Secrets (10 page)

Ellie felt awkward. He looked good too, in clean jeans and a black T-shirt, but she didn’t dare say anything. For a moment she felt as if she had never been in a room with him in her life. She didn’t know what to do or what to say. All she could think about was the way his hair was curling at the nape of his neck and the way he moved with easy grace, just as he rode.

“Well, don’t just stand there. Help me dish this out,” said Luke, glancing around at her. “I’m starving!” His words brought Ellie back to reality. She went to the table and started to help him take the lids off everything. As the delicious smell wafted up, she realized how hungry she was. He’d bought crispy duck and spring rolls, spare ribs and several other dishes, as well as two pairs of chopsticks.

“Is it just for us?” said Ellie.

“Yeah, Len’s eating at the pub and Helen’s gone out with Cara.”

Cara was one of Len’s other clients, who had also arrived that day.

“What about Anna?” said Ellie, wondering if the dark-haired girl would call in.

“She’s out with her parents tonight. Some posh restaurant. They asked me to go, but I just said I was busy. I’d far rather have this with you.”

Ellie felt touched. He put some music on.

“So her parents know you’re going out together now?” Ellie questioned. At first, Len had forbidden Luke to see Anna Hallett in case Jeff was annoyed—not that his words had any effect. Banning Luke from doing anything, Ellie thought, was about as pointless as trying to stop the sun coming up in the morning.

“Yeah, she told them last week. They’re OK about it,” said Luke.

“You’d better not upset her, though,” said Ellie, knowing how protective Jeff Hallett was about his daughter.

“Come on, let’s eat,” said Luke, changing the subject.

Luke had an enormous appetite, and as he wolfed up the food he talked about the horses and the classes that had been on that day.

Ellie found herself relaxing, drawn into the familiar conversation. They could both talk about horses without stopping and they did until all the food was gone, then they ended up sitting on the sofa together, drinking coffee and watching a video that Luke had taken on his phone of Ellie riding Milly in the show hunter pony class.

She glanced at him, “You should have been there in the afternoon too, taken some video of Picasso.” She nudged him half accusingly.

“I know.” He pushed a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I should have been there for Picasso’s class. I was a dick.” His lips curved into a hopeful smile, looking for a moment almost like a little boy. “Have you forgiven me?”

“Hmm … almost.”

His grin broadened. “You know, throwing my breeches in the trash was pretty extreme, though. I had to buy new ones today.”

She grinned too. “I was mad at you.”

He chuckled. “Only you could do that, Ellie. The others thought it was the best thing ever.” He put the phone down and turned to look at her. As their eyes met, Ellie felt as though she had just missed a step.

Neither of them looked away. His blue gaze seemed to draw her in, stopping her breathing.

Very slowly, he reached out and stroked her hair. She swallowed, frozen to the seat. She saw warmth flit through his eyes, then he cupped his hand around the back of her head and leaned in to kiss her. Her brain felt as if it had shut down. All she knew was that she wanted to kiss him more than she wanted anything else in the world at that moment. Her lips lifted to meet his.

He kissed her gently, first her top lip, then the bottom one, before he drew back slightly. But she didn’t want the space. She wanted him close, kissing her again. Her own arms reached up and curled around his neck, and then he was kissing her properly.

They pulled each other closer and closer, lips exploring, hands in each other’s hair. Ellie couldn’t think about anything else. Finally, they stopped and drew back. Her heart was racing so fast she thought it would burst. She saw the heat in his eyes.

“We can’t.” Her voice was a whisper. “What about Anna?”

She saw the heat cool and sense return to him. He looked at her for a moment, as if he was waking up from a dream, then he abruptly stood up and walked over to the sink, his back to her. She could see the tension in his shoulders and neck.

“Luke?” she whispered tentatively.

He cleared his throat. “I … I think we should call it a night. We’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”

Ellie swallowed but nodded. “Yeah.” She was feeling confused enough as it was. “I’ll see you in the morning,” she said, jumping to her feet.

“Yeah.” He still didn’t quite look at her. “See you, Ellie.”

