Some Hearts (21 page)

I pulled in a breath through my nose, concentrating only on getting the air into my lungs and ignoring the burn behind my eyes.

“We’d like Tyler to come live with us,” she said quietly. “
I spoke to your father about it this afternoon. I don’t know how Jolene is going to feel about that. But Tyler is family and we feel it’s important he stays with family. Your father admitted that he can’t offer Tyler the stability that we could.”

Dad traveled with his job. There was no way he could keep his current career and care for Tyler. Not to mention that the last thing Tyler needed was to be ripped from his hometown and sent to live with a parent that had abandoned him.

I shook my head. “He can stay with me. He should be with me.”

She forced a small smile. “I was sure you were going to say that. But Emory, you’ve been the adult for too long. You’ve got enough responsibility on your shoulders.
You know you are welcome at our house anytime. In fact, we would love it if you would visit more. Tyler will be safe with us. We’ll take good care of him. Now that Riley’s living in the dorms, the house is too empty and quiet. Having Tyler would be a pleasure.”

After that, the conversation blended together. I barely listened to what she said.

My mom was going to serve time for what she’d done?

Tyler was going to live with another family? Granted, they were
our
family but he wouldn’t be with me.

By the time she left, my hands were shaking. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.

When my phone rang, I didn’t want to answer it. I checked it to be sure it wasn’t the hospital. When I saw Caleb’s name glowing back at me, I hesitated.

Finally, I answered because even though he’d stopped by to see Tyler once he was awake, I was sure that he wanted an update.

I answered and told him Tyler was doing fine. He was going to need to go to physical therapy but the doctor expected a full recovery.

“I’m surprised you don’t sound a bit more upbeat about that,” Caleb said.

“I’m happy about Ty. You have no idea.” Or maybe he did. “It’s… there are other things going on.”

“Like what?”

I wasn’t sure that I wanted to tell him. I’d relied on him too much the past few months. It had confused my emotions and had gotten me into trouble. I didn’t want to rely on him anymore. I didn’t want to rely on anyone.

“Is this about your mom?” he asked when I remained silent. “I wasn’t eavesdropping but I overheard your aunt and dad talking.”

“Yes,” I said begrudgingly. I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer, but I needed to ask anyway. “Do you know how much trouble she’s going to be in?”

“
I think there’s a good chance she’s going to be in a lot of trouble,” he said quietly. “I don’t know how to tell you this. But it wasn’t your mom’s first offense. She got a DUI summer before last. She spent the night in jail.”

I was silent for a moment, trying to process that.

“What? When? How do you know that?” I finally sputtered.

“It was a weekend. Tyler was at a friend’s house. You were gone with Riley somewhere. She was on her way back from the damn liquor store,” he explained. “She got pulled over.”

“Why don’t I know about this?”

He sighed. “Because Evan took care of everything. He didn’t want you to know. That’s why I didn’t say anything. I’m telling you now because I’m sure you’ll be finding out anyway.”

“Why didn’t Evan tell me?”

“He was trying to protect you. Just like you’re always protecting Ty.”

“
You
should’ve told me!” I cried into the phone. “If I’d known she was capable of drinking and driving, I would’ve done a better job of watching over Tyler!”

“I should have told you,” he agreed. “I’m sorry I didn’t. I had hoped she’d learned her lesson. That was almost two years ago.”

I let out a pained laugh. “I doubt that she had learned her lesson. I think probably, until the other night, she’d just managed to
not
get caught.”

“Do you have a nine?” Tyler asked. He craned his head subtly trying to peek at Riley’s cards. Most days, I’d call him out on it. Not today.

He was
finally feeling a little bit better. Well enough to feel bored and listless. I had stopped in the gift shop to pick up a deck of cards. We’d been playing Go Fish, Crazy Eights, and War all afternoon.

Dad and Aubrey were in Mom’s room, discussing the details of Tyler’s custody arrangement. No one had mentioned it to him yet. I think we were all trying to spare him a few more days. When he found out, his world was going to shatter all over again.

I felt bad for Mom. She was going to be discharged tomorrow. She would be heading straight to rehab. She would be paying for her crime. It didn’t seem fair that she had to face Dad, too. At least he had calmed down some. Aubrey had a hand in that. She’d also made it clear that he was to keep his temper in check while speaking with Mom. Last I heard, she told him that the only thing he was allowed to discuss with her was Tyler’s custody.

She was working hard at being a buffer.

Only time would tell if her work would pay off.

“I do not have a nine,” Riley said. “Go fish, little man, go fish.”

Tyler groaned and swiped a card off of the pile. It was amazing how quickly the human body was capable of healing. He had a long way to go but at least his pain seemed to be under control today.

“Tyler, do you have—”

A soft knock on the door cut me off. It pulled my attention away from the game of Go Fish we had going on.

