Shatter Me (The Jaded Series, #1) (14 page)

Once the coffee is done brewing I commence putting a little bit of coffee in my mug that’s a quarter way full of sugar and milk. A small smile pulls at my lips. I miss Chris so much. She’s been my only friend for so many years.

I take my mug and sit at the kitchen table. I watch out of the window as I see several kids walking down the street carrying books and backpacks. They laugh and joke and I am completely envious of their carry free nature. They are so innocent to the dangers in the world, as they should be. I never had that as a child. My children will never have that either.

Just as I’m lifting my coffee for another sip, I hear a knock at my door. It startles me so much that my hot coffee spills over onto my hand. I yelp and quickly get up to rush to the sink and run some cool water on my burnt hand. The burn lessens immediately and I sigh in relief.

I’m reminded of why I burned my hand in the first place when another knock sounds at my door.

“Bailey!” I hear Jaxon call through the door.

Crap! I’m still in my night clothes!
So much for him being a late riser. I really don’t want to open the door only wearing my tank top and short shorts, but I can’t leave him out there. He must have heard me yelp when the coffee spilled on me because he sounded worried when he called my name. I grab a dishtowel to wrap around my hand and run over to the door.

I peek through the peephole just in case I misheard and the person isn’t Jaxon. His warped bubble head is looking at the door with a frown. Just before he can knock again I take a deep breath and unlock the door, pulling it open slowly.

His worried gaze immediately searches mine as he takes a step towards me. “Are you okay? I heard you scream.”

Before I answer I take a minute to look at him. It’s so hard not to notice a man like Jaxon. He’s nothing like the men I’ve ever encountered, certainly not like the men Steven would associate with and force on me.

Today he’s wearing the same black motorcycle boots. His legs are encased in a pair of black cargo pants. The t-shirt, not black this time but gray, he’s wearing molds to his body emphasizing his muscles to perfection. He’s not wearing a long sleeve under his shirt today so his tattoos are on full display. They are so bright and vibrant and full of life. He still has on his leather wristband and around his throat is the black and silver woven necklace. His black hair is a disheveled mess. Again, a forbidden thought crosses my mind of me running my fingers through it.
That’s crazy, Bailey.

I’m pulled from my perusal of him when he walks closer to me. “Angel, what happened? Why did you scream?”

“Oh, I uh, spilled some hot coffee on my hand. I wasn’t expecting you for another few hours so I was startled when I heard you knock.”

“Let me see.” He says with a deep rumble. He looks down at both my hands and grabs the one still wrapped in the towel. He gently removes the towel and brings my hand closer to his face. The skin on the back is red and splotchy.

“I’m sorry I caused you to burn yourself.” I watch in fascination as he lifts my hand and places a soft kiss on the back where the red spot is. His lips are smooth and the sensation of them against my skin sends a shiver through me. Goosebumps start to appear on my arms.

“It’s no big deal. I splashed cold water on it and it’s fine now. Doesn’t even hurt anymore,” I say in a breathless voice.

How can this man bring out such foreign and forbidden feelings in me? I thought that part of me was dead and gone. Stolen from me and never returned. I don’t want to have these feelings, but apparently my body has a mind of its own.

Just then, I feel Jaxon tense up and hear him hiss in a breath. I look up to him, wondering what is wrong. What I see causes me to freeze. I forgot that I’m still wearing my night clothes and he’s staring at me with hungry eyes. He must have just noticed. He runs his eyes over the hair piled on my head to my chest, where they linger a few seconds. He then moves his gaze down my midriff and on down to my pelvic area. His eyes end on my bare feet. The whole time his eyes travel down my body I can swear that I can actually feel his eyes caressing me.

His nostrils are flaring and his eyes are radiating heat so hot that it’s a wonder that I haven’t gone up in flames. His pupils are dilated and his breathing has become erratic. The only reason I recognize the emotion in his eyes is because I’ve seen it numerous times from Steven and his friends. Only this time it’s not accompanied with malicious intent.

The desire in Jaxon’s eyes doesn’t so much as scare me because I worry about the harm he’ll cause but because I actually like the desire I can clearly see on his face. I don’t want to like it and I never thought I would like it. I also don’t think I could ever let him do the things to me that I’m sure he’s thinking. When I think of sex all I can picture is the various ways Steven would force me to service him and his sick and twisted associates. I may not completely trust him, but I know that sex with Jaxon would be different. I just don’t think I could ever block out the images. Jaxon deserves better. He deserves someone that will give him all of their attention, not someone that would be visualizing all the ways sex could be bad.

I’m also worried that once Jaxon sees all the damage done to my body he’ll look at me differently. My scars are definitely not the sexy battle scars that a lot of people carry. They are jagged lines and sunken in holes. They represent weakness and cowardliness, not bravery and loyalty. Would he look at me with revulsion and pity?

“Holy Christ,” I hear Jaxon say under his breath. His eyes are squeezed tight and it sounds like he’s pleading with me when he says. “Please go get dressed, Angel.”

I’m a little confused by his request and stand there and stare at him. It looks as though he’s in pain. I don’t understand why he would be and I don’t like that it looks like he is.

He’s already dropped my hand but now he takes a step back. He opens his eyes and zeroes in on me. “Fuck.” He hisses out. “Bailey, I really need you to leave and go get dressed.
Now.”
He grits the last out between clenched teeth.

The tight expression on his face causes me to turn around and scurry towards the bedroom. Once I close the bedroom door I slump against it.

What in the world was that about?
I ask myself.

