Shattered Soul (2 page)

“Yeah, I’m queasy.” A lie, but better than the truth.
I was opting out because of a girl, I’d never live that one
down.

“Awe, leave him alone, Calvin. He even looks kinda
sick,” Jade said, a girl who used to be pretty, until my brother
got her hooked. Now Jade was nothing more than another one of my
brother’s dope fiend girlfriends he kept on a short leash.

I stuck my hand out. “My bowl, please.” I sounded
more irritated than I would have liked and hoped I didn’t get my
ass beat for it.

Jade walked over to where my brother sat and took it
from his hand. “Here, let me pack it for you,” she offered, pulling
out a cellophane chucked full of weed from her pocket.

I didn’t protest. I just hoped to hell she would
hurry so I could get away from my brother’s venomous glare.

She packed it and walked over to hand it to me. “This
is for later,” she said, placing another nug in my hand. “And these
will make you feel better, guaranteed.” She smiled and dropped two
Klonopins into my palm.

I closed my fist around them. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” she uttered a little too sweetly, while
she stood so close to me I could see my reflection in the dilated
pupils of her eyes.

“Jade, come here for a second,” my brother demanded,
opening a tiny zip-lock baggie filled with glittering white
crystals. A devilish grin smeared across his face when he saw her
eyes light up. “You want another one?” he asked, his voice sounding
hypnotic.

I recognized his tone and knew what would come next,
he would ask her to do something in return for the line he was
offering. She would say yes, of course. Jade was at the point where
she’d do just about anything for more and Calvin knew it.

I turned and started back down the hall towards my
room, sickened because I remembered what Jade had been like before
she’d snorted her first line of what would probably be her death.
She’d been cool then, a laid back stoner who popped pills and drank
occasionally.

But, that was before Calvin offered her something
which shattered her fragile soul.

Jade was hooked now, and hooked good. When other
people looked at her, they probably didn’t think she was even worth
saving.

I closed the door behind me and sprawled across my
bed again. I flicked my lighter and put the bowl to my lips,
drowning my lungs in smoke, hoping to cloud my urge for that baggie
of white crystals quickly or knock myself out.

The low thumping of bass flowed from the living room
and into my bedroom. I knew what he’d asked her to do, dance. And
by the end of the night, she’d probably have done every dirty deed
imaginable with both of them, and all for more.

I hit my bowl again, hoping the bass remained as loud
as it was to drown out the other noises soon to follow.

I fell asleep that night with an assed bowl in my
hand and a cellophane filled with a nug of weed and two Klonopins
inside my pocket, thinking of Ali Carson.

The next morning when I woke, I laid in bed staring
at the ceiling, listening to the sounds of the house. Silence.
Calvin and the others must have gotten bored last night and decided
to finish their fun elsewhere. I was glad, I didn’t want to see
their faces, anyways.

I rolled out of bed and got myself ready for school.
I wasn’t in a hurry, though; I knew Calvin and the others wouldn’t
be back until later, after mom had woken up around noon and downed
half her next bottle to drown her sorrows.

I picked up my shorts off the floor from the day
before and a clean t-shirt from inside my closet, stumbling
sleepily out my bedroom door towards the shower.

Afterwards, I grabbed my notebook and the pencil Ali
had given me yesterday and went to the living room in search of a
cigarette.

I got lucky, Jade had left her box of Marlboro Lights
on the couch. There was only one left inside, but that was all I
needed right now, anyway. I snagged up a blue Bic off the coffee
table and lit it as I headed towards the front door. It wasn’t a
menthol, but it still tasted pretty damn good.

I closed the front door quietly behind me and began
the walk to school, cigarette in one hand, notebook in the
other.

I crossed the street, headed towards the smoking
trees, just as Trip turned his battered old Mustang into the
parking lot. He waved and revved his engine at me. I grinned and
nodded.

“What’s up?” I greeted the others already under the
trees once I walked up. “Anyone got a menthol?”

Miranda Cooper, a fairly cute girl with chin-length
black hair and incredibly red, plump lips was the first to toss me
one.

“It’ll cost you,” she uttered. Her voice sounded
raspy in a sexy sort of way.

