Some Hearts (14 page)

I glanced at the clock. If we did meet them, that would give me a few hours alone with Noah first. I’d like to have him to myself all night but I didn’t want to be greedy. “We can join them. I know your parents will want to see you
, and so will Adelaide.”

He glanced at me. “Are you sure? I’m fine with whatever you decide, but I came here tonight to be with you.”

The smile that had appeared on the sidewalk had yet to fade. “I’m positive. I like spending time with your family.” His family was proof that not all families were dysfunctional. Sometimes it was nice to have that reminder.

Noah being here was exactly what I needed. It made me feel as if all was nearly right in my world again. Driving to his house, talking about nothing and everything, it just felt so natural and right.

I debated talking to him about Mom but as always, a million excuses floated around in my head. It was important to me to handle at least one thing on my own. Though so far, I’d hardly done a stellar job at it.

Maybe now that the horrible one year milestone had passed, things would get better.

“Hello? Emory? You with me?” Noah asked.

We had just pulled into his driveway. I hadn’t realized I’d zoned out. I turned to him with a questioning look.

His forehead was crinkled in concern. “Was this a bad idea? Should’ve I called first? I mean, did you have something else going on?”

“No! I’m so happy that you’re here. I’m sorry. I’ve just been…
,” I faded off because I wasn’t sure how to finish.

“
Distracted,” Noah finished for me. He placed his hands on my cheeks, holding my gaze steady in his. “You’ve been really distracted. You want to tell me why?” I hesitated and he continued. “Let me rephrase that.
Will
you tell me why?”

“Just missing Evan,” I said. When it came down to it, my whole world seemed to be revolving in some way, around his death. If he was still here, Mom wouldn’t be drinking so much. If he was here, Caleb would never have been at my house last night. The kiss never would’ve happened. Hell, if Evan was here, my grades wouldn’t have gone all to hell. I wouldn’t be in this mess at all. Make that messes. The ones surrounding Mom, Caleb, and Noah, having him so far away.

Noah nodded as he watched emotions flash across my face. Apparently, he was satisfied with my answer. Maybe he realized that it encompassed so many different things.

“I hate to see you hurting. I wish I could do something to make it better. I’d do anything
for you,” he said softly.

“Just kiss me,” I whispered.

He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine. It wasn’t the same kind of kiss he’d greeted me with when I’d shown up at his dorm. That kiss had been fiery, greedy, and had set my hormones ablaze.

This kiss was just what I needed. It was gentle. It was sweet. It felt full of purpose. I felt as though he were giving me all of himself while taking nothing.

“Thank you,” I whispered when he broke away.

“Feel better?”

I nodded because oddly enough, I did. “Just being with you always makes me feel better, more at peace.”

I didn’t know how to tell him that I thought of him as my anchor. He was the one thing that held me in place. His love held me steady when my waves of grief and fear threatened to sweep me away. Without him, I felt lost, like I was drifting aimlessly.

“Noah’s phone!” The sing-song voice hit me with a disorienting wave of déjà vu.

Amanda answering Noah’s phone once had been annoying. Answering it twice? That was completely unacceptable.
I didn’t care if she’d taken notes for Noah earlier in the week so that he could come see me.

I didn’t trust her.

“Let me talk to Noah.” I hoped my tone was even. I did not want her to know that she was grating my nerves to shreds.

“I’m sorry,” she simpered. “Noah can’t come to the phone right now.”

I wanted to ask why the hell not.

“Can I ask whose calling?” she asked sweetly before I managed to say anything.

“Cut the crap,” I said with a scowl. “This is Emory and you know it. Now let me talk to Noah.”

“Amanda?” It was a girl’s voice saying her name.

“I’m sorry,” Amanda said into the phone. “But I told you, Noah can’t come to the phone. I’ve got to go. I need to help my roommate with something in the kitchen.”

She disconnected and I stood there, gripping my phone so hard I was surprised it didn’t crack. What was Noah doing at Amanda’s house this early on a Saturday morning? And why in the he
ll couldn’t he answer his phone?

An image of Noah, sprawled out asleep in Amanda’s bed
, flickered through my mind. I shoved it away. I didn’t know what was going on. But I
did
know Noah. I was certain he was incapable of behavior that was that despicable.

There had to be an explanation for this.

It took nine long hours before I finally got that explanation.

In the meantime, I’d been driving myself crazy. My fingers were constantly twitching, aching to call Noah again. I hated feeling so cut off. However, I didn’t want to risk giving Amanda the satisfaction of taking my call
yet again
.