She left the trailer, shutting the door behind her. The evening was cooler now and the breeze whispered across her hot skin. She walked in a daze to her tent and got ready for bed. When she finally lay down in her sleeping bag, she wondered what Luke was doing. What was he thinking?

She’d kissed a few boys, but it had never felt the way it had just now with Luke. It had been like being swept away, out of control, unable to stop. She’d wanted him to go on and on … Color rushed into her cheeks.

“Oh no,” she groaned, rolling over and burying her hot face in her hands. Falling in love with Luke would never be a good plan, she knew that. For a start, he was going out with Anna, and second, he had made it only too clear he had no interest in a serious relationship.

“Don’t fall in love with him, just don’t,” Ellie pleaded with herself. But as she lay there, she had the horrible feeling that it was already too late.

Chapter Ten

WHEN ELLIE WOKE UP
the next morning, the evening before came flashing back. Feeling nervous, she pulled on her clothes and went to the stables.

Luke was tacking up Troy to work him in for the first working hunter class.

“Hi,” Ellie said, her lips feeling suddenly dry.

“Hi.” He gave her a brief smile and then busied himself with the saddle.

Ellie hesitated by the stall door, wanting to say something about the night before, but not knowing where to start. The silence stretched between them.

Luke broke it. “I’ve got to bring Troy out now. Can you start on Rosie? And then when Helen comes she can do Henry. His class is after Rosie’s, at about nine o’clock.”

“Sure,” Ellie said, half relieved by the normality of what he was saying, but also feeling slightly let down. Something had happened last night; something that had left her feeling the world wasn’t quite the same.

She told herself to just get on with things. It was easy enough to do. All their horses entered that day had morning classes and the other horses who’d arrived the day before, like Lucifer and Gabriel, needed attention.

Anna arrived from her hotel just in time to see Luke jumping in the lightweight working hunter class with Troy. Luke was back to his best, his face utterly focused as he galloped the big bay around the course, producing a thundering clear. When he came out after doing an impressive individual show, he jumped off. Before Ellie could go over and congratulate him, Anna was at his side, putting her arms around him and kissing him. Ellie caught Luke’s eye over Anna’s shoulder. Emotion stabbed down inside her. She wasn’t sure if it was guilt for what she’d done the night before, or jealousy or a mixture of both.

She hastily left the working hunter ring and returned to the stables. Helen was there mucking out. She didn’t need much persuading to take Ellie’s place at the ringside. Ellie busied herself in the stalls, but as she forked straw into the wheelbarrow she couldn’t stop picturing Anna kissing Luke.

She knew she should never have kissed him the night before. He was going out with someone else. OK, he was the one who had been unfaithful, but she shouldn’t have gone along with it.

And yet even as she thought that, a bit of her wondered if maybe he would finish with Anna and ask her out instead. What would she say?
Yes!
The answer leaped inside her before she could stop it.

A little while later, Luke appeared. “I was wondering where you’d got to,” he said as he put Troy away.

“I thought I’d give Helen a break from the mucking out. How did you do in the class in the end?”

Luke bolted Troy’s door and came to the doorway, showing her a red rosette. “Second.”

“That’s brilliant!” Ellie exclaimed, stepping forward automatically to hug him but then stopping herself. She paused, the night before looming between them.

Luke saw her hesitation and took a breath. “Um, Ellie … last night …”

“Yes?” Even she could hear the eagerness in her voice. She cursed herself. Why couldn’t she just play it cool?

He bit his lip. “It shouldn’t have happened. I’m sorry.”

His words fell on her like a blow. “Oh.” She didn’t know what else to say.

He looked at the floor. “It was stupid of me. It was just the moment. I’m way too old for you.”

“You’re only three years older than me!” she protested.

“Three and a half.” His tone softened as he looked at her. “And it’s not just that. I’m not the right person for you, Ellie. I care about you, I really do, and I don’t want to hurt you or mess things up. Let’s just stay friends, OK? It’ll be best that way.”

She gave the smallest of nods. It hurt to speak. “’K.” The sound was barely a whisper. She stared at the straw in the barrow, willing him to leave.

To her relief, he turned and walked away.

