Stanton Adore (30 page)

I frown. “Josh what is it………… you’re scaring me…………what’s wrong?”

He swallows and goes to speak but nothing comes out and he closes his mouth again.

“I, I just have a head headache that’s all” he stammers. I smile a big smile at him.

“You big dope, why didn’t you tell me. I will get you some aspirin. I jump up and return with a glass of water and his tablets and he pulls me down onto his lap and cuddles tightly.

“Bed baby,” I demand. “I can’t stand it seeing you like this.

As I lay in bed four hours later I am achingly aware that Josh is wide awake next to me thinking about something. I can hear his mind ticking from here. Something has happened today, something that has upset him. Maybe he spoke to his mother on the phone and is upset about it or maybe his friends didn’t like me. I don’t think that is it though. I can’t put my finger on it but being a Psychologist sucks sometimes. I wish I couldn’t read people so well or try to analyse why they are thinking so much. He said he had a headache and I should just believe him. Unfortunately a tiny voice deep down within the pit of my stomach is telling me something is seriously wrong with my beautiful man and it’s a problem that he doesn’t want to share with me. Maybe tomorrow will bring new light.

I woke alone this morning, no note left from Josh and it is now four o’clock in the afternoon and I haven’t heard from him at all today, which is very unusual. He hasn’t left while I slept since we started seeing each other seriously and it has left me feeling uneasy all day. I called him to see if his headache was alright but he didn’t answer or call me back He has usually called me at least a couple of times or texted me long before this. I walk outside to my car in between my patients to try and find Max. I find him sitting in the park.

“Hi Max.”

He smiles and nods. “Hi Natasha.”

“I was wondering if you know if Joshua is at work today.”

He looks uncomfortable. “I believe so ma’am,” he nods. Hmm what in the hell does that mean? He’s obviously not sick, yet he hasn’t called me back………… maybe he’s getting cold feet about our relationship. I try to calm my nerves and the sick feeling in my stomach. I hate depending on someone so much and we have come too far to be playing games now.

“Thank you Max,” I march back inside with renewed purpose and ring Adrian, he answers on the first ring.

“Hi Tash.”

“Hi,” I snap. “Can you put Joshua on the phone please?”

He stays silent and after a minute whispers. “Sure baby, I will get him.” I hear him hold his hand over the phone and walk into Josh’s office. “It’s for you.”

Then I hear Josh’s angry voice snap, “Stanton.” I stay silent as I listen to the anger in his voice, what in the hell is going on with him?

“Josh it’s me,” he inhales and I can hear he’s shocked that I have tricked him by ringing Adrian’s phone.

His voice softens. “Hi Precious, are you ok baby?” he’s not angry with me I can hear it in his voice.

“What’s going on? Why haven’t you called me back?” he stays silent. “Josh I asked you a question, answer it”

“Natasha I’m very busy I can’t talk.”

“Don’t you dare very busy me, what the fuck is going on?” he stays silent and I know I have shocked him with my screaming anger. “What time are you coming over tonight?” I ask, again silence. Ok, I am getting seriously pissed off now. Who in the hell does he think he is? “Answer my question.”

“Tash I have to work tonight, I’m not coming over,” now it is my turn to stay silent. He doesn’t want to see me, my stomach drops. “Tash just……just know that I love you and I only want what’s best for you ok,” I frown, he’s talking riddles. What is that supposed to mean?

“What’s best for me Josh is to not be away from you.”

“That’s debatable,” he whispers.

“Just come over when you finish work, we can work it out baby, ok?” I can hear him thinking “Bye Tash,” and he hangs up the phone.