When Caleb had stopped by to see if he could take Tyler to the park, I’d gladly handed him off. Then I’d felt guilty for it.

Caleb had noticed how high strung I was. He’d invited me to join them. I hadn’t even considered it. I didn’t know how the call with Noah was going to go.

Finally, I couldn’t take waiting any longer. I sent Noah a text, asking him to call me as soon as he got a chance. My phone rang within minutes.
I’d been watching a movie but as soon as his ringtone sounded, I raced up the stairs to my room.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yes, but I’m glad you called.” It was so comforting to hear his voice.

“Why didn’t
you
just call
me
?”

I explained to him that I had called earlier. I let him know that Amanda had answered again and had let me know that he was unable to come to the phone.
I told him I didn’t want to risk talking to her again.

“Oh,” he said. “I didn’t realize you’d called.”

“Do I want to know why she was answering your phone again? Or why you were at her house so early in the morning? Or why you couldn’t come to the phone? What were you so busy doing? Why was she—”

“H
ey, hold up a second,” Noah interrupted. “You’ve got this all wrong. I wasn’t at her house this morning. I couldn’t tell you why she answered it again, except that seems to be what people do when a phone rings. They answer it.”

“You weren’t at her house…but your phone was? How did that happen?”

He sighed. “I guess I dropped it last night. I didn’t realize it was missing until she brought it by this afternoon. She didn’t mention that you called.”

“Is she still there?”

“What? In my room? No.” He sounded confused that I’d even asked.

“But you were at her house last night. I thought you were going to a party last night. How did you end up at
Amanda’s
?”

“I did go to the party, with some friends. I ended up driving her home. I’m not sure how my phone ended up with her. I swear. I must’ve dropped it when I brought her into the house.”

He might not know
how she ended up with his phone, but I had a hunch. The conniving little tramp had swiped it from him, I was sure.

“How lucky that she found it,” I said sarcastically. “Where was it?”
Her pocket?

He cleared his throat. “On her bedroom floor.”

“Her…her
bed
room floor. You were in another girl’s bedroom?” I asked. I was struggling to keep my tone completely flat.

“I brought her up to her bedroom. I had to half carry her
up the stairs. I didn’t think her roommates could do it.”

I winced at the
mental image of Noah with his arms around another girl. Around Amanda. I could picture her snuggling right into him, pressing her breasts against him, breathing against his neck. I had no problem envisioning her playing the damsel in distress, knowing full well that Noah would step in, playing the part of her knight in shining armor.

Damn Noah and his impeccable manners.

I needed to get that image out of my mind.

“Right,” I said in a
clipped tone. “You had to bring her all the way to her bedroom. Did you undress her and tuck her in too?”

“What? No! Now you’re just being ridiculous!”

“I’m being ridiculous? You half carried a drunken girl to her room. A drunken girl who clearly has a crush on you. A girl who obviously wants to cause problems between you and me. A girl who more than likely stole your phone. And I’m being ridiculous?”

“You think she stole my phone?” he scoffed. “That doesn’t even make sense! She has her own phone.” I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t help it. He was so obviously missing the point. He’d probably figure out what I was implying later, after he’d had a minute to think about it. “Amanda isn’t like that. You don’t know her. She’s a nice girl.”

Coming from most guys
She’s a nice girl
was like the kiss of death. Coming from Noah, it was a legitimate compliment. I leaned back and banged my head against the wall.

“Noah, no, she’s not. You’re the sweetest guy I know. But you are far too trusting. She’s playing you. You are playing right into it.”

He hesitated for a moment before saying, “I don’t think I am. And I don’t think it’s fair of you to judge her.”

A wave of panic washed over me. I
did not want to do this. I did
not
want to fight. Especially not when he was so far away, when I was here and
she
was there.

In the course of a single conversation, one of the things I loved most about Noah, one of his best qualities, had become one that terrified me. He was to
o naïve, too trusting. Judging by this conversation, it was only going to be a matter of time before that naivety got him into trouble.

I knew if I kept verbally attacking her, he’d keep defending her.

I had to take a mental step back, give myself a second to regroup. I needed to go about this another way before it blew up in my face.

“You’re right,” I finally agreed. “I don’t know her. But I do know you. I trust your judgment.” It was a tiny lie, but what else could I say? “And I trust you implicitly. If you tell me I have nothing to worry about, I believe you.”

“Thank you,” he said. I could hear the sincerity in his voice. It bolstered me forward.

“
That doesn’t mean I approve of you spending so much time with her.” He started to protest but I cut him off. “Please hear me out?”

