Sex Secrets of an American Geisha (4 page)

The Asian Geisha knows that her man is a simple creature who cannot be legislated into treating her well, but rather must be inspired by her personal ity, kindness, beauty, and sexy femininity to treat her well, both sexually and in all other aspects of relationship, love, and marriage.

Your Geisha Consciousness realizes that your man is a lover of the yin and yang differences that, in ancient China, Taoists believed attracted men and women to one another. That is, your man wants to experience and enjoy your great femininity (your yin) in order to boost both his own ego and your sense of his great masculinity (his yang). This attraction between op posites, so well understood by the Asian Geisha, is the key to your attract ing, satisfying, and keeping your man for a lifetime. As an American Geisha, you will embody to him the differences and contrasts between your feminine and his masculine, and you will encourage and support him in the ex pression of his embodiment of the masculine. The geisha (Asian or Ameri can) knows that there is much truth in the old saying “Opposites attract.” Your differences from a man are what attract him to you. Your female char acteristics exert a strong pull on his male characteristics as he experiences a gravitational attraction to you and all you represent of the feminine.

The Asian Geisha knows that she should do all she can to make her man feel more masculine, more of a man. She knows that she wants to be as feminine to him as she can be. The American Geisha, too, loves the con trast—the yin and yang—of the differences between men and women, and knows that a man is highly attracted to a feminine woman who encourages his own strong sense of masculinity. Doesn’t any woman want to be more feminine and have her man feel more masculine? Isn’t there just a little moistness forming in your vagina as you think about the passion generated when your great femininity comes together sexually and emotionally with the confident masculinity you’ve inspired in your man?

The Asian Geisha is seen in Japan and in Korea as being the embodi ment of femininity, an old-fashioned femininity, very much a prefeminism femininity. This is what I believe men seek out in the Asian Geisha: the ap preciation she demonstrates for the power of her own femininity in rela tionship with men, what I call her Geisha Femininity. The Asian Geisha has been compared to a doll by both those who approve and those who disap prove of the geisha tradition. The white face of the maiko, or apprentice geisha, gives her a porcelain, doll-like quality, simple and even childlike in appearance. This is not a sophisticated femininity but a rather exaggerated femininity, especially when combined with the maiko’s very colorful and feminine kimono and shoes. It is this obvious femininity that the male clients want when they ask that a maiko join them at an event or party. They do not seek a more subtle femininity (such as that of the unpainted, full geisha in her simpler kimono) so much as they do the more obvious, youth ful femininity of the maiko, who generally outnumber the Older Sister geisha in attendance at these functions.

As an American Geisha and a feminine-ist, you want to display to ap propriate men your obvious femininity, setting yourself apart from other women who appear to be less feminine than you. Your Good Man is more likely to be attracted to a beautiful and clearly feminine woman than to an other woman who seems less so. The secret for both the Asian Geisha and the American Geisha is to display her femininity in a classy manner. If either the maiko or the American Geisha is seen as unclassy, she loses the respect (and attention) of the very men she wishes to attract.

“Feminine Woman” Fever

The attraction to Asian women can be so strong that some Western men develop an Asian fetish, known as “yellow fever,” which causes an increase in male body temperature and heart rate triggered by some combination of the woman’s great femininity and mysterious Asian looks. I believe it is not so much the Asian appearance of such a woman but rather her overwhelm ing femininity that attracts men to her. When Western or American women use the Asian Geisha’s ways to express their own femininity, they will attract men by triggering “black fever,” “brown fever,” or “white fever” in them. I believe it is fundamentally a “feminine woman fever” that our potential Good Men suffer: the strong, compelling desire to find a truly feminine woman— no matter her ethnicity—to complement their own sense of masculinity. Here’s what a few men told me in my research:

“A feminine woman is someone who is herself, first and foremost. She’s intelligent; can use her eyes to smile, connect, and carry on a conversation; and has poise.”

— Mike

“I think femininity is related to simply the way we as men perceive the woman we are looking at. She has to be slim, sensual, sexy, and exotic. Femininity is also in the way women carry themselves.”

— Carlos

“A woman who is nice-looking and has a very nice body, who knows how to use it and how to dress and act can achieve her wildest dreams and pleasures.”

— Greg

“First, of course, her look, dress, makeup. Second, her way of talking and looking at people. And her smile.”

— Keith

“The thing that makes her sexy is how she holds and presents herself. If she moves and acts in a subtle and flirtatious way, then a man is likely to be very stimulated by her. If she wears clothing that just slightly reveals some of her body and gives a hint of what she hides underneath, then I would consider that to be very sexy.”

— George

These men, it seems to me, are responding to how feminine a women looks: her nice body, her makeup, her smile, her way of talking, how she moves and presents herself, her poise. Of course, beauty and femininity come in all sizes, as does sexiness. Your Geisha Consciousness recognizes the full range of attractiveness in taller or smaller women, younger or older women, thinner or curvier women, stay-at-home moms or corporate-ori ented career women. Geisha Consciousness is available to all women. We can all be more beautiful, feminine, and sexy, no matter what unique combina tion of body type, psychology, and lifestyle choices we embody. The woman (you!) who goes out into the dating world must represent her true self, who she really is, or else nothing will work out very well in the long run. Your Geisha Consciousness knows that you must be your authentic self, who you really are at your core, as you apply your Older Sister’s advice in terms of your appearance, your beauty, your fashion style, your sexuality, and your behavior toward men. In fact, your cool, assured, and comfortable relation ship with your real self is, in itself, very feminine and sexy to the Good Men that you’ll meet.