It’s twelve o’clock and I am wide awake, heartsick but awake. Joshua hasn’t called me or come over and I am beginning to think the worst. If I wasn’t waiting for him to come over I would be driving around spying on him. Where is he? What is he doing? And what has changed so dramatically between us that he can’t talk to me and tell me what’s going on? I hear the key in my door and I lie still with my heart trying to pump through my chest. He came. He fusses around in the kitchen for a few minutes and I hear him put his keys and wallet on the side table. I’m not angry any more, I’m freaking out. I don’t want to be a drama queen but my gut feeling is that something is seriously off……between us. He walks over to the side of the bed and turns on the side lamp on. I lie still as I watch him, unable to pretend that he hasn’t upset me. He gives me a sad smile and bends to gently kiss me on the lips as he brushes the hair back from my face and sits next to me.

“Hi my beautiful girl,” he whispers. That is all it takes, I grab him into a tight embrace.

“Josh please talk to me, you promised me honesty.”

He nods. “I know Presh,” I frown. He bends and gently kisses me again, his tongue lingering in my mouth. “I love you,” he whispers. “That’s the honest truth, does that count for anything?” Tears fill my eyes.

“Are you mad at me Josh? Have I done something to upset you?”

He smiles at me. “No baby you have done nothing wrong, stop worrying I’m here now.”

I cuddle him tighter “Baby you’re scaring me, you’re acting weird.”

He nods and smiles. “I am weird. Are you just figuring that out?”

I giggle as I hug him just that bit tighter. “Take your clothes off and get into bed Josh, I’ve missed you today.”

He smiles into my neck, “Same,” he whispers. He takes off his clothes and lies on his back next to me and I look at him with a puzzled face. Is he not touching me?

“Make love to me Tash, I’m going to lie still. I want you to touch me like you love me.”

I smile, “That won’t be hard Josh. I do love you. He gently swipes his fingertips over my lips as he looks at me. Maybe things are not so bad, perhaps I am just being a drama queen. I bend down and gently kiss him as my hands wander down his torso over his ripped stomach. He sticks to his word and lies motionless as he watches me, his breath catching as I run my tongue up the length of his beautiful long length. Our eyes lock as I take him deep into my mouth while sucking, his mouth hangs slack, weak from arousal. His hands gently run through my hair, I love it when he does that to me. Runs his hands gently through my hair while taking pleasure from my mouth, it turns me on big time. He grabs my hands and links out fingers so he is holding my hands. The memory of the first time he went down on me and he did that runs rampant through my mind. I love the intimate gesture of holding my hands. It’s so simple, but it means so much to me and he knows it.

“I can’t wait for you Precious, mount me.” I frown and smile.

“You know I can’t take you like that without you warming me up first, you’re too big.”

He smiles and pulls me down for a kiss and his tongue dives into my mouth as he demands intimacy.

“I know, I want you to try, I want to feel how perfectly tight you are around me. I need to have it burned into my brain.”

I frown, he’s talking riddles again. “I am not going to be tight for much longer Josh, I have a taste for this now.”

He gives me a sad smile and nods. “I know,” he whispers as he closes his eyes as if in pain. I stand up onto my knees as he holds the base so I can mount him and I was right, it’s too big. He won’t fit I need him to stretch me first. “Tash kiss me, take it slow. I know you can take me.” I nod again and start to kiss him deeply. With each lash of his tongue I open just that little further and within ten minutes he’s completely in. I don’t know whether he’s in heaven or hell because his face is showing indicators of both. I start to move and he stills my hips with his hands.

“Slow………… I need this slow,” he growls. With our eyes entranced on each other he gently rides me to orgasm and I feel him swell inside me. His quivering breath telling me how close he is. He rolls me over while still inside me and starts to gently move as he kisses me deeply, never breaking precious contact. With one, two, three pumps I feel his hot seed burn me from the inside out and he buries his head into my neck and stays perfectly still while trying to catch his breath, and then I feel it. Something hot runs down the side of my neck and drops onto my shoulder. That was a fucking tear………not mine but his. What in the hell is going on here? That was the gentlest loving sex we have ever so why in the hell is he crying? I have a lump in my throat and am unable to speak as I try and process what to say. What’s wrong? He kisses me again, this time more urgent and that is it, he’s reached his gentle limit. He withdraws and starts to really warm me up, until I don’t think I can take any more and then we are hard at it. My hands are being held up above my head and he is making love to me like his life depends on it. Strong powerful strokes where the bed is hitting the wall and I am gasping for breath. I think I fell into an exhausted sleep after round five and then I think I woke hours later to find Josh tenderly taking me while I slept as he whispered how much he loved me into my ear, but I can’t be sure if it was a dream or reality. Either way it was perfect. When I woke up he was gone and I was left with a sick uneasy feeling in my gut.

