So Much to Learn (54 page)

What do you say
to so blasé a retelling of the moment that ripped your life to
shreds? There was nothing I really could say so I just blinked and
then nodded in acceptance of his apology. It didn't come even close
in making up for the damage he'd done but at least Alex appreciated
that he’d done something wrong and was prepared to admit to it.
Unlike some, I thought glancing at Micky out of the corner of my
eye.

There was
silence for a few awkward minutes which I broke by saying slowly,
"So that day I came by and we had a slinging match, Alex, what was
that all about?"

"Oh that." Alex
rolled his eyes dismissively. "Micky had arrived round the back
just a little while before you did and the pair of them," he nodded
towards Micky and Simone, "were trying to figure out whether to
argue or have sex. I think they did both in the end." He paused
then gave another little ghost of a smile. "Hey, maybe I did you a
favour. I sure as hell was wishing I was somewhere else when they
finally leapt at each other…"

"Yes, alright,
Alex," Simone cut in looking flustered, "I think we've heard enough
now."

Alex turned
those silver grey eyes of his onto her matching ones and nodded
slightly. "Whatever," he sighed, mooching across the room and
disappearing into the spare bedroom that he was presumably using as
his own whilst he stayed there. I wondered briefly how long he was
going to stay away from Bridunna. Would the school revoke his
suspension now the truth had come out? Something told me that even
if they did that Alex wouldn't want to go back there. Maybe it was
best if the Coogans left Bridunna, after all small towns have very
long memories and I knew that many people would still think it was
Alex's fault. It occurred to me that, at long last, Simone's
parents had to stand up and take care of their responsibilities. I
hoped they would.

There was
another long pause while I ruminated on how damn good my parents
were looking compared to seemingly everyone else's, but it was
broken as Simone said, "I'm sorry about what Alex did, I had no
idea he'd overheard us talking but I guess this house is too small
to conceal much."

I felt like
pointing out here that my flat was smaller and that Jack and I had
managed to conceal our weird relationship thing for over two months
in front of my brother, but decided it probably wasn't
appropriate.

Simone kept
talking and, although I was sick to death of revelations I listened
intently allowing more pieces of the puzzle to fall into place.

"Alex really is
sorry, he came and told me what he'd done pretty much the minute
he'd hung up on Matt and I called Micky. I meant for him to go
round to your place and make sure that Matt didn't rip Jack limb
from limb but he saw you and thought it would be better for you to
sort it out."

This was
undoubtedly true and I nodded stiffly at Micky to show my thanks.
He was getting no more than that, however. Despite hanging out
desperately for some sign of forgiveness from Matt, I'd be damned
if I'd award Micky the same courtesy.

"So that's me
and mine." Simone smiled awkwardly, obviously uneasy at the
continued aura of hostility that was radiating between Micky and
me. "So, would you care to share your misadventures?"

It was nice of
her to phrase it as a question, knowing as we both did that I owed
her that much at least, but looking at Micky reclining arrogantly
on the couch, I knew that there was no way I was explaining myself
in front of him. "Let's take a walk," I suggested, grabbing my
little bag and gesturing towards the door.

Simone
hesitated then gestured a little despairingly towards my rumpled,
stained and skimpy outfit. "You want to go out like that?" She
asked and I felt an unexpected grin spreading across my face.

"Yeah," I said
boldly, "what the hell. I'm sure there's somebody out there who
hasn't seen me making a fool of myself and it seems unfair that
they should miss out on all the fun."

Of course, I
thought some time later, I wouldn't have been quite so keen on
making my bold statement if I'd remembered just how cold spring
mornings were! Still, we walked briskly to keep warm; Simone all
bouncy and bright eyed while I struggled along beside her in my
inappropriate shoes and movement-restricting skirt.

