Secret for a Nightingale (30 page)

We repeated that we should be delighted.

We were dismissed and when we were out of hearing Henrietta looked at me.

“Well, there’s a surprise,” she said. There was mischief in her eyes.

“What excitement! We are going to see an Englishman. And a highly thought of one! Fancy! A little masculine society will not be unwelcome.”

“But you have Dr. Bruckner and Dr. Kratz.”

Henrietta shrugged her shoulders.

“You may keep them.”

Thanks, but I’d rather not. You are very frivolous, Henrietta. But wait and see what this Dr. Fenwick is like before you start seeing him as the hero of your dreams. “

“I have a feeling that he is going to be handsome, charming and just what I need to enliven my days.”

“We shall see,” I said.

True to his word, Klaus produced what he called ‘the fairings’ in good time and we were delighted by the transaction.

We were busy with our tickets and numbers, and a week before Christmas the trees were put into the ward and we decorated them with candles.

The gifts were laid out and there was a good deal of enthusiasm in the ward. I was sure the idea was going to be a success.

And then Dr. Charles Fenwick arrived.

Henrietta’s premonition proved to be correct. If he was not exactly handsome, he was good-looking and certainly charming; he must have been about thirty and there was an earnestness about him which implied that he was dedicated to his work. When Henrietta and I received him, he was delighted to find two Englishwomen installed in the place, and our common nationality meant that friendship sprang up immediately.

Henrietta said it was blissful to have someone to talk to in English, and when I raised my eyebrows she added: “I mean of the masculine gender.”

He asked a great many questions about everything and he thought our Christmas plan was an excellent one. He spent a lot of time with Dr. Bruckner and Dr. Kratz, and each day went round the ward with them. He wanted to know the details of every case and the doctors compared notes; it was clear that Dr. Fenwick had a great respect for the methods employed at Kaiserwald.

He did walk with us once or twice in the forest. He thought the scenery enchanting and said he was sorry his visit would not be of long duration. He might stay six weeks at the most.

He smiled at us both as though to imply that we should be

one of the reasons perhaps the main one for his regrets.

But I told him that we ourselves would be leaving in a month or so. We had been allowed to come for three months and that time was drawing to a close. It was only due to Henrietta’s connection with Miss Nightingale that we had been given permission to come at all.

“I see,” said Dr. Fenwick, ‘that they would not have expected ladies like you two to be of much use. How wrong they were! But I suppose neither of you had had any experience of nursing before. “

“None at all,” I told him.

“But Anna has a feel for the work,” said Henrietta.

“Even H.D. has noticed it and given grudging approval.”

“I realized that at once.”

He talked about the appalling conditions of hospitals throughout the world and to our shame our own country was no exception but fortunately there were places like Kaiserswerth and its subsidiaries and attempts were being made there to improve matters. He spoke of the patients, discussing their symptoms with us as Dr. Bruckner and Dr. Kratz never had, and when he went on to speak of home, I could see that he was anxious about the way events were moving.

“Is Russia still at war with Turkey?” I asked.

“We heard of it just before we left England.”

“It is rather alarming,” he said.

“When that sort of thing starts, one never knows where it will spread to. For a long time Russia has coveted the riches of Constantinople and the Sultan.”

“Thank Heaven it is all happening far from home,” said Henrietta.

Dr. Fenwick looked at her seriously.

“Wars have a habit of involving those who are far away.”

“You don’t think we shall be involved in all this nonsense?”

“I wish I could say no with conviction, but we cannot allow Russia to become too powerful. Besides, we are under obligation to the Turks.

The Prime Minister is against war. “

“Do you mean that we … in England … could be at war?”

“If the situation develops, yes. Palmerston is all for war, and the people are behind him. I don’t really like the look of things. People glorify war. To the man in the street, safely at home, it is all flag-waving and patriotic songs. It is a little different for the poor soldier. The sights I have seen … wounded … dead …”

“This is a very sombre conversation with Christmas just round the corner,” said Henrietta.

“Forgive me. I get carried away.”

He laughed, and we talked about the Christmas revelries and whether I was going to make H.

D.

agree that I was right.

But I felt uneasy.

However, that was all far away and here we were . Christmas time in the heart of the forest and mountains. It would be a Christmas quite different from anything we had known before.

I woke on the day with a tingling sense of excitement. There was no time to luxuriate in bed. It was five o’clock time to rise.

I looked across at Henrietta; she was fast asleep. I got out of bed and went to her. She looked very pretty with her curling hair in disarray so innocent, childlike almost. A wave of tenderness swept over me when I thought of all the hardships she had endured and how different her life was now from what it would have been had she married Lord Carlton. Yet she appeared to have no regrets. She talked a great deal about freedom. I understood, of course. I myself had the same respect for it.

“Wake up,” I said.

“And happy Christmas.”

She opened her eyes slowly and looked at me.

“Oh, leave me alone,” she wailed.

“I was having such a beautiful dream. I was in the forest and a wicked old troll came running after me. A handsome knight came riding by and was just about to rescue me. Guess who?”

“Could it possibly have been Dr. Charles Fenwick?”

She shook her head.

“Nothing so predictable … and really far more exciting. He wore a mask over his face and when he took it off, there he was black-haired, black-eyed, entirely

wicked . our Demon Doctor. It was so maddening to be awakened just at that moment. I wanted to know what was going to happen next. You know, Anna, we have been rather forgetful of The Project all these weeks. I don’t think you have given any thought to anything but that Christmas tree. “

“It has taken a certain amount of planning, and then we have our other more arduous duties.”

“Oh, why didn’t you let me stay there in the forest with our Demon?”

“Come on. We’ll be late for breakfast.”

What a day it was! It stands out in my memory for ever. I was amazed what a transformation those Christmas trees made to the ward. Those who were well enough talked excitedly to each other and for days there had been a buzz of anticipation.

