I was with you and that is the end of it, stop being a fucking Drama Queen!”

“Drama Queen!” I yell. “How many women Josh?”

“I told you I’m not fucking going there, now cut the shit or I’m leaving.”

“Fucking leave then!”

“Why does it matter to you how many women I have slept with,” he yells. “They mean nothing to me anyway, so who fucking cares?”

“Actually I do,” I scream.

He rubs his eyes. “You know what? I know what you are doing. You’re pulling your psychology shit on me, trying to fuck with my head and its working. You knew I have a coloured past and that I like a bit of kink so don’t act all innocent now. I didn’t see you complaining when you were taking it the other night.”

Oh my god, he did not just say that. I narrow my eyes. “Bit of kink. What in the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I scream.

He steps back shocked at my disgust. “I didn’t mean…………that came out wrong.” He suddenly realizes what he just said and is trying to back pedal real fast. I throw an apple at him out of my fruit bowl, he ducks as it goes over his head.

“Well sorry, I wasn’t aware that when I was taking it the other night that I was one of the many you were dishing out your bit of kink to. You fucking sleazebag! Get the fuck out of my house!” I scream.

“No,” he yells. “You don’t get to choose how this ends.”

“I just did,” I scream as I storm past him to my bedroom and I slam the door. I hear him coming after me so I quickly flick the lock.

He bangs on the door. “Open this fucking door!” he yells.

“Go back to the club Josh and pick up a few of your harem so you can give them a bit of kink,” I scream. “I’m sure they will love to take it!” The door suddenly smashes and I jump back from it. I frown, ok maybe I should shut up now. I hear my front door slam………… And then, silence. Five minutes later I gingerly open the door and am relieved to find he has gone, my heart still racing at double speed, no doubt from the adrenaline of fighting with such an infuriating asshole. I look at the other side of my door to find a gaping big hole where he has punched it in anger. He is so fucking paying for that.

I head back to the shower.

I didn’t get my hot sex tonight but I definitely got a heated argument. And quite frankly I’m too pissed off to care.

Chapter 15

I a
wake feeling
kind of stupid. Joshua was right, I was being a drama queen last night, but in my defence I wasn’t expecting to meet or know a girl that he has slept with. I wonder what she was saying to him………and it has to be frigging TC doesn’t it. I know I was out of line last night by bringing up his past. The fact that I don’t have a past is not helping me move on. If he thinks he can call me a drama queen and punch a hole in my door then he can go to hell. I am so not calling him.

You know the thing about waiting for an apology, is it’s stupid. Total torture. I think getting teeth pulled is less painful and definitely quicker, at least you can pop a pill and feel no pain. The worst thing is I am overanalysing everything to the maximum potential and two days after that dreaded fight I am seriously debating whether I am out of line and second guessing myself. When the knock on the door came on Sunday my heart jumped and I ran excitedly to answer it. Only to be bitterly disappointed when a handy man carrying another door was standing in the hallway, hmm figures I know he’s not going to apologize. Does he even have something to apologize for? Honestly, I don’t even know anymore. I sit at work on Tuesday after devouring yet another packet of biscuits staring out the window with my coffee. I’m just so sick and tired of being so up and down, I was serious when I said this is not a healthy relationship for me to be in, it’s totally toxic. If one of my patients came in and told me about this relationship I would urge them to end it, it’s self-destructive. Why in the hell am I so addicted to him, my heart is aching for him. I have a deep seeded sadness that I know I need to kick, but how in the hell do I do it? I run through the negatives

• He’s my cousin
  
• Our families will disown us
  
• He lives in America
  
• He’s rich and famous
  
• He’s a total player
  
• He’s playing me………… big time
  
• He doesn’t call me
  
• He leaves in the middle of the night
  
• He doesn’t put up with my shit
  
• His will is stronger than mine, actually he is emotionally stronger than me, that wouldn’t be hard though. I’ve never felt so weak
  
• We can only be together in secret
  
• Our feelings aren’t mutual………… this one hurts the most and tears threaten
  
• He’s totally gorgeous. Why can’t he be fat and ugly, then I wouldn’t have so much damn competition. Why can’t my attraction to him be skin deep?
  
• He’s too dominant in bed…………I smile, who am I kidding his dominance is frigging perfect. There isn’t a woman in the world who wouldn’t want to be thrown around in bed by him
  

My mind wanders to the positives

• When I am with him I forget every damn negative thing about him and get lost in the moment, totally lost to him.
  

Hello My Lady, it’s a beautiful day. Do you want to go the harbor front and grab some lunch?

I smile as I read the text it’s from Simon, that’s exactly want I do want to do today. Our office is closed for a few days as it is being painted.

Sure pick me up

I jump in the shower already feeling relieved I’m not going to go mad in this apartment by myself all day.