In silent
agreement we walked in the direction of my flat with me keeping up
a non-stop narration all the way. It was totally a no-holds-barred
type of situation and I laid it all out for Simone, my ugly
behaviour and all. Good old cathartic effect! By the time we
reached my building I felt a bit lighter, a bit more in control of
the situation and I'd finally decided on my new plan for dealing
with everything. Lay low.

That was it. I
was going to concentrate on uni, I was going to see if I could get
some more hours at work and, basically, apart from that, I was
going to hide away in my empty flat until the world set itself to
rights. A brilliant plan if I do say so myself.

With impeccable
timing, I had just reached the end of my narration, culminating in
turning up on Simone's doorstep that morning, as we reached the car
park outside my building. Simone looked completely stunned when I
stopped and turned to look at her.

"I had no idea," she murmured faintly. "I mean, when Micky
told me what he'd seen and I put it together with everything
I'd
seen I just assumed
you and Jack had got together naturally and nicely and,
well,
normally
!"

"I wish," I
muttered, but then I shook off the feeling of regret and stood
tall. I had a plan now, I had nothing to fear. If I wasn't arguing
or kissing anybody, I reasoned, the dreaded drama would have
nothing on me.

"Nothing's
simple," Simone said and she was spot on.

We stood in
awkward silence for a few seconds. I realised, as I stood there
shivering slightly on the asphalt, that as much as lies were bad
the truth could be a real bitch as well. What was I supposed to say
now in regards to Simone?

"Well I should
get back," she said quietly, effectively solving my problem.

"OK." I managed
to bite back a catty 'oh we don't want Micky to be left waiting'
remark but I think she knew I'd thought it.

"I'll call you,
alright?" She said moving forward and giving me a quick hug. "Take
care."

"You too," I
mumbled, feeling tears sting my eyes even though she was only going
back to her home which was less than a five minutes drive from
where I was standing. Cue nauseating comment on how, in emotional
terms, she was much, much further away from me.

It seemed like
she wanted to say more, but then she just turned around and hurried
off leaving me wondering where it left us. Could I be cool with
sharing her with Micky? More to the point, would Micky be cool with
sharing her with me? I struggled momentarily to see if there was
some way I had the moral high ground in the mess but realised that
I too had broken that sacred rule known as chicks before dicks. I'd
lied to her and ignored her to focus all my time and energy on
Jack, there was no real way I could begrudge her doing the
same.

Which is what I
firmly told myself, but as I walked up the stairs to my empty
apartment, I have to admit that there was some serious begrudging
going on.

~*~

The rest of that day and the next passed in a blur of furious
activity as I determinedly avoided thinking about Jack. It was
interesting to note that I had no problem with hashing and
rehashing the things I'd said or the way I'd acted towards Simone
or Matt but as soon as my thoughts began to veer towards a certain
blue eyed boy I would slam shut a kind of firewall in my mind and
busy myself with something. Over the Wednesday and Thursday I
cleaned the whole flat (OK not the
whole
flat because I avoided the
boys’ rooms like the plague) thoroughly, even finding myself
climbing onto a chair to scrub the top of the kitchen cabinets
which only an 8 foot giant would be able to see anyway.

I worked a
couple of extra shifts at the bookstore and lugged a bag load of
heavy law textbooks from the library to the flat and actually began
to read them. I also took long baths and bought a new phone for the
landline, although I regretted that decision immediately as every
time it rang I jumped from a mixture of excitement and fear hoping
and dreading in equal parts that it would be Jack or Matt. But
neither of them rang.

On the Thursday
evening I was having one of my long, luxurious baths when I heard
the phone begin to ring. My heart did the now familiar jump up into
my throat and I eyed the receiver, which I'd brought into the
bathroom with me, with some trepidation.

Hauling myself
out of the bath and wrapping a towel around myself I sat
cross-legged on the bathmat and answered the phone.

"Talia?" My
mother's voice was shrill after I said hello.

My stomach
wasn't sure whether to rise or sink at hearing her voice so it did
a little bounce to cover the bases. "The one and only," I replied
grabbing another towel and beginning to dry the tips of my hair.
"Hi, Mum."

