Some Hearts (18 page)

My
neutral face crumpled into a frown. “No. I haven’t heard from Noah.”

“Right…that makes sense since you just agree
d with me when I said a break-up might not be a bad idea. Then who…?” She looked me up and down, as if maybe she’d be able to scrounge up a clue somehow. Then she groaned. “Please tell me it wasn’t just some random hookup. Some people can do random just fine. I don’t think you’re one of them. I know you. Within a few days you’re going to be freaking out over it.”

“It wasn’t random.”

“Aha!” she cried. “But you’re admitting it was someone.”

“It was Caleb.”

She looked at me as though she couldn’t have heard me right. Or maybe she was just surprised I hadn’t made her pry it out of me.

“Caleb? Evan’s best friend Caleb? Hot, sexy, much older than you Caleb?”

“That would be the one,” I agreed. “But for the record, he’s not that much older than me.”

She pursed her lips together. Then for good measure, she pressed her fingers over her sealed lips. Obviously she had something to say but was a little afraid to say it.

“What?” I asked.

She narrowed her eyes at me and her tone was a little tense. “How long has this been going on?
You and Caleb, I mean.”

I knew what she was really asking. Noah and I had just broken up last night. She wanted to
know if this…this whatever we had…predated that.

“Just since last night. I mean, I’ve known Caleb for years. We’ve been spending a lot of time together, because of Tyler,” I stressed. “I guess I just feel close to him. Last night,
I don’t know what to say. I was hurting and Caleb has this way of making me feel better. I mean, I wasn’t expecting anything to happen. I just wanted someone to talk to. We put in a few of Evan’s favorite movies and we talked. I know this sounds like a complete cliché,” I shrugged, “but one thing led to another. It just kind of happened.”

I thought about how sweet he’d been during breakfast. I could tell he was trying to make me feel at ease. He’d succeeded. When I’d left, he’d pulled me in for a kiss. It hadn’t been nearly as heated as the kisses we’d shared last night. It simply felt like a promise for more.

“So you and Noah?” she cautiously asked as she cut into my thoughts. “You’re done, for real?”

“We broke up, if that’s what you’re asking,” I stated.
After what had happened between Caleb and me last night, I couldn’t imagine that Noah and I
weren’t
done. If he had any interest in saving our relationship, he should’ve said so. Granted, I was the one who had hung up on him. But he hadn’t called me back. He’d gone back to his party, the one Amanda was at. “Yes,” I added on, “Noah and I are done.”

I just wished it didn’t hurt so much to say the words out loud.

Riley didn’t seem to notice.

“Is this thing with Caleb going to go somewhere? Or was he just a onetime thing?”

“We’re going out next Friday,” I said. “As in, a date. We’re going to see where things go.”

A wicked gleam lit up her eyes and I stifled a groan. She bounced down on the bed next to me.
“Then I feel I have every right to say this. I want to hear about Caleb. I want to hear everything.”

The following week passed far more quickly than I had thought it would. I talked to Caleb daily.

I didn’t hear from Noah at all.

In truth, it was kind of a relief. At this point, with my impending date looming, I wasn’t sure what we would even have to say. His silence felt like permission to move on.

Tyler’s last game of the season was tonight. Caleb and I decided we would go to the game together. After, we’d go out for a nice dinner. And after that…we’d see where the night led. I had a hard time picking out my outfit. I wanted to stay semi-casual for the football game. Yet, I wanted to look nice for our date as well.

I settled on a new pair of jeans and jade colored sweater. It brought out the green in my eyes. I pulled out my opal pendant, a birthday gift from Evan. He’d given it to me almost two years ago. I didn’t wear it very often. I was afraid of losing it. However, it seemed fitting that I was wearing it tonight.

I
debated about my hair. I wanted to wear it down but ended up pulling it back in a sleek ponytail. I spent an absurd amount of time straightening it, trying to tame my sometimes unruly waves. The wind could be an issue and I didn’t want to tempt Mother Nature. I was carefully applying my lip gloss when the doorbell rang. It startled me and I jumped.

I glanced at the clock next to my bed. Caleb wasn’t supposed to be here for
almost half an hour. I did another quick scan of myself in the mirror on my dresser. Maybe it was good he was early. It meant I couldn’t second guess my outfit, or my hair. I was ready, whether I was ready or not.

I bounced down the steps. I paused for a moment with my hand on the doorknob. I pulled in a deep brea
th and I felt my lips curve into a smile. That smile fell away when I opened the door to find Noah standing there.

“Noah?”

“Hi. Sorry for not calling first. But our last few phone calls haven’t gone so well. I thought it would be best if we talked in person…Can I come in?”