“How much?” I asked with a smirk, putting the Newport
to my lips.

She stepped closer to me. “Got anything good on you
today?” she asked, biting her plump bottom lip.

I had the two Klonopins Jade had given me last night
in my front pocket. I’d planned on taking one before first period
and the other after lunch, but for a few more cigarettes, I’d be
willing to give her one.

“Maybe. You still like Klonopins?” I asked.

“I do,” she said, a wicked smile forming on her
face.

I fished the pill out of my pocket. “It’ll cost you a
couple more menthols to make the trade even.” I insisted.

Miranda flipped open her pack and pulled out five.
She held my stare as I took them from her fingers and placed the
pill in the center of her palm.

“Thanks.” She winked and turned away to find her
friends again.

“No problem,” I muttered.

Trip walked up, his eyes looking like they might pop
out of his head.

“Miranda Cooper…what was that about?” he
wondered.

“Business,” I said nonchalantly, but I couldn’t keep
a grin from stretching across my face. I knew how hot Trip thought
Miranda was, and just the simple fact that we’d exchanged words was
enough to make him all kinds of jealous.

“Right,” he muttered. “Got anything to share with
your best bud today?”

“Nope, not unless you want a menthol.” I handed him
one before he could answer, it was repayment for the one I’d bummed
yesterday, and shoved the others into my pocket.

I started towards school, my hands deep in my
pockets, my fingers wrapped around the one pill I had left, headed
for the nearest water fountain, the one in the main building.

With the pill pinched between my index finger and
thumb, I bent down for a sip of water, my eyes glancing around. Not
a teacher in sight. I popped it in my mouth and swallowed
quickly.

“What was that?” A familiar voice asked me from a few
feet away, Ali.

“Tylenol,” I said a little too quickly, and it felt
so wrong to lie to her.

Ali smiled, taking the remaining steps between
us.

“Right.” She rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, I won’t
tell.”

I stood straight and wiped the back of my hand across
my mouth, catching a dribble of water before it slid down my chin.
Ali looked amazing today in blue jean shorts and a moderately tight
pink t-shirt, which meant the dribble of water could have easily
been drool.

“Cool,” I muttered lamely.

“So, what was that?” she repeated again and then
began walking.

I took a few quick steps to catch up. “A Klonopin,” I
answered.

I glanced at her, assessing her reaction. She didn’t
seem like the type to pill-pop, but I’d been wrong before.

“Never taken one of those before, but I’ve taken
Xanax. Is it kind of like that?” she asked, her big blue eyes
meeting mine.

A slight tingle of shock went through my mind. So,
she wasn’t as innocent as I’d thought she was after all. Selfishly,
I thought this could be good for me.

I grinned. “
You’ve
taken Xanax before?”

“Yes,” she scoffed, obviously at the tone of my
question and not at the question itself.

We were almost to Mrs. Gilbert’s class now, and I
couldn’t believe I’d walked her to class. I chuckled to myself,
unbelieving.

“Why is that funny?” she asked, her tone a little
irritated. Apparently I’d offended her.

“You don’t seem like the pill-popper type,” I
admitted.

“Well, obviously there’s a lot about me you don’t
know, then, isn’t there?” she insisted in a cocky tone, slipping
into the classroom before me.

I grinned after her. “Guess so.”

I walked to my seat at the back of the room and slid
in, my eyes on her the whole time. Ali sat and twisted in her desk
to face me.

“Need another pencil?”

I held the one from yesterday up. “Got one.”

“Thought I’d ask,” she smiled, spinning in her seat
to face the front.

The tardy bell rang and Mrs. Gilbert began talking at
the front of the room.

Today, class was different. Not only because my mind
was fuzzy and I was feeling good from my Klonopin kicking in, but
because I wasn’t the only one sneaking glances today, Ali was
sneaking them, too.

When the bell finally rang dismissing class, Ali was
staring at me and grinning. I stood for the first time in an hour
and a half and my legs felt as though they were made of Jell-o. It
hit me then, and I realized just how good I actually felt. A goofy
grin crept across my face and I chuckled while clumsily gathering
up my stuff.

