So Much to Learn (51 page)

"Sod off," I
grumbled but he just laughed and ruffled my hair, as if it needed
any more messing up.

It took me
several attempts but I finally managed to get myself off the couch
and into the bathroom whereupon I was close to being sick again
just because of the image which stared back at me from Adam's
bathroom mirror. I'd forgotten all about the heavy makeup I'd been
wearing the night before and now it was smudged all around my eyes
and down my cheeks in black, purple and silver smears. Add to that
my puffy, red eyes and pale, greasy, drawn looking skin and I
looked like the sort of beast mothers tell their children will come
and get them if they don't eat their vegetables.

I could see exactly what Adam had meant now. Still, if my long
story last night about all that had happened between Jack and I
(with some exceptions, Adam really didn't need to know
all
that had happened
between us) didn't put him off me for life my appearance this
morning certainly should do the trick.

I wetted some
toilet paper and cleaned myself up the best I could although,
looking down, I realised there was little I could do for my
clothes. The denim skirt was rumpled and stained but I knew it
could be fixed eventually with a good wash and iron, but I was very
sad to realise that the camisole top was probably done for. The
silk was so fragile trying to get the mysterious and disgusting
looking stains out of it or attempting to iron out the massively
deep wrinkles would probably destroy it anyway. It was a real shame
as Simone had made me that top for my 18th birthday and it really
was very lovely.

Thinking about
Simone brought tears to my eyes, surprising me slightly as I felt
I'd probably cried about a year's worth out last night. I realised
then, staring at myself in the grimy mirror, horrified at what I'd
done to myself the night before, that I had to make up with Simone
and I needed to do it immediately. As wonderful as Adam had been, I
needed my best girlfriend and no-one else at that moment would
do.

I would love at
this stage to say I suddenly got a mammoth burst of energy and ran
out of the bathroom and Adam's flat all the way to Simone's without
even drawing breath but the reality is that it took me about five
minutes just to stagger to the bathroom door.

Adam, in yet
another display of his brilliantness, agreed to give me a lift
round to Simone's and so, although it must be noted that it took a
great deal of time and effort on both my and Adam's behalf to get
me there, it wasn't too long before I was standing apprehensively
in front of her door. I checked my watch just before I knocked and,
noting that it was only 7:30 in the morning, I hoped that she would
not resent me coming round so early. Pushing my nervous butterflies
to one side I raised my hand and knocked loudly, hoping against
hope that it would be Simone, not Alex who answered the door this
time.

I thought,
considering the early hour, that I would have to knock quite a few
times before I managed to rouse a response so I was quite taken
aback when, only a couple of seconds after I'd first knocked, I
heard a patter of footsteps coming towards the door before it was
thrown open and Simone appeared in her floaty nightie. Before I'd
even had the chance to open my mouth and begin my spiel about how
sorry I was that things had got weird between us she threw herself
at me and I staggered back a couple of steps as she wrapped her
arms tightly around me.

"Oh thank God!"
She exclaimed as I tentatively hugged her back.

"Is everything
OK?" I asked stupidly after a couple of seconds where she still
showed no signs of letting go of me. I was glad of course that she
was accepting me so whole-heartedly but it was still a bit bizarre,
us not talking for so long and then getting a reaction like that
when I finally turned up at her door so early in the morning. I'd
thought it would take at least an hour of talking, and apologising
on my part, before we got to the hugging stage.

"We've been
worried sick," Simone sniffled, pulling back and looking at me
slightly sternly. "Where've you been?"

Curiouser and
curiouser.

"At Adam's," I
replied, nonplussed. "Why? What's going on?"

Obviously
suddenly realising that we were still standing out on her porch
Simone ushered me inside her house and shut the door behind us.

"Jack and Matt
have been calling since about 5:30," she said breathlessly. "Matt
had heard from some of his mates that you were out and about last
night dressed-" She seemed to look properly at me for the first
time and her nose wrinkled slightly, as well it might, at my
dishevelled appearance, "well, like that and that you'd been picked
up by a whole bunch of guys."

