ShameLess (29 page)

1 year later

I rise to the sun streaming through the windows, kissing my cheeks, and the smell of bacon fanning the air, touching my senses, forcing me awake.
Stefan is making breakfast.

I stretch, after sitting upright in bed, and look around our room. I am still very thankful we relented to my dad’s offer to accept the beach house after he and mom reconciled, and that we are now living together. Our home, I think, as my eyes scan our bedroom.

Instantly, they locate a picture from a year ago from my birthday party. Jade snapped a picture of me on Stefan’s back, his arms locked through my legs as my arms are draping his neck, and our heads are resting together. Both of us are smiling. I remember perfectly that it was right after we rejoined the party and he carried me up the sand dune. We were laughing when she caught us off guard. Ha! I almost tripped us by licking his ear after he was being playful with me. It was my payback. That is just how we are with each other, even now. I smile with the memory.

Hearing the floorboards creak, I turn my head to catch him standing in the doorway watching me. “Morning baby, breakfast is ready. That was a great night,” he says pointing to the picture as a huge grin spans his face.

“Yes, it was perfect.” I climb out of bed and skip over to him, pecking his cheek as I dart under his arm and dash toward the kitchen, “Bacon is my fave! Hurry or I’m going to eat it all,” I yell back at him.

After sharing breakfast of scrambled eggs with cheddar cheese, another of my favorites, along with crispy bacon, toast and freshly squeezed orange juice, and coffee, we remain sitting on the deck. Waves crash in, and it never grows old. Silence unites us, but it is a level of comfort I know will never grow old. Even in complete silence, we always say so much.

Stefan reaches for my hand as the seagulls fly, circling overhead. “Thanks for breakfast. That was so sweet of you.”

I point upward in the direction of the birds, “They think they’re going to steal something we haven’t finished. What vultures! Boy are they going to be disappointed,” I laugh.

Stefan winks at me, agreeing, lifting my hand to his lips. “I want to take you somewhere today since it’s Saturday and we both have off work. I know we have plans later to meet up with everyone else for dinner and drinks to celebrate your birthday, but before that, I have one stop to make. I need to be selfish for a little while with you, okay?”

His voice depicts a more serious tone, but he did mention a surprise, so I reply, “A surprise? You know I can’t refuse a surprise. I happen to favor yours.”

I lean over and kiss him softly, “C’mon, let’s shower.” With his hand still woven with mine, I stand, dragging him up out of his chair following behind me.

Showers are one of the best things about living together. You get your own personal back-washer. In fact, I get my very own shampooer, too. Hell, who am I kidding? Stefan loves washing every square inch of me, “Hold still, baby, stop twitching.”

I always twitch when he rubs the soft cotton washcloth over my butt cheeks. It tickles, and I always flinch. I think he does it on purpose just to get a rise out of me.

“Well, stop going so slow. It tickles. Just hurry up and wash it, will you?” I jest back, laughing at him.

“You’re so damn cute when you twitch. You do know that, right?” He replies, as this time, he moves the cloth down my inner thigh.

“Ah! Stop. I’m sorry but I am so ticklish today. I can’t help it.” I mention without giving him the chance to respond.

“So, where are you taking me? Can I get a hint?” I probe, hoping he will cave this once, but knowing he never does with surprises. He’s not like I am. If I buy someone a gift, and spend time picking out just what I think is the perfect one, I can’t wait to tell them. It kills me inside to keep it a secret. Nope, not Stefan. He is the opposite, but I never let that deter me from trying.

He rinses out the washcloth, but refuses to look at me.

“Well?” I say, running my hands up his chest, starting at his abdominal muscles, which are tensing with my touch. I know I’m getting to him, so I lean up to meet his gaze and kiss his lips, resorting to a more teasing tactic.

“You can try more of that, if you’d like. Seriously, you know I don’t mind, Star. But, if you are trying to get your surprise out of me, you should know better by now,” He is actually laughing at me, with me, and kisses the tip of my nose, but refuses to give in.

Reaching down, I turn off the water and slide the shower curtain back, stepping out onto the bathmat, huffing through the start of a mini-tantrum. Grabbing his towel off the rack, I throw it back at him as I snatch my own and wrap it around my body, tucking in the corner at the top.

I remain silent. I’m pouting, just like a spoiled brat. I know I am. I don’t deny it. I also know puckering my bottom lip gets him every time. Today, though, no luck. I sulk as I walk to the mirror, and start brushing through my hair.

“Here, let me,” Stefan takes the brush from my hands and begins running it through my tangles.

“Ouch!”

“Sorry, I hit a snarl. Don’t be upset. I want to really surprise you. It’s your birthday, and this is important to me.”
Ugh!

Now, his tone is sweet, and pleading. It softens me immediately. I guess I should have remembered that I’m not the only one that knows the power of love and manipulation. The great thing about finding your true love is realizing it’s not always about the ‘happy, happy, love, joy’ moments. The other side of it is taking the time to really know another so well, on every intellectual, intimate, and emotional level, that you both know exactly which strengths and weaknesses the other one has, and how to work them to your advantage when needed. No, it’s not a game. It’s just a simple appreciated fact, most often denied by everyone. I happen to recognize that it takes both good and bad in life because there is good and bad in each of us, especially, in healthy loving relationships. The difference, respect always comes first. The other person always comes first. Therefore, right now, I know he means what he’s saying. This is important to him. Playful love manipulation over! Respect in motion. I cave.

“Okay. You win. No more pouting. No more trying to pry it out of you. I love you and will respect your wishes even if it’s absolutely killing me right now.”