"Don't you 'hi
Mum' me!" She shrieked down the phone and I winced and held the
receiver away from my ear. "Where has everyone been? We've been
calling for days and days. The home phone was just dead and your
mobiles are all off!" Hmm, looks like I wasn't the only one playing
the avoidance game then. "Jack called us on Monday to tell us he
got the scholarship and then nothing," she continued.

"So, in fact,
mother, it has only been three days without hearing from us," I
interjected as she paused to draw breath.

"When you have children, Talia, and they seem to disappear off
the planet for
only
three days I'll remind you of this," my mum replied, her voice
crisp with anger.

I took a deep
breath, knowing I'd started off on the wrong foot, and spoke in a
more conciliatory tone. "You're right, sorry. Things have been kind
of hectic here lately."

"Things?" She
asked.

"You know, uni,
work, that kind of thing," I answered in my tried and trusted vague
manner.

"Oh, I thought
it was because Matt found out you've been sleeping with Jack."

OH FOR GOD'S
SAKE!

A weird little
cough of shock and horror got caught in my throat and I was
thankful that I was already sitting down because my mother's
comment would have seen me flat out on the floor otherwise.

"
Mum
!" I
shrieked once I'd found my voice again. "Have you got our place
bugged or something?"

She scoffed
down the line and I could almost see her shaking her head pityingly
at me. "Darling, you know I don't need electronic devices to know
what's going on with you kids. I just called Tom and asked him. I
don't think he wanted to tell me but he's a good boy."

Poor Tommo. I
could see it now, his eyes wide and frightened, mum's probing
questions hitting nearer and nearer the mark and then, the
clincher, she tells him his mum wants him to visit on his next
weekend. I didn't blame him, I can't usually last out against my
mother and I've had almost 19 years to get used to her.

Still, it was
news to me that Tommo even knew what had been going on. Jack must
have told him, but how much? Honestly, so much for a web of lies,
this was becoming a web of truth and it was a hell of a lot
scarier!

My mum started
to talk again and, although I was terrified of what other things
she knew about what was going on with me, I tuned in to what she
was saying.

"Am I to
suppose that, considering I haven't had any calls to let me know
the date of Jack's funeral, someone was there to stop my first-born
killing him?"

"Yeah, I was
there, me and my friend Adam actually. Matt got a couple of swings
in but Jack was OK." Well physically at least, my mind couldn't
help adding.

"I did tell you
that this was going to happen, didn't I? I warned you of the
consequences last week, didn't I?"

Well at least
she'd lasted a whole two minutes before slipping in an 'I told you
so', there have been conversations in the past when that has been
the opening line. Deciding to bite the bullet I gave my mum a quick
rundown of the past week's events realising, as I did so, that with
each retelling it was getting easier to talk about.

When I'd
finished talking I worried for a moment that the line had gone dead
or my story had bored my mother to sleep as there was a long
silence in the receiver. Just as I was about to check whether she
was still there my mum said calmly, "I want you to give the speech
at our anniversary party next week."

OK, I was used
to my mother's short attention span and her quick conversation
jumps but this was ridiculous! Swallowing back the hurt at her
apparent disinterest in my current crisis I managed to ask in a
fairly normal voice, "Why me?"

She let out an
amused little chuckle. "Isn't it obvious? I think spending some
time thinking about mushy love stuff and writing an amusing and
insightful speech about commitment and long-lasting affection might
do you some good, that's all. Apart from that, I can't think of
anyone else I'd rather have do it, I love your brother but he's
hardly the most articulate person in the world."

Whereas I can't
seem to stop myself speaking even when I should definitely shut the
hell up. Fine, I got her point.

"Thanks, Mum,
I'm honoured," I said truthfully. I was also thinking it was nice
to have something else to take my mind off Jack as there are only
so many baths you can have in a day without feeling guilty about
the drought crisis.