Femininity Defined

I need to spend a little time here, early in our journey, to clarify an Ameri can Geisha’s definition of femininity. In reading this book so far, you have encountered some version of the word “feminine” seventy-four times al ready. So let’s see exactly what that wonderful word means.

For the American Geisha, “feminine” most represents those qualities in women that are in contrast to the very different qualities that we refer to in men as “masculine.” The human body is, first and foremost, the physical manifestation of either yin (female) or yang (male) energies. Men’s bodies are angular, built for speed and strength. They are designed to be aggressive, to hunt and pursue, to protect and provide. The hormone testosterone that courses so strongly through a man’s blood vessels provides him with a chemistry that differs greatly from a woman’s (though we women, too, have very small amounts of testosterone in our systems). Men are yang.

Women’s bodies are softer, contoured to comfort and nurture. We are yin. The hormone estrogen dominates our blood chemistry (although men have a very small amount of estrogen in their bodies). In her 2006 book, The Female Brain, neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine, M.D., takes these dif ferences beyond the bloodstream. In an interview she said, “I know it’s not politically correct to say this. . . . But I believe that women actually perceive the world differently than men. If women attend to those differences, they can make better decisions about how to manage their lives.”1 The American Geisha knows intuitively that the brains of men and women sense the world—including relationships—differently. Isn’t this psychological difference obvious to you, dear Younger Sister?

The Asian Geisha recognizes the power of her receptivity and her nur turing tranquility. She develops these qualities into mysteriousness and elu siveness, which inspire in her male clients a sense of chase. In doing this, she taps into the fundamental vein of masculinity: a testosterone-charged ag gression. She makes men hunt her. The Asian Geisha is very aware of her yin versus the male yang.

So, too, should you, dear Younger Sister, embrace your yin. By making yourself explicitly aware of your natural femininity, you will appeal to men’s natural masculinity, and you will facilitate and encourage the bringing to gether of these two powerful physical and psychological energies into a wonderful relationship with your Good Man.

A Quick but Important Caution

You can only present yourself in this totally feminine way when you are dealing with what I call a “Good Man.” In Chapter 7, I define the basic characteristics that make a man a “Good Man” as opposed to an inappro priate (though not necessarily “bad”) man for you either to date or to marry. In your Geisha Consciousness you are too soft, open, trusting, and vulnerable to be in relationship with anyone who is not a Good Man, be cause a nongood man could take advantage of you, hurt you, and waste your precious time. When you are dealing with a Good Man, however, your femininity operates in safety as it supports his protective masculine expres sion.

Until you determine that a man is, in fact, a Good Man, keep your feminist guard on alert; only interact with him more fully from your femi nine-ist self after he has proven himself to you to be a Good Man. (If you are particularly curious about the definition of a Good Man, perhaps be cause you feel you’ve too often gotten involved with men who are not right for you, you may want to skip ahead and read Chapter 7, “Define Your ‘Good Man,’ ” before learning more in this chapter about developing your Geisha Consciousness.)

Finding a Good Man will be so good for you, as it has been for me. You will get to express your deepest feminine qualities to your Good Man, who, responding to your powerful femaleness, will bring his inspired masculinity to your love relationship and marriage.

Embrace Your Geisha Consciousness

As your Older Sister I will lead you into many areas of your femininity. In Chapter 3, I suggest many ways to increase the expression of your beauty and femininity. I want you to embrace the Asian Geisha attitude, to inter nalize the geisha mindset, to focus with total enthusiasm and sincerity on bringing to your love life a Geisha Consciousness.

All of my suggestions or secrets will support you in being the essence of femaleness to him so you can support him in being the essence of male ness to you. Whew! I’m getting hot just thinking about the chemistry of such feminine and masculine essences coming together in a love relationship between two good people, you as a Good Woman and your Good Man. I want you to get hot and excited, too. Let your imagination run wild; see yourself forever in love with and married to a wonderful, masculine man who brings out your deepest feminine qualities. Imagine the intensity and joy not just of the sex, but also of living life together with this fantastic man who thinks of you as the most feminine, fantastic woman he’s ever known.

No Manipulation: Tell Your Good Man
What You Are Doing

Let your Good Man know that you are learning about and developing your Geisha Consciousness especially for him, so that you can make him happier and happier, both in bed and out. Let him know that his goodness to you and his expression of his caring masculinity inspire you to learn the myste rious ways of the Asian Geisha, so that you can bring him even more of the feminine secrets of love.

Always give him full credit for inspiring you to your greater Geisha Consciousness. Let him know that it is not just your natural way to be so hot and sexy and feminine, but also the influence of finally finding a truly Good Man that has brought out all of your latent femininity and sexuality. Only with him are you so free, so trusting, so feminine, so sexual, so unin hibited.

Tell him, and then show him, that the deeper and more committed your relationship becomes, the more you will feel a growing commitment to his happiness, both sexual and otherwise. If you are already in a committed re lationship (but not yet engaged or married), it is especially important to let this Good Man know that many more and greater pleasures lie ahead as your relationship deepens into greater commitment. If you are already mar ried, let your Good Man husband know that your love for him, and his for you, inspire you to do all you can to make him as happy as possible.