It’s seven pm and I haven’t heard from Joshua all day and have decided I’m not ringing him. I don’t know what his problem is but I do know for certain he loves me, he proved that last night. He will call me………… I hope. At one am I fall into an exhausted sleep hoping I will be awoken by the sound of keys in my door. I don’t and when my alarm goes off at six I feel like I have been hit by a truck. I drag my fat ass around feeling sorry for myself and end up getting to work late. Shit. I have a booked out morning but thankfully a slow afternoon so I chastise myself not to think about him until then.

I read through the case notes of my next appointment.

Client: Aaron Marks
Referral: Dr Parker
Symptom: Erectile malfunction.

Aaron is a new client that I haven’t seen before. I show him in and he takes a seat nervously on my couch.

“Hi Aaron, my name is Natasha Marx. I will be looking after you.”

He nods and looks down unimpressed. “Ok. I did ask if I could have a male therapist.”

“Oh I’m sorry. You have been booked in with me for some reason. I can see if a male Psychologist can see you. That’s fine. You are here because of erectile malfunction am I right?”

He looks down and shakes his head. “No I lied to my Doctor to get a referral to see you guys.”

I frown, “Ok what is the problem Aaron? So I can recommend the right person to see you.”

He lifts his head and looks at me, “I’m not talking to a female child about my problem. Is there a male here or not!”

Mmm, cranky pants. I smile “That’s fine, come back through to reception and we will get someone else to see you.” He grunts in response. I show him to the reception and arrange for him to see someone else. Every time my confidence rises a little at work I encounter a client like this and I am quickly remindered of my age and experience. Apparently it happens to everyone in this field when they first start.
It’s bloody annoying
.

At one our receptionist knocks on my door.

“Excuse me Natasha but your sister has called for you six times, she said it’s urgent.”

I frown. “Thanks I will ring her now,” I dial Bridget’s number and she picks up first ring.

“Tash baby, are you ok?”

“Yeah why wouldn’t I be ok,” I ask.

She stays silent down the line. “Tash,” she whispers with tears in her voice. “Turn your google on honey.” A sick feeling drops in my stomach as I click onto my google page and my google alert drops. I click onto the link to Joshua. Oh my fuck. I put my hand up to my mouth in shock. A barrage of images hits me like a cement truck and the tears start to freely run down my face. Images of Josh kissing a brunette outside a strip club and then getting into his car with her. Joshua was with someone else last night
.

Chapter 25

“
I
…………fuck. Bridget I
have to go. I will see you tonight.”

“Are you ok? Have you seen it?”

