Silent (12 page)

Seb’s eyes shot open. Wide open, without a hint of drowsiness in their black depths.

“Hey!” I punched his shoulder, but only lightly. “You weren’t asleep, you little sneak.”

He stretched and sat up.

“So, help me out, dude. What should I do? Should I actually try to do that essay?”

His long arm reached toward me, and I noticed he was staring down at my wrist. Only a tiny amount of white peeked out from under the cuff of my sweater.

“It’s getting much better.”

I let him graze his fingertips over the spot.

“People’ve been through a lot worse.” Hell, even I’d been through worse. “I really shoulda kept it together better than I did.”

Maybe some self-improvement
was
in order.

Thwack!
The basketball hit the siding of the house, fairly close to the window. I moved over so I could see what was going on back there and found Brandon staring up at me.

“Get your butt down here!” he called out. The
butt
instead of
ass
probably had to do with the fact that Andrew and Ryan were standing beside him. “We’re gonna play Dwayne and the boys versus you and me.”

“And I’ll still wipe the floor with ya,” Dwayne added.

I glanced at Seb. “Should I go?”

He just blinked.

“Yeah, all right,” I yelled back. “Give me a sec to get out of my school clothes.”

I changed quickly, before I could talk myself out of it, though I did hesitate when I realized I’d have to play in my Keds. I really needed to get some better sneakers…maybe Ms. Loretta would buy me some? I decided I’d ask about it later.

I was already out the door of the bedroom before I thought of Seb again. When I turned around, I saw he was still awake, and still watching me.

“Hey, if you’re not sleeping, why do you stay up in here all day?”

No answer, of course.

I backtracked and stood over his bed. “Why don’t you come outside? You could watch us play.”

He didn’t move, so I reached down and shook his pale wrist. “C’mon. Get some sun. You could really use it.”

My hand slipped from his wrist to his fingers, and I locked on to give him a gentle tug. “Come on.”

He finally threw off the covers and stood.

“Retard,” I said affectionately, then ruffled his hair and shoved him toward the door.

I passed Suzie again on my way out, but she was talking to Ms. Cecily now so I decided to ignore her. Seb planted himself on the steps of the back porch while I continued down to the makeshift basketball court, where a second hoop had been rigged up to the fence beside the shed.

Dwayne was warming up with Andrew, giving him very strict instructions, but the younger Ryan was just bouncing around aimlessly on his own.

“Hey, Alex!” He ran up to me excitedly. “We gonna play blacks versus browns!”

Brandon rolled his eyes. “Well I guess I can’t play, then.”

“Huh?” Ryan looked over at him. “Whaddaya mean?”

“’Cause I’m both, dummy.”

I could tell Ryan didn’t get it. He grabbed Brandon’s arm, then mine, and squished them together.

The skin-on-skin contact was a really nice sensation. Really nice. Maybe we could compare skin tones more often.

“You closer to Alex than you is to me,” Ryan said.

“Yeah, Ry.” Brandon pulled away, and I quickly refocused myself. “I’ll explain it to ya later. For now, let’s just play.”

We walked over to the middle of the concrete, and Brandon clapped his hands in the air. “Let’s go, guys.”

Dwayne scowled at me. “Didn’t think you’d come down.”

Grinning, Brandon stuck an elbow in my side. “Told ya he would.”

The ball bounced between them as they checked it, and Andrew and Ryan instantly went into hyper-drive, jumping around and waving their arms wildly. “Pass it, Dwayne, pass it!”

He did, but only when Brandon had him cornered. I went to try to intercept, but I was up against a little kid for crying out loud. What exactly was I supposed to do? Once Ryan had caught it, I didn’t really feel right taking it away.

The ball sailed back to Dwayne, and he made a basket on the far end by the shed.

He turned around and did a little dance, mocking us. “Go ahead and add all the teammates you want, Brandon. Ain’t gonna stop me.”

Brandon narrowed his eyes. “Oh, it’s on.” Then he punched my shoulder. “We got this.”

“But what do I do with the little kids?” I protested, both pleased with his vote of confidence and afraid of letting him down. “I can’t knock ’em to the ground!”

“Play around ’em!” he shouted, and we were off chasing the ball again.