“Thanks baby. You’re the best. Have I yet to let you down since we’ve been dating when it comes to my surprises for you? No. And, I promise, I won’t this time either. You will love me even more tonight,” he quickly replies, pulling my long hair over to my left side exposing the soft skin on the right side of my neck, and leans in placing a few delicate kiss there.

“Ooh! You’re good. You know exactly how to work me,” I say as I begin walking away.

Stefan yanks my towel off my body, swats my ass cheek, and then calls out, “Correction! I know exactly how to love you.”

“That you do. And, tonight, you can show me just how much,” I tease, looking over my shoulder to pass him a seductive wink, proving my point. I love how we love each other, and how we’ve always shared little winks is just one small way, like our playfulness. It’s our way.

“Deal. Now, go get dressed or I’ll have to jeopardize my very special plans for you. You really don’t want that to happen. Dress for dinner. We’re meeting up with everyone at Charlie’s Crab Shack before hitting a few bars and won’t have time to come back home first.”

I throw him a questioning look, through raised eyebrows, since my curiosity is peaked. He is really killing me with this surprise. I feel butterflies flitting in my stomach in full anticipation.

During our drive, I remember I forgot something I needed to tell him. I reach over, turning down the volume on the stereo. “By the way, I almost forgot. I saw Tucker the other day. I ran into him at the grocery store.”

Stefan seems unaffected, continuing to stare straight ahead, though I know him so well that I can tell he is trying to play it off. “And?”

I reach over and take his hand in my own, “Yeah, he is seeing someone. I think her name is Tania or something like that. She’s a redhead and very pretty. They are engaged. And, they both seem happy together. Well, he seems different; I guess is a better way to term it.”

“How so?” he gives me a side glance but returns his eyes back to the road, a little more relaxed now. I just smile acknowledging the sudden change.
He is
j
ealous.

Passing the thought, I go on, “I don’t know. He was polite, but wasn’t that same Tucker that came back into my life, begging me to take him back. He was totally into her the entire time we spoke, which wasn’t very long. She is very nice. She and I talked more than Tucker and I. I think if the circumstances were different, we might even be friends. Oh well, I just thought you should know I ran into him. I didn’t want you to hear about it, and wonder why I didn’t tell you.”

“Ren, thank you for telling me, but you really didn’t have to. I trust you. I am glad you ran into him. Some guy that used to be part of your past isn’t someone I worry about. He isn’t your present. He isn’t your future. I am.”

He brings my hand up, kissing my palm, and then sucks in my forefinger slowly sliding it out between his lips. “You are mine. No matter what.”

Yes, I am. Stefan may not have reacted the way I would have expected, but the way he did proves he is truly confident in what we share. My heart truly smiles with this realization. We have really come a long way from where we were when we first met or even first started dating.

I smile at him, as he returns my hand, interlocked with his, back to rest upon his right thigh. We continue driving as we say a lot, say hardly anything, and, at times, say nothing at all. Pure contentment. Perfect bliss.

Finally, we arrive.

“The cemetery?” I ask, confused.

“Yes. Just wait. Don’t start judging.” His reminder is obviously one he feels I need. I guess he is right. I do. I am baffled as to why we are here, but need to reserve being assumptive. I honestly was not expecting to pull into the cemetery. I am not sure where I thought we were going, but this was not it.

Pulling over, Stefan parks along the grass by his mother’s gravesite. Instantly, I feel like the biggest ass. I admit, I have grown so accustomed to him giving me attention all of the time, that sometimes, I forget that he needs it from me. I suppose that before he takes me wherever he needs to, he needs this from me first.
Damn! I still have growing to do.

“I’m sorry. I was being selfish. When you pulled in here, I just thought… I’m sorry. I should have known you needed to visit with your mom. You haven’t been here for a while.”

“It’s okay. Even though you have never been here with me when I’ve visited before, I didn’t think you’d mind if we stopped by real quick. Well, except for spying on me. Haha. We’re passing by here on our way to Jade’s. I promise, I won’t be long then we can head over to meet everyone before our early dinner reservations at Charlie’s. Just give me one minute, okay?”

“Of course. Take as long as you need. I’ll just wait here so you can have some quiet time with her. I can always get out next time and visit her with you, or do it when I come alone next week to see Elle for her birthday.”

His fingers slip out of mine, as he leans over placing his lips gently against my forehead. He doesn’t kiss me. He just allows his lips to linger there, breathing me in.

Getting out of the Jeep, Stefan makes his way over to his mom’s grave. I watch him, as his body appears to be wrestling the rise and fall rhythms of breathing. My heart breaks for him. No matter how many times we come here, one of our hearts breaks all over again. I guess losing a loved one will forever remain a tattered piece of your heart. It is never the love you feel for them, even after death. It is about being selfish because you no longer have them with you anymore. The love remains. They do not, well, not physically. They are just now living within the memories you have. Visiting their final resting place is a prominent reminder and stings as fresh as the day of the loss. However, any time you visit with them in the silent recesses of your memories, the sting lessens just enough. It is that joy that warmly reminds you exactly who you were with them when they were alive, and who you have now become since they have been gone.

He is on bent knees. The vibrant rays of the mid-afternoon sun shines through the newly birthed leaves coming to life on the branches of the trees overhead. I watch him, as he appears to be talking to her, as the beams of light radiate upon his black T-shirt. His shoulders are broad, and his leg muscles are protruding from his calves. I admire him. He is so handsome, so sexy and truly one of the most beautiful people I have ever met.

Stefan must notice me observing him. He slightly turns, motioning for me to come to him. I mouth, “You sure?” He smiles and waves me over to him.

I climb from the Jeep, shut the door, and am at his side with my hand on his shoulder, before hardly any time passes. He puts his hand on mine, and we stand together in peace.