I nod. “Yes I see it. I will call you later,” I hang up the phone. I angrily swipe the tears from my eyes as I process this new information. How dare he do this to me and who in the hell does he think he is? I try to focus through the tears as I stare at the screen. I don’t believe it. I know I see it in front of my eyes but I still don’t believe it. Am I that stupid that I didn’t see this coming? I run to my bathroom and dry retch into the toilet. I’m such an idiot, I slide down the wall and sit on the floor and sob. I waited for him last night and he was with a dirty whore. He had sex with someone else. My stomach rolls again. After half an hour I peel myself up and return to my desk. I need to know what happened. My Psychologist’s capacity for detachment kicks in and I scroll through the photo’s one at a time, studying each one as I analyse it. My pen tapping double time on my desk as I think. He’s smoking as he leaves the club which indicates to me that he is drunk, however he looks too together to me to be drunk. I’ve seen him drunk and that is not how he looked, not even close. I enlarge a photo of the girl, she’s fucking ordinary, give me a break. I scroll down to the end and back to the top again. What’s wrong with this picture? I look at the number, there are thirty two photo’s in all. I think back to how he has been acting the last few days………… like he’s distracted about something, regrettable even. I scroll to the top of the page again, so the photo’s run from when he leaves the club to outside when he kisses her and then as he puts her into his car. I scroll back to the top………… he’s alone. He has a different security guard with him, one I haven’t seen before. I frown, what does that mean? He never goes anywhere without his entourage or group of friends or whatever it is. That in itself is highly irregular. I then go back to the five kissing photo’s, something is wrong with the body language. I narrow my eyes as I try to pin it down………… what is it? I tap my front tooth with my finger nail as I think. He hasn’t had paparazzi follow him at all while he has been in Sydney, so why now? Talk about bad luck…………or is it? I sit back on my chair and cross my arms as I think while staring at the screen.

Joshua Stanton stop fucking with my head, it’s pissing me off.

I stand and walk over to my window and I see Max sitting in the park reading the paper. Why is he still here protecting me? Joshua apparently doesn’t care about me, so why should Max. I grab my keys and go down to my car to pretend getting something out of it as an alias to talk to Max, maybe he has some answers for me. I walk to my car and Max rushes over.

“Hi Natasha,” he looks nervous, probably expecting a neurotic head case. An idea suddenly comes to my head and I get into my car pretending I am going to drive off.

“Where are you going Natasha?” He asks a little panicked. I smile at him and get back out of the car.

“Mad,” I reply as I do wide eyes at him.

“Is everything alright?” he asks, he obviously knows what’s going on here. That makes one of us. “Everything is great Max, why wouldn’t it be?” I answer too sweetly, he narrows his eyes at me and I can see his brain ticking as he assesses the situation.

“You can go Max, I don’t need protecting me anymore.”

He smiles at me. “I’ve been assigned to you for three months Natasha.”

I fake a smile. “I’m pretty sure Joshua’s mind has been changed, so you can ring him now and tell him I will be just fine and I will not be accepting any protection.” He nods and looks uncomfortable.

“Go on, I want you to ring him while I stand here,” he frowns at me. “Go on” I urge. He tentatively takes out his phone and dials Joshua’s number and he answers on the first ring.

“Hi it’s me………… I’m with Natasha………yes………… yes his eyes flick to me……she’s………… Fine.” Hmm Joshua just asked how I am. “I’m not sure, it doesn’t seem so” and he looks at me again. Joshua has just asked if I have seen the google alert. He turns his back to me. “No nothing has been said. Anyway she said she doesn’t want protection anymore and asked me to ring you and ok it.” He holds the phone out from his ear and I know Joshua has just screamed at him.

He can take it up the ass if he thinks I am going to put up with one more minute of his shit. I’m done. This relationship is taking more energy than it’s worth and I intend to rectify that situation right here right now, you’ve fucked with the wrong girl Mr Stanton. I smile at Max and turn and walk back into the building, my work here is done. Joshua is yelling at him over my non reaction. He wanted me to see the google alert, does he really think I’m that stupid?

As I walk through the office I say to the receptionist

“Can you let Henry know I am going home sick?”

She frowns. “Is everything ok?”

“Yes I just feel a migraine coming on and I need to leave, I will let him know about my plans for tomorrow.” I walk back into my office and bring up the pictures again and click to their website and google their phone number.

“Hi this is Megan Jones from Joshua Stanton’s office, I need to make a payment for some work that was posted yesterday.”

“Oh, ok I will put you through to accounts,” the bored voice replies.

“Hello accounts, this is Tanya,” boy she’s chirpy, an exact opposite to the receptionist.

“Hello this is Megan Jones from Joshua Stanton’s office. You posted some photos for us yesterday and I need to pay the account.”

