Some Hearts (7 page)

That didn’t mean I was going to let him in.

“Thanks for tonight,” I said. “Ty had a great time. I did too. But he needs to get to bed. So, uh, we’ll see you later?”

Caleb wasn’t having it.

His expression hardened as he pushed his way past me. I scampered after him.

“Caleb!”

He stopped in the arched doorway that led into the living room. He turned back to me with a sympathetic look on his face. I filled the space that his body didn’t, knowing that between
the two of us we were blocking Tyler’s view. Mom was sprawled out on the couch. Two bottles of wine, rested on the coffee table. I wondered if she’d even bothered with a glass. I couldn’t see whatever mess she’d made from here.

I felt my irritation flare when I realized Caleb was trying to gauge my reaction.

“It’s fine!” I just wanted him to go. No one wants a witness to their humiliation. I wasn’t just embarrassed for myself, that this was my life. That this was, yet again, another mess I was going to have to clean up. But I was embarrassed for my mom as well.

If she was in her right frame of mind, she’d be humiliated.

“No, Emory,” he said, his voice low, “this is not fine.”

“
Okay, you’re right. It’s not. But I’ll take care of it.”

“I’ll help.”

I shook my head. The best way he could help, was to leave. I could see by his determined expression that wasn’t going to happen.

“Fine,” I
growled. I glanced at Tyler who was silently watching us with a confused, worried expression. “Would you take Ty upstairs? He can get himself ready for bed. Would you just be sure he brushes his teeth? And then maybe read him a story to take his mind off things?”

I knew from experience that it could take my brother awhile to pick out a book. That would tie Caleb up long enough for me to finish with the mess in the living room.

“Yeah,” he said. “That’s fine.”

I thought maybe he wanted to argue
. With Ty standing there, he really couldn’t.

And truly, I did want to get my brother upstairs, out of the way. Caleb seemed to realize that.

“Up we go!” Caleb said as he settled a hand on Tyler’s shoulder and nudged him toward the staircase. “So what book do you want me to read to you?”

“Do you mean I have to pick just one?” Tyler asked.

I squeezed my eyes shut but only for a second. Then I headed to the utility room in search of a pair of rubber gloves, rags and other cleaning supplies. I tried not to think about facing Caleb when I was done. I was silently cursing him for being such a gentleman. Would it have killed him to
not
walk us to the door?

It was too late to do anything about it now.

He wanted to push his way in? Well, Caleb, welcome to my life.

“You don’t need to stay,” I grumbled. “We’re not your problem. I know you feel this…this obligation because of Evan. But me, Ty, Mom…we’re not your responsibility.”

I was standing at the bathroom sink, scrubbing my hands yet again. I should’ve closed the door because I’d felt him following me down the hallway. Now his large body was blocking my way out. I turned away from him to dry my hands on a towel.

He sighed as he grabbed me by the shoulders
and spun me around. “I know that. Maybe some of this has to do with Evan, but not all of it. I mean, I don’t feel
obligated
. I care about you guys. Okay?”

I felt my lip trembling. All I could do was nod.

“Why don’t we go outside? We can talk for a couple of minutes.”

Talking was the last thing I wanted to do but he wasn’t going to take
‘no’ for an answer. I followed him through the house. The night air felt cool and soothing. The backyard was dark and I found that soothing as well. I made my way to the porch swing and settled onto it.

“You don’t have to lie or pretend with me,” Caleb said quietly. He sat down next to me and the swing groaned under the added weight.

Sitting out here, on the back deck, in the dark, it made things a little easier.

He’d taken Ty upstairs and gotten him settled into bed.

I’d cleaned up Mom’s mess and wiped off her face. I’d hated
every second of it. Not just the mess, but the humiliation of knowing that Caleb had seen everything. He hadn’t said a word when he’d come back downstairs. Instead, he managed to hoist Mom off the couch, into his arms. He’d carried her upstairs and I’d followed silently behind him. He settled her onto her bed. She had barely stirred. I’d covered her with a blanket and quietly thanked him as we walked out of the room.

I’d assumed he would leave.

I should’ve known better.

I wasn’t going to lie to him.
But if I had my way, I wouldn’t tell him anything at all. Apparently, I was not about to have my way.

“I know your mom has a drinking problem.
That she’s had one for awhile.”

It wasn’t a question. Still, I wanted to deny it. I could tell by his tone it would do no good so I continued to sit in silence.

“Evan told me,” he stated flatly. “I didn’t realize it was this bad.”

I let out a derisive laugh.

