Shatter Me (The Jaded Series, #1) (13 page)

Once inside, I walk directly to the dresser and pull out a black tank top and a pair of lime green soft cotton shorts. I leave my purse and the envelope of money on top. On my way to the bathroom, I grab a towel and wash cloth out of the linen closet in the hallway.

I set my stuff down on the shelf beside the shower and start stripping off my clothes. Once I’m naked, I stand in front of the mirror that hangs above the sink to examine myself.

For most of my life I have had pale skin. This stems from not being allowed outside much. As a kid, it was rare that my parents let me outside. Even though we had a privacy fence my parents wanted me to have as less of a chance of interacting with other people as possible. If they could have gotten away with it, they wouldn’t even have allowed me to go to school. Luckily for me they were smart enough to know that if they didn’t let me go to school, then they would have Family and Children Services knocking on their door.

When I was with Steven, he liked control in all things. He liked to keep me in the house where he knew what I was doing and what people I saw. He had camera’s set up all along the property so if I ventured outside he would know and then I would be punished. I learned really fast to not chance it and just stayed inside. Every once in a while though the call of the warm sun would be strong enough that I deemed a beating worthy of just a few minutes outside. Those few minutes were so very precious to me. I would find a nice soft spot in the grass and lay there with my eyes closed, inhaling the fresh air. I would lay there and daydream that I was anywhere but where I actually was. I was completely free in those few moments and I loved every second of them.

It was only during my college years that I really spend any real time outside. When I first left my parent’s house I would spend every waking moment when I wasn’t in class, working, or asleep outside. I spent more time outside than I did inside. There were several times that I got pretty bad sunburns from being outside so much. I know it sounds strange, but I loved the feeling of my skin being burned from the sun. Even though it made my skin itch and hurt, I would still find myself going outside whenever I could. Eventually, Chris would make me come inside so she could rub aloe vera on me. I hated going inside, but I knew that I needed to let my skin heal from the burns. Over a period of time, I stopped burning and I just started to tan.

Looking at my body now, I realize that I look even paler than I normally do. I’ve completely lost my tan from the couple of years I’ve been forced to stay inside. Maybe I’ll try to spend some time outside tomorrow before my shift. Maybe I can take my book and sit outside in the gazebo that sits on the library lawn.

My gaze wanders down my body, stopping every few seconds to look at the multitude of scars that riddle me. Steven was a sadistic bastard that liked to mark my body in numerous ways, using different kinds of instruments.

When I turn my back to the mirror, I looked over my shoulder and see even more scars. They run from the tops of my shoulders all the way down to the back of my thighs. I’m covered in them. I will forever be branded by Steven and our life together and no matter how hard or far I run I will always carry the memory of him with me. He made sure that I’ll never forget.

I release a tired sigh and walk over to the bath and adjust the temperature to my liking. I’ve always enjoyed scorching hot showers. There were many times as a child and an adult that the only thing that made me feel somewhat clean was a blistering hot shower. Most people would shrink away from the heat of the water, but I welcomed it.

Once the temperature is just right, I climb into the shower and let the hot water beat down on my head and shoulders. It is so nice to take an actual shower. No more ‘whore’s baths’ for me. At least not for a while anyway. I know I’ll have to go back to them once I get back on the road.

I reach through the curtain and pick up the washcloth and bath soap. I squirt some on the small towel and start to lather it across my tired body. I start with my shoulders and work my way all the way down to between my toes. Once finished, I rinse and do it again. After I deem my body clean enough, I start on my hair. I wash that twice as well, but I only run conditioner through it once.

When I’m done, I shut the water off and grab the towel and dry my heated body. I’m still exhausted, but I finally feel clean again. I hang the towel on the hook on the back of the bathroom door and slip into my clothes. I run my brush through my hair and then braid it down my back. When I’m at home, I don’t mind having my hair pulled back from my face. I’ve grown used to the scar that runs across my face. It’s just another reminder of what I’ve left behind and it continues to give me the courage to keep running.