And now . Christmas Day! I thought of the festive season in India when the English community there were so anxious to make what they called an English Christmas. But how could they do that? It never seemed to be right somehow. The traditional Christmases I had known had been at the rectory, with the children’s party in the church hall and the carol singers coming round, standing at the gates, bearing lanterns, singing the carols we knew, out of tune perhaps, but that did not matter; and the services in church with the choir boys proclaiming in innocent, impersonal voices the glory of Christ’s birth, but in a way which betrayed that their thoughts were far away, and they were all the more moving because of that. Goose . and Christmas pudding brought to the table in a coating of brandy flames.

And Grace’s homemade wine and the services in church. These were the Christmases I remembered; the Christmases at the Minster, with the knowledge that Aubrey and I were growing farther and farther apart;

Christmases with Julian the crib I had put in the nursery and the little baby Jesus who was to be slipped into it on Christmas Day, as I told myself that the next year he would understand what it was all about. But there was not to be a next year for him.

Christmas was a time for remembrance, and I had a feeling that this was going to be one which I should remember forever.

The excitement of the present-giving was all I had anticipated. Dr. Fenwick picked the numbers; Henrietta picked the names; and I found the present and took it to the patient for whom it was intended.

It was amazing how much pleasure these little gifts gave. It was not so much the handkerchief or the fan or the little jars and boxes; it was the spirit of Christmas; the fact that there was a day set apart from the others.

The presentation had taken place after the midday meal, and we gave a little concert if that was not too grand a name to put to it. One of the nurses played the recorder, and Dr. Kratz gave a performance on the violin. Henrietta, who had quite a pretty voice, sang.

I was deeply moved to watch her. She sang a variety of songs the old English ones which the patients could not have understood, but they loved them. It was all spontaneous and her choice was wide. We had The Vicar of Bray followed by Annie Laurie, Come, Lasses and Lads, followed by Early One Morning. She conveyed the exuberance of the country people so vividly that although they could not understand the words, they were aware of the sentiments expressed. With her fair curly hair looser about her face than she normally wore it for working the wards, she looked beautiful.

I noticed Dr. Fenwick watching her as she sang and I thought:

I believe he is falling in love with her.

It seemed to me so very natural that a man should fall in love with Henrietta.

The Christmas venture was as no one could deny an outstanding success, and with the honesty of the strong, the Head Deaconess did not attempt to do so. Others might have carped a little. It could have been said that some of the patients were overtired or that it had been disturbing for those who were very ill; but it was not. The advantages had far outweighed the disadvantages.

The Head Deaconess called Henrietta and me to her study and said: “It was very commendable. The doctors have nothing

but praise. You both worked very hard, and did not neglect your other duties. “

“Who could believe it!” said Henrietta as we left her.

“Do you know, I think she almost smiled. She could not quite achieve such a tremendous undertaking, but I could see it was beginning to break out.”

“At least, she did admit it was a success.”

“She had to. It was obvious, wasn’t it?”

We lived in the glow of that success for several days and then it was the New Year.

“In a short time,” I reminded Henrietta, ‘we shall be leaving. “

“Shall you be sorry?”

“I don’t think so. It has been interesting. I feel I have learned a lot. I feel experienced … and it has been wonderful, but I should not want to spend my life here, would you?”

“It would be rather dull without Dr. Fenwick.”

I looked at her sharply.

“Well,” she said, ‘wouldn’t it be? “

“Of course.”

“He’s like a breath of home. It’s nice to have someone who sees our jokes … someone one can talk to naturally. You know what I mean.”

“I do.”

“He has a great admiration for you.”

“And for you, I think.”

She shrugged her shoulders.

“He really thinks there is some thing special about you. He says you should not be doing the humble tasks in nursing. You should be in charge, organizing … Oh yes, you have impressed him very much.”

“I think you have, too.”

“Two Englishwomen, obviously used to a little comfort coming out to a place like this. Of course, I didn’t tell him it was all part of a grand scheme and that in the guise of nurses we are sleuths on the track of a monster.”

“I’m glad you didn’t. He would have thought we were mad.”

She laughed and I wondered if she reciprocated the doctor’s feelings for her.

It was cold and there was snow on the mountains. We were told later that it could be heavy. Preparations were made in Kaiserwald as though for a siege. One of the nurses told me that we could wake up one morning to find the snow piled high, shutting us in. Last year, for three weeks, they had been unable to get out of the hospital. We had to be prepared for such things.

Henrietta and I were to leave in February. I knew that I should miss the place, but I did want to move on. There was no doubt in my mind that the change of scene, the sense of achieving a few steps towards my goal, had soothed my sorrow. But it was still there, ready to envelope me at any moment.

Charles Fenwick said that, if we agreed, he would arrange to travel back to England with us. Henrietta was delighted at the idea.

“Does that mean you will have to extend your stay here?” I asked.

“A little, perhaps, but I have spoken to the Head Deaconess and she is quite agreeable. She thinks you two ladies should have an escort and it would be unseemly for you to travel across Europe unattended.”

“We did come out alone.”

“Yes, but that rather shocked her. She will be pleased to allow me to remain until your departure which, I believe, is to take place at the beginning of February.”

So it was agreed.

The days took on a new quality because they were numbered. We savoured each one. I had proved without doubt that I had a talent for nursing;

even the Head Deaconess recognized this and treated me with a respect she did not show to Henrietta or even to her trained nurses.

I had several talks with Dr. Fenwick in fact he seemed to talk with me more than with Henrietta. With me he discussed the patients’ illnesses, how best to treat them; he told me how frustrated he felt, how ignorant of causes; and how alarming it was to have to work in the dark, so often experimenting, as it were.

“But we have to find out,” he said.