One minute he was concerned about my hand, acting his usual sweet self. The next he’s practically demanding I leave him. I know I’m not the most experienced person when it comes to sex, not the usual kind anyway, but the way he looked at me right before I turned around made me wonder if I had imagined the heat I had first thought I saw. He looked like someone had just tortured him, like he was in agony. Why would looking at me put that look on his face? I never want to see it again. It hurts deep down inside of me to see it.

I release a deep sigh and walk towards the closet. I pull out a pair of jeans and slip them on. I then pick out a plain white v-neck t-shirt and slip that on as well. Next, is a pair of socks and my black Converses.

I make my way to the bathroom and release my hair from the tie. I run my brush through it and leave it down. I’ve accepted that I have to wear it up at work but I haven’t worked up the courage to do that yet outside of work, unless I’m at home. The people at the bar have been really nice about not mentioning it. One day soon maybe I’ll feel comfortable enough, but not yet.

Suddenly feeling nervous about facing Jaxon again after what happened, I quietly close the bathroom door, grab my purse from the bedroom, and walk back towards the living room. He’s sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, clenching his hair. At my approach, he lifts his head and I see immediate relief on his face.

“Sorry for acting so weirded out back there. I just needed a moment to myself.” He apologizes while standing up.

“That’s okay. I don’t understand why you weirded out but apology accepted.” I give him a small smile.

“Believe me Angel, you’re not ready to know what caused me to act like a lunatic.” He mutters, more to himself than me.

He starts walking towards me. Once he reaches me he grabs a lock of my hair and rubs it between his fingers. “I hate that you feel that you need to hide your beautiful face. Whatever happened to you, you shouldn’t be ashamed of it.” He murmurs.

“I told you...”

“Bailey, sweetie, I know there’s more you’re not telling me. I understand that you can’t tell me yet, but please don’t lie and say that’s all it was.” He lightly tugs the strand he has a hold of.

“Okay, Jaxon, you’re right. There is more, but I’m not ready to talk about it. I don’t know if I ever will. Either way, I’m just not prepared to advertise my scar to the town yet. I haven’t had too many good experiences with people’s reactions to it. It hasn’t been bad working at the bar but I’d rather not test it on the rest of the town.”

“Thank you.” He says quietly, kissing my forehead.

“Are you ready to hit Maggie’s?” He asks while grabbing my hand and walking towards the door.

“Absolutely! I’m starving.”

I hear his chuckle as I’m pulled through the door.

––––––––

W
hen we walk into the diner, there are more people in here than I’ve ever seen before. This must be the rush of people that stop by for breakfast before heading to work. There are only a couple of empty tables left and we make our way to one in the back corner. As we pass by people we are greeted with several ‘Good Mornings.’

“Does everyone really know everyone here?” I ask and then glance around to the other tables. Several people are turned in the seats talking to ones sitting at other tables. The whole place looks like one big family and they’ve all gathered in one place for breakfast. It’s amazing to witness and I envy the people of this small town. They have no idea how lucky they are.

“Unfortunately, yes.” He quirks his lips up at me.

“Why do you say unfortunately? It must be so nice to have so many people around that care for you.” I pick up my menu and start looking through it. I would give almost anything to have grown up in a town like this.

“Living in a town like this definitely has its benefits. We band together and protect each other. If anyone needs anything all they need to do is ask any of their neighbors and they’ll bend over backwards to help them. On the other hand, it’s a pain in the ass to have everyone know your business. Secrets aren’t kept very long here in Jaded Hollows. It’s common knowledge to just get it over with and tell the town on your own than have rumors start.”

I take a big gulp at his implied words. There’s no way anyone in this town can know my secrets. I’m sure not going to tell anyone.

Just then, Maggie walks up to our table carrying two coffee mugs and a coffee pot. She sets the mugs down on the table and starts pouring coffee in them.

“Good morning Jaxon and Bailey. How are you dears this fine morning?” She asks with a smile on her face. I haven’t officially met Maggie so I’m a little surprised she knows my name. But then again, I did have breakfast with her granddaughter the other day and now I work for her grandson. Not to mention I’m new in town and I’m sure everyone knows my name by now.

Jaxon gets up from his seat and envelops Maggie in his arms and then plants a sweet kiss on her cheek. “We’re both fine, Gram. How are you doing?”

“I’m doing great, sweetie.” She says and pats Jaxon on the cheek. “Couldn’t be better.” She’s now looking between Jaxon and me and I wonder what she’s thinking. She has a twinkle in her eye that makes me think she has something up her sleeve.

“How are you settling in at Jaxon’s, my dear?” She asks me and gives me a tender smile.

I smile back at her and reply, “It’s definitely different than the place I worked before, but so far so good.

“So, what can I get for you both, or do you need more time? I’m so used to Jaxon already knowing what he wants when he walks in I forgot that you haven’t had a the chance to memorize our menu.” She says with a chuckle.

Jaxon glances at me to see if I’m ready. I nod my head yes and we both turn towards Maggie.

We both tell her what we would like for breakfast; me, a single waffle with strawberry filling and whip cream on top and a side of bacon; Jaxon, the full house, which consists of a meal that could feed a whole baseball team.

Maggie takes our order in without writing it down. It must stem from years of waitressing.

“I’ll bring y’all both a glass of orange juice to go with it,” she says before making her way her over behind the counter.

I glance back at Jaxon. “There’s no way you can eat all that food.”

“You’d be surprised at how much a hungry man can put in his belly.” We both laugh at his reply.

Getting back to our earlier conversation before Maggie walked up I tell Jaxon, “You have no idea how lucky you are to be surrounded by people willing to help you, to care for you. I would take them being nosy every day to know that I had that type of support system.”

“Oh, believe me, I know I’m lucky to live here and be a part of this community. It’s just frustrating at times not being able to do something without the entire town knowing about it. We have no privacy here.”