Sex Secrets of an American Geisha (2 page)

Important Note

The material in this book is intended to provide a review of information regarding relationships and sexuality. Every effort has been made to provide accurate and dependable information. The publisher, author, and editors, as well as others quoted in the book, cannot be held responsible for any error, omission, or dated material. The author and publisher assume no responsibility for any outcome of applying the information in this book in a program of self-care or under the care of a licensed practitioner. If you have questions concerning your sexual health, or about the application of the information described in this book, consult a qualified professional.

A Few Words

Before We Get

Started

Sex Secrets of an American Geisha
is about discovering and experiencing your beauty, femininity, and sexuality while on a journey to love and marriage with a Good Man. The journey starts
today,
as you read right now. This book offers you the practical, realistic, sometimes outrageous, hot, and sexy secrets of the Far East. I pass these secrets on to you in my role of bringing Asian Geisha relationship wisdom to the women of America. I’ll be your American Geisha “Older Sister” as you, my dear “Younger Sister,” learn to develop a Geisha Consciousness toward what I call your “Good Man.” In using these American Geisha secrets to marry your Good Man within twelve to eighteen months, you will yourself become an American Geisha.

M
y mind said, “I am hot and sexy. And wet.”But I worried about expressing this to men because I was not expected to speak or even to think this way since I am an Asian woman. I am supposed to be shy, demure, not sexually assertive. The stereotype of the Asian woman didn’t encourage me to talk about my sexual excitement and desires; I have been taught since birth to say what other people expect and want to hear.

Growing up as an Asian woman I found no encouragement to explore my femininity or sexuality. Not only were my parents conservative, but with seven older brothers and sisters living in a cramped home in Seoul, Korea, I had no privacy and thus no sex life beyond a few unfulfilling moments of sexual self-exploration stolen while in the shower or hiding under the sheet. Even though my family eventually emigrated to Los Angeles, I was expected to live at home until I married.

I have not always been a feminine, hot, sexy Asian woman. I had to learn to be feminine, hot, and sexy. The movie
9½ Weeks
awakened my sexu ality. It was February 1986. I was twenty-three years old and practically a virgin; I had never had an orgasm with intercourse. In a dark, sold out the ater in Hollywood, I got wet watching the movie. I dreamed of having a sexual relationship with a man, even if only for nine or ten weeks. I wrote in my journal, “The most motivation to live is to have an orgasm for one full minute. All that I do is preparing and struggling to get the ultimate plea sure, an orgasm.” I used several scenes from the movie for inspiration during my infrequent and secretive (because I still lived with my family) masturba tion sessions.

Despite the movie, I didn’t know for many years what a sexual animal I was. I was always a bit of a rebel, so while still unmarried I ultimately moved out of my family home in the Koreatown section of Los Angeles. But I did not make that move until I was thirty-four (!), when I got a full time teaching job. I was much too late in learning about my physical body and what pleasured it. Once I had the privacy of my own apartment, how ever, I found that my animal sexual instincts were quite strong. Later, I had to learn to express my sexual self to my boyfriend (who became my hus band). Then, in order to write this book, I had to find a way to fully express myself to you, showing you the real me with no holding back, no political correctness, no self-censorship. Some of my language choices and descrip tions of sexual situations in this book are as frank and raw as I think neces sary to convey my thoughts to you. I hope you’ll find that they are natural choices in the context of the subjects being discussed.

In my twenties and early thirties, I had a bit of a feminist attitude: I’m a nice, good person, I thought, and it doesn’t matter what I
look
like; I’ll find a man on my terms. But the truth was that I was desperate to be able to
think
I was in a relationship with a man, any man. Being without a man was un thinkable for me, leaving me no meaningful life. Again and again I chased after men. I was not shy or quiet. I approached men, initiated contact, and pursued them. I carried too many extra pounds on my four-foot-nine-inch frame. I paid little attention to my makeup, hair, or clothes. I had always thought that my best quality was my niceness, and that once I had forced myself on a man he would discount my obesity, my lack of fashion sense, my acne, and my tomboyish ways. If the American Geisha is a perfect ex ample of “being” receptive, I was the perfect example of “doing” things wrongly. I often bought meals, gifts, and even flowers for men; I pushed my self on each of them. A man would fall in love with my niceness, marry me, and we’d start a family, I fantasized.

Of course, I was totally wrong, and this fantasy of mine never came true because roughly twenty men ran from me, avoided me, showed no in terest in me whatsoever. I was willing to put up with anything just to avoid being alone. But none of those men ever cared to get close enough to dis cover my niceness.

