ShameLess (21 page)

“Shit! Girl, close your eyes and picture your happy place, and take deep even breaths, like you told me your therapist told you to do, Ren.” Jade says while trying to calm me.

In this moment, I am so thankful I actually listened to my mom for once. She is the one that told me to confide in Jade, after I told her how close we were getting. Right now, I thank the stars, I actually listened and told her since my mind obviously is not in the place it needs to be if I am not even able to remember what Dr. Bradford told me to do.
Shit!

Suddenly, it comes to me. I begin doing what Jade says, and what I know to do. In. Out. In. Out. I picture the beach in my mind, hear the waves, the seagulls, smell the salt in the air, and feel the sand between my toes. I can feel the warmth of the sun shining down on my skin. In. Out. In. Out.

I regulate my breathing enough that the beats of my heart start to slow down, too. “I’m not crazy. He was there,” I point next to the arts building, by the tree where he was standing.

“He was watching me then started following me.”

Jade and Debi both keep throwing suggestions at me.

“Well, maybe you should tell your dad, Ren. Or, maybe tell Stefan?” Jade says through a voice of concern.

“What if he has been following you for a while? What are you going to do? Maybe we should just put off shopping for the party until later and call campus security?” Debi asks.

Jade doesn’t give me a chance to respond before she interjects, “Ren, what if it’s the guy that attacked you?” Her voice seems even more shaken this time.

Despite being extremely upset myself, I cannot let either of these girls call security! I cannot. “The last thing on earth I want to do is call my dad. He will force me to give up school and move home. I am not calling him. I will see Stefan later, so maybe I will tell him, I don’t know. I am not going to call campus security only to be caught up for hours giving them a step by step account of what happened, when it is possible it is all just my overactive imagination from still being freaked out about the night of the attack. If it were
that
guy, I doubt he would be so obvious during daytime hours. I mean, come on! No, we will go shopping. I just need to pay more attention to my surroundings, and remember to keep to the buddy system I promised my dad, but keep forgetting.” I try very hard to maintain a confident tone, and not appear as torn up as I really am inside.

The rest of the afternoon, the girls and I stop for lunch at a deli and run our errands. We get everything we need for my birthday party, have a lot of fun being silly, laughing and having a great time choosing all of the eighties items. Jade tries on the weirdest shit, which is making Debi and I bust out laughing in hysterics. Debi, the fashionista herself, chooses adorable outfits for us to try on. She uses movie characters from all of the movies we have watched as her inspiration. Eventually, we settle on what we would wear, so after making our purchases we make our way across the street to grab iced mocha caramel coffees, and to rest our feet.

Despite having a great time with great friends, I have to admit, I am still finding it difficult to shake the fact I was attacked, along with who the attacker is and what he wants from me. It scares me to death, actually.

Now with this creeper showing up, suddenly disappearing and causing me to have a full-blown panic attack in the parking lot only adds more worry. After the misunderstanding with Tucker earlier, and upsetting Stefan, I am so relieved I have these two friends to help distract me and help me get through it. They lighten life’s stresses for me, and I am so grateful I am allowing myself to trust them, open up, and get close to them. Everyone needs at least one good friend, but now I have two. I am so fortunate and blessed that I do.

Stefan picks me up at seven. Well, actually, he shows up about fifteen minutes early, with yellow roses in hand. Yes! I know. Butterflies flutter in my stomach, as I search our room for something to put them in since I never packed a vase. I mean, when I was packing for school, I had no reason to think of packing one, why would I?

“Thank you! I love them. They are beautiful,” I say, leaning up to kiss him. He does not let me go right away.

He holds me, drawing me to him, and captures my lips again. We stand there for a few minutes wrapped in our embrace. His thick soft lips possess mine, as he sweeps the soft skin of my cheeks with his hands, owning me. I love it – all of it! I offer myself back to him, kiss for kiss. He takes a handful of my hair, driving our lips into a heated sensation with our tongues swirling together in full erotic passion. Stefan runs the tip of his tongue around the outline of my lips. A hungry groan releases from me.

“They are not nearly as beautiful to me as you are.” Stefan always knows exactly what to say to leave me speechless. How do I deserve him?

Dragging myself away, which I really do not want to do but know is necessary or else we will never leave, I say, “Okay, okay…Let me put these in water so we can get going,” and start walking away.

He tugs me back for one more kiss. He always does this, ‘Just one more’ he always says. It gets me every time.

We finally make our way to his vehicle and the entire drive to where we are going is still a surprise. He refuses to tell me anything. I try several times to get it out of him, but he just will not relent. After a little time passes, he pulls over into a park and ride, and puts the Jeep into park.