Ellie felt a lump in her throat.
I’m not going to cry over Luke, I’m not!
she thought, blinking.

Picking up the fork, she began to put straw into the barrow again, moving automatically, trying not to dwell on what had just happened and what Luke had just said.

The rest of the show passed miserably for Ellie. She knew Luke’s words made sense—he was useless at relationships, and she’d only be hurt—but she couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss. It had felt so right to her. If he hadn’t been with Anna, maybe she would have said something more to him, tried to make him reconsider, but half the time when she saw Luke he was with the glamorous dark-haired girl, laughing, joking with her and kissing her.

Ellie knew she could never compare to Anna. She felt a longing to go home and see Spirit. Each day the walk up the hill to the stables seemed to be steeper, the ground dustier, the queuing at the shower blocks and toilets more frustrating. She just wanted the show to be over. She tried to smile when the team had wins, but she went to bed early every night to avoid seeing Anna and Luke partying together.

Saturday was the worst day when Anna rode Lucifer in the small hack class. He won his class and took the Supreme Hack Championship, leading to Jeff Hallett cracking open the champagne and offering to take all the team out for a meal at a nearby expensive restaurant. Ellie excused herself, volunteering to stay with the horses, but she still had to watch Anna and Luke kissing as they celebrated with the champagne. She lay in her tent afterwards, wishing and wishing that she was back at home.

At long last, Ellie got her desire. The show was finally over. She’d taken part in the Supreme Ridden Pony Championship although Picasso hadn’t been placed, the trailers were packed up and they were on the road, heading north again. To her relief, Luke had chosen to sit in the cab with Len. Helen had gone straight to sleep in the bed over the horses. Ellie shut her eyes. All she could think about was seeing Spirit. She would feel better when she was with him. She knew she would.

It was midnight by the time she had the chance. She’d gone into the house with Len and Luke, but once they’d gone upstairs she slipped back out again with a torch. She didn’t think she had ever felt more tired as she walked across the yard, her whole body aching, her heart joining in.

Breathing in the heavy smell of honeysuckle hanging in the air, she headed between the hedges that led to the fields. The stars shone out brightly in the velvet sky. She half ran up to Spirit’s field, calling him in her mind. She heard his whinny and saw him canter through the darkness towards her. He stopped beside her, his coat as pale as the moon overhead.

Ellie felt unhappiness overwhelm her. Putting her arms around his neck, she burst into tears. He nuzzled her shoulder. Without her having to do anything, he saw the pictures in her head of everything that had happened that week—the joy, the unhappiness.

It’s all right. You’re back again now.

Ellie buried her face in his silky mane, feeling the comfort coming from him. She let her breath go.
I’ve missed you so much, Spirit. I really have.

I know. I’ve missed you.

Her tears slowly dried.
Oh, Spirit, I wish you were still alive. I wish you could still come to shows with me just like you used to.

You have Hope now. One day she will go to shows.

It won’t be the same as you coming
, Ellie replied. There was a silence.

Have you been to see her yet?

Not really
, Ellie admitted. She’d looked quickly over Hope’s door when she’d been putting the horses away. The foal had been lying down. Ellie hadn’t gone into her stall. She’d really just wanted to get the horses sorted and Len and Luke inside, so she could run to see Spirit as soon as possible.

She’ll want to see you. She’ll have missed you too.

Ellie felt a bit guilty and swiftly changed the subject
. What have you been doing while I was away? Where have you been?

A picture of the beach and the sea filled her mind again. Spirit was standing on the sand and staring out across the water. Was it her imagination or was the pull from the land on the other side stronger than last time he had shown her the image? She frowned as she sensed another emotion coming from him as he stood there on the beach. What was it?

You feel lonely?

Yes.
Spirit sent her a memory of himself grazing in the fields with the other horses before he died.
I miss them. I miss being around other horses.

Ellie stroked his neck not knowing quite what to say. She had never thought about Spirit missing the other horses, but of course he would. When he’d been alive, he’d loved nothing more than being out in the field with his friends
. Can’t you be with the horses in the field now? Can’t you join them?