“I noticed you were feeling good about twenty minutes
or so into class. You look like you’re feeling even better now,
though,” Ali said. She was standing right beside me now and I
hadn’t even noticed her walking towards me.

My notebook slid from my fingers and bounced across
the floor, spilling out all my papers, which included various
doodles of burning joints, pot leafs, and numerous explicit verses
from rap songs. I bent down to scoop them up before she could see
them all.

“Yeah,” I replied, still grinning.

She bent down to help. “Guess pills aren’t the only
thing you enjoy,” she whispered in a teasing tone.

“True,” I said, shoving the papers back into my
notebook.

I stood and we began walking together towards the
hall.

“You gonna make it to your next class?”

“Why? You offering to walk me?” I countered.

A smirk tugged at the corners of her perfect lips.
“Maybe, depends on where it is.”

“Spanish II, downstairs,” I answered.

“Nope, guess you’re on your own. I’ve got Advanced
Foods and Nutrition in the careers building,” she frowned.

“Catch you later, then.”

“See ya.” She waved.

We parted ways and the conversation was over.

By the time lunch rolled around, I was coming down
and wishing I’d held onto that other pill. I found myself hiding
out in a bathroom stall taking quick drags off a cigarette for two
reasons, I was nickin’ bad and because of the head rush you get
from hot-boxing one.

I cursed myself afterward, because I felt
nauseous.

I couldn’t wait for the rest of the day to be over.
One, because there was a good chance I’d see Ali again while I
stood at the smoking trees after school. And two, because of the
bag sitting in my sock drawer waiting to be smoked.

My day passed slowly, like always, and soon I was
walking towards the smoking trees for a cigarette in the shade
before my long walk home in the hot sun, when Trip’s arm wrapped
around my neck and tugged my head downwards for a noogie.

“Aw, man. C’mon,” I muttered, pulling free. I brushed
my fingers across my shaved head and grinned.

“Saw you and Ali Carson walking together today,” Trip
said, eyeing me.

“So?” I said, stepping under the trees.

“So?” he scoffed. “She’s freakin’ hot, what’s she
doin’ hangin’ out with you?”

I lit a cigarette and took a long drag before
answering. “Who knows? Maybe she’s not too good for me, after
all.”

He smirked and nodded out into the parking lot.
“Maybe not.”

I followed his gaze. Ali’s car was pulling up to the
curb directly in front of me, her window rolled all the way
down.

“I saw you walking home yesterday, you do that every
day?” she asked, leaning out the window.

“Yeah,” I answered, trying incredibly hard to
withhold a smile.

“Want a ride today?”

I hesitated, taking in another pull off my cigarette,
and Trip elbowed me in the side, as if urging me to say yes. I
didn’t need any help in deciding. It was hot and a ride home would
be nice, especially one from her, but what if Calvin was home? I
didn’t want her to meet him.

Fuck it, I couldn’t pass this up. I’d have to seem
rude and not invite her in.

“Shorts?” I offered Trip the remaining half of my
cigarette.

“Sure,” he said with a goofy grin.

“See you later,” I told him, and I started around her
car to the passenger side, trying hard to suppress a goofy grin of
my own.

“Later,” Trip said as I opened her car door.

I slid in and the scent of coconut tickled my nose,
making me instantly become self-conscious of the fact I probably
smelled like an ashtray for the first time in my life.

“Buckle up,” she said with a wicked grin.

I obeyed, and we sped out of the parking lot at a
speed far too fast for the short distance from where we were to the
intersection at the front of the school. I laughed.

“Right or left?” she demanded.

“Left,” I said, and she squealed tires off school
grounds.

I gripped the oh-shit-handle firmly, glad the
rent-a-cop was parked at the other exit of the parking lot
directing traffic today and not this one.

“Right,” I shouted just before she came to the next
stop sign. We came to a rolling stop and then she gassed it
again.

Needless to say, we were pulling up to my house in
four minutes flat, a trip which usually took me a good twenty or
more to walk. Relief filled me when I saw the car still gone.
Calvin wasn’t home yet, which meant he wouldn’t be peeping out the
windows all creepy-like wondering whose car was parked in the
driveway. I could relax.