Second Chances (18 page)

I was woken up by Lily jumping on
my bed. “
Zoey
wake up.
Zoey
!
I want to go swimming…will you take me please?” I sat up and she just looked at
me and then backed out of the room slowly. About five minutes passed before my
mom appeared in my doorway with her arms crossed. “Honey, do you want to talk
about it?” I could tell by the look on her face she already had been informed.
Three people flashed through my mind…Sophia, her mom or Luke. I just rolled
over to face the wall putting my back to her pulling the covers back over me. I
heard my door shut but when I looked she was not in the room she actually was
going to leave me alone.

When I woke back up I drug myself
out of bed and went downstairs to find a note from my mom saying that she took
Lily to the beach. I looked at the clock it was after two in the afternoon. I
changed into some shorts and walking shoes and wondered out the door for a walk
leaving my phone at home. I hadn’t turned the damn thing back on since I shut
it down last night.  I wondered off walking not really heading anywhere in
particular. I got a bottle of water from a sidewalk vender close to the beach.
I continued to walk not even aware of my surroundings as I had my ears plugged
with ear buds and music blaring out all sounds.

*Luke*

When I woke up my head was pounding
so damn hard. I looked around at the mess shit I was glad the housekeeper was
due here today. I wondered into the living room to find Blake crashed on the
couch. After I popped some Tylenol I flopped into the recliner.
“You asshole!
I can’t believe you screwed
Zoey
over Luke. You’re a complete idiot. You know you broke
her heart right?” I looked up to see Sophia looking down at me with a really
pissed off look on her face. “Sophia what the hell
are
you talking about? She won’t listen to me. I told her I never even looked at
half the texts I just ignored them. I was going to tell her about them.” She
was glaring at me and by this time Evan made his way to her side and Blake was
now awake sitting up. Blake cleared his throat, “Dude she’s talking about last
night dumb ass.” Evan sat down on the coach next to Blake then pulled Sophia
onto his lap. I was a little confused
Zoey
didn’t
come last night but they are acting like I screwed something up, “What the fuck
are you guys talking about?
Zoey
has ignored my calls
and texts since Thursday night she is pissed at me.” Evan looked really
irritated now he stood before warning Sophia and she fell off his lap to one
side, “You fucking prick.
Zoey
showed up here last
night to talk to you. She found you and Whitney dry fucking each other in the
kitchen. She busted Whitney up pretty good and probably would have killed her
if Blake hadn’t pulled her off. Blake took her home…and she was fucking
devastated. You had the nerve to screw her for her first time Thursday night and
then fuck her over the next night. I thought you cared about her dude.” What I
don’t remember any of this. I wouldn’t have been screwing around with Whitney.
She wasn’t even invited to the party. The whole thing turned my stomach and I
ran for the bathroom. I made it just in time before I lost it all. I puked
until there was nothing left. I rested my head back against the wall. When I
was finally able to get up off the floor I ran around looking for my phone
finding it on the floor in my room under my jeans from last night. I slid my
finger across the screen to wake it up and the first thing that came up was my
text screen for
Zoey
. I ran through what I had sent
her last night.

I
woldn’t
never cheat u.

Baby
I lv
yuou

Whitney
is
whor

Plz
believe all of me

Coeme
back
plzs

I
want doing
anythimg
I was out
slepeng

I looked at my caller tracking
and I must have tried to call her a hundred times with no answers. After
reading the texts I knew I was loaded completely…half of it made no sense but
you could figure it out. I tried to call her again I knew she wouldn’t answer
but I had to try. After it rang once it went straight to voicemail…
 