See you in an hour

Four hours later I am sprawled out on the grass eating a large New York Mud cake waffle cone for dessert after eating my weight in Pasta Carbonara. I have to say, I’m feeling pretty damn relaxed. It’s so nice spending uncomplicated time with my dear motor mouth friend. I’m not analysing or fretting and I’m not as horny as hell so I can actually use my brain, it makes for a nice change. Diamonds rings out and I hand Simon my ice cream so I can rummage through my bag for my phone, I really need to clean some of this shit out of here. It’s Mum, I smile as I haven’t spoken to her in a couple of days.

“Hi Tash.”

“Hi Mum, how are you?”

“Good thanks darling. What are you doing tonight?”

“Nothing,” I reply.

“Oh good, because Margaret and the Boys are coming over for dinner and I want you to come.” “Margaret,” I gasp. “When did she get here?”

“This morning, she’s staying with Joshua and his brothers for a couple of days.” Oh great, there goes the neighbourhood.

“Umm, I don’t know Mum, you know I can’t stand Margaret.”

“Who can,” she giggles. “I will see you at seven”

“Ok, I suppose.” Great, a night with bitch face. I smile at the thought of seeing Josh though, this could turn out ok because now I won’t have to ring him after all, seeing he was never calling me. “Is Bridge coming?”

“Yes of course, I will see you tonight.”

7.15pm I pull into my parents street and see Joshua’s Audi parked in my parents drive, I unfortunately also notice the car on the other side of the road with two bodyguards in it. Why is he being so heavily guarded? My heart starts to race as I check my reflection in the mirror for the hundredth time since leaving home and I have to say for the first time today I am feeling nervous. I’ve just remembered that Margaret has known about us all along and am well aware that this night could end up disastrous. Imagine if she knew it was still going on, a sly smile creeps onto my face. I’m such a bitch. I park the car and walk over to the bodyguards.

“Hi guys,” I smile through the window.

“Hi Natasha,” they both smile, it’s the same two from the pub.

“Do you guys really have to sit out here all night?” They both break into smiles.

“Yeah it’s ok” they laugh. “It’s our job, this gig is no different than sitting out front of your apartment all night.”

“Huh, you guys watch my place?” They both glance at each other and instantly look uncomfortable and I know they have revealed too much information. “See you later guys” I give them a wave as I walk back across the road and up to the front stairs of the house, that’s confusing I have to remember to ask him what are they doing here? I stand outside the front door and listen as my heart races, why am I so nervous? I know why, this is the first time we have been together around our parents since being adults and its frigging………… nerve racking. I open the door and Cameron swoops in one loud roar and puts me into a head lock. He pulls me into the kitchen while I giggle and announces to the family.

“Look what the cat dragged in.”

I punch him swiftly in the ribs. “The cat did not drag me in.” He lets me go and as I come up he gives me a wink, I know he has done it to break the ice, he still thinks Joshua and I are fighting………well we are, so he is on the money. I glance around and see Mum fussing in the kitchen being the hostess with the mostess………not.

“Hello love,” she smiles. “Go and pour everyone a drink will you.” She’s firing orders at Bridge who rolls her eyes at me, I stifle a giggle. I look onto the back patio and I see my Dad talking to Joshua and Wilson. Dad is talking and I don’t know what he is saying but he has the boys in stitches. I smile as I watch their interaction. Dad has a deep affection for the Stanton Boys, I mean who wouldn’t. They’re polite, good looking and well educated. They all have a great sense of humour. Brock is talking to Margaret over in the corner. She has a champagne and strawberry in her hand. Each time I see her I am surprised by how attractive she actually is. Money will do that to a girl. Her deep chocolate shoulder length hair is salon styled and she is always dressed to the nines in designer labels, she makes me feel Mumsy. She smiles my way and I make my way over to them. Ok here goes, I smile as I kiss her on the cheek.

“Natasha darling, how lovely to see you,” she smiles as she puts her arm around me. Huh? Ok this is new.

“How have you been?” I ask politely.

“Great you?” she asks.

“Fine thanks,” I smile. I turn and find Joshua, Wilson and Dad all looking our way.

‘Hi,” I smile. Joshua smiles, his eyes drop down the length of my body and he gently cracks his neck. I silently thank the Lord I wore this white backless Maxi Dress, it seems to be having the desired effect.

“Tash darling,” my mother calls from the kitchen, saved by the bell.

“Excuse me.” I walk into the kitchen to see Bridget laughing.

“Mum has burnt the potato bake,” she laughs. “It’s now a charcoal bake.”

I giggle. “Good one Mum,” she rolls her eyes.

“Honestly, entertaining is over rated don’t you think?” she winks at Bridget. Bridget smiles.

