Silent (7 page)

“So can I go home now?”

Suzie frowned. “Alex, do you have any idea where your mother and Hector could have gone? We still haven’t been able to reach them.”

I sank down into an upholstered chair. “I dunno. Vegas, maybe.”

“Do they often leave you alone like this without any way to reach them?”

“I’m fifteen, la—Ms. Suzie. I can take care of myself.”

I noticed her chewed, unpolished nails tapping away on a file folder with my name on it.

“I’m sure you can, but you shouldn’t have to.”

Rolling my eyes, I leaned over to see if I could figure out what she had in that folder. “So, what now? I keep waiting here until they come back?”

Suzie nodded. “We have a hearing this morning to establish temporary custody since we can’t yet determine the situation at home.”

“Temporary custody?” I recoiled at the words, and at the thought. “Like, I belong to these people now? What the hell! You said nothing final was happening!”

“
Temporary
,” Suzie repeated. “Just so that you can stay with Ms. Loretta and Ms. Cecily while we wait for your family to speak to us.”

“But what if you talk to them and you…you don’t believe that nothing happened? Do I have to stay here forever? I mean, do I get any say in this at all?” My voice rose in pitch, and I cut off the stream of questions before I ended up in a squeak.

“
If
we determine there’s a problem at home, it doesn’t mean you’ll never be with your family again. DCFS is not in the business of ripping apart families. We’ll work with them, through counseling and other services, to try to make sure you have a safe home to return to.”

I rubbed at my eyes, feeling a fierce headache coming on. “So…just because you and a teacher are too stupid to believe me when I say
nothing happened,
you’re going to keep me with a bunch of strangers, make my mom jump through hoops to get me back, and get Hector fucking pissed at me.”

I didn’t look at Suzie, but I could hear her flustered sigh. I caused adults to make that sound a lot, it seemed. “If it’s our mistake, you’ll go home, Alex. I’ve told you that.”

This whole thing was a mistake.

“But what if you don’t
believe
it’s a mistake…what then? What about school and stuff?”

“Well, you’d be enrolled at the school here so you don’t miss anything while we work with your family.”

That’s
all
I fucking needed—to be the new kid at some school I had no clue how to get around in—and not just in the literal sense.

“I don’t want to go to a different school.”

Suzie squirmed forward on the couch cushion, making a move to stand. “I hope it doesn’t come to that. I’m just explaining all the possibilities to you.” She rose and started to place her file back into her bag.

“What’s that?” I tried to latch onto the folder, but she pulled it away.

“Just some notes…and your school records.”

“My school records? Like my grades and sh— and stuff?”

She stopped her movements and looked directly at me, her eyes suddenly calm and studying. “Reports from the school nurses for the past several years.”

Oh, shit.

“I’m…I’m a boy,” I blurted out. “I get into fights with other kids and stuff…boys get hurt sometimes. It’s totally normal.”

“I never said it wasn’t.” She straightened her suit jacket—a dull brown one, this time—and gave me a sad look. “But if you ever want to talk about what’s in here…or this”—she reached out to gently lift my wrist—“there are people who care.”

I jerked my arm back and glared. “I have nothing to talk about. And I’m not staying in no house full of reject kids, or going to no new school.”

Another exasperated sigh came from Suzie’s lips. “We’ll see, Alex.”

And I saw—for the briefest of moments before I wrapped myself back in denial—

I was screwed.

Chapter 6: Don't You Even Care

When the water ran in that old house, every pipe seemed to moan. I didn’t know which noise was worse—that, or the barking sounds from Ms. Loretta. From what I gathered as I drifted in and out of sleep on Sunday morning, the “chores” she spoke of were a daily ritual, and everyone else was hard at work while I hid in my bed.

Well,
hid
wasn’t the right word. I chose to consider it my own form of resistance.

I finally wandered downstairs around noon, and only because my stomach wasn’t on board with my plan to avoid everyone until it was time to say
adiós.
I slipped past Ms. Cecily reading to the younger boys in the living room and found Seb sweeping the kitchen floor, using long, practiced strokes.