I opened my mouth to protest at this.
I'd
been picked up? Hell no, if
anyone had been doing the picking up last night it had been me! But
Simone barrelled on, obviously a little flustered by the whole
thing and desperate to tell me what had happened.

"Then you
disappeared and no-one knew where you'd gone. Some guy said that
you'd been dragged off by this other guy and everybody has been
running around trying to find you." Simone suddenly seemed to
realise that she wasn't just telling this story to an innocent
bystander and her eyes narrowed slightly. "What were you doing
going on a pub crawl without letting any of us know where you were?
You know what this uni is like, you must have known people would
tell Matt about it and that he'd be worried. And why didn't you
answer your phone? We kept calling you but it went straight to
voicemail."

I bit my lip
guiltily; I honestly hadn't even considered that my crazy actions
the night before would have eventually made their way back to Matt,
although I should have. Considering how far removed it is from my
usual behaviour and everyone knowing how protective Matt and Jack
are of me, it was bleeding obvious, now it had been pointed out to
me, that it would be all around uni within minutes of me setting
out dressed as I was.

Item number
23,872 on my 'to apologise for' list: scaring the wits out of
everyone. Oh well, might as well get a start on it.

"I'm so sorry,"
boy was I getting good at saying that, "I didn't think." A sentence
which pretty much summed up the last couple of months for me. "My
mobile was off and it just didn't occur to me, although I know it
should've, that you would hear about what I'd been up to and be
worried about me."

"Well, as long
as you're alright," Simone said anxiously, leading me over to the
couch and sinking down upon it with me, her hands tightly clasping
mine. She seemed really upset and I found myself thinking that her
uneasy manner was a bit unnecessary considering that I was right in
front of her and obviously in one piece.

The real reason
for her concern was made blindingly obvious less than a second
after I'd dismissed those thoughts as uncharitable to my friend,
however, as the door to Simone's bedroom opened and Micky, clad
only in a pair of boxer shorts sauntered out.

He didn't see
me at first as he was looking down at the mobile in his hand
saying, "Sam's just texted and said that they asked Brad and he
hasn't seen her either. He wants me to ask you again whether you
have any idea who she could be with."

He looked up
then and his expression when he saw both Simone and me sitting
struck dumb on the couch was beyond priceless. If I hadn't been
experiencing what felt like a mini stroke at the time I'm sure I
would have found it a lot more amusing than I did.

The air was
charged with electric emotion as I gaped dumbfounded, my gaze
switching from Simone to Micky, from Micky to Simone as what I was
seeing and what I knew about Micky and Simone tried to find some
common ground. Finally some clogs in my brain, still fuzzed from
too much emotion and alcohol and too little sleep, began to slowly
turn and the realisation of what had been going on hit me like a
tonne of bricks.

"Oh!" I said
slowly, and then, "Oh, I've been so stupid haven't I?"

And, while
Simone gripped my hands still more tightly and begged me with those
wide, grey eyes to understand, Micky assumed his usual arrogant air
right before my eyes, like a cloak settling around his
shoulders.

"Well," he
smirked, coming over and resting his hands lightly but possessively
on Simone's shoulders, "it's not like it's the first time, is
it?"

"You and
Micky?" OK so obviously it didn't need much explanation, the answer
to my question was obvious, but I guess I was just hoping that
Simone would suddenly grin and say: 'Fooled you!' But she didn't
and my last hope that it was all a big misunderstanding was
shattered as Simone nodded solemnly and then winced apologetically
as I looked at her in complete horror.