I hadn’t realized I was just standing there, one hand still on the door, until he asked. “Um, yes, sure.” I moved aside and let him come in. I was grateful that Mom and Tyler hadn’t come home before the game. Caleb and I had planned on just meeting them there.

My heartbeat kicked up to an erratic rhythm. When I hadn’t heard from Noah all week, I had assumed that I wouldn’t. I had not expected him to show up at my door. I couldn’t imagine why he’d driven all the way here. What was I supposed to say?

What
was
there to say, at this point?

His gaze scoured over me. “You look really nice.
I love when you wear that sweater. It really sets off your eyes.”

I wasn’t sure why I was surprised that he’d noticed that.

His hand came up and brushed against my cheek. I didn’t actually see sparks fly, but I could’ve sworn I felt them. I took a step back.

“
Are you going out with Riley tonight?”

I shook my head in answer to his question
. I was not going to elaborate. Not if I could help it. “Noah, what are you doing here?”

I followed him across the foyer, into our family room. He took a seat on the couch. I settled into the chair across from him.

I willed my rattling heart to calm down. My hands were shaking. I clenched them into fists and settled them onto my lap. Noah looked like he hadn’t slept all week. His complexion was pale, shadowed circles rested under his eyes.

He raked a hand through his hopelessly rumpled hair. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him this way before. Was this because of me?
I wanted to put my arms around him but I didn’t dare.

It was easier to pretend that I had a grip on my emotions—as far as he was concerned—when he was far away. Out of sight, out of mind, I supposed. W
ell, not out of mind completely. He was always hanging around the outer edges of it. Now that he was here, it was another matter completely. I felt his pull, even from the other side of the room. I was nothing more than a moth to his flame.

I had a feeling that we were both about to get burned.

“Like I said, we need to talk in person,” he quietly began. “After the fight we had…I haven’t been able to think about anything else. I haven’t been able to sleep.”

“Noah, we didn’t just have a fight. We broke up.”

He shook his head. “Don’t say that. Please, don’t say that. As soon as you hung up, I knew I didn’t want to break up. But I needed to figure some stuff out.”

“Figure some stuff out,” I repeated. “What stuff?”

He shook his head. “I never should’ve said what I did about Amanda. Last week, I was missing you. You were shutting me out. When you called, I was at that party and my friends were with their girlfriends. I was in a shitty mood. You’ve been keeping things from me. You’ve been withdrawn. You think I don’t know that? That I don’t feel it? I do. And it fucking sucks. I’ve tried to be there for you. I
want
to be there for you.  I
love
you. That’s why it’s so damn hard when you shut me out. When you called, I was just pissed off. I was feeling sorry for myself.”

“You’re right. I never stopped to think about how that was affecting you.” I hung my head, wishing this conversation was over. Or wishing that we’d had it weeks ago.

“I’m sorry for what I said about Amanda. Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about her. I think I started twisting my feelings into something that they’re not. I thought maybe I felt something for her. Maybe I even wanted to because I thought it would be easier.” He stopped to study my face. I wondered what he saw there. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. After you and I hung up, I walked back to the dorms. I needed some time to think. Hell, that’s all I’ve been doing all week long. I’ve been thinking about how we ended up here. More importantly, I’ve been thinking about how we can fix this. Some major changes need to be made. So that’s what I came here to tell you.”

He wanted to fix this
, fix
us
. The words slammed around in my brain. My heart felt conflicted, torn. The part of me that realized just how much I still loved him ached to tell him that’s what I wanted too. The other part, the one that felt something for Caleb, was telling me I needed to give that relationship a chance.

My common sense was telling me that the moment Noah found out what I’d done, that I’d shared my body with someone else, his words would all be retracted. I glanced at the clock on the wall. The minutes were ticking down, getting closer to the moment I expected Caleb to arrive. I needed to get Noah out of her
e before that happened.

“I’m not sure we can fix this,” I told him.

“Yes,” he said firmly, “we can. I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. I was missing you so damn much and I was confused. But the minute you said you were ending things, I knew that wasn’t what I wanted at all. I should’ve called you back right then but things were so heated. I didn’t want to make matters worse. Believe me when I say I don’t have feelings for anyone else. I was wrong to think that I did. I don’t. It’s only you that I want. I think you were right. I think Amanda was manipulating me.

“I started thinking about my phone. I don’t know how it could’ve possibly gotten into her house. I’m almost positive that I had it charging in my truck.  I think she
did take it.”

I no
dded but didn’t know what to say. His moment of enlightenment was too little, too late.