“Hey, jack-off.” Brandon trampled in behind me and grabbed a cup to fill. His t-shirt was stained with sweat, and he smelled of freshly cut grass. The scent instantly reminded me of the neighbor we’d had for a few months back when I was in middle school— a twenty-something-year-old gardener with the most amazing body. He’d taken me to work with him in the beautiful homes of Brentwood one day, but I was pretty much useless after he’d removed his shirt to mop the sweat from his brow.

And oh, crap. Brandon was still talking.

“You missed breakfast, but we’ll have lunch in a little while. Were you trying to sleep all day or something?”

I couldn’t imagine why he thought I’d prefer spending time with him and the others to being alone in the room…especially when they’d picked such great nickname for me.

Seb had evidently finished gathering all the crumbs into a corner. He ducked behind my legs without warning, almost hitting me, and retrieved a dustpan from under the sink to complete the job.

“He’s good at simple tasks,” Brandon informed me as I moved out of the way. “When he showed up three months ago, me and Dwayne’s chores got cut down by a third. If you stick around, we’ll have even less to do.”

“I ain’t staying.”

I really needed to say that as often as I could, because somewhere deep down I was starting to doubt it.

“I hope he ain’t.” Dwayne came in from the dining room to toss out a wad of paper towels. “Or he’s gonna scrub the shower every time he uses it.”

My cheeks burned, but hopefully my complexion covered it. “Yeah, well, I’m
sorry…
don’t usually have to take care of myself, ’cause I got plenty of girls at home…but they not exactly in supply out here, is they.”

Dwayne rolled his eyes and made a jerk-off motion with his hand.

“Fuck you,” I snapped in response, growing more pissed when Dwayne’s only reaction was to laugh.

“Watch that Ms. Loretta don’t hear you,” Brandon said, breezing out of the kitchen.

Obviously, coming down had been a mistake. I headed back for the temporary peace of the room and nearly collided with the soft white bulk of Suzie as she strode past, with Ms. Loretta directly behind her.

“Oh, Alex, good. I’m glad you’re up.”

Shit! She was back! And so soon…that
had
to mean she’d come to bring me home.

“Just a sec!” I darted past her and onto the stairs. “Let me get all my stuff! I’ll be ready to leave in like one minute!”

“Alex, why don’t we—”

I didn’t let her finish her sentence. Instead, I galloped up to the room and began violently tearing off the disgusting hand-me-downs. Then I put on my own clothes—right down to the dirty boxers and cheap flip-flops—and barreled back down the stairs.

“I’m ready. Let’s go!”

I came to a stop at the entrance to the living room, where Ms. Loretta and Suzie sat, mouths slightly open. Their sudden silence hung in the room, and their eyes slid back and forth warily.

Neither of them was smiling…and they both should’ve been happy to see me going home, right?

“Let’s go?” I repeated, but my voice had lost most of its earlier energy.

“Alex, come have a seat for a moment.” Suzie patted the orange cushion by her side. Ms. Loretta rose and shuffled off to the kitchen, declaring she needed to put on some water for tea.

“I’m ready to go,” I said again.

“I know you are.” Suzie had her super-soft
I care about you
voice on in full swing. “But I’m afraid that can’t happen just yet.”

“Why not? What now?”

“Well, neither Hector nor your mother has contacted us.”

I exhaled, instantly relieved. If they hadn’t talked to anyone yet, nothing final could be happening. Maybe Hector had won some money or something, and they were treating themselves to a few extra days in Vegas.

“All right.” I shrugged. “They’ll be back soon, though.”

Suzie’s hands twitched in her lap. She was wearing another gray suit, but this one had a skirt instead of pants. Her legs were crossed, and her pantyhose had a run—one tiny little hole, about an inch or so above her knee, with a long thin trail leading down to her calf and exposing her milk-white skin.

I wasn’t sure why I noticed all those details at the moment, unless it was because I was trying not to read the expression on her face.

“There’s something else, Alex. There’s evidence they’ve received some of our notices, and that someone has been by the house.”

“So then they are back!” I tried to stand, but Suzie’s hand on my knee stopped me.