“Noah!” Tyler cried.
His little face broke into a smile.

“Hey bud!” Noah said as he came in.

“Thanks for truck! It has a remote control!”

“I know,” Noah said with a laugh. “That’s why I got it for you. I figured that way, even if you’re laid up for a while, you’ll still be able to play with it.”

I dropped my head and smiled. I hadn’t thought of that but that was so typical of Noah.

“You look like you’re feeling better,” Noah said.

Tyler nodded. “I am. I get to go home soon.”

My smile felt pinched. I wasn’t sure how he was going to feel about going to Aubrey’s.
But the bright side was the simple fact that he was going to be discharged soon. Or at least within the week.

“That’s good,” Noah said. “It’s exactly what I want to hear.” He held up his hand and Tyler gave him a high-five.

“Do you want to play?” He held up the cards in his hand. “We can start a new game. Emory probably wants to. She’s losing really, really bad.”

Noah’s eyes darted to mine but he quickly pulled them away. “Is she?”

“She’s not very good,” Tyler said decisively.

Noah chuckled. “Maybe we can play some other time. I’m getting ready to head out pretty soon.
I’m glad you’re doing better though. We were all pretty worried about you.” Noah glanced at me, then back at my brother. “Would it be okay if I borrowed your sister? I won’t keep her very long.”

I was surprised he was here. I was
even more surprised he wanted to talk to me.

Tyler gave his go ahead and I followed Noah out into the hall. He kept walking until he reached a room I hadn’t noticed before. It was a small
, private waiting room and it was currently empty. We went in and he shut the door behind us.

I briefly wondered if maybe it wasn’t a waiting room at all. Maybe it was a room doctors used to consult with patients
’ families. Regardless, with the door closed we had privacy. I anxiously waited to hear what Noah had to say to me. Obviously, if we were in this room, he didn’t want anyone to overhear.

There were two couches resting against opposing walls. A coffee table sat between them. We stood in the small space at the end. My body felt as though it was
shaking with nervous energy. Now that I knew Tyler was going to be okay, Noah had edged back into my mind. I was happy to see him but afraid of what he had to say.

“It was nice of your dad to show up.”

I was poised to snap out a response when his sarcasm registered. Noah had been there with me, by my side, holding me up when Dad walked out on us without looking back.

“
Sure was,” I said softly.

He looked agitated, like he wanted to pace, but there was nowhere for him to go. Instead, he scrubbed his hand across the back of his neck. The sound of our breathing seemed to fill the room. I hated this…this awful feeling that had settled between us. It was almost unbearable.

I wanted to slip into his arms.

Even though I didn’t deserve to be there.

Not anymore.

“Is this what’s been going on with you?” Noah finally asked. “Stuff with your mom?”

“Yes,
” I said without hesitation.

“Why didn’t you just tell me? Why didn’t you talk to me?”

I hesitated, not sure how to answer. At the time, my reasons had seemed valid.  Now, they seemed pointless.

His shoulders slumped. “I guess it’s really none of my business now.”

“No,” I quickly said. “That’s not it. I didn’t tell you mostly because I was embarrassed. I was angry. I feel like I am always running to you and leaning on you. I started to worry that one day, you would get sick of it. I thought I could take care of this myself.”

“Emory, I
wanted
to be there for you. I wanted to take care of you. I always have. That’s what it means to be together. You work through things
together
.”

“B
ut you shouldn’t have to. I felt like you were always giving and I was always taking.”

“Feeling needed sure as hell beats feeling like you’re shutting me out
,” he said. “And it’s not your fault your family is a mess. I’m just lucky that mine isn’t. I’m lucky that I haven’t had to go through a fraction of the shit you’ve had to go through. It pisses me off that you didn’t come to me. That you didn’t trust me with this.”

“Trust had nothing to do with it.”

He was quiet a moment before saying, “Trust has
everything
to do with it.”

I didn’t know what to say to that because I didn’t think we were talking about my silence anymore.

“I was going to tell you. This weekend in fact. When I asked if I could visit you, that’s why. I was going to tell you what a hard time I was having with Mom. And that I didn’t know what to do about it. But then the phone call…”

“Went all to hell,” he finished for me. “I know. I never should’ve been drinking that night, not with the mood I was in.
It was like I was just asking for trouble. I know I said things I shouldn’t have but I thought we were just having a fight. Just a normal fight. I didn’t realize how hurtful my words were until later, when I was thinking more clearly.”

“Noah, am I ever going to see you again?”
What if he decided to stay at Hudson over the summer? Even if he did come back to Ashton, the town was big enough that I might never run into him. There was a real possibility that I might never see him again…especially if he went out of his way to avoid me.

