Some Hearts (22 page)

“So you and Caleb?”

“It shouldn’t have happened.”

“Right. Okay then. Looks like you threw everything away, threw
us
away, for nothing.” He took a step away and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stop him this time. Without looking at me, he reached for the door. He walked out without saying goodbye. I wondered if he knew he carried a huge piece of my heart with him as he left.

***

I walked into my empty house. The silence was heavy and suffocating. My life had crumbled yet again. Tyler would no longer be here, filling up the rooms with the sound of racecars or Army men. Mom would not be returning anytime soon, if ever. She would be going straight from the hospital to rehab.

After that, it was hard to say.

Aubrey had gently let me know that Mom realized she’d probably have to sell the house. How would she ever make payments if she was locked away? That was another heartbreak in itself. Evan had grown up here. This house was filled with memories of him. I didn’t want to lose that. I wondered how Mom would survive losing that.

My time here was limited and I didn’t know where I was going to go, or what I was going to do.
Perhaps it was for the best. I couldn’t imagine staying in this house without Mom and Ty filling it up.

Caleb was a mistake.
I had turned to him when I shouldn’t have. I was not going to allow myself that luxury anymore. Not only did I not deserve it, but things had shifted too much for me to ever feel like I could go to him with anything ever again.

I had ruined the friendship that I had come to rely on with Caleb.

Noah was never going to forgive me.

I had never felt so alone.

Caleb’s words floated through my head. Was that only a week ago…?
Some hearts are so used to hurting, that they barely register a new break.

Maybe some hearts….but not my heart. My heart was in agony
.

I needed to do the impossible. I needed to fix things with Noah. Until I did, my heart wasn’t going to feel whole.

Some Loves
…Coming in May.

Out now…

Holding On
…excerpt…

“This
can’t
be happening. It just can’t be,” Quinn muttered to the empty bathroom. Empty other than herself…and three impossible to ignore pregnancy tests. All of them confirming the same thing.

She was only five days late. But she was on the pill so five days—well, when you look at the little pills organized so neatly in the little package—it made things kind of obvious. Five days, three tests and nearly a gallon of water later she had three accusatory, irrefutable little
strips of proof in her hand.

“This can’t be happening!” she repeated, louder this time. Her voice was laced with something—possibly hysteria—and sounded unnervingly high-pitched. The brightly colored bathroom began to blur. The purple and turquoise accents blended together and then morphed into an ugly gray. She leaned against the wall as she slumped to the floor. Leaning back, she closed her eyes. She was desperately wishing the whole situation would simply do the impossible and go away.

“I’m coming in!” her little sister, Carly warned. The bathroom door slowly swung open. She had a huge grin on her face as she slipped inside and spotted Quinn sitting on the floor.

“Don’t!” Quinn wailed. “Don’t look so happy. This can’t be happening!” she lamented for the third and final time.

Carly dropped down on the floor next to her sister. She was still smiling as she pulled her into a tight sideways hug. They both leaned back against the wall.

“Oh, Quinn,” she said softly as she took the bundle of proof from her hand. “It’s happening. I’m going to be a fabulous auntie! The best one, ever. And you, you will be a fabulous mom. And Jake—”

Quinn groaned cutting her off as she fastened her hand over her face. “He’s going to be so disappointed in me.”

“Um,
no,” she said sharply, “I don’t think so. You didn’t do this alone. Besides, Jake loves you. You know that.
Everyone
knows that.”

She glanced at her sister. Other than their strawberry blond hair, they looked nothing alike. And even their hair was barely a similarity. Quinn’s was a mass of wavy ringlets. Carly’s was smooth as could be. Quinn’s eyes were like their mom’s. A pale sky blue. Carly’s eyes were like their dad’s. A soft golden brown. Worst of all, in Quinn’s mind, was the fact that her little sister was three inches taller than her.

Apparently, she’s also more logical than me
, she thought with a sigh.

“This was not how I had planned to spend spring break,” she sniffled. Carly gave her arm a squeeze before reaching up to grab the box of Kleenex that was resting on the bathroom vanity.

“I know but everything will be okay. I promise,” Carly said. She plucked a tissue out of the box and handed it to her sister.

Quinn had stuck around their hometown of Lanford because she’d planned on living at home the first two years of college. She attended their local university. The initial plan was to get her asso
ciate degree, then move on to her degree in accounting at a larger university. However, things had gotten serious with Jake. Since Jake was older than her, and actually had a
real
job which prevented him from following her anywhere, she’d decided to stay put.
Technically
, she lived in the dorms.
Actually
, she stayed with Jake about ninety-five percent of the time.