’
Zoey
Baby please
we need to talk. I know it doesn’t make a difference but I seriously do not
remember last night. I was so drunk baby I was depressed over our fight
Thursday and I was miserable. I don’t even remember Whitney being here...Baby
you have to believe me I can’t lose you please. I can’t lose you
Zoey
I love the hell out of you.’ The phone beeped
indicating my time ran out. I dialed Grace’s number I was desperate. After two
rings she answered and I could hear giggles and noise in the back ground.
“Grace
are
you with
Zoey
?”
Before she answered she took a deep breath, “No Luke my daughter is not with
me. Last time I saw her she looked like a lost soul. I have seen
Zoey
shut down this way once before when her daddy died. I
already talked to Sophia this morning so I know what happened but I do have to
say I am really disappointed Luke. I never really worried about
Zoey
when she was with you. I thought she was safe and that
you would never hurt her or allow anyone else to. She trusted you Luke with her
heart and let me tell you that
is
a true gift because
she never lets people in easily. You really messed up Luke. But I won’t be the
go between. You got yourself in this mess you’re going to have to figure your
own way out. If in the process you break my daughter any more than you already
have well I’ll just say that I probably won’t be one of your most favorite
people anymore.” That was that she never said good bye she just hang up. I
could hardly swallow past the lump in my throat. How in the hell was I going to
fix this?

After taking a quick shower and
slipping into some clean clothes I grabbed my keys and drove over to
Zoey’s
. Her car was in the driveway so I ran up to the door
ringing the bell a few times and even knocking but no answer. I decided that I
was going to sit on the porch until she had to come out and I could talk to
her. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed but I knew it had been hours. I
heard a car and looked to find Grace and Lily pulling in. When they got out and
walked up the stairs I connected eyes with Grace and Lily ran to me giving me a
hug. “Hey kid you have fun today?” I ruffed up her hair and she laughed. After
she went inside I told Grace that I was sitting on the front porch until
Zoey
would talk to me. She went in and closed the door
behind her only to reappear five minutes later with
Zoey’s
phone in her hand. “She’s not here Luke she must have gone out with someone or
went for a walk.” I went out to my car and grabbed my phone after I called to
check with Sophia and she said she had not heard from
Zoey
I sat on my hood and waited. When the sun began to set I was starting to get a
little nervous.

I heard a noise and looked up to
find
Zoey
walking toward me. When she got to the end
of the driveway she turned toward the house. “
Zoey
wait!” I jumped up and ran to her. She looked up at me and I think my heart
broke in half. She looked sad and so distant. She reminded me of someone who
hadn’t slept in days. She made no attempt to say a word as I spoke again, “
Zoey
look at me. Are you okay? Where have you been baby…I
was so worried. I know you’re mad at me Z but I need to explain what happened.”
I brushed her hair from her face and tipped her head up. When we made eye
contact her eyes filled with tears then spilled over running down in her cheeks
she took in a deep breath, “You need to leave! I don’t need you Luke. Go find
Whitney because you two are made for each other. Just leave me alone.” I
followed behind her as she walked to her porch. I brought my hands around her
waist and pulled her into me. I was so scared at this moment if I walked away
now I would never get another chance to be this close. I whispered from behind
her. “I know you think I cheated but I never did
Zoey
I swear. I passed out and I didn’t even know that Whitney was there. I woke up
this morning and I had no idea what happened until Sophia, Blake and Evan all
went off on me. Baby I love you so much it hurts and the thought of losing you
is killing me…it is tearing me apart.” I spun her around to face me, “I can’t
lose you
Zoey
if I lose you I’ll lose myself. You are
the only girl I have ever loved and I only want you…just you baby. I can’t lose
you
Zoey
Please.” She raised her head up looked
directly at mine, “Luke you have a seriously problem then because you’ve
already lost me. Forgive me but there is something about finding pornographic
pictures on your
boyfriends
phone of his ex fuck buddy
and the fucking fact that you kept them sickens me. YOU BROKE MY DAMN HEART!”
She looked completely destroyed and it seriously made my legs weak. What the
hell was I supposed to do? I felt like I couldn’t breathe I seriously felt as
if the air was sucked from my lungs. I can’t lose her I just can’t. She pulled
away from me and I gripped her harder before I knew it I buried my head into
her shoulder and I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t stop the tears. I felt her
pulling from me. I rose up just enough to rest my forehead against hers and
looked into her eyes, “Please don’t walk away from me baby. Please understand
how much you mean to me…please
Zoey
. I love you so
much…so much baby. Let me fix this.” I brought my lips to meet hers slowly
softly. She allowed me to kiss her once and then twice. For a split second I
felt a little relief and went to kiss her again and she turned her head. “I
can’t do this Luke…I’m sorry I can’t,” she turned and went inside.