I leapt off the
couch then and paced to the other side of the room, unable to be
part of their seemingly cosy domestic tableau. As I crossed the
room it occurred to me that, yet again, I was in a situation where
my surroundings so did not match my mood. In fact, far from dark
and menacing or swirly and confusing decor which would have been
perfect, Simone and her parents had decorated the front room to be
light, airy and accented by hints of calming pale blue. As well as
the couch there were a couple of armchairs and a gorgeous antique
sideboard. There was a bay window as well with a window seat which
is where I headed then.

As I stared
unseeingly out of the large window I thought back to all the times
I had felt so guilty at not telling Simone about me and Jack, all
the times my stomach had twisted and turned at lying to her. Had
she been doing the same? Had we both been so wrapped up in
ourselves, our dilemmas, and our guys that we'd put everything
before the two of us, including our friendship?

Sobering
thoughts indeed.

"I can't…" I
trailed off unable to even gather my wits enough to figure out
where to start or even what I wanted to say.

"Come back, sit
down," Simone implored, patting the seat next to her, but I shook
my head and stayed where I was. I wasn't going anywhere near her or
the still smirking Micky just yet, it was all too weird.

"So," I tried
again, "despite the fact that you and I have been united in
considering Micky as nothing but a complete arsehole for the past 6
months, you've been seeing him? As in as a couple? Yes?" I directed
my comments wholly at Simone, ignoring Micky seemed like the best
idea for the moment.

"Yes, but it's
more complicated than that," Simone said quietly. "Not everything
is black and white, Talia."

I snorted
disbelievingly, Simone wanted to teach me about complications?

"I know grey
areas," I said stiffly. "I've become a bit of an expert in them
over the last couple of months so don't try to fob me off with
vague references to complications. I'm your best friend, or I was
once, and I'd really like to know what's been going on with you."
As an afterthought I added accusingly, "I thought you were dating
Sam!"

"
Sam
?"
Micky's expression suddenly uncurled itself from his smirk and
twisted into a heavy scowl. "That prick wouldn't know the first
bloody thing to do with-"

"Micky." Simone
laid a hand gently over his and he stopped speaking just as
suddenly as if she'd put that hand over his mouth instead. I was
sure that if Micky's friends had been in the room there would
suddenly have been a lot of cries of 'whipped!' "Why don't you go
into the bedroom and call Jack and Matt and let them know that
Talia's here and that she's fine," she continued, her tone the sort
you would use to coax a wounded but dangerous animal out of a
box.

Micky looked
like he was going to protest but then he just shrugged and wandered
back into the room he had only emerged from a few minutes
before.

"Seriously,
Talia," Simone said once he had closed the door behind himself,
"come and sit down. You're right, we're best friends and we can
sort this out. I've got questions to ask you too don't forget."

Good point,
well made.

Now that Micky
had left the room it felt like a fog had lifted and I felt no
hesitation in settling myself down beside Simone once more. A
second passed, and then another when we didn't say anything. The
enormity of the gap that we had allowed to open up between us
seemed too great to overcome suddenly and I searched desperately
for something to say to kick proceedings off.

It turned out
not to be up to me, however, as the second after that Simone turned
to me seriously and said, "I'm sorry that things are weird between
us but I just want to say it out loud, off the bat, that I think
I'm falling in love Micky and I won't apologise for that."

Woah! Love?

My jaw dropped
so fast that I felt the hinge give a little pop. Bloody hell, you
leave your best friend alone for two seconds and she goes and falls
in love with your worst enemy?

Simone smiled
slightly at my completely stunned expression then said gently,
"Should I start from the beginning then?"

I was so
dumbfounded I could only nod in reply to this. Simone took a deep
breath then began to speak, her voice clear and unhurried as if,
unlike me, she had pretty much made peace with the goings on of the
last couple of months.

"I suppose it
all began that night we went to the uni bar to watch Micky's band
play. God, that seems like ages ago doesn't it? But I guess it
isn't really. Do you remember how Micky did that encore acoustic
song at the end by himself?"

I nodded,
noting as I did so the slightly glazed expression she wore as she
thought back to that night.