Her roommate was alright. But that could’ve been because they barely saw each other. Jake had asked her to move in with him a while ago. Her parents had not approved. They didn’t believe in living together before marriage. They held this belief so firmly that they insisted she adhere to their rules even though she was twenty
-two. Because they paid her tuition, they ended up having a say about where she lived while she was in school. The dorm had been the perfect solution. While it gave to them the appearance that she lived there, for the most part, she didn’t. She strongly suspected that they knew this. They just pretended, for their own peace of mind, not to.

Her roommate, Veronica, loved their arrangement. If Quinn wasn’t at Jake’s, some nights she’d simply come home and stay at her parents’ house. On a rare occasion when Jake had to work out of town, she was likely to stay at the dorm. That didn’t happen too often. She was a senior and too old to stay in the dorms, in her opinion. She did, however, return to the dorm room during the day to study between classes.

Sometimes.

So they were more or less roommates in name only. Quinn needed a place to pretend to stay. Veronica covered for her on the very rare occasion that her mom randomly showed up. Other than a few well-placed belongings for those unforeseen drop-ins, Veronica essentially had the whole room completely to herself. It worked out well for both of them.

Though Carly was only a year younger, she was only a sophomore this year. She’d taken a year off between high school and college because she hadn’t felt ready for college just yet. Then
she
had gone away to school. Because their spring breaks coincided, she’d come home for the week. She’d thought a fun, week long string of partying in her home town, with old friends and her big sister sounded like an acceptable way to spend the week.

Surely, she had not envisioned any part of that time sitting on the cold tile floor of the spotless bathroom in their childhood home. Their parents were both at work.

Carly had gotten in late the night before.

Students weren’t allowed in the dorms over break. They locked them up. Quinn stayed at her parents to make them happy. Knowing Carly would be coming, she actually didn’t mind.

Not
because she was avoiding Jake the night before, she tried, unsuccessfully to convince herself. She’d been so exhausted that she hadn’t waited up for her sister. In the morning, after their parents had left for work, and while Carly was still sleeping, she’d crept out of the house.

By the time she returned, Carly was up, fortifying herself with an entire pot of coffee.

“Where did you run off to this morning and why didn’t you take me with?” Carly demanded as she’d rushed into the entryway to greet her.

Quinn held up the brown paper bag and swiped at her tear stained face.

Wordlessly, Carly had taken the bag from her hands and peered inside.

When she looked back up at her sister, her eyes were wide and questioning.

“Let’s do this,” was all she said.

She’d filled up a pitcher with water, handed Quinn a glass and then ushered her into the bathroom they’d shared growing up. Obviously, she’d been standing right outside of the door, waiting for the news.

“I know this isn’t how you wanted to spend the week,” Carly said consolingly. “This is better.”

Her cheeriness was only adding to Quinn’s misery.

“Come on, Quinn. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You graduate in two months. Jake’s got a decent job. You’ve talked about marriage,” she pointed out. Who would have thought her little sister would be the never-ending voice of reason?

Jake did have a decent job. He was two years older than Quinn. He worked in his family’s business. He was an electrician and
had been working as one for a few years now. He’d just purchased a house. Quinn, however, still had a few months of school left before she got her degree.

“We’ve talked about marriage. But not seriously,” Quinn mumbled.

“Oh, come on!” Carly said with a roll of her eyes. “Any talk of marriage is serious.”

Ignoring her, Quinn continued on. “We’ve never talked about kids. I don’t even know if he wants any. Ever. I mean, I assume he does. But now? I don’t think he wants them now! I don’t want them now! I don’t want a baby yet! I haven’t changed a diaper for years. Not since I babysat for the Hanson’s. I’m supposed to be looking for a job in a few months. Not just a job but starting my
career
. Who’s going to want to hire a pregnant girl with a belly out to here?” She held her hand out ridiculously far before crumpling into tears. She realized she was babbling. “Mom and Dad are going to kill me!”

Carly laughed. She actually had the nerve to laugh.

“Quinnie,” she chided. Carly and Luke, Quinn’s best friend, were the only two Quinn could stand hearing that nickname from. “You’re twenty-two. You and Jake have been together for a year and a half. It’s not like you’re sixteen or anything. It’s March now. You’ll have your degree in May. The baby won’t be due until…” She paused for a second, throwing together the numbers in her head. “Probably around the end of November? Does that sound right?”

She nodded and took a deep breath. “Yeah, I think so.” Nine months. Nine months to get used to the idea of having a baby…

“Oh my god!” Carly squealed. “You’re going to have a baby!”