“Ok, hang on a sec I will just check.” I can hear her keyboard buttons being tapped double time and my heart is in my throat, if my suspicions are correct I already know what she is going to tell me………at least I hope I know what she is going to tell me, please let me be right.

“No that’s all fine, the account was paid for yesterday in full.”

I smile…… Gotcha. “That’s unusual can you please tell me what method was used to pay?”

“Yeah sure,” she replies. Once again I hear her keyboard buttons.

“That was paid on a credit card yesterday at 10.50 am.” I shake my head as my anger flies into unchartered territory, 10.50am he has thought long and hard about this………I’m going to fucking kill him with my bare hands.

“What was the name on the credit card Tanya?” I ask innocently.

“Joshua Stanton,” she replies.

“Thank you Tanya, you have been very helpful.”

The thing about being so angry that you can’t see straight is that you become unpredictable and embarrassing. I storm through the foyer of Joshua’s office and straight to the door. One of the dumb and dumber receptionists speaks.

“Excuse me you can’t go in there.”

“Fuck off,” I snap. “Try and stop me,” she frowns at the other secretary and I see her push the security alarm button under her desk. This is going well already. I push through the doors and head straight to Adrian’s office, no one is in there. I then push through to Joshua’s office, my eyes narrow as I lay eyes on Adrian sitting at the desk and Joshua standing looking out the window with his hands in his pockets, his back to me. I storm in and Adrian jumps up obviously shocked at my arrival.

“Natasha,” he gasps.

“Get the fuck out Adrian before you witness a murder,” I scream. Ok donkey on the edge here, I’m getting embarrassing but I am way beyond caring. Joshua turns deadpan as if he has been expecting my visit.

“Adrian don’t go anywhere. It is Natasha who’s leaving,” that’s it. I explode and walk over and slap his face as hard as I can. The crack echo’s around the room and Adrian’s face is full of fear………for me. I don’t think he witnesses psychotic women every day. I know Joshua is going to lose it at my anger but he can bring it the fuck on. He was looking for a fight and guess what, he found it. Who in the hell does this conceited prick think he is? I go to slap him again when I get no reaction and he grabs my hand hard in mid-air.

“If you hit me again, expect a return,” he growls. I step back and the bile rises in my throat. I have never been so angry, angry at him, angry at myself for letting him get to me so badly.

“Do you think I’m stupid?” I scream. He runs his tongue along his front top teeth under his lip as he puts his hands back into his pockets.

“Natasha I’m sorry it had to end like this but the whole relationship thing is………boring for me and it was time to end it.” His ice cold stare bores into me. “Sorry if I hurt you it was unintentional.” I shake my head as I hear Adrian’s audible gasp at what Josh has just said.

“You dumb ass, who do you think you are talking to?” I scream. He turns his back to me again and I know it’s to hide his face from me. “You can cut the act Joshua. Don’t try and fuck with me I’m a Psychologist remember. I know how your brain works better than you do.”

He turns and glares at me.” I don’t know what you are talking about,” he snaps.

“Oh really, you haven’t just tried to pull the ultimate deceit on me?”

He narrows his eyes. “I couldn’t help myself she was attractive.” Ok its official, I am going crazy, I burst into laughter. You think this is about the other girl?” I laugh. He frowns at me but doesn’t speak. I walk over to him and go up close to his face.

“I know about the premeditated inception. You dumb fuck!” I scream.

He steps back in shock that I am onto him. “Inception,” he frowns.

“Inception means to plant an idea in another one’s mind. What are you trying to plant in my mind Joshua?” I angrily tap on the side of my head.

“Stop it,” he yells. “You don’t know what you are talking about!” he screams. I walk around him with my arms crossed in front of me, sizing him up. He looks like he’s about to run.