He pulls a bandana out from his console, “Put this on, and don’t ask questions,” he instructs. It is very matter of fact, and quite demanding, but I do as I am told, even though I want to ask a million questions. I am apprehensive, but the nerves stirring within me blend with the excitement brewing. I love surprises!

I have to drive the rest of the way to our destination wearing this blindfold. It is exhilarating and a bit unnerving, too. Yet, I do it. Part of me even likes it. I make the mental note to suggest we try this during our lovemaking. Somehow, I know he will not fight me. A little chuckle escapes.

“What’s so funny?” He asks, bringing his hand to rest atop of mine, which I have relaxing on his thigh. I squeeze his thigh, and move my hand up to the bulge in his jeans. I like these jeans on him. There is little left to my imagination when he wears them because it shows every outline of his size, especially when he hardens, like now.

“You keep doing that, and I’m going to pull over again and take you right here,” he states, confidently. I know instantly from his tone he is not joking. Just as sudden, my undies are wet, or would be if I were wearing any, that is. I beam with the knowledge he is yet to possess.

As the beam of delight fades, we are coming to a stop. Stefan is out of the driver’s seat and at my door, having already opened it, and taking my hand in his leading me out.

“Careful, baby, hold on to me.”

I do as he says, gripping onto his arm for a sense of security.

“Ah, maybe not that tight,” he offers through a small laugh.

Straightaway, I can smell the salt drifting through the air and hear the seagulls cawing. “You brought me to the beach!” I exclaim wanting to jump up and down, but actually reaching up for the fold covering my eyes in an attempt to release my sight free.

“Just wait, not yet…soon…A few more steps, Star,” Stefan encourages me.

I continue walking, holding onto this one guy who moves me, who is helping me to learn to trust again, love again, and become more. Nothing else matters. It is now that I realize I really like the nickname he gave me. Our love is becoming stronger. He is the one for me.

Stefan

She cries out, “You brought me to the beach!” I can immediately tell she is filled with excitement. When she tries to reach up to remove the bandana, I take a hold of her hand, keeping it in mine, and tell her, “Just wait, not yet…soon…A few more steps, Star.”

She
is
my star, especially now that I know without question or doubt that she is the ‘one’ for me. That is why I put so much into planning this night for her. This is the only night that works because of the upcoming 80’s party planned for her birthday. Not to mention, with the fucking creep following her, which I am thankful I was there in time to yank his ass behind the fucking bushes before he got to her. He was gaining footsteps, but I’ll be damned if he is going to touch her. Luckily, it didn’t result in much; he stumbled backward, and then took off in the opposite direction. At least I was there this time to protect her. This just makes it more important she know how I feel about her. She has to know. It has to be tonight. It has to be fucking perfect, just like she is for me.

I ease her down the steps, and stop, taking her sandals off her feet while holding onto me for balance. Next, I have her stand still long enough for me to remove my leather flip-flops. I casually drop them both by the bottom of the railing post, and take her hand in mine, again, leading her out into the sand. Every so often, she loses her footing, and grabs onto me tighter to steady herself. Each time, I keep her stable, and know instantly that I made the right decision. I bring our hands up, kissing the back of hers as we continue walking. I have never done anything like this before and part of me is very nervous it may be an epic fail.

I remove the blindfold, and wait for her response. I hold my breath.

She is stunned silent. Her eyes immediately fill with tears and she says nothing. “You don’t like it?” I am feeling like the biggest dick. God! Why did I think this might work?

Ren turns to me and thrusts herself at me, throwing her arms around my neck. Her legs fly up, and I catch her, as she wraps them around my waist. “Oh my God, oh my God! This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and no one has ever done anything like this for me,” she says as she repeatedly kisses my forehead, my cheek, my nose and then stops to place a softer kiss on my lips.
Fucking-A! Score!

The blanket I spread out in the center of several lit tiki-torches has a basket with sliced fruit, cheese, and meats. I have a bottle of Sangria nestled down in a bucket of ice, chilling with two wine glasses propped up against the basket. Beside the blanket, I have a fire going, dug deep into the sand. I even thought of marshmallows, graham crackers and chocolate for s’mores because I remember the time she mentioned to me how they were her favorite part of going camping as a kid.

The sound of the ocean provides the perfect backdrop, as I guide her down onto the blanket and make it my priority to feed her. I start with a few strawberries, dipping them in cream, first. I tease her by starting to bring it to her mouth, but as she parts her lips like a baby bird I remove it, and lean in to kiss her open lips instead.

“You’re killing me here,” she says, and I know immediately from the way my dick is already hard; she is the one killing me. I have to wait, though. The best part isn’t even happening yet. She might think this is the surprise, but she has no idea what’s coming. I have to pull this off.

We spend more time feeding each other, teasing and kissing. I pour us each a glass of wine, turning to toast her, “I know you aren’t twenty-one yet, but since I am driving, I thought we could still do one toast.”