“Yeah,” Quinn said as she motioned to the pile of
tests on the floor. “I know.”

“It’ll be here in time for Christmas!” Carly said with a huge grin. “Oh my goodness! Think of all the fun we’ll have shopping! There’s going to be so much to buy! A crib, a car seat, a diaper bag…they make really cute ones! Toys and clothes! So many clothes! Oh…” she said with a sappy look on her face. She slid her arms away from Quinn so she could clasp her hands in front of her chest. “Just think of how cute it’ll be at Christmas! You’ll have to get it one of those little red velvet outfits.”

“No, no way,” Quinn said. “We’re not dressing my baby up like Santa Claus.”

My baby.

While the small pile of tests on the floor provided the proof…the words themselves were what made the whole thing become real.

“Why not?” Carly asked. She sounded completely disappointed in her sister. “Have you seen those little red velvet dresses with little black belts?”

“Yes, and they’re ridiculous,” Quinn pointed out. “You’re the one with the fashion sense. How can you even think of forcing a baby into something like that?”

She sighed. “Fine. But we’ll find something completely perfect.”

Quinn nodded absentmindedly.

“When are you going to tell Mom and Dad?”

“I don’t know. I need to talk to Jake first, obviously.” Her heart began to thud in her chest. Telling Carly had been hard enough. And she hadn’t even known for sure. Now? Now she knew. And it was easy for Carly to be excited. None of the responsibility would fall on her.

She
was
right about a few things. Quinn and Jake were both adults. The timing, while not ideal, was not terrible. She would have her degree. The baby would not have an impact on her education. Jake already had a great job. They both had loving, supportive families.

Her biggest concern was Jake’s reaction. She knew he loved her. But she didn’t want this to change anything. She didn’t want him to feel trapped. She didn’t want him to feel tied to her if in the long-term, he didn’t want to be.

They had talked about marriage a while ago. But not lately. Quinn wasn’t sure why. If they’d talked about it recently, she would’ve felt a whole lot better about the situation.

“I’ll get Mom and Dad out of here so you can talk to him tonight,” Carly decided.

She got to her feet and reached down to pull Quinn up. If she hadn’t, Quinn was so dazed she may have sat there all day. As it was, she just watched as Carly wrapped up the evidence in the brown paper bag once more.

“Tonight?” Quinn finally asked as Carly’s words sunk in.

She nodded. “Yes. Because Quinn, why wait? Jake needs to know. He deserves to know. Besides, the sooner it’s out in the open, the better. Don’t you think? Then you won’t have to worry about where you two stand. You’ll just know.” Quinn’s expression must’ve made her anxiety clearly evident. Carly cocked her head to the side and gave her a sympathetic look. “I can see how worried you are. And honestly, I think you’re getting yourself all worked up about nothing. That’s exactly why you need to talk to Jake. So he can prove to you that this is all going to be okay.

“Now, come on. We’re not going to hang out in the bathroom all day.” She grabbed Quinn by the arm and pulled her out into the hallway. Then she towed her down the stairs into the kitchen where she led her to a bar stool and sat her down.

“What if…” Quinn could hardly say the words. Her throat constricted and her voice shook. “What if he doesn’t want it?”

Carly had gone to the fridge and was rooting around. Her head popped up, over the door and she gave Quinn a horrified look.

“Don’t even think that way! He might need some time to adjust. But he’ll come around. I’m sure of it.” She closed the door with her foot. Her hands held a carton of eggs, a package of cheese and some sliced mushrooms. “Omelet?” she asked.

She knew Quinn hadn’t eaten yet. When her sister nodded she placed everything on the counter. Then she leaned across, looking Quinn in the eye. “You’ve known him forever. You’ve known his family forever.” Her eyes locked with Quinn’s and her face looked determined. Comforting. “It’s going to be okay. I know it.”

“I hope so,” was all she could say.

Jake and Quinn had
been together for a while. She’d known him for most of her life. His younger brother, Luke, was her age.

She and Luke had been friends for as long as she could remember. Growing up, the McGraths had lived down the street from
the Johnsons. While Jake thought he was too cool to play with the “little kids” and especially too cool to play with a girl back then, Luke and Quinn had hit it off. They’d remained friends through grade school. Through middle school, too, even after the McGraths moved to the other side of town. In high school, he’d been on the football team and she’d been the captain of the cheerleading squad. They’d spent a fair amount of time together between riding to out of town games, fundraisers and other events the girls had headed up for the team.