Shatter Me (The Jaded Series, #1) (17 page)

“Jaxon,” I say hoarsely into the receiver. My throat is dry from my screaming and crying.

He knows immediately that something is not right.

“Angel, what is it? What’s wrong?” He hurriedly asks.

“He..he has my number. He’s going to find me.” I start crying harder.
Oh God, this can’t be happening. Not now.

Jaxon speaks again into the phone. “Bailey, listen to me. I’m headed out the door of the bar right now. I’m headed your way, okay. Don’t hang up. I’m almost there, Angel.”

I hear his rapid breathing at the same time I hear him pounding up the stairs. A couple seconds later there is pounding at the door. I know that it’s Jaxon, but I still give off a little yelp at the pounding.

“It’s okay Angel. It’s just me. Come to the door and let me in. Hurry.” I can tell he’s out of breath and straining to stay calm.

I immediately get up and run over to the door to unlock it. As soon as I open the door I rush into Jaxon’s arms and push my face into his hard chest. I suddenly feel safe again and I burst into more uncontrollable sobs. He walks me backwards with his arms around me and then kicks the door closed. He reaches one arm back to lock the door.

He scoops me up and walks to the couch. He takes a seat with me still cradled against his chest. While he strokes my back and hair, soothing me I try and calm my crying. I clutch his shirt and breathe him in. He feels so warm and smells so good and refreshing. I wish I could stay here forever, in the protection of his arms and forget about all my worries.

“Shhh...I’ve got you.” He whispers in my ear.

I sniffle into his shirt and reluctantly lift my head from the safe haven of his chest. His hands move from my back to my cheeks and he wipes away my tears. I must look a mess, but he doesn’t seem to care.

“What the hell happened?” The vehement in his voice takes me by surprise, but I know it’s out of concern for me.

I sit there and stare into his odd eyes. I debate with myself on how much to tell him. I need to give him something, but I don’t want to reveal the whole story. First, it’s too painful to revisit. I already live with it every day. Second, I don’t want Jaxon to look at me with pity, or God forbid, think less of me because I kept myself in the situation for as long as I did. And third, I know Jaxon cares about me but I also know he has a temper. I worry about his reaction if he were to learn everything I’ve gone through. I take a deep, encouraging breath and decide to give him a little.

“I had some trouble back home and decided that I needed to leave. I received a phone call right before you called that brought it all back.” I glance down at my hands to avoid his gaze.

He grips my chin and tilts it back up to him, forcing me to look in his eyes. “What kind of problems Bailey?”

“I can’t – I can’t tell you. It’ll only make them worse.” I whisper back to him.

I can see the disappointment and frustration in his eyes. As much as it pains me to see the two emotions I just can’t take the chance and tell him. I know that if he were to ever learn the truth he would interfere and inadvertently make the situation worse by unknowingly letting Steven know where I am. It would not only bring the wrath of hell down on myself but, even worse, bring it down on Jaxon and the ones that I’m starting to care for. No matter what, I can’t let anything happen to them, especially Jaxon.

“Baby, you need to learn that you can trust me. I can help you, only if you’ll let me. Please let me do this. I can see the struggle that you carry. It’s killing me knowing that you’re going through something that I have no knowledge of. I care for you, Angel, and it’s eating me alive not knowing.” He pleads with me.

It takes everything I have to not give in to him, but I just can’t. I can’t let him put himself or anyone else, in danger. He doesn’t understand the ramifications if I were to tell him. Steven is too much a figurehead and is too high on the chain for Jaxon to come out unscathed.
No! It’s just too risky!

“You don’t understand, Jaxon. It’s too dangerous. I can’t tell you. It’ll only hurt you and I can’t do that. As much as I thought I could never trust or care about someone again, I
have
come to care about you. And trust you. That’s why you can’t know. I can’t bear the thought of you getting hurt, especially because of me.” I beg him with my eyes to understand.

The grip he has on my chin tightens slightly. His expression determined. “I can take care of myself. It’s you that needs protecting. I just don’t know what from. You’re leaving me blind here.”

“There’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing that anyone can do. I brought it on myself and I have to figure out a way to fix it. Thank you for caring and wanting to help. You have no idea how much that means to me, but there’s nothing that can be done.”