“You wanna talk about it?” he asked.

“Not really,” I said. I stared off into the backyard. It was a cloudless night. The yard was dark. So dark I could barely make out the outlines of the trees scattered throughout.

“Well, I wish you would,” he said. “I’m worried about you.”

I turned to face him. “Worried?”

“Yeah,” he admitted. “Worried. I see how you take care of Ty. I didn’t realize you take care of your mom too. You shouldn’t have to do that. That shouldn’t be on you.”

I shook my head. “
If I don’t, who will?”

“That’s not what I meant,” he scolded. “And I think you know it. She’s the mom. She should be taking care of you. And she should especially still be taking care of Ty.”

“She takes care of him,” I argued. I was met with silence so I continued my protest. “She does. She’s not like this all the time.”

“Emory, you’re barely eighteen. This should not be on you.”

“That’s not true. I’m almost nineteen. I’ll be nineteen in a few months.”

“
That’s not the point and you know it. Evan told me she started drinking after your dad left.”

I didn’t deny it. What was the point? If my brother had trusted him with this secret, then why shouldn’t I?

“She was getting better,” I told him. “After Dad, I mean.”

“Evan had a talk with her,”
Caleb said.

I turned to him, narrowing my eyes. I hadn’t been aware of that. “What?”

In the darkness, I could barely make out his motions but I saw him nod. “Yeah. After he moved out. He told her to knock it the hell off. That she needed to get some help or something but that she needed to get over it. She needed to step up and be a mom.”

My head swung back around, my gaze unfocused as I looked out into the yard. That made sense. For a while, she
had
been better. I told Caleb so. “But then, she got worse again. After Evan…”

I faded off, not able and not needing to say the words.

“Yeah,” he said quietly, “after seeing her tonight, I kinda figured. You really need to talk to someone about this.”

“No.” My answer was immediate and definite.

“Em—”

“No!” I said again.

This time, I bounced up from the porch swing. I went to stand at the railing. I heard the swing creak again as it was relieved of Caleb’s weight. He came to stand beside me. His elbows rested against mine.

“I can’t,” I said as I shook my head. “I’ll talk to her. I will. Even lately, she was doing better. It’s just the last few weeks,” I admitted.

He didn’t say anything, probably thinking that over. I knew I was right when he finally spoke. He’d come to the same conclusion that I had.

“Do you think it’s because the anniversary is coming up?”

I blew out a painful breath. The one year anniversary of Evan’s accident was closing in on us, suffocating us.

“Yeah, I do.” I scraped a hand over my face, a small moan escaped. I felt
Caleb’s hand cautiously settle onto my back. When he started rubbing it in small circles, comfort washed over me. “She doesn’t drink when it’s just her and Tyler. I thought if I went away to school, it might be better for everyone. She’d have Tyler to concentrate on.”

“Do you really believe that?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I whispered. Maybe I had wanted to believe it so I’d let myself. Maybe there was a reason I hadn’t gotten accepted to Hudson. Maybe it was fate’s way of intervening, of being sure that Tyler had someone here to watch over him. 

“Riley’s your cousin right? Your moms are sisters. Can’t you talk to Riley’s mom?”

I shook my head. “Mom and Aunt Aubrey had a falling out years ago. They barely speak. If I went to Aubrey behind Mom’s back, she’d probably never forgive me.”

“I know better than to ask about your dad,” Caleb grumbled.

He was right. Dad had made it clear that he had no time in his life for us. That was back when things were supposedly “good.” If he couldn’t handle family life at a time when things were going smoothly, there was no way he’d handle it now when it was such a mess.

Besides, what would he do? Take Tyler to live with him? That wasn’t even a possibility. Not with his job. He’d made no attempts to see us since he left. I knew better than to think he’d man up now. We all knew that Evan had been his favorite. And now Evan was gone. Some part of me realized it was probably easier for him to stay away. We were nothing more than an unpleasant reminder of his loss.

“What about your dad’s family?”

“Seriously? Caleb. I barely know them. They live on the other side of the country. I would never go to them about this.”

“There’s got to be somebody you can turn to,” Caleb said.

I shrugged because I didn’t have a good answer for that.

“How about Noah’s family? You two have been together forever.  Your moms are friends right? Maybe Noah’s mom could help somehow.”

I shook my head frantically. “Noah doesn’t know.”

“What do you mean he doesn’t know?”

“I mean it exactly the way it sounds. Noah
doesn’t
know.”

“Why the hell not?” He turned to me and crossed his arms over his chest.