Why I Wrote This Book

At age thirty-five I had a bad breakup with my boyfriend of five years. I fi nally decided to do something about my situation: unmarried, with no prospects of marriage. So I did. I bought just about any and every dating book I could find. I felt that I didn’t have time for much trial and error. I needed some spectacular ideas that would work for my personality, my character, and my Asian cultural ways, ideas that would be comfortable for me to use in pursuit of the right man for me. Out of my experience, the books I read, and the research I did, I created my own approach—what I now call my Geisha Consciousness—to find the best man for me, including eventually losing forty pounds. It would take me the next twenty-one months to meet, date, and marry the man I call my “Good Man,” the right man for me. I was slowed along the way by many mistakes. My own Geisha Consciousness developed very gradually.

I wrote this book because I wanted to save other women from the mis takes I made and the lost time I suffered. (I don’t want women to have to endure the loneliness, unhappiness, and ugly-duckling stage I went through.) After I married, my girlfriends asked my advice on how to find and attract men and how to identify a “Good Man” among those they met and dated. My girlfriends’ need for suggestions led me to think about other women: Couldn’t
all
women adapt my Asian Geisha secrets while searching for their Good Men? If I had taken advantage of Asian Geisha ways and had become what I now think of as the first American Geisha, couldn’t I help
all
American women to develop a Geisha Consciousness, to develop their beauty and femininity? Couldn’t I help any American woman become an American Geisha, a new, powerful, and feminine type of woman in search of the right man for her?

The Beginnings of an Idea

Arthur Golden’s 1997 book,
Memoirs of a Geisha,
and the 2005 movie it in spired, teased non-Asian women, making them curious about the beauty se crets and powerfully attractive qualities of geisha, of Japanese women, and perhaps of Asian women in general.

Many Japanese-inspired fashion and beauty products were introduced immediately before the movie reached the theaters. Coach offered a Japan ese silk-and-mink kimono hobo bag. Cole Haan featured stiletto boots cov ered in antique Japanese silk. Banana Republic launched a limited-edition holiday collection inspired by the movie’s wardrobe, including a silk floral kimono sash-tie top, a quilted geisha bag, an Asian-style tassel necklace, and a satin kimono dress. Facial and body creams featured cherry-blossom themed packaging and the same image of the movie’s star, Zhang Ziyi, that graced billboards, newspaper ads, and even the cover of a special edition of the book.

In late 2005 American women heard a lot about the Japanese geisha. Yet what relevance could the geisha have for American women beyond a book to read, a movie to watch, and some expensive boots to wear? My in vestigation into the history of the geisha in both Japan and Korea, com bined with my research with over four hundred Asian and American single women and men, convinced me that the Asian Geisha (my term for the blending of the Japanese
geisha
and the Korean
kisaeng)
offers many lessons for American women who want to be married, soon, to their Good Men. The golden age of the Japanese geisha and her attitude toward men dates from 1841, when she was accorded by law the status of “entertainer” or “artist.” I have adapted Asian Geisha practices somewhat to fit twenty-first century Western/American culture while continuing to emphasize the geisha’s performance or entertainment skills. In particular, I have upheld the concept of the Asian Geisha as embodying the archetypes of beauty and femininity.

Why You Should Read and Use This Book

I believe you are a feminine, hot, and sexy lady,
right now
. But perhaps, like me, you have not been in touch with or expressed this side of yourself very well. You can, though. We all can be American Geisha. All of us have the potential to be beautiful, feminine lovers and wives who will attract, satisfy, and keep our men in love with us forever. The goal of this book is not just to help you become more feminine and sexy in order to get married, but to go beyond that and help you both keep your husband happy and be a happy wife, forever.

In Japan the experienced geisha pairs with a geisha in training through a ritual that bonds them as Older Sister and Younger Sister. As the first American Geisha I want to bond to you as your Older Sister, dear reader and Younger Sister, and help you learn the ways of the Asian Geisha so that you, too, may become an American Geisha.

I will explore the feminine and sexy secrets of the East from what I call a Geisha Consciousness, an awareness of how important a woman’s beauty, femininity, and sexuality are to a happy relationship with her man. I will give you honest and clear advice that I have learned from my research and study and also from my husband, who has helped me to be a more feminine woman. As you read and practice the secrets of this book, you will become, more and more, an American Geisha, an incredibly feminine, sexy woman who will attract, satisfy, and keep her Good Man.