“Okay, fine,” he said quietly.

“Just because I trust you doesn’t mean I’m comfortable with you spending time with her. She’s a gorgeous girl. She’s there. I’m five hours away.” My voice cracked under the strain of my tears. I hadn’t meant to pull out the waterworks but if there was one thing Noah couldn’t stand up against, it was a girl crying. I knew it wasn’t fair to him, but I couldn’t make them stop. I had a nasty habit of crying when I was angry and scared. Right now, I was both. I was angry at Amanda and terrified that Noah would walk right into her trap, not realizing it until it was too late.

“It doesn’t matter how far away you are,” Noah said patiently. “I love you
, just you.”

“I know. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel totally insecure right now. I get that you have to see her for school. But do you really need to spend time with her outside of your project? Just think about that for a minute, Noah. Am I supposed to be okay with that? You hanging out with a beautiful girl, drinking,
at a party
. You bringing her home, carrying her up to her room. Do you see how just maybe I’d have a hard time with that?”

“You’re right.
I see what you’re saying. But I wasn’t drinking. And to be clear, I wasn’t
with her
at the party. I was with some guys from my dorm. When I was getting ready to leave, one of her roommates asked me to drive Amanda home. The roommate was staying at the party and wanted to be sure that Amanda got home safely.”

Of course she did
, I thought.
Because that’s exactly what a good little coconspirator would do.
I kept that assessment to myself because Noah would never see it the same way I did. I needed to choose my words carefully.

“You know what? Maybe I am wrong,” I conceded. “Maybe I’ve completely misjudged the
situation. But that doesn’t change the way I feel. Do you spend any time with her other than your projects?”

He hesitated and my stomach dropped.

“She’s eaten lunch with us a few times. Some guys and I usually eat on campus. She and a few of her friends sometimes sit at our table.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, not really surprised to hear this but not the least bit happy about it. At least he was being honest with me.

“A few times when we were in the game room, she’s been there,” he continued.

“Of course she has,” I muttered.

“We’re going to run into each other,” Noah said.

“You don’t think it’s strange she shows up where you are?”

“No,” he said, his tone matter of fact, “I don’t. We have two of the same classes, some of the same friends. The campus really isn’t that big. She’s usually with her same group of friends. I’m usually with my same group of friends. Maybe one of the girls in her group has a thing for one of the guys I hang around with.”

“Or maybe
she
has a thing for
you
. Think about it, Noah. Is it really so inconceivable? It shouldn’t be. I happen to know from experience that you’re a really easy guy to fall for.” I was trying to bring some levity to the situation, though my words were true. And I did want him to think them through.

I knew all the way down to my soul that I was right about her.

“Are you ever alone with her?”

“That depends on your definition of alone.” He sounded put-out that I was asking. “If you mean have we ever been the only two at the lunch table because everyone else finished before us, yes. If you mean have we ever gone out to eat, just the two of us, no. If you’re asking if she and I have ever walked to class together without anyone else, yes. If you’re asking if we’ve ever gone for a walk through the park or something, no. I’ve been to her house for our study group, but other than last night, never without the rest of the group. Does that help?” His question sounded sincere, not condescending.

“It helps. But why do you walk to class together?”

“Because we have our last two classes of the day together. That’s kind of just how things worked out. We’re both headed the same direction. Why wouldn’t we walk
together?”

I understood what he was saying. I did. But I still didn’t like it.

“Can we drop this?” he abruptly asked.

He was right. We needed to drop this. I had just done the one thing I’d warned myself not to do. I was pushing him into a corner.

“Yeah, let’s,” I agreed.

“Good. Because I don’t get what you want from me. I mean, am I supposed to not even be
friends
with her?” He sounded incredulous. So much for dropping the conversation. It seemed to me as if it were still moving forward, full steam ahead.

“Honestly?” I asked in a quivering voice. “I would appreciate that.”

I was met with a moment of silence. This conversation was so far from any conversation that we’d ever had before. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what his reaction was on the other side of the line. Was he shaking his head at me? Scowling in frustration? Dragging his hand through his hair while wearing a look of utter disbelief?

“Okay,” he finally said. “If you want me to stay away from her…I’ll try.”

I’ll
try?

If he put in an effort, just how hard could it be?

I wasn’t going to go there. I felt I had no choice but to accept the concession I’d been given.

“Thank you.” It was all I dared to say.

“Now I have some questions for you,” Noah said. “Are you sure this really has to do with Amanda? Or is something else going on?”