“Yes, why do you think I don’t do it?” I get out my phone and I text him

Hello x

I smile and wait, it beeps

Hello

Hmm

Did you purposely not return my kiss?

I wait a few moments, as I look out the back I see he is talking so I wait. It beeps again

Did you purposely not apologise?

Damn it. I am going to have to swallow my pride. I knew it.

Sorry xx

I watch him from the kitchen and I see him smile as he reads it

And

Oh jeez, now he wants me to beg

And you were right I was acting like a drama queen.

I wait again

XX

I am beaming like an idiot. I go back to the kitchen and try and help Mum to save the potato bake. My phone beeps again

I missed you today

Oh my god. My heart stops. What the hell………… PROGRESS. This is the first time he has conveyed any type of emotion other than the fact that he adores me. My heart swells and I text back

I miss you every day xx

I can’t help it, an over the top smile beams from my face as I read and re read the words he has just texted me. I miss you. I am loving myself sick right now.

“Something funny,” Josh whispers over my shoulder. I jump back and do wide eyes at him, for Pete’s sake what’s he doing?

“Natasha this potato is catastrophic can you go the shop and get me some more cream honey?” “Ok,” I smile as I look around for my keys, poor Mum. Trust her to burn something on tonight of all nights. Margaret will love this shit.

“I’ll drive you,” Josh snaps and before I can retort and tell him that I don’t think it’s a good idea he grabs his keys and is out the front door. I give Bridge a shrug, she gives me her best don’t fucking do it look. I slowly follow him outside and down the stairs. And then he is on me, grabbing me by the arm he pulls me around the side of the house. He’s kissing me like his life depends on it. My back is against the wall and he is leaning over me, his hands resting on the wall behind me. Excitement starts to warm my blood. I can feel his large erection digging into my stomach, its promising me carnal things, things that I so desperately want and need. My eyes close as he cups my face in the both of his hands and tenderly swipes his tongue through my open lips, he grabs my head at my nape and moves me to mould the way he wants me. I can feel a familiar pulse between my legs as he ignites my arousal with his possession.

“Stop fighting with me about shit,” he whispers in between kisses.

“Stop sleeping with other women,” I breathe.

“You know you have me, what are you worried about?” He kisses me deeply again as he grabs my face.

“Do I have you Josh?” I question.

“Completely,” he breathes. Shit, good answer. My heart melts. Completely. Well he has me completely under his spell, completely in love with him and completely needing to climb his big beautiful body and take him inside me.

“Josh let’s just go inside and tell them,” he kisses me again but doesn’t answer. Our passion turns desperate as he grinds up against me and lifts my leg around his hip so he can gain access to my wet centre.

“I want to try and make a go of it. I will move back to America with you.” He stills and pulls back to look at me and my leg drops to the ground as he frowns.

“You would do that?”

“Josh I would do anything to be with you, you have to know that by now.” He kisses me again more urgently and rams his hips up against mine. Oh shit, I think I’m going to come just by doing this. His arousal just amped up ten notches.

“Josh I’m serious, let’s go back inside and tell them. They will understand and if they don’t. I don’t care. We will deal with this together.” He kisses me again and pulls back to run his fingers through my hair while smiling and looking down at me. I can hear my heart beat in my ears.

“Slow down Precious, let’s just see if we can get through a week without ripping each other’s heads off before we do anything brash.” I smile a shy smile as I gather my senses. What’s wrong with me?

“You’re right,” I whisper. I run my hands up his strong arms and over his broad shoulders. I feel the power emanating from his body. “When will I see you again if your mother’s here?”

“I will come over tonight when she goes to sleep,” he sighs. “Give me one more kiss to last me till then,” he smiles his broad melting smile and I feel my heart flutter. I would do anything to be with this man. We sneak out of the shadows and to Josh’s car, I see him make eye contact with the bodyguards and he nods.

“Josh why are you so guarded?”

“Drawback of having money,” he sighs. “Don’t worry, it shits me too.” What exactly does that mean? Ten minutes later we are armed with cream and heading back to the house. He holds my hand on his lap the whole time deep in thought, occasionally lifting my hand to kiss the back of it. I don’t know why but all this honesty suddenly has me hoping of a real future with him. Maybe we can do this? Is it really possible? Would I move to America? Who knows and who cares he’s holding my hand and he just told me he’s completely mine. Nothing at all can wreck my night tonight.

How wrong can a person be?

We arrive back to the house and I head up while Josh goes and talks to his bodyguards, I’m met by Margaret at the front door.

“Hi,” I smile and she glares at me.

“Is it?” She hisses. Shit, did she just see us? I hope not, an uneasy feeling rips through me. She brushes past me and I walk in the front door, what in the world was that about? I watch her storm across the road to Joshua. Brock comes barrelling up the hall and grabs me by the arm and drags me into my old bedroom. Oww what the hell?