I pick up my clothes and walk into the bedroom. I drop my clothes right inside the closet. Walking back to the dresser, I dig through my purse and grab my phone. I need to call Chris and give her an update. Once I pull back the covers and slip into bed, I push the button on my phone to bring up my contacts. I only have three. Chris, Mia, and now, Jaxon. I stare at his number for a couple of minutes. I wonder what he’s doing right now. Did he go back to the bar? Is he below me right now wondering what I’m doing? Did he go home for the night? Either way, I’m sure once he left here I was the last thing on his mind.

Chris is the first person in my contacts and I click on her name and push the talk button. It rings four times before she answers.

“Hey, Bailey! How are you? How’s the new job going?” It’s always the same with Chris. She sounds so excited to hear from me. I don’t know how I got so lucky to find a friend like her.

“I’m doing pretty well and the job is going great. There were a few hiccups, but nothing too bad. It’s been better than what I thought it would be. I think I might actually enjoy working there.” This is the truth. Other than the Shady situation, I really like working there. I don’t tell her about the alteration between Jaxon and Shady. It’ll only make her worry more.

“That’s wonderful news, hunny. How’s the town? Is everyone nice? From what you’ve said it seems pretty small and I know some small towns don’t take kindly to new people encroaching on their turf.”

“To be honest, everyone’s been really nice. Too nice sometimes. There’s a girl named Anna here that’s been really sweet. I like her a lot.” I go on to explain how I met Anna and how she found me screaming in my car after my nightmare. I tell her about her and Nick’s relationship, explaining how I’ve never met two people more in love with each other.

“Have you had any luck with a possible place to stay? You can’t keep staying in your car. It’s not safe and I’ll worry about you until you find a place.” To this day it still amazes me how much Chris cares for me. Other than her there has been no one else that cared if anything happened to me.

“Actually, I did find a place to stay. That’s where I am now. Jaxon, the owner of the bar, has an apartment above it and is letting me stay here. Once I start making money, I’ll be paying rent.”

“This Jaxon character seems like a nice guy.” I hear a question in her voice. I’m not ready to divulge everything that’s happened between Jaxon and me yet. I’m still trying to figure things out myself. I give her just a little bit.

“He’s been very nice. He got his sister to stock the fridge and cabinets for me. Unfortunately, he found out that I don’t have much money so he sent her to get some things I would need until I can get them myself.” I still feel extremely embarrassed about the whole situation. I also still intend to pay him back.

“Wow, that is nice. It sounds like you stumbled across an amazing little town. Enjoy it while you’re there, Bailey. You deserve to be treated with kindness. You’re way overdue for it.”

“It’s just so strange. I’ve never had people act the way these people act towards me. They seem to like me and I don’t know how to respond. I’ve been so out of touch with people that I feel lost.”

“Just be yourself, okay? You’re such a wonderful person. It doesn’t surprise me that these people see that. One look at you and anyone could see that you’re special.” Chris always knows what to say. She doesn’t realize that she is the one that is amazing. It’s because of her that I’m still here. She’s brought me through the worst of my life with Steven. She’s been my rock and I love her dearly for it.

We talk for a few more minutes. Me telling her more about the town and its people and her telling me about how school and work is going. She talks about a guy she met yesterday that just started working at the restaurant she’s waitressing at. She has the hots for him. I know it sounds juvenile, but those are her exact words.

Ten minutes later we get off the phone after I reassure her that I’ll call again in the next day or two. She doesn’t like going too long without hearing from me. Calling and giving her updates is the very least I can do after everything that she’s done for me. Besides, I always seem to feel better after talking to her. I feel guilty for not telling her about everything that’s happened here in Jaded Hollow’s. We normally are very open with each other and I feel as though I am betraying her. I’ll tell her eventually, but I’m just not ready yet.

After hanging up, I place the phone down on the night stand and snuggle down under the warm soft comforter. It’s total bliss. I bury my head in the plump pillow and allow my eyes to drift closed.

––––––––

“I
told you, you stupid bitch that I won’t put up with you associating with that cunt! Why won’t you listen to me? Why do you push me?” Steven says as he lands another kick to my stomach with his fine Italian loafers. I suck in a breath and I swear his last kick must have broken a rib and punctured a lung. The breath that I take in is almost as painful as the kick itself.