I tried to take Brandon’s advice, but I was not and never will be much of a basketball player. The first time I had the opportunity to get the ball, I made a clumsy pass that Dwayne easily intercepted. The next time, it was freaking
Andrew
who managed to snag the ball from me, but I still blamed it on the fact that I couldn’t play all-out against a little kid.

I found myself wishing Brandon had been my opponent instead, as that would’ve allowed for more accidental closeness. Not that Dwayne didn’t do anything for me physically, but the truth was I was a lot more intimidated by him. That probably didn’t help my game much, either.

Seb kept his eyes on us the whole time, white-blond hair glowing under the direct sunlight. I hoped he wouldn’t get a sunburn…and I was sort of regretting asking him to come down, if all he was going to see was me making an ass of myself.

But at least he wouldn’t show any disappointment on that expressionless face of his.

I had to put up with quite a bit of Dwayne’s heckling before the game turned. Luckily, he was also at a disadvantage with the little boys thrown into the mix, and Brandon was an okay player. It was neck and neck right up until the end, when I finally got a chance to make a praiseworthy play. Brandon distracted Dwayne long enough for me to steal the ball, and I made a mad dash for the leaning hoop. Skirting around the speed bump that was a screeching Ryan, I managed to dunk it, probably only because of the fact the basket was, well,
leaning.

“Yes!” Brandon shouted. He ran up to me, clapping one hand on my back and the other on my chest. “We killed it!”

Laughing, I thumped Brandon’s shoulder in celebration. I wasn’t sure if it was from Brandon’s arms around me or just the general excitement of victory, but I knew at that moment I was the happiest I’d been in weeks.

I looked over to make sure Seb was watching me in my triumph.

He was.

~*~

“Okay, seriously?” Laloni gripped her eraser and began violently smudging out my sentence. “Basic subject-verb agreement.”

I tilted my chair back, resting it on the bookshelf behind me. I’d have snapped at her for giving me attitude, but the school librarian had already shushed me several times. Personally, I didn’t think the rules for being quiet in a library should’ve applied after school. If I was willing to give up my free time to be in a freaking library, I should’ve been able to speak as loud as I damn well pleased.

“Don’t even know what you’re talking about,” I said through clenched teeth.

She heaved a sigh. “I’m talking about…I don’t, you don’t, but he or she
doesn’t
.”

I arched a brow at her.

“He
doesn’t
support his argument, not he
don’t
support it.” She stabbed my paper with the eraser.

I knew that, vaguely—the same way I knew about double negatives—but I forgot sometimes.

“Whatever.” I crossed my arms. “You talk like that too, you know.”

“Sure, I talk like that…but I don’t write like that. English
don’t
work that way.”

She grinned, and I eventually unfolded my arms. She was trying not to get too annoyed with me, I realized. And she
was
doing me a favor. I probably owed her a bit more effort.

“Fine.” I picked up my pencil and rewrote the sentence. “It just gets hard keeping it straight.”

Tapping her chin, she looked up thoughtfully. “Hmm. Think of it like…you’re writing in a foreign language. You speak Spanish, but you wouldn’t go around writing essays for class in Spanish, would you?”

“Actually”—I cringed—“my Spanish is not that great.”

She laughed. “Of course it’s not. What
are
you good at, Alex?”

Ouch. That kind of hurt. I dropped my pencil on the table and stared down at the blue carpet. “I was perfectly good at my old life before I had to deal with all this fucking bullshit.”

A very unlady-like snort emerged from Laloni. “God, what is it with you people.”

“Who’re you calling
you people
?” I shot back.

The librarian looked up sharply. “Quiet, please.”

Rolling her eyes, Laloni continued in a low voice. “I meant foster kids. I don’t get why it is you’re so pissed someone wants to take care of you…why you always want to go back.”

“Um, because it was my
life
.” Obviously.

“Your life, huh?” Laloni grinned evilly. “Well let’s see. Where you from?”

Something about that look on her face made me feel like I was about to walk into a trap. “Watts.”

“Watts.” She nodded slowly. “The most ghetto part of the ghetto. What do you got back there that’s so great? Why would anyone want to
stay
in Watts?”