I see the torment swirling in his eyes before he roughly pulls me forward and into his arms. I feel him rest his chin on top of my head. I wrap my arms around him as well, basking in his outdoorsy scent. It’s amazing how safe I feel when I’m surrounded by Jaxon. I’ve never felt safe in my life. I savor it and wish that I could have it forever. I tuck each and every one of Jaxon’s hugs away in my memory bank so that when I leave and I need comfort I can pull them out again.

“Ah, Angel, I wish you would let me be the judge of that.” I hear him murmur.

We continue to hold each other for several minutes. We sit there in silence, both lost in our own thoughts. He pulls back slightly but keeps his arms around me loosely. His eyes are my favorite color again.

“I need to get you in bed.” He says huskily.

My body jerks and I suck in a quick breath. My heart starts to thunder in my chest. I don’t know if it’s from fear or anticipation. The act of sex itself terrifies me but I know that it would be different with Jaxon. Jaxon wouldn’t force me. He wouldn’t make me do anything that I didn’t want to do. He would be gentle and easy. Even knowing this I’m still not ready. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. I worry that all I’ll ever see when it comes to sex is Steven and his goons and the heinous things they’ve done to me.

Jaxon notices my pending panic attack and quickly places both of his hands on the sides of my face. He bends down so we are eye to eye.

“No, Angel, no. That’s not what I meant. As much as I want to take you to bed and love you I know you can’t handle that right now. I can be patient and wait. You’re beat and need to get some rest. I just want to hold you until you fall asleep. No funny business. I promise. Will you give me that?”

As I look up at Jaxon, I realize three things. One, is that I’ve come a long way since I first rolled into town. I no longer shrink away when Jaxon gets too close or initiates intimate contact. An action that I never thought was possible. Two, is that I’ve never wanted anything more that to have Jaxon hold me as I drift off to sleep. To be cocooned in his big arms seems like the most perfect way to fall asleep. And three, is that I completely trust Jaxon to keep his word.

I give him a timid smile and say, “I believe I can do that.”

He graces me with his own smile and reaches down to peck a simple kiss on my lips. My own grin widens.

It’s hard to believe that I can smile after the phone call I received tonight, but I blame it all on Jaxon. He makes me feel different. Happy. More confident. Relaxed. He brings light into my dreary life.

Jaxon reaches down and scoops me up into his arms. The move is so sudden that I let out a loud yelp and throw my arms around his neck.

Jaxon isn’t fazed by my yelp and starts chuckling while he carries me down the hallway.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” He says while still chuckling.

He doesn’t set me down until we reach the bed. He gently lays me down in the middle and then reaches for the comforter. I’m forced to lift myself so he can pull it back. He sits down and starts pulling off his boots. I lay on my side huddled into a ball and watch him. He then gets up and removes his jacket and places it at the end of the bed.

Tonight he’s wearing his standard black shirt and ripped jeans. Jaxon sits back on the bed and lays down, bringing the covers with him. I have to admit that I’m a little disappointed that he didn’t remove his shirt.

He rolls towards me and opens his arms. “Come here, Angel.” He says softly.

Hesitantly, I scooch over to him. He puts his arm around me and maneuvers me until my back is facing his front. Once that’s done he has one arm wrapped around my middle with his hand tucked under my side. The arm that I’m lying on goes around my neck and lays diagonal across my chest and is resting on top of my arm. He buries his face in my hair and takes a deep breath. I am completely wrapped in Jaxon. I thought I would be nervous and a little uncomfortable lying in bed with Jaxon but it’s the opposite. I love it.

He releases a sigh. “Thank you. I’ve wanted to hold you like this for a while now.” He shifts slightly to bend his knees, which causes me to bend mine as well.

“Is black the only color t-shirts you wear?” I ask him curiously.

He laughs lightly in my ear before replying. “I never really thought about it before, but I guess it is. I’m a guy, when I shop for clothes I don’t stop to think about what looks good. I just pick up the first thing I see. I guess what I always see first is black.”

“Hmm...I think I like you in black.” I try and stifle a yawn, but it manages to escape.