I was so scared at that moment
that I would never get a chance to kiss her again.

*
Zoey
*

I couldn’t allow him in again. He
broke me. I wanted to believe him but I just could not let Luke back in. I hid
within myself. I found myself spending a lot of time in my room. Sleeping or
reading when and if I could actually concentrate which was not often. Lily
would ask me to watch movies but I really couldn’t tell you what they were
about. I drifted through the next week and a half. I had barely made an effort
to even eat. I shut out everyone and everything.

 I walked in to homeroom on
Wednesday almost two weeks after the fight and sat down in the chair next to
Sophia. I didn’t say anything but smiled. She turned to me grabbed my arm and
jerked me up out of my chair dragging me out to the hallway and to the nearest
bathroom. “What the hell Sophia!” She spun me around slamming me against the
wall.
“Enough
Zoey
!
I mean
it damn it you are seriously melting away and I am sick of watching it. What
the fuck are you doing? You are losing weight you can’t afford to lose. You’re
depressed and withdrawn. You haven’t turned your damn phone on since all this
shit between you and Luke happened. You don’t do anything. Hell you won’t even
talk to me anymore. We didn’t fucking break up
Zoey
…You
and I are still friends and I love you too much to let you kill yourself
through depression. Stop doing this to yourself! I mean it damn it! You’re
scaring me
Zoey
. Please!” she hugged me and I cried
on her shoulder. Over the next couple days I started talking to her more and
allowing myself to be a little more alive. She told me that Luke has pushed
himself to working out harder and doesn’t go to parties. Last Saturday Evan had
to stop him from going after Whitney when she tried talking about me. We
planned a girl’s night on Saturday I was going to spend the night with her. I
went home Friday and found a vase of red roses on my front porch along with an
envelope. I sat down on the steps and opened the envelope slowly…It was a
letter. I debated on reading it and after I stared at the folded paper in my
hands thinking of everything Sophia told me I realize that I hadn’t stopped
loving Luke even a little. It was driving me insane to stay away from me.

I opened the letter…

Zoey
,

Hey
baby

I’ve
decided something I’m not giving up on us. I’ll wait for as long as it takes
for you to forgive me. I miss you so much Z. I have tried to stay busy so maybe
I could miss you less…well it hasn’t worked at all. When I look into your eyes
nothing else seems to matter to me. I really miss your eyes they can capture me
and have so many times. I realize that you may never forgive me but that
doesn’t mean I am moving on. I meant everything I said about not losing you
Zoey…I CAN’T! I miss your voice or the sound of your breathing when you’ve
fallen asleep on my shoulder while we watch movies the slow rise and fall. Do
you realize that when you sleep you pucker out your bottom lip sometimes...it
is one of the cutest things. I miss the cinnamon sweet smell of your skin. I
love the way that your hair is so untamed and strands fall out surrounding your
beautiful face. Even when you’re frustrated and irritable your cheeks get red
and your nostrils flare. Sometimes I have to keep myself from smiling so I
don’t make you angrier but it is so hard because I can’t help loving every
single expression you make. I miss everything about you. I still love you so
deeply
Zoey
I have never loved a girl before and
never wanted to...until you. You are so far under my skin baby. My days seem so
long and the nights are horrible because it’s quiet and I can’t distract myself
from my broken heart. I would never hurt you purposely. I would never cheat on
you
Zoey
I gave you my entire heart and there is no
room for anyone but you. Whether you want to believe me or not I had every
intention of telling you about the texts I only kept them to show you to prove
I was not responding to them. I don’t want to hide things from you half of them
I never even opened I saw they were from Whitney and I closed my phone without
opening them. I told her a million times to just step away. She started looking
at it all as a challenge. That night at the party I was so wasted god I hardly
remember anything. I know that is no excuse because I never should have allowed
myself to get that drunk. She found me at a weak moment. I haven’t drunk since
because that stupid night cost me you. I am miserable
Zoey
.
Baby I am so sorry please I miss you so much. I would love if you would allow
me just a chance to see you so maybe we could talk. I need you in my life
Zoey
I can’t explain how much I just don’t know anything
that explains the intensity of my need for you, for us.