At one time, the answer to that question would’ve been my family. But I couldn’t say that anymore.

“I had my friends.”

“Right. Really great friends that you’ve kept in touch with.”

Fuck. Brandon had probably told her I never spoke to anyone. And I bet I could have, if I’d really wanted to. But I hadn’t.

“Whatever.” I hoped that brush-off would inspire her to drop the topic.

It didn’t.

“What, you were in a gang there or something?”

I huffed. “No, but I had an in if I wanted it.”

“And did you?”

Stalling, I watched two studious-looking kids with glasses gather up a pile of books from a nearby table and leave.

“Well, no. Not really. I dealt a little on the side, just to friends. And only weed.”

Laloni shook her head. “
That’s
what you want to go back to?”

I closed my eyes for a moment, battling the feeling of emptiness that had suddenly overwhelmed me.

“Hey.” She tapped my hand with her pencil. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to attack you. And it’s not just you. Brandon wants to go back, too.”

I looked over and saw the fear in her eyes, and realized yet again the world didn’t revolve around me.

“I thought he said his mom was gonna go to rehab so she’d be able to take care of him.”

“Yeah.” Laloni’s tone sharpened with sarcasm. “Don’t suppose he mentioned it’d be her fourth try.”

“Oh.” I rested my head in my hand, propping myself up with an elbow. “No, he didn’t. Actually, I don’t really know much about anyone in the house.”

“Too busy being all sorry for yourself,” she responded.

She really did walk the line between halfway decent girl and total bitch a little too frequently.

“Well, since you seem to know everything, why don’t you fill me in?”

“Sure.” She shrugged. “Whaddaya wanna know?”

“Uh…” I paused to think it over. “Well, what about Ryan? I know his brother was shot.”

“Yup.” She nodded. “It was a gang thing. His brother was the one who was really taking care of him before that, so afterwards…well, you know. Wound up in foster care.”

“Oh.” Poor kid. “And Andrew?”

“Basic neglect. No food, no clean clothes…his mom didn’t even send him to school.”

That seemed strange. I was pretty sure my mom had enjoyed the freedom she’d gotten when I was in school as a kid.

“Okay. Dwayne?”

She hesitated, narrowing her eyes. “If I tell you, you better not say nothing.”

“I won’t.”

After taking a few more seconds to decide, she leaned closer to whisper in my ear. “Sexual abuse. Not him, though—an uncle who lived with him did something to his sister. But they removed every kid from the house, just in case.”

Shit. I was sort of regretting asking for all this information. It’d be hard to see any of them as just annoying jerks ever again.

“You didn’t ask about Ms. Loretta or Ms. Cecily,” Laloni pointed out.

“Oh, yeah.” I hadn’t thought about them. What exactly did they get out of running a home for fucked-over boys?

“Well, Ms. Cecily is an old spinster, but Ms. Loretta was married and had a son.”

“What happened to them?”

“Car accident. When the baby was like only a year old.”

Jesus. What a house of misery. And yet…no one really seemed all that miserable, except for me. And Seb, maybe. I’d never really seen him looking happy.

“What about Seb?”

Laloni reached up to retie a bow in her hair. “Him I don’t know much about, besides the fact that he’s, you know,
special
…he’s sixteen, and he can’t talk. I bet he was abandoned. Lots of special needs kids are abandoned.”

Abandoned
. My chest tightened.

“So anyways, are we gonna give this another go?” She yawned, glancing over at the wall clock. “I really should get home soon.”

I looked down at my essay and found the words swimming in front of my eyes.

Abandoned.
Like me?

“Well?”

I blinked, and the world came back into focus. On the table was a relatively simple paper waiting to be written; next to me was a girl waiting to help.

“Yeah.” I picked up my pencil. “Yeah. Why not.”

Chapter 10: Quick Thinking

I faced Suzie in the living room, sitting cross-legged in the upholstered chair while she leaned back on the orange couch.

“It’s really good to get a chance to talk to you this evening,” she said.

I ducked my head so she couldn’t see my flushing cheeks. All right, so I’d been a brat for a while, but I was ready to start getting over it.

“I spoke to some of the teachers at your school,” she continued. “They said your grades are showing improvement.”