I feel Jaxon place a soft lingering kiss on the back of my neck and it causes shivers to go throughout my body.

“Sleep, Angel,” Jaxon says.

“Okay, Jaxon.” I respond quietly, already halfway there.

“Sweet dreams, baby.” I hear him say right before I succumb to the darkness. 

––––––––

A
couple days after the phone call finds me standing behind the bar at Jaxon’s pub watching him at the other end talking with a couple of guys. He looks so relaxed and at ease. He’s casually leaning both hands on the bar. Of course, he’s wearing a black shirt again. This one is long sleeves, but he has them pushed up his forearms, displaying his multitude of tattoos. I wouldn’t mind being given the opportunity to study them.

The morning after he snuggled with me in bed I woke up refreshed, peaceful, and in a wonderful mood. It was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a very long time. It was because I didn’t dream that night about Steven or the horrible things he’s done to me. It’s been months since I’ve slept and not had nightmares. I can only account that to the fact that Jaxon was there to chase them away. Even before I had my nightmares my dreams were restless because I didn’t know what the next day would bring with Steven.

After I realized that Jaxon was no longer in bed with me I grabbed the pillow he used and hugged it to my face and chest, taking in his lingering scent. I loved falling asleep in his arms.

I watch Jaxon stand up straight from the bar and reach into his back pocket and pull out his phone. When he glances at it, I see his eyes get a hard look and there is a visible tick in his jaw. He swipes his finger across the screen and puts it to his ear. Whoever he is talking to has obviously made Jaxon lose his lighthearted mood. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but I can tell that whatever it is it’s said in heated words.

After standing there talking on the phone for a couple of minutes, he lifts the bar partition and lets it slam back down. He then stalks towards the hallway.

I wonder who he is on the phone with. Whoever it is I already don’t like. Jaxon is one of the sweetest men that I’ve met, but I also know he has an intense, angry streak to him as well. I hate to see that side of him. Not because I’m afraid of it but because someone as kind as Jaxon should never be pushed to that level.

“Hey, sugar, you mind getting us a couple of beers, whatever’s on tap?” I’m brought from my thoughts of Jaxon and turn to see a couple of regulars standing at the bar. Their names are Ethan and Jesse. They’ve been in here before and have shown me nothing but respect. I give them a smile and tell them that I’ll have them ready in just a moment.

After I set their drinks down in front of them Ethan leans his elbows on the bar and asks, “So, Bailey, what’s your deal? You seein’ anybody?”

I’m taken aback by his question, not expecting it. I’ve never been the type of girl that garnered a lot of male attention. I know that I’m passably attractive. Before Steven, I was hit on occasionally but not very often. After I left Steven I figured my scar would scare off any unwanted attention from guys. So far it has worked until I came to Jaded Hollow. It’s like the people here don’t see my scar, even when I pulled my hair back. I’ve been hit on and flirted with more since I came here than I have in my entire life. I don’t know what to do with it. It’s flattering but even more so it’s unnerving.

Looking into Ethan’s eyes, I see honest curiosity. No malicious intent or leering eyes. There’s appreciation there, but nothing that makes me too uncomfortable.

“No, I’m not seeing anyone,” I tell Ethan and watch as interest enters his eyes.

“Would you like to get a drink or have dinner sometime?” He asks in a hopeful voice.

Ethan is a very good looking guy. He has dark blonde hair that he keeps cut close to his head. His eyes, which are a rich chocolate color, are kind. He’s tall and carries himself with confidence, but not in a cocky way. He dresses well in a pair of black slacks and a dark gray button up dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. It looks like he just came from the office and is here to relax a bit. Even through all this I can’t see myself going out with him. First, the thought of going out on date with a guy gives me the hives. Second, it would be pointless because I’ll eventually be leaving. And third, he doesn’t make my heartbeat quicken and my breath shallow, not like someone else I know.

“Thank you, Ethan, that’s very sweet of you, but I’m not looking to date right now.” I smile at him to try to soften my rejection.

He takes it in stride and smiles back at me before replying, “Okay, that’s cool. If you change your mind you let me know.” He and his friend pick up their drinks and walk away.