“You see Joshua, you insult my intelligence if you think I don’t know what you have done.” He glares at me but doesn’t speak. “What are you trying to plant in my mind Joshua? Hmm let me think. ”I run my pointer finger over my lip………… Ok, I’m going for an Oscar……I frigging deserve one that’s for sure. “You’re unworthy of my love or you’re a sleaze bag or maybe that you are just not good enough for me, huh what is it?” He looks at me mortified as my words sink in. “Speak,” I yell. “Are you really that much of a coward that you can’t face the truth and you would rather force me to leave you?” He frowns and Adrian smiles and winks at me from where he stands behind Joshua. I bite my lip to stifle my smile, ok I’m on the right track Adrian just confirmed it. “What are you afraid of Joshua? That I will leave you? That your stalker is going to kill me?” he frowns and I know hearing that point has made him unsettled. “You gutless prick. Even when I call you out you can’t tell the truth.” He glares at me and I know he wants to fight but is holding it in, if I can just push him that bit further. I smile a knowing smile.

“Actually I know what happened, Mummy dearest got to you didn’t she?”

“Shut up!” he yells. “Leave her out of this.”

I smile a conceited smile. “Yes that’s exactly how it went, Margaret rang you and you run to make her happy. Once a mummy’s boy always a mummy’s boy. You make me sick. Did she pay for the photos?”

“Get the fuck out Natasha!” he yells.

I smile a sad smile. “And to think I actually thought you would protect me from her. What a joke.” “Come on we are going home.” He frowns and looks at Adrian.

“Move!” I yell. I see a bottle of water on his desk and pick it up and unscrew the lid as I talk.

“I told you. We are over Natasha.”

“We are over when I say we are over and not a minute before asshole, you don’t get to say how this ends and I will not be played into breaking up with you,” I snap as I start to pour the water on his keyboard to his computer. Adrian and he both scramble to get to me. “Is this computer important Joshua?” I do wide eyes at him as I start to pour it on the monitor. “I’m not going anywhere until you come with me and I could do a lot of damage in here, you might want to think about that?

“Just go man,” Adrian smiles as he slaps him on the back.

“Fuck off!” Joshua yells “Get out of my fucking head Natasha, I know what you are doing.” “Does it feel good to protect your mother Joshua?”

He glares at me. “This has nothing to do with my mother.”

“Yes it does,” I scream.

“I’m protecting you. You raving bitch,” he yells………… silence fills the room. His eyes widen at the realization I have just tricked him into getting angry so he would speak unguarded, I sit on his desk and smile.

“There it is. Bingo…………Adrian can you leave us please.” Adrian smiles and walks over and kisses my forehead.

“Bye baby, love your work,” he grabs my hand and squeezes it before he leaves through the door. I lower my voice and pat the desk next to me.

“Come sit with me Josh. What are you protecting me from?” He looks at the floor and won’t make eye contact with me.

“I’m not having this conversation Natasha.”

“Then I’m not leaving. Come home with me and we can fight in private, you do realize that your workers are listening right?” He frowns as he looks up to the door and realizes that I’m right. I smile as he puts his jacket on.

“Come,” he holds his hand out for me and I grab it like an olive branch. The embarrassing thought that I have to go back through the office where I have just screamed fuck off to the valued employees makes my stomach turn and I pull back on Josh’s arm. He frowns at me.

“What,” he snaps.

“I just yelled fuck off to your receptionists.”

He smiles. “Why are you such a fire cracker? Isn’t slapping my face enough aggression for one day.” Oh god, he had to bring that up didn’t he?

“Josh if I see you kissing girls I can’t be held responsible for my actions,” he gives me a sad smile and nods.

“We need to talk Presh, we can’t be together anymore.”

My heart drops. “Don’t say that Josh………just take me home.”

He gives me a heavy smile and nods. “Let’s go then.”

We sit in silence on the way home. We stand in silence in the lift, and I have to say I’m feeling very nervous. I thought when I caught him out with the deception all would be ok. But it is becoming seemingly more likely that it won’t, he’s too controlled………to silent. We walk into my apartment and are immediately greeted by the sight of my new suitcase sitting in the centre of my living room. He frowns and looks at me.