I stared back at him defiantly. This was none of Caleb’s business.

I hadn’t told Noah because I was already the girl whose dad walked out on his family. The girls whose brother died in a tragic accident. The girl whose grades dropped to embarrassing levels. The girl who couldn’t go off to college with her boyfriend because the university didn’t think she could cut it.

Wasn’t all of that humiliating enough?

Did I really want to add girl whose mom is an alcoholic to that list?

No. I didn’t.

I knew Noah would be here for me, dealing with Mom too. But that didn’t seem fair to him. I felt like I was always taking, never giving. It made me feel weak and needy.

This one thing, I should be able to handle it on my own.

I realized that Caleb was still waiting for an answer.

“This is the one thing,” I said, “that I just can’t talk to him about.”

“Then my offer stands. You need help, you call me. You decide you want to talk to your mom, I’ll be there. If you want me to be. I mean, I don’t want to overstep any boundaries. But I’m not going to leave you hanging, either. Got it?”

“Thanks,” I answered in a creaky sounding voice.

“Come here,” he said. He pulled me into a hug. It felt nice, comforting. I sighed into his chest.

“Damn, Evan,” he said lightly. “He really messed things up. I’d give anything for him to be here right now.”

“Me too.”

I felt like crying but this time, I wasn’t going to give into it. I didn’t want to be that selfish. I didn’t want Caleb to have to comfort me when he was so obviously hurting too. Just maybe, by being close to him, I was offering him some comfort too.

***

“How did you sleep?” I asked Mom when she finally wandered into the kitchen the next morning. She had showered but she still had circles under her eyes. It was obvious she was not well rested.

“I slept okay,” she said as
she went for the coffee pot.

“You
can thank Caleb for that,” I said.

She turned around slowly. She wore a confused look. “I’m sorry?”

“Caleb. You can thank him. He’s the one that carried you up to bed.” I hadn’t known for sure if I was going to confront her. But Caleb had been right. I wasn’t helping anyone by avoiding the issue. Maybe she didn’t realize how bad things had become. It was possible. She wasn’t conscious for a lot of it, or she was too blitzed to remember a lot of what happened. So maybe she really wasn’t aware.

“I was really tired last night,” she muttered.

“No,” I said firmly. “You were really passed out last night. You…you vomited on the floor. So do not try to pretend you were just sleeping. Caleb carried you. He took care of getting Ty to bed. He did that so that I could clean up the mess you made.”

She turned away from me again. I jumped up from the table, livid that she was ignoring me.

“Mom!” I cried. “You have a problem! You need to get help.”

I grabbed her shoulder and spun her around. I was surprised to see tears streaming down her face. I had thought she had turned away because she was angry. I hadn’t realized that my words were actually penetrating. Seeing
her that way ripped at my heart. I wanted her to change…but I didn’t want her to hurt.

“Mom,” I said, my tone much softer this time.
“I’m so worried about you. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. Or to me and Ty!”

She shook her head at me as she wiped the tears off her cheek with the back of her hand. “You don’t understand Emory. You don’t. You have no idea what I’m going through. You cannot imagine the pain of burying a child.”

“I don’t understand?” I asked, bewildered. “He was my brother!”

“I know you love
d him. I’m not saying you didn’t. And I’m not saying it’s not hard for you because I know that it is. But he was my
child
…,” A sob tore out of her throat. She crumpled against the countertop.

I couldn’t decide if I should comfort her or if I should push ahead with this conversation.
It took me a few moments to come to a decision. I’d come this far. If I backed down now, I wasn’t sure I’d manage to scrounge up the courage again.

“I want you to get help,” I said. “You have to stop drinking. This is no way to live.”

She lifted her head, her expression was blank. “You don’t get to tell me how to live. Or how I should feel.”

“I’m telling you that you need help. Drinking is not helping you. It’s not helping any of us. It’s just making things so much worse. Do you even think about how hard this is on me and Ty? What’s going to happen next year
when I go to Hudson? Who is going to take care of Tyler? Who is going to take care of
you
? Do you think he’s old enough to deal with bandaging your hand? Cleaning up broken glass? Do you really want him trying to haul you to bed at night? I don’t! He deserves better than that and so do I.”

I was frustrated that she didn’t respond to that. But at least she didn’t try to deny it.
I pulled in a heaving breathe. For the first time, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to leave next year, even if I did get into Hudson. I’d been fooling myself, thinking she’d pull it together for Tyler. How was I ever going to make that decision? Whether to leave so that Noah and I could be together, or stay to be sure that Tyler was safe.