I’m huddled on the floor in the corner of our living room with my arms thrown around my head. Steven had just walked in unexpectedly while I was finishing up my phone call with Chris. He wasn’t due back for another couple hours so I thought I was safe. Apparently I was wrong.

Steven crouches down next to me and grabs a fist full of hair and yanks it back, hard.

“You will not speak to her! You will not see her! You will not even so much as think of her! She’s bad news Bailey! I’ll not have her putting crazy ideas in your fucking head about you leaving me! I’ll fucking kill her and you before I allow that to happen! I know she hates me and I’ll not have you around her! Do you hear me?” He emphasizes his words by slamming my head down onto the hard tile floor. I hear a crunch and I immediately feel blood gushing out of my nose and mouth. The pain is excruciating.

“Fucking answer me, Bailey, or so help me God you’ll live to regret it.” The grip on my hair tightens.

I stifle another pain filled cry when he yanks my head back again and gets in my face.

“I’m sorry Steven. I promise I won’t talk to or see Chris again,” I croak out. The sooner he is appeased the sooner this will be over. I’ll say or do anything to make the pain go away.

Steven slams my face back onto the floor which causes another bout of pain to shoot through my head. I roll to my side with my back facing him. Steven stands back up and plants another kick to my body, this time to my back. Blood sprays from my lips while I’m forced to arch my back and whimper through the pain.

“Now get your sorry ass up and clean the mess you’ve made on the floor. Once you’re done with that get dressed. We’re going to the club. You need to be taught a lesson for disobeying me.” He then turns around and walks away, leaving me to drag my self off the floor to do what he says.

I yank myself from the nightmare I am having and sit up in bed. This one wasn’t as bad as some of the other ones. I don’t feel the need to immediately rush to the bathroom. Even still I dry heave a little.

I push back the covers and swing my legs over the side of the bed. I plant my feet on the floor and bend over and place my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.

That wasn’t the only time I received a punishment for speaking to Chris. No matter how much I tried pushing Chris away because of the fear of Steven hurting her, she refused to back down. She didn’t know for a long time that Steven abused me. I was good at hiding it. When the abuse was visible, I would come up with excuse after excuse as to why I couldn’t see her. Eventually, she caught on to my ploys and figured it out. Of course, her showing up at the house one day and me opening the door with a black eye and a split lip probably helped her along the way. She was devastated that she hadn’t figured it out before. She begged me to go to the police and even threatened that if I didn’t she would herself. I pleaded with her and explained that it would only make it worse. Steven had a lot of influence in the community. There was no way they would believe a woman that came from low life drug addicts over a prestigious and distinguished law-abiding citizen. He was, after all, the attorney that put criminals away. No way would someone like that be the very person he fights so hard to rid the world of.

I lift my head and glance out the window. Dawn is just barely creeping over the horizon. The sky has a stunning purple and pink hue to it. I hear the early morning birds chirping and every once in a while I hear a rooster crow. It’s such a peaceful sound.

I get up from my perch on the bed and move to the bathroom to relieve myself. Once I’m finished I brush the fuzz off my teeth and wash my face. Next, I pull the hair tie from the end of my hair and brush it, and then I pull the mass on top of my head and secure it with the same hair tie.

I leave the bathroom and head towards the kitchen. I need coffee, stat.

I look at the clock on the microwave that sits above the stove and it says it’s 6:30. Jaxon is supposed to pick me up for breakfast, but I have no idea when he’ll be here. I’m assuming that he probably sleeps relatively late since he works at night in his bar so I figure I’m safe for another few hours. I don’t want to be caught in my pajamas when he gets here.

I walk over to the brand new looking coffee machine that’s placed next to the fridge. I open the cabinet that’s above it, hoping that the fixings for coffee are inside. Thankfully, it is. I pull out the coffee grounds and filters and start a pot. I then pull out a coffee mug that’s in the same cabinet and put some sugar in it. Chris used to always pick on me because I put so much sugar in my coffee. She would ask me if I wanted a little bit of coffee with my sugar. I pull the milk jug from the sink and put a splash in my mug.