“So can we just move past this? Forget this past week ever happened?” he asked.

Was that something I even wanted anymore? I didn’t know. But it wasn’t an option anyway.

“Noah, a lot has happened this past week.” I needed to choose my words carefully. I owed him t
he truth, as he’d just given me. Yet I wasn’t sure just how much of the truth I was willing to give. I realized he was watching me, waiting for more of an explanation. “I’m seeing someone. In fact, we’re going out tonight. I think maybe you should go before he gets here.” I stood up, hoping to usher him to the door.

He stayed seated. He shook his head
. I wasn’t sure if it was in denial over me having a date, or if he was telling me he wasn’t leaving.

“Cancel it,” he said. His face was expressionless. “Cancel your date so you and I can talk. You don’t want this break up any more than I do.”

“I don’t know what I want,” I said quietly. “But I’m not canceling my date. You and I can talk tomorrow. You should really go.”

“Why won’t you cancel? I’m
here
. I only have the weekend. You can’t really want to go out with someone else.” Hurt settled into his eyes, creasing them in the corners. “Do you?”

I nodded slowly. I needed to make him see that thing weren’t as simple as he thought they were. Not anymore.

“Who is this guy?” he demanded. When I remained silent he said, “Do you actually…do you
want
to go out with him?”

“Noah, please—”

“You
like
this guy?” He scrubbed a hand over his face but remained seated. I wasn’t any closer to getting him out the door now than I was ten minutes ago.

“It’s complicated.”

“
How
complicated?”

I folded my arms over my stomach, trying to stop the never-ending ache that had settled there. I didn’t want to have this discussion. Not now, not ever.
Judging by the way he was looking at me, if he ever found out what I’d done, it would gut him.

“Oh, wow,” he said under his breath. His expression hardened. “You accused me of having feelings for someone else…and look at you. How long has this been going on?”

“It’s not like that,” I said. “I never let myself feel anything until you and I were over.”

“Until we were over? And then what?” he demanded as he finally got to his feet. “
Then what
?!” he repeated when I didn’t say anything. “What did you do? Why is it complicated?”

“Noah…,” my voice cracked, broke in two as I said his name.

“Did you…did you screw someone else?” His tone was incredulous but his eyes were full of agony.

“I really think you should go,” I said as I moved toward the door.

He shook his head at me, his disbelief evident. “I haven’t called you because I thought we both needed some space to cool down. I didn’t think you’d…” He shook his head, not willing to continue. “I thought I’d have some time.”

“I’m sorry, Noah,” I said in frustration. “I didn’t realize our break-up came with ground rules!”

“Ground rules, no. But a little bit of restraint on your part would’ve been nice. You seriously slept with someone else?! Did you just go out and find some random guy? Why would you do that?” His face crumpled and another piece of my heart chipped and broke.

“It wasn’t some random guy.”

“Who was it then? Someone you’ve been seeing for a while? Have you been cheating on me? Is that why you’ve been so distant? Is that why you wanted to visit me, so you could tell me that?”

“
No. It wasn’t random. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Caleb.”

The color drained from his face. His body began to tremble.
“Really. I wasn’t aware.”

“I started spending time with Caleb because of Tyler. You know how good he’s been to Tyler. After you left, he started to invite me along.”

“And you never thought to mention it?” he demanded.

I shook my head. “It wasn’t that big of a deal. I didn’t think it was important enough to mention.
No, I was not cheating on you. I would
never
do that! He was just a friend.”

“Just a friend,” Noah repeated. “So nothing ever happened between you t
wo, until the other night?”

I didn’t know how to answer that question.

Noah threw his hands up in the air. His expression turned thunderous. “Something did happen, didn’t it?”

“He…he kissed me a few weeks ago. It completely took me by surprise. I didn’t kiss him back. I swear it,” I said.

“Obviously you didn’t think to mention that to me either,” he said sarcastically.

“
It was a mistake. He apologized. I didn’t want to bring it up because he said it would never happen again. And it didn’t. Nothing happened until last week. After you told me you had feelings for Amanda. It wasn’t until after
you
said you didn’t think you could do this anymore, that you didn’t want to do this anymore. ”

“
When I said I couldn’t do this, I mean the
distance
! Not
us
!” His gaze cut into me. “If Amanda had kissed me and I didn’t tell you, how would you feel?”

I lowered my gaze, letting that thought take hold. He had a valid point. I would’ve been furious. “You’re right,” I said.

“You can blame me for our problems but at least I was
honest
the other night when I said I thought I
might
have feelings for Amanda. You? You could’ve told me about Caleb then.”