“Neighbors told the police someone was home last night, and they put some personal belongings in a truck and left.”

“Personal belongings?”

“Suitcases, and some bags of clothes.”

Please,
my heart thumped to the beat of my useless prayer.
Please no.

“Could they be going on another trip? Staying with a friend, perhaps?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“Is there a reason they wouldn’t be willing to speak to us?”

“I don’t know.”

There was a reason they wouldn’t be willing to speak to the
police,
of course. A pretty good one—Hector was a criminal…and not even legal.

“Alex…”

“I don’t know! I don’t fucking know!” I pounded my fists on the couch cushion, heat rising in my face. “I just…I want to go home.”

Tears of shock were welling inside me, so I closed my eyes and kept my hands clenched at my sides, successfully fighting them off. I couldn’t let anyone see me that weak.

Suzie squeezed down on my knee. “For now, I think it’d be best to stay with Ms. Loretta. When we do get in contact with your mother, we’ll reevaluate things from there.”

“Stay here? Go to school here and everything?” My voice was a strained whisper.

“Ms. Loretta and Ms. Cecily are some of the best foster parents I know. You’re lucky they have the space right now…and it really can be a good experience, even if you go home next week.”

Lucky.
I’d never felt so far from lucky in my life.

“If you have a key, we can escort you to your house later to pick up some of your personal belongings—clothes, or books…”

“Whatever.” I drew myself away from the pressure of Suzie’s hand. Too numb to fight, I resorted to the old trusty don’t-give-a-shit attitude. “Go ahead and screw up my life.” And under my breath, I muttered, “Fucking bitch,” just for good measure.

~*~

A sickly-thin gray street cat dashed across the road when we reached my neighborhood, just barely making it to the other side in one piece. I was pretty sure I’d seen that cat before.

In fact, I’d seen it all before. I’d seen the homeless man curled up in the green flannel blanket under the freeway bridge, one arm slung protectively over a plastic bag that contained all his worldly belongings. I’d seen those same wrinkled old
señoras
digging in the gas station trashcans and pulling out plastic bottles for the measly five-cent return rate. And I’d seen that ice-cream truck with the dent in its side, playing its obnoxious song over and over again as it rolled through the streets.

Everything was exactly as I’d left it.

Only I was different. I was the sell-out, being “escorted” to my own home by a cop and a social worker. God, I could only pray no one I knew would catch sight of me and set their tongue to
chismes
.

There goes Alex, hauled off by the police. And he thought he was so smart…

I pulled up the hood of the Army sweatshirt Ms. Cecily had loaned me, hoping it’d hide my face as we climbed the steps to the front porch. The house was the same, too, although it was strangely quiet. Without Hector’s drunken breathing or my mom’s telenovelas filling the air, it didn’t feel like my home. Even when I was there alone, I’d flick on the TV or put on some music to keep from getting too lost in my thoughts.

A fly buzzed by the kitchen and landed on an unopened can of refried beans. I took that as a good sign. After all, if they still had belongings there, they had to be coming back.

Which reminded me, I should’ve been looking for clues.

I headed down the hallway toward Hector’s room, only to be stopped by the cop’s arm on my shoulder. I threw him off but turned to see what the hell he wanted and realized it was the same jackass who’d grabbed me at school just a few days ago.

It seemed like ages since then, though.

“No wandering around the house,” he said.

“Alex, why don’t you show me your room?” Suzie walked around him and blocked my path down the hallway.

I peered over her shoulder, just barely making out the edge of my mom’s closet door. Were her nice clothes still in there? Then she’d definitely be back.

“You can only take your personal belongings.” Suzie shifted to cut off my view entirely.

“I just want to see if—”

“Alex.” She put her hand out slowly, palm facing me, and said my name like someone would say the word
stop
.

“Man, fuck you,” I grunted, then stomped back toward my room.

Suzie followed and stood by the door to watch. Thank God she didn’t try to say anything else to me. At the moment, the only thing that would have come out of my mouth would’ve been a stream of curses—and I had a feeling if I
did
do that, she’d just sigh and give me those pitying eyes, which would only make things worse.