He let out a laugh but it sounded bitter and wrong. “I’m afraid so.” He shook his head and made a face, as if he couldn’t believe what he was about to say. “I…uh…I dropped out of Hudson. That’s part of what I was coming to tell you on Friday night.”

Some major changes need to be made. So that’s what I came here to tell you.

He had said those words Friday night but I hadn’t given them much thought.

“You, wait, you
what
?”

He nodded and scoffed. “Yeah. Great plan, huh?
I know we had agreed to try a year apart. What I didn’t tell you was that I’d already applied to State. I wanted to have a back-up plan. Us going to different schools? That was your idea. I know you didn’t want to hold me back, but I would’ve gone to State with you for a year. I told you, I couldn’t take the distance. I knew it wasn’t working for us. I knew it was just going to get worse. I got accepted at State. I’d just registered for spring classes at Hudson but I dropped them. I told them I wouldn’t be back.”

“You did that for me?”

He said nothing to my redundant question. His silence loudly told me that he wished he hadn’t. Of course he wished that. I was the last person he wanted to be with right now.

“Maybe you can get your spot back?”

“I hope so,” he said quietly. “But I doubt it. They’ve probably already given it to someone on the waiting list.”

My heart misbehaved. It soared when it should have ached for him, for what he’d given up. Noah would be coming back to Ashton. He would be here, maybe not in my life but near enough that he
could
be.

“I’m going to look into it first thing tomorrow morning.” He looked glum and he didn’t sound very hopeful.

My soaring heart toppled in my chest as another reality crashed into me.

“What about baseball?” I whispered. If he had dropped out of Hudson, his place on the team would automatically be forfeited. I wasn’t positive how things worked but I was pretty sure that the roster at State was set this late in the year.

Again, he said nothing but his silence said it all.

Noah loved baseball. He had willingly and knowingly give
n that up too?

Tears burned behind my eyes. “Noah…,” I said miserably.

He shook his head at me. “Just…don’t.”

I clamped my lips together and tried to blink my tears away.

I had not only majorly messed up my own life, but his as well.

I was toxic, everything near me became ruined.

“Anyhow, I need to get going. I just couldn’t leave town without checking in on Tyler.”

“Right,” I said as I wrapped my arms around my stomach.

“I know I haven’t been a part of his life like Caleb has, but I’ve known that kid a long time. I love him like he’s family. If you think of it, can you maybe text me an update? Let me know when he gets out of the hospital?”

“Sure.” It didn’t slip my notice that he asked me to text him. In the past, he would’ve asked me to call. I wondered if he’d take my call later in the week if I decided to update him that way.

“And your mom…? I’ve heard some rumors about her being charged?”

“Not rumors,” I confirmed.

He sighed. “I should get going. I think we’ve said all there is to say.” He moved away but I reached out and grabbed his hand. He turned to face me and my fingers fell away.

I didn’t want to leave things like this.

Not when everything felt so raw. Not when Noah looked so broken and we were both wrecked.

“I’m so sorry about how this weekend turned out. It’s been such a nightmare. I’m sorry you came home to this.”

“Yeah. Well…,” he faded off.
“It sure as hell didn’t go like I planned.”

I took a step toward him. Until that moment, his eyes had been all over the room, taking in every inch of the place. He’d been looking at anything he could so that he wouldn’t have to look at me.

“I made a mistake,” I admitted in a shaky tone. “Can you ever forgive me?”

He let out a bitter laugh as his eyes bored into me. “A mistake? Which part was a mistake? Keeping things from me? Breaking up with me? Or—,” He cut himself off and his lips clamped shut, unable to say the words. His gaze dropped again and my stomach fell with it.

I realized he was so disgusted with me that he couldn’t even bare to look at me.

“All of it,” I said as my voice cracked.
“I’m sorry for all of it. I wish I could take it all back.”

“You can’t.” His tone was clipped.

“I know. But I can tell you I’m sorry. I wish there was a better word than that because it doesn’t even begin to cover what I feel.”

“I don’t know what it is you want from me. But more than that, right now, I don’t think I have anything left to give.”

“I want your forgiveness.”

Emotions flashed across his face as he chose his words. “
I love you. I will always love you but I don’t know if I can ever forgive you. I’ve loved you for so long, I don’t think I know how to stop.”

For just one brief moment I felt hope. That hope was quickly stomped on.

“I know that you didn’t cheat on me. Not really. My head gets it but in here,” he said as he tapped his hand over his chest, “it feels like you did. I don’t know if I can get past that. Not now and maybe not ever.”

I nodded to let him know I understood. I was afraid that if I tried to speak, it would turn into a sob.

“What I don’t get is
why
? You and I, we waited almost two years before we slept together. With him, you just…” He squeezed his eyes closed and turned away from me.

I didn’t remind him that waiting had not been my choice. That wasn’t the point.

“It was stupid. What